[personal profile] something_rare
Title: After All (Sequel to Can't Let You Go) - Chapter Ten
Rating: R
Pairings: Adam Lambert/Kris Allen
Disclaimer:This story is a work of fiction. Th e characters and events portrayed are fictitious, and any resemblance to real people or events is purely coincidental.
Note: A huge thank you to [info]bigj52. Thank you for being an amazing beta.





Chapter Ten

Adam fumbled with his jeans for a moment before making his way into the kitchen to retrieve a drink. His earlier sexual romp with Kris left him feeling quite thirsty along with being quite satisfied. He must have dozed off for quite some time after because by the time he came to, Kris was gone.
 
He sighed heavily, looking at the stove for the time. He must have slept for over two hours. That’s how much Kris wore him out. He wasn’t used to having sex for such a prolonged period of time anymore. And why should he be? While he was always one for making sure a man was satisfied, once he separated from Kris, he no longer made that a priority.
 
He sat down at the kitchen table, letting his head droop. What was going on with them? Should he even dare to try and figure it out or was it better left a mystery?
 
Hearing the front door open and close, he stood to his feet quickly. “Kris?”
 
“No, Adam,” the man’s voice shot back sarcastically. “It’s Will.”
 
Will? Adam’s eyes widened in horror when it came back to him. He was supposed to pick him up at the airport that afternoon. Three hours ago. “Shit…Will…” he trailed, walking towards the foyer. “I completely forgot,” he gasped, turning the corner to face him.
 
“No shit,” William heaved, throwing him an aggravated look. “Apparently, you were expecting Kris instead?”
 
Adam shook his head diligently. “No, it’s just that he was here a little while ago to pick up some of his things.”
 
William dropped his bags to the floor before waving one hand in the air. “I called your cell phone more than ten times from the airport.”
 
“Shit, Will,” Adam mumbled, stepping closer to him. He drew him into his arms and ran his hand over his head. “I’m sorry, my cell is probably still in the car.”
 
William pulled away slightly, looking him in the eye. “Then what’s the purpose of having a cell if you don’t keep it with you?”
 
“I’m sorry, okay?” Adam pulled him into his arms again, kissing the top of his head. “I completely forgot about picking you up.”
 
William finally let himself relax in his arms. “Don’t worry about it,” he whispered. “I’m pissed, but I’ll get over it.”
 
“You sure?” Adam asked, pulling away to look into his eyes.
 
William’s eyes softened when Adam’s hand ran over his cheek, but then quickly changed when his gaze dropped to his lips. His hand came up, rubbing his thumb over Adam’s bottom lip. “You fucked him, didn’t you?”
 
The question caught him off guard, completely taking him by surprise. Adam’s hand flew up to grip William’s hand. Once he made contact, he pulled his hand off and cocked his head. “What’re you talking about?”
 
“God, Adam,” he huffed, removing himself from his hold. “Don’t play stupid. I can tell by how puffy your lips look.”
 
Adam stared him down, refusing to be intimidated. They had an agreement. They could do what they wanted, when they wanted and with whomever they wanted. And from what he could remember, they weren’t to ask questions. He never asked him. Taking a step back from William, he continued his assault with his eyes.
 
“I know we have an agreement, Adam,” he said, rather hesitantly. “But don’t you think this is taking it a little too far?”
 
“How so?” he threw back quickly, folding his arms in front of him.
 
“He’s your ex-husband, for crying out loud,” he spat out loudly. “Talk about mind games, that pretty much takes the cake.”
 
How many times did he have to remind this man that Kris wasn’t his ex-husband? He was his husband. Husband. Not ex-husband, but husband. Instead of rehashing it again, he simply chose to ignore William’s comment and blow the whole thing off. They didn’t have a commitment, so in his mind, he didn’t owe him an explanation for his actions. “We’re free to do what we want.”
 
William shook his head, picked up his bags and slowly made his way down the hall.
 
“I don’t ask you and you don’t ask me!” Adam exclaimed, following close behind him.
 
“Fine!” William opened the door to the master bedroom and threw his luggage on the bed. “Just don’t go getting your heart crushed because of it,” he barked, turning around to face him. “Because you and I both know that ultimately, he’ll end up doing it again to you.”
 
“It’s sex, Will,” he retaliated, taking a step closer to him. “Sex…S-E-X…that’s it.”
 
“You sure about that?”
 
Adam gripped his arms and pulled William to him. Angrily, he placed his lips on his and pressed his tongue against William’s lips until he opened up for him. Crouching down, he lifted him up and threw him to the bed.
 
“Is that all I am to you too, Adam?”
 
Adam looked down at the man on his bed, taking in his beauty. He definitely wasn’t his husband, but he was beautiful in his own way. Smiling, his eyes narrowed. “Isn’t that all I am to you?”
 
William smiled back, following Adam’s lead by narrowing his eyes. “I’ll never tell,” he whispered.
 

 
Kris rubbed his hands over his eyes, fighting back the yawn. It was past six o’clock now and all he really wanted to do was head home and take a hot bath. Looking over his shoulder at the clock again, he sighed. Quitting time.
 
Grabbing his bag, he glanced around the classroom, making sure everything was in order. Within minutes he was on his way down the hall and one step closer to his hot bath and his inviting bed.
 
With each step he took, he found himself thinking more and more about Adam. It disturbed him. It truly did. Lately, Adam was all he thought about. He was in his thoughts more than anyone or anything and it was really starting to upset him. He needed to stop it from happening. He didn’t know how, but he did.
 
Since running into him again back at Katy and Cale’s ceremony, Adam was all that he thought about. It wasn’t like he didn’t think about him before that, because he did. Just not every waking minute was spent thinking about him; maybe every other minute, but not every minute.
 
It was almost like he was obsessed to a certain extent and it made him wonder whether he had his wits about him or not. He was never like this before, not even when they were truly together. He was never the obsessed type. Not even as a teenager, when he fantasized over all the teen idols. Yet, here he was in his thirties now and truly becoming obsessed over someone.
 
And it was over a celebrity no less. How sane was that?
 
The entire time driving, Kris played his The Beatles CD continuously; You Really Got a Hold on Me blared repeatedly through his stereo speakers. It was their wedding song. In his ear, he sang it to him. Not The Beatles, but Adam. Adam Lambert.
 
Pulling alongside of the well-lit home, he put his car in park and stared at the house. It wasn’t his house. It was his house. Again.
 
Here he was again. Maybe obsessed wasn’t a strong enough word for the way he was acting, maybe obsessive compulsive better described his actions.
 
Kris sat motionless in his car for quite some time, keeping his eyes glued to the front window of his house. There didn’t seem to be any action from inside his home, but by the lights just being on, Kris knew he was home.
 
Adam wasn’t the type to waste electricity. If he wasn’t home, the lights would’ve been off. Period. He was definitely home. Definitely.
 
Against his better judgment, he slowly got out of his car and gingerly made his way to the front door. He didn’t really know what he was doing, but he didn’t try and figure it out either. No sense in trying to figure something out when he didn’t have a clue as to even how to begin. He was truly at a loss. Maybe it was love, maybe it was guilt or maybe, it was just obsession.
 
Taking a step onto the porch, he quickly rang the doorbell, not allowing himself even a second to back out of his decision. If he gave himself even a second, he knew he might just walk away.
 
Which is exactly what he did ten seconds later. Kris stepped down off the porch swiftly, trying to make an exit before Adam answered the door. His heart was pounding. His knees were trembling. His ears took in the distinct sound of the front door being slowly opened.
 
He froze momentarily before working up the courage to turn around. “Hi,” he said quietly, bringing his gaze up to Adam’s face.
 
Adam was only wearing a pair of jeans. Nothing else. “Hey,” he said back.
 
Kris fumbled for words quietly. He didn’t know what to say about why he was there. He didn’t know exactly why he was there in the first place. “Um…I…”
 
“Adam! Is that the pizza?”
 
Kris heard the voice echo throughout the foyer of his home. And seconds later, he saw exactly where it came from. William. His frame appeared along side of Adam moments later, leaving Kris speechless.
 
“Oh…” William trailed, leaning against Adam. “It’s him.”
 
Adam turned to William and quickly took a step outside. “I’ll be back in a minute.”
 
Kris stood completely still. He felt stupid, vulnerable and naïve just standing there like a complete idiot. Seeing Adam come towards him, he held up his hand. “It’s okay…I’m leaving.”
 
“Did you come by to serve him with divorce papers?” William asked, shrugging his shoulders. “Or did I ruin your plans by being here?”
 
Adam turned slightly. “Enough,” he warned.
 
“Ruin my plans?” Kris repeated meekly.
 
William’s stance straightened almost immediately. “Adam told me all about how you two have been having sex,” he heaved.
 
“Will,” Adam huffed, turning around. “I said that was enough.”
 
William disappeared behind the front door before slamming it shut.
 
“I’m sorry about that,” Adam mumbled, standing in front of him.
 
Kris’s ears were burning; his throat dry. He closed his eyes in hopes of when he opened them it would all just be a dream. A nightmare. When he opened his eyes moments later, Adam was still standing in front of him looking visibly upset about the whole scene.
 
“What’re you doing here?”
 
He swallowed. His throat was so dry that he could barely even get the words out. “I don’t know…I honestly don’t know.”
 
Adam grabbed his hand and starting walking towards his car that was on the street. “You need to call first next time.”
 
Next time? Was he nuts? Yanking his hand from Adam’s grasp, he finally found his voice. “There won’t be a next time, Adam. I can’t believe you told him about us.” He shook his head in disgust, refusing to look him in the eye. “I thought you said that this was between us. Our little secret.”
 
“Hey,” Adam said loudly, grabbing his hand and forcing him to turn around. “I didn’t say anything to him, he guessed it.”
 
“And you didn’t even at least try and deny it?”
 
“What’s there to deny?” he asked, shaking his head. “Will and I don’t have a commitment. We’re free to do whatever we want.”
 
“God,” he huffed, once again freeing Adam’s hold from him. He walked quickly to his car in hopes that Adam wouldn’t follow him. “We just had sex this afternoon and you’ve probably already fucked him, haven’t you?” He jumped into his car and slammed the door shut. Realizing that his window was still down, he quickly started the car to avoid any further conversation.
 
When Adam’s head lurched in through the driver’s side, he yelped. “Wait a minute here,” he groaned. “Since when did what I do become your business?”
 
Kris’s eyes widened as his head fell against the back of his seat.
 
“Yes, we’re married, Kris,” he continued, resting his arms on the door. “In name only,” he added roughly. “But you and I both know that it’s just a matter of time before that isn’t even the case anymore. What I choose to do or not to do with someone is my business, not yours.” He leaned in further, causing Kris to press back farther. “If we were still truly married, you know damn well that this wouldn’t even be an issue because there wouldn’t be anyone else in my life.”
 
Through a clenched jaw, he shot back angrily. “And just what is your definition of ‘truly married’? Because I’m thinking that we couldn’t possibly get anymore truly married than we already have.”
 
Adam’s eyes continued to stare into his. “You know what I meant.”
 
He shook his head. “Evidently, I don’t.”
 
He backed away from the car. “Just call next time so we don’t run into the same situation again, okay?”
 
Kris watched him in disbelief. Didn’t he just tell him that there wouldn’t be another time? What didn’t he understand about that? Quickly, he reached for the control in order to roll the window up. “There won’t be a next time!”
 
“Okay,” he said casually.
 
The tone of his voice was enough to make Kris haul off and bop him one right in the nose. He was too arrogant for his own good sometimes and this was definitely one of those times.
 
He squealed his tires intentionally, hoping to get his point across. He wasn’t going to be back. Ever. Adam may have been arrogant but he was right on one point. What he did was not his business. Not anymore. It was at one time, but not anymore. And he needed to try to come to terms with that, no matter how hard it would be. He wasn’t Adam’s keeper.
 

 
Kris climbed into bed and threw his head face first into the pillow. He wasn’t in the mood to do anything but sulk or cry himself to sleep, whichever came first. Seeing William at Adam’s house just reaffirmed his worst nightmare. He was moving on with his life. He knew it was inevitable; he just didn’t really want it to happen.
 
Adam was still his husband.
He was still Adam’s husband.
 
Evidently, that didn’t matter to him. Evidently, he didn’t matter to Adam. Evidently, he mattered too much to Kris. Evidently…he was in over his head.
 
When his cell phone rang only seconds later, he reached out and grabbed it from the nightstand, refusing to look at the caller ID. He already knew who it was. It was always the same person, day or night. He was always checking up on him. Always.
 
Groggily, he brought the phone next to his ear and mumbled into the pillow, “Yeah, Brian?”
 
“It’s Adam,” he corrected, whispering softly, but loud enough for him to hear.
 
Adam? His head flew up at the sound of his voice. “Adam?”
 
He cleared his throat. “Listen, I only got a second here…”
 
Kris interrupted him abruptly, “I thought we said all there was to say earlier.”
 
“Kris,” he drawled. “I’m sorry about what happened tonight, I really am.”
 
He sunk back down into the bed, returning to his original position. Hearing Adam’s voice wasn’t helping with his plan. He needed to forget about Adam. He needed to forget about what could have been and concentrate on the future, a future without him. He’d almost done it once. He could almost do it again.
 
“But at the same time, you need to understand where I’m coming from,” he continued, talking softly. “You left me no choice with having to move on. You’ve done it with Brian, so it’s only fair that…”
 
“I left you with no choice?” he asked loudly. “I left you?”
 
“Don’t start with that,” he groaned. “I didn’t have a choice, Kris. You were well on your way to a mental breakdown and I wasn’t going to stand around and watch that happen.”
 
“I was fine,” he hoarsely whispered.
 
“Shit,” he moaned, clearly getting agitated with what Kris was saying. “You fucking were not fine, damn it and you know it. You ended up in the hospital, remember?”
 
Remember? How could he forget? It was one of the most devastating days in his entire life. Kris sighed loudly, fighting back the tears.
 
“Letting you go was the hardest damn thing I ever had to do and for you to sit there and tell me now that you were fine is a fucking slap in the face,” he barked, raising his voice slightly. “What I did…I did out of love and respect for you and what you had with Brian.” He took a deep breath and exhaled it into the phone, allowing Kris to hear the frustration he must have been feeling having to rehash it again.
 
“You gave up too soon,” he whimpered, closing his eyes.
 
“Well, how the hell was I supposed to know that?” he huffed, pausing for a few seconds. “You should’ve told me that then, not now.”
 
Kris rolled over and wiped away his tears. “I was going to try and tell you that, but when I saw the determination in your eyes and heard it in your voice, I knew that there was no stopping you.” He took a deep breath and let out another small whimper; the ache in his heart was too big not to react. “And I didn’t want to hurt you any more than I already had.”
 
There were a few moments of silence before Adam finally broke it. “Did you mean what you said when you left here tonight?”
 
Kris closed his eyes and fought to find the strength to lie. He needed what he said earlier to be the truth. He desperately needed it to be, but he knew that it wasn’t. He wanted to see Adam again, despite the circumstances. He wanted him to be a part of his life, however small it might actually be.
 
“I need to know, Kris,” he groaned. “Am I ever going to see you again? Because after what’s happened between us again, I don’t know if I’m ever going to be able to give it up.”
 
This was killing Kris. The sound of Adam’s voice cracking under pressure was ripping his heart out.
 
“I know that what we’re doing isn’t right,” he whispered, talking unusually soft. “But at the same time, it feels right.”
 
Kris felt the same way, he really did. Only, would seeing Adam only for sex be enough for him? For Adam? For them?
 
“When do you leave for New York again?” he squeaked out.
 
“Day after tomorrow,” he answered.
 
“Call me the next time you’re in town,” Kris whispered, shaking his head. He wasn’t supposed to be doing this. He just wasn’t.
 
“Can I see you before I leave?”
 
His eyes widened. “What about Will?”
 
Adam sighed heavily into the phone. “Don’t worry about him, I’ll figure out something.”
 
This was wrong. Kris knew it. Adam knew it. They both knew it. “Call me,” he sighed, hanging up the phone and tossing it to the floor. Instantly, he broke down and sobbed quietly into his pillow.
 
“Was that Adam?”
 
Hearing Brian’s voice, he sat up quickly and rubbed his eyes before turning his head slightly. “No, it was my mom,” he lied, trying his best to smile. “My grandpa isn’t doing so good.”
 
“Who’s Will then?” he questioned, shutting the bedroom door behind him. Slowly, he made his way to the bed where he sat down. “Who the hell is Will, Kris?”
 
Kris’s mind was racing in completely opposite directions. How long had he been standing there? Did he hear the whole conversation? Was Brian testing him? What was Adam doing? Was Adam going to call him again?
 
“Answer me!”
 
Brian’s order startled him. Scooting back some, he tried to lengthen the distance between them. “Will is the nurse that lives with my grandpa to help him out.”
 
Brian’s face tightened with every word Kris uttered. When he noticed Brian’s hands slowly gripping the bed sheets, he knew Brian was about to blow.
 
“Liar!” he barked, narrowing his eyes. “Will is the name of Adam’s boyfriend, even I know that. He was the guy with him at Katy and Cale’s reception.”
 
Kris scooted back further until he felt his hand slip off the side of the mattress.
 
“Are you seeing him again?” Brian jumped up off the bed and marched over to the side that Kris was on. Reaching down, Brian gripped his shoulders. “Are you seeing him again?”
 
By this point, Kris had pretty much figured out that he’d been caught red-handed in a lie. If he kept on lying, it would only make matters worse. But at the same time, he couldn’t tell Brian the whole truth either. “I went to see him tonight after work because there were some unanswered questions I had about our pending divorce.” He kept his eyes glued to Brian. If he didn’t, Brian’d know for sure that he was covering up a bigger lie.
 
“And what questions would those be?”
 
His fingers dug deeper into Brian’s shoulder causing immense pain. “You’re hurting me, Brian! Let go of me or are you planning on shoving me again like that last time?”
 
Instantly, Brian’s hands dropped from his shoulders. “That was an accident and you know it,” he heaved, running a hand along his head. He turned his back and started pacing the floor. “That was an accident,” he whispered with his head down.
 
Kris knew better that that. Brian claimed that it was an accident, but he knew better. It played out like an accident but deep down, he knew it was nothing of the sort.
 
“I never meant for you to tumble down the stairs,” he huffed, making his way towards the bedroom door. “Never. I would never hurt you intentionally.”
 
Kris remained silent; afraid of saying something else that might set him off or might start the questions flying again. For the time, the subject of Adam was dropped, just like he wanted it to be. Just like he needed it to be.
 
Brian opened the bedroom door and then turned around before exiting. “If I ever find out that you’re seeing that asshole again, I’ll seriously hurt him.”
 
“Just like you hurt me?” Kris quipped, immediately regretting it.
 
Brian took his fist and pounded it into the door repeatedly, swearing with each hit that landed. “I don’t ever want to hear you bring up that subject again! Do you hear me?”
 
Kris could only nod.
 
“It was an unfortunate accident,” he spat out through his tightened jaw. “And I’ve apologized a thousand times for it.”
 
As soon as he slammed the door shut, Kris broke down and cried. He cried for the situation he let himself be in, cried for the way Brian made him feel and he cried for the life he once had and would never have the chance to live again.
 
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December 2011

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