[personal profile] something_rare
Title: After All (Sequel to Can't Let You Go) - Chapter Six
Rating: R
Pairings: Adam Lambert/Kris Allen
Disclaimer:
This story is a work of fiction. The characters and events portrayed
are fictitious, and any resemblance to real people or events is purely
coincidental.
Note: A huge thank you to [info]bigj52. Thank you for being an amazing beta.





Chapter Six

“Oh my God,” Kris moaned, rolling to his side, being careful not to move his aching head too fast.
 
He didn’t do what he thought he did, did he?
 
Slowly, he lifted his head. A groan nearly escaped when his eyes focused on the naked man next to him. Yep, he sure did do what he thought he did.
 
After straining his eyes to see the alarm clock, his head dropped to the pillow. It was almost seven o’clock in the morning and he had to be to work at eight o’clock. That left him only a little more than one hour to freshen up, get dressed and haul his butt to work.
 
Rolling over as quietly as he could, he looked at Adam again. He was sprawled out on top of the covers, butt naked and lying face first into the mattress. It was a beautiful sight of the man Kris once called his husband…an undeniably sexy sight of the one and only man that could literally “rock” his world.
 
And rock his world was exactly what he had done less than a couple of hours ago.
 
Kris closed his eyes and sighed softly to himself. Choosing Adam to be his first one-night stand probably wasn’t the wisest decision on his part, but it was damn well worth it. After Adam slowly and tenderly made love to him, he stepped it up a notch the second time they sealed the deal.
 
It was hot, intense and each time, Adam left him begging for more. It was everything he imagined it would be and more. It was everything he remembered and more. It was everything he’d had at one time. It was also a reminder of everything he had lost.
 
He didn’t have time to let his thoughts linger on that though, he had a bigger, more urgent problem at hand…he was still lying in Adam’s bed. One-night stands weren’t meant to linger until the morning. One-night stands weren’t meant to stir up emotions. One-night stands were just about sex.
 
Kris rubbed his eyes and slowly turned over again. If all of that was true, why was he still in Adam’s bed? And why he was having emotions he shouldn’t be having? And why wasn’t it just about sex? Why was it about something much deeper than that? They had connected on a level so much more profound than just sex that it scared him silly.
 
Each time he was near his release during their lovemaking, Adam instinctively knew and pulled back. At the time, it irked Kris no end, but in the long run, it gave him so much more of an intense orgasm that it almost knocked the wind right out of him. Adam knew him like the back of his hand. Kris knew him like the back of his hand. But in the long run, that didn’t matter. What mattered was that they weren’t together anymore. They weren’t a couple. They weren’t meant to be. And more importantly, he needed to get hell out of Adam’s bed and out of Adam’s house.
 
Slipping out of bed unnoticed, Kris crawled along the floor and retrieved his clothes that were strewn about from the night before. Once they were all gathered, he crawled into the master bathroom and slowly shut the door half-way.
 
Adam was right.
He was already having regrets.
 
Quickly, he put his clothes back on, swearing under his breath once he realized that the sudden movements just made his head hurt worse. He drank way too much and forgot to take some aspirin before going to bed in hopes of trying to curb his hangover. Normally, he’d remember such a thing. However, Adam had him a little preoccupied and his mind wasn’t in the right place. Hell, his whole entire body wasn’t in the right place.
 
Patting down his hair, he frowned at himself in the mirror. He looked like he hadn’t gotten a wink of sleep. The dark circles were clear indications of sleep deprivation.
 
Wetting a finger with his tongue, he tried to smooth down his hair and opened the door. Step by step, he slowly inched his way to the door of the bedroom and just when he placed his hand on the doorknob, he heard rustling coming from the bed.
 
“You weren’t even gonna say good-bye?”
 
Kris froze, keeping his hand on the doorknob. “I didn’t want to wake you,” he whispered, afraid to turn around.
 
“Thanks,” Adam mumbled. “But I’ve pretty much been awake all night.” He quietly laughed. “So have you for that matter. We only got a couple hours of sleep.”
 
Kris closed his eyes, trying his best to act unnerved by the whole awkwardness of the situation.
 
“So…” Adam trailed, fidgeting on the bed. “Are you even going to turn around and look at me?”
 
Kris’s eyes opened, his heart pounding faster. He knew if he looked at Adam, he’d probably break down. Knowing that this was probably the last time he’d ever see Adam again, he opted for his first decision and remained frozen. “I don’t think that’d be such a good idea.”
 
“And why’s that?” Adam questioned, no doubt his tone growing impatient with Kris’s behavior. “It was just a one-night stand, Kris…nothing more.”
 
“I know that,” Kris huffed, turning around abruptly to shoot him a dirty look. “I know that, okay?” His hands immediately flew to his head. “Oh God,” he moaned. “I drank too much.”
 
Adam leaned up against the headboard and folded his arms in front of his chest. His nudity didn’t bother him in the least because if it had, he would’ve covered himself up.
 
“Don’t go getting all emotional on me, Kris,” he shot back. “I warned you of the consequences.”
 
Kris’s pointed a finger in Adam’s direction. “You can be such a prick sometimes,” he huffed, before dropping his hand down to his side. “I’m not getting emotional; I’m just trying to leave. I’ve never had a one-night stand before so I just assumed that what I was supposed to do is just leave without saying goodbye.” Fighting off the urge to cry, he took a deep breath and looked down. “I’m sorry if it wasn’t right…but you’ll have to forgive me…I’m not used to this.”
 
“I know you better than that.”
 
Hearing the words and the tone Adam used, Kris swung his head up. “Well, I guess you don’t know me as well as you thought, because if you did…” he trailed, catching his breath. “You’d know that I’m not emotional…I’m just tired and have a pounding headache and if I don’t leave right this minute, I’m going to be late for work.”
 
“Then I guess you’d better go,” Adam replied, rubbing a hand through his hair while nodding his head in the direction of the door. “I wouldn’t want you to be late for work.”
 
Kris blew out a loud breath, shaking his head in disgust. Now, he was getting extremely emotional. Just what Adam probably wanted to happen and just what he didn’t want to happen. He was already emotional before their conversation started. “Fine, Adam…good-bye, then.”
 
Kris turned and flung the door open, stopping when he heard Adam groan.
 
“Before I forget,” he mumbled. “You left your shoes here the other night out by the swing. They’re in my closet.”
 
Not wanting to waste any time, Kris quickly turned back around and marched into the closet. He hit the light switch so hard that he flinched in pain and swore under his breath. “Where are they? I don’t have all day.”
 
“Were you always this cranky in the morning or is it something you just recently acquired?”
 
Oh man…Adam was getting on his last nerve. “Where are they?” he said slowly and loudly.
 
“Towards the back, on the floor.”
 
Kris followed the directions and headed towards the back of the huge walk-in closet. When he caught sight of them out of the corner of his eye, he bent down and grabbed them in haste. But when his eyes again caught something close by them, he froze. It was their wedding photo.
 
Quickly, he grabbed the oak frame in his other hand and walked out of the closet. Kris walked over to the bed and dropped the picture on it. “I think you should just probably get rid of this, don’t you?” he questioned, throwing Adam a look. “Or better yet, I’ll take it with me and get rid of it for you. You wouldn’t want your boyfriend to see it.”
 
He grabbed the picture again and tucked it under his arm before turning back around to leave.
 
“Put it down.”
 
Kris ignored Adam’s demand and continued to make his way to the door.
 
“I said…put it down.”
 
“Why?” He turned back around and shrugged his shoulders. “What do you want with it anyway?”
 
“Put it down,” he repeated louder.
 
“Fine,” he huffed, dropping it to the floor. Hearing the glass break, Kris stepped back. He didn’t mean to break it. Now what? Quickly, he dropped to his knees. Frantically, he began picking up the sharp shards of glass, gathering them and placing them together. When he noticed Adam’s feet next to the frame, he slowly looked up. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean for that to happen.”
 
Adam crouched down next to him and put his hand on top of his. “You should probably go,” he whispered.
 
Trying not to focus on Adam’s nudity, which was quite difficult, Kris lifted his gaze to meet Adam’s. He could see the sadness in his eyes immediately and had to look away before he broke down and cried. “I’m sorry.”
 
“I don’t want you to be late for work.”
 
Kris’s eyes focused on their hands. The warmth of Adam’s skin touching his made his heart skip a beat. He knew right then and there, that no matter what had happened between them in the past, Adam was still the same caring person he had always been. “I’m sorry I called you a prick,” he whispered, looking up at him again. “I didn’t mean it.”
 
“I know you didn’t.” Leaning in, Adam smiled when he got closer. “I’ll get this, you’d better get going.” Pressing his lips on Kris’s forehead, he lingered there for a few minutes before pulling back.
 
Kris swallowed down the tears, refusing to let them come to the surface. It was time to leave. “Bye,” he whispered, removing his hand from Adam’s and standing to his feet.
 
Adam cleared his throat. “No regrets, right?”
 
Kris stopped dead in his tracks, keeping his eyes focused in on the path in front of him. Without so much as another word, he quickly left the bedroom and made his way to his car.
 

 
Kris dropped his head, his forehead hitting the desk in the teacher’s room pretty hard. Not a good move considering the ever-so-slight headache that felt like it had been on the verge of re-attacking since his aspirin wore off. He was over-tired and over-analyzing the crap out of everything. Should he have gone to Adam’s? Probably not. Should he have had dinner with Adam? Probably not. Should he have drunk as much as he had? Probably not. Should he have had sex with Adam? Definitely not.
 
He desperately needed sleep. He was having a hard time keeping his eyes open; he lacked sleep. And why did he lack sleep? Because he was up half the night making love to the man he once loved.
 
Once loved.
Still loved.
Would always love.
Did it really matter anymore?
 
He was confused, tired and emotionally distraught. How did things end up this way? It was a question he asked himself repeatedly, but the answer was always the same. Brian. That’s how.
 
Brian was in his life now.
 
And what had happened with Adam the night before was wrong. Wrong, wrong, wrong. Wrong on so many levels. No matter how he sliced it or diced it, it was still wrong. Adam was right. He shouldn’t have pushed the issue. While he really didn’t regret it per se, he did realize it was wrong.
 
After all the months that had passed and all the time that it took him to try and heal, he was sure that this was going to land him right back where he started. Hell. Only this time, it might take him even longer to actually snap back from it. But then again, did he ever really snap back from it the first time around?
 
Probably not.
 
Lifting his head slightly, he grabbed the phone barely before the first ring ended. “The Oaks School, Kris Allen-Lambert speaking.”
 
“God, I hate that.”
 
Kris’s eyes widened at the sound of Brian’s voice. “Brian?”
 
“I hate that you still have his last name,” Brian huffed into the phone, sending shivers up his spine. “Can’t you just use your own name?”
 
Kris dropped his head back down on the desk. He’d been through this battle with Brian numerous times and at the present time, he really wasn’t up to battling it out again. “What’s up?” he asked, avoiding Brian’s question altogether.
 
Brian sighed into the phone, a clear indication that he wasn’t impressed. Kris already knew that anyway. He didn’t need to hear his sigh to figure that out. The tone of Brian’s voice revealed his hidden message.
 
“Where were you last night?”
 
Kris closed his eyes, fighting back the urge to just scream the truth to him. The truth about everything. “I spent the night at a friend’s house,” he lied, sitting upright in his chair. “We had a little too much to drink so I just crashed there.”
 
“Whose house?”
 
Hearing the question, Kris’s eyes widened in horror. Seeing Blake, the coach, walk past him and smile, he smiled back and waved. Realizing that he was about to add another lie to the long list, he whispered, “Blake Montgomery’s.” By whispering, maybe God wouldn’t hear it.
 
“Who the hell is Blake?”
 
“A friend of mine.”
 
Brian cleared his throat. “And why haven’t I heard you mention his name before?”
 
“I don’t know, Brian,” Kris huffed, growing impatient with his line of questioning. “I probably have mentioned him before but maybe you just don’t remember.”
 
The silence went undisturbed for a few moments. Kris pinched his eyes together with his free hand. He couldn’t think straight.
 
“Are you planning on being home tonight?” Brian questioned. “I was thinking of stopping by later.”
 
Kris didn’t want him to stop by. He wanted to be alone. He wanted to dwell on his mistakes. He wanted to sleep. He wanted to sit in bed and eat ice-cream all by himself. He just wanted to be left alone.
 
“Well?” Brian angrily heaved. “Are you going to be home or not?”
 
Couldn’t Brian read into his quietness? Brian was supposed to know him…inside and out. He claimed he knew his every thought. If he knew him so damn well, why couldn’t he figure out what Kris was too frightened to say?
 
“Um…yeah, I’ll be home.”
 
“Don’t sound so happy.”
 
Instantly, Kris felt bad for the way he was acting. It wasn’t Brian’s fault that he was tired. It was his fault. “It’s not that, honey,” he said quietly. “I’m just tired, that’s all. It’s been a long day.”
 
“I could bring dinner and a movie.”
 
Kris smiled at Brian’s thoughtfulness. A dinner and a movie was all he needed to make him happy five years ago. A dinner, movie and Brian by his side were all he used to require. Unfortunately, it wasn’t that easy nowadays. What he required and what he had, were two very different things. He wasn’t the same person he was five years ago; something Brian still hadn’t figured out.
 
“Sounds good,” he lied.
 
“I’ll be over about six.”
 
Kris hung up the phone and let his head fall against the desk again. All he could think about was Adam. Adam invaded his every thought, dream and nightmare. When would it all end?
 
He bolted upright.
 
The reality of being friends with Adam washed over him at that exact moment. What on earth was he thinking? He could never be friends with Adam. Never. First of all, Brian would never allow it. Adam intimidated him. Adam intimidated Kris. Adam probably intimidated a lot of people.
 
Secondly, he couldn’t handle being friends with Adam. It would never work. He would never be able to accept Adam as anything but his husband and since that wasn’t to be, he couldn’t try and pretend to be a friend to him. It would kill him to be friends, maybe not physically, but emotionally it would kill him.
 
Quickly, he dialed Adam’s cell phone number. He knew Adam wouldn’t answer. He was probably at the airport or on the flight itself, which is just what he was hoping for.
 
He didn’t want to hear Adam’s voice. He didn’t want to speak to Adam. He just wanted to leave him a message to end his misery once and for all.
 
“Hey, Adam…it’s me,” he whispered into the phone. “Kris.” Taking his time, he took a deep breath. He wanted to make sure he got out everything he needed to. He didn’t want to have to call back, or worse yet, have Adam call back. He needed to make things very clear.
 
“Listen…I’ve been thinking about this friends thing we talked about…and I just don’t think it’s going to work out.” Allowing some time to catch his breath and calm his nerves, he sighed. “Don’t get the wrong impression or anything…because I think you would be a great friend…I’m just not sure I’d be such a good friend back. As much as I’d like to think I would be…I just don’t think it’s possible. Not at this point in my life.” He took another much-needed breath before adding, “Probably not at any point in my life.”
 
Turning around in his chair, he noticed Blake walking into the teachers’ room. “I have to go …I just didn’t want to leave you guessing as to why you won’t be hearing from me again.”
 
He bit his bottom lip. “I have to run. Take care and it was great seeing you again. I’d like to say that hopefully I’ll see you soon, but you and I both know that isn’t going to happen. I think you knew that all along and that’s why you tried to talk me out of what happened last night before it actually happened.”
 
“You were right, Adam,” he sighed, letting a tear escape from his eye. “You’re always right…but I don’t regret what happened last night. Please believe that. Good-bye.”



 

Date: 2011-11-20 10:29 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] pinkeurogirl.livejournal.com
Oh awkward! It's stirred up emotions in kris again and he is running away again. If Brian finds out there will be trouble

Date: 2011-11-20 11:40 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] kira-dark-wing.livejournal.com
Oh, my heart!

Date: 2011-11-20 12:14 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] fara1903.livejournal.com
It's so frustrating! Why can't they see that they belong together!

Date: 2011-11-20 12:19 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] tommyglitter.livejournal.com
Nooooooo! Kris, you dope! Why are you trying to dump someone who makes you happy for one who doesn't???? Please, Brian, find out about it and make Kris open his eyes!

I love the way you write! You bring so much feeling out in your stories. Hurry up with the next chapter! Please!

Date: 2011-11-20 03:29 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] imnotskerrd.livejournal.com
This makes me emotional, really. I don't know how they would fix this and be together again.I'm starting to lose hope for them:(
hope you update soon,bb:)

Date: 2011-11-20 03:47 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ally4.livejournal.com
No Kris! Don't tell Adam goodbye!!

*Thanks for the quick update :D

Date: 2011-11-20 04:18 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] concordiagirl03.livejournal.com
Ohmygod, this is an emotional, frustrating mess! Kris is so controlled and guilt-tripped by Brian that he has to talk himself out of showing the real emotions he's feeling for Adam. And poor Adam, he tried to spare Kris of this grief he knew Kris'd feel after they had sex-and again he got "rejected" when Kris called to say goodbye. Kris is so conflicted and his lies to Brian are gonna rear their ugly head....Brian needs to find out what happened, make Kris confront his real feelings, then take a long walk off a short cliff :D
Btw, this is sooooo good! Thanks for the quick chapter update! Can't wait to find out what happens next....even though I'm not expecting Adam to immediately run after Kris, or Kris to snap out of it!

Date: 2011-11-20 05:10 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] dayflower1.livejournal.com
Kris , why can't you see where your really belong, we all know you FEEL it!!

Date: 2011-11-21 12:20 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] astiga0802.livejournal.com
I no longer feel bad for kris...he keeps running and avoiding and i just want to shake him and make him realize he is being SOOOO stupid.

Date: 2011-11-21 03:36 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] terbear14.livejournal.com
Seriously crying here, for two chapters in a row, and I am so mad at Kris right now I could scream, should scream at him. I wish he would really "see" his relationship with Brian and how that is what should not be, his marriage to Adam is what should be. I just don't understand why he is so blind to that. Ugh. Patiently waiting for happy chapters in the future. I really enjoy your writing, it is so good, and I was happy to see another update so quickly!

Date: 2011-11-21 03:42 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] robin1961.livejournal.com
I have had every emotion with this fic and now I am just mad as hell !! there comes a point when you have to be a man ... not worry about the past and live in the present Kris knows that he does not love Brian how long can you stay with someone out of quilt !!!! Adam deserves someone who can be who he truly is not someone who tries to avoid conflic and please everybody but himself !!!!

Shit sorry .... I just love your writing so much so yeah I do know this is not real !!!! and as mad as I get I still want that happy ending for them ♥ AWESOME CHAPTER ♥

Date: 2011-11-22 12:35 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ecwillson.livejournal.com
I'm so invested in these characters I'm afraid I would slap Kris if I ever met him! You draw out emotions in me-you make me KNOW these men. Please make this right or I will never be the same...

Date: 2011-11-22 02:41 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] fran2011.livejournal.com
This was a beautiful and sad chapter!! I love your description of there lovemaking. I feel so bad for kris and adam. Ugh, I still feel sympathy for brian, but im starting to dislike him, he doenst treat kris very well and kris lets brian push him around. What Ive noticed, when Kris is around Adam, Kris is very fiesty, and strong, he argues back with Adam, with Brian, Kris becomes weak. I know that Adam and Kris still love each other very much, I hope they still are able to work there way back to each other. The scene with the Wedding picture was so sad. Excellent chapter as usual.

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