something_rare (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
something_rare) wrote2010-01-08 01:28 pm
something_rare) wrote2010-01-08 01:28 pm
Entry tags:
Leap of Faith - Chapter 22
Title: Leap of Faith
Pairing: Jensen Ackles /Jared Padalecki (eventually), Mentions of Jensen/OMC, Jared/OMC and Others
Other Characters: Tom Welling, Chris Kane, Danneel Harris, Misha Collins
Rating: NC17
Word Count: 3,604
Disclaimer: 100% Pure Fiction
Note: None of this would be possible and readable without my awesome beta,![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
bigj52 . I learn from you everyday.
Summery: AU / Everybody has a dream. Some people make their dreams come true. Some just let their life slip by thinking about it.
Chapter 22:
The night had started out simply: Chris had driven them to a small diner, coincidentally the place where he and Jared used to hang out when they first had moved to Nashville, the same place Jared had taken him their first night together and they had come to call the place their own. Jensen tried desperately to stop his thoughts from wandering. They had had a great dinner for two and listened to the band.
Jensen’s thoughts were a jumbled mess and his mind, no matter how hard he tried, remained on his lover. Upsetting as it was for him to see Jared take off, the anger and disappointment so clearly marked upon his face, it was more hurtful and more upsetting for Jensen to know that he was the reason for it. The accusatory session that Jensen subjected himself to made no difference in alleviating any of the guilt that he felt. Chris tried really hard to keep Jensen occupied, telling him stories about his childhood, the events at the newspaper office and a few hot guys he had recently met. None of that was much help.
The ride back to Jensen’s place was painfully quiet and for a moment Jensen regretted ever going out with Chris that night. Then a thought hit home.
Maybe this was just another experience that was meant to make me see how good I had it. Maybe it was just another test, like the situation with Patrick that would make me more appreciative of what I had with Jared.
"Is it really over with you guys?"
Jensen turned his head and looked at Chris. He didn't even pause to respond, "Is it ever over?"
"I guess not," Jensen paused, “Chris, what the hell have I done?”
“What do you mean buddy?”
"I’m with a handsome, strong and beautiful man. I mean, I never knew I could feel this way about anyone and I do about him and now I've gone and fucked it up because of my own fucked-up insecurities. I knew what I was in for before I went into it and I told him I understood but at the first sign of trouble I was ready to bail out. Why would he want to put up with that back and forth?"
Reaching over and giving Jensen’s shoulder a squeeze, Chris said, "You're too hard on yourself Jensen. You know… you and me aren't that much different after all."
"Yeah, right," Jensen snorted, "You and I are nothing alike Chris. Where you're confident, I'm insecure, where you're a 'take charge kind a guy', I have a 'sit back and let the action come to me' mentality. We're not alike in anyway, I guarantee it."
"Well, you're wrong because we are alike. Look at it this way; we've both been in relationships where the problems are of our own making. We have both loved our partners very much but it seems that we spend a majority of the time analyzing what they see in us or what we see in them. We're also alike in the fact that we're not over our previous relationships nor will we be anytime soon."
“Are you saying you’re not over Misha?”
“Of course I’m not, but there is not much I can do about it now, is there? It’s way over for us.”
To hear Chris say what Jensen had been thinking from the very beginning was like a wake-up call for Jensen. He really wondered whether that was really what he was doing, trying to get over his feelings for Jared. The thought left a lump in his throat and a heavy feeling in his heart as Jensen realized he never wanted to be over Jared, no matter what. What they had was good. It wasn't perfect, nor was it close to perfect, but it was what Jensen had spent the last few years wanting. Was he really that eager to throw it all away because he was afraid? Afraid of trying? Afraid of staying around? Afraid that by putting himself in that position he would inevitably be hurt? Was he really such a coward, not willing to fight for the one thing that he had wanted for so long? And in that instant it hit him! Yes! He was afraid. He was afraid that everything that he had imagined their relationship to be like would fall into disarray once reality set in. He was afraid that his expectations of Jared were so unrealistic that he was willing Jared, himself and them as a unit to fail. He was afraid that Jared would see all his flaws and not want to have anything to do with him. Most of all, he was afraid that all the years of friendship that they had shared would turn to shit and they would be in too deep to ever bring things back to the way they were. But did he really just want to be Jared's friend ever? Did he just want to be another guy Jared could call when he wanted to shoot the breeze? Jensen came to the stark realization that he never wanted to go back, back in the sense that they would be just friends, just boys, just two guys who knew each other. He never wanted to feel that there was an invisible line between them that he would never be able to cross. Most of all, he never wanted to feel the way he did before they started all of that, alone, miserable, depressed. He never wanted to imagine his life without Jared in it, ever.
And as he listened to the sounds of their breathing as Chris drove, Jensen realized that that charade would never work for one reason and one reason only. That reason being that Jensen never wanted to spend another day or night without Jared Padalecki by his side and in his life.
Chris looked over at Jensen to see the troubled look on his friend’s face, “Talk to me, man.”
"I just don't know where to begin Chris. Everything was falling apart, everything was just going downhill. I mean, you saw the huge fight we had and I think…it was mainly my fault," Jensen paused, and then continued, "He thinks that I am making excuses, trying to weasel my way out of our relationship. He actually told me that he wanted to commit, give it his all. I even think he was going to say it."
"Say what?" Chris asked.
"You know," Jensen chided, an eyebrow raised.
"It's too damn late for guessing games Jensen."
"OK, OK. I thought he was going to tell me that he loved me."
That got a jolt out of Chris, "Are you sure?"
"I think so, I mean he started to say it and then you showed up," Jensen paused again, took a deep breath before going on, "Now I know what I have to do. I was an idiot before, Chris. I was scared and I was vulnerable and I was in doubt about everything but now," A smile made its way to his face, "I know what I want and what I need. I'm not going to let this opportunity go down the drain," and as if speaking words meant for his own ears he said, "I'm going to make this work."
For the rest of the ride, Chris found himself trying to think back to a time when Jensen had been this happy and he found that he couldn't think of one single time in all the time they had known each other that could compare to his sudden state of euphoria. It gave Chris a comforting feeling to know that things were finally coming together for Jensen. But then, the inevitable question once again formed in his mind.
What about me?
Chris always thought his life was where he had always wanted it to be: Making decent money, having his pick of location, being able to choose, refuse and reuse any man he saw worthy of his presence. For the first time Chris deeply understood what a shallow existence he truly had. He wondered if he really could continue to live like that for the next five, ten, even fifteen years never committing to one place, person or thing.
Chris knew the answer to all the questions but he wouldn't allow his mind to work through all that red tape just to get through to the truth. He was too old, too stubborn, too set in his ways. He couldn't change, even if he wanted to, and what would be the point anyway? There was no white knight waiting for him on the other side, no fancy job and luxury home with his name on it. No announcer waiting to hand him the grand prize. There was nothing for him on the other side of bad, so what was even the point to think of changing? That was all he knew, that was his life and even though in his mind Chris knew it was getting old, he was determined to stick with it.
_______________________________
As Jared threw a pack of white socks into the suitcase, his thoughts once again returned to the night before. He had tried without much success to block out the unwanted images of them arguing but he couldn't. It was as if his mind was feeding off the negative energy, willing him to keep on replaying those images over and over again in his head, and remembering what Jensen had said about them having a trial separation. Jared had tossed and turned the night before, trying to figure out what that feeling was deep in his gut. It was like a wave of nausea washing over him every few seconds and Jared found himself getting up at three thirty am and driving around, nowhere in particular, in the hope of getting rid of that feeling. But it wouldn't go away, no matter what he tried: Pepto Bismol, Mylanta, antacids. Nothing money could buy would ever take it away and it finally hit him what was happening. He was suffering from a simple yet complicated affliction. One that no doctor or medication would fix. One that only Jensen could get rid of. Jared was suffering from heartache. It took him a while to get his mind to accept the diagnosis but when it did, there was no turning back. He couldn't change his mind nor pretend that it wasn't happening. He could no longer deny what he had been feeling for so long.
The ringing of the telephone broke Jared from his train of thought and he picked it up.
"Hello."
"Mr. Padalecki?"
"Yes, this is he."
"Good morning, sir. I'm just calling from American Airlines to confirm your booking of our private Piper twin-engine plane departing from Nashville airport at nine thirty, flying nonstop to Canary Islands."
"Thank you. I should be there by nine. Was your staff briefed about my requests?"
"Yes sir. We have our best pilot and top flight attendants flying with you today. They have been briefed on the discretion aspect. Is there anything else?"
Jared thought for a moment, something inside, maybe his consciousness was telling him to stay, try to work things out, not to flee like that, like a wounded animal, "Is the pilot already there?"
"Yes sir," and as if hesitant she continued with, "Is there something the matter Mr. Padalecki? Would you like to postpone your trip for a later hour...or date?"
Jared was tempted to say ‘yes’. He was tempted to drop everything and do what his gut was telling him to do but before he could think it through too much, he responded with, "No, everything is fine, thanks. I'll be there."
_______________________________
The next morning, Jensen drove over to Jared's hoping to clear the air, letting Jared know that he was now ready to work it out. He wanted to let Jared know that he had dealt with his issues and was ready to move forward in their relationship. It was amazing to Jensen how quickly that transition took place. One minute he was practically casting the man aside and the next, he was ready and willing to take whatever Jared had to offer and submit to his innermost feelings, no matter the cost. If he had to work around Jared’s schedule, he would. If he had to put up with Jared’s crazy hours, he would. No matter what, Jensen was willing to keep them together, even if they had to sneak around. He was so willing for one reason and one reason only. He was in love with Jared and was willing to do the craziest things to just to keep them going. Jensen was going to stand by his man no matter what.
He stood outside Jared’s door ringing the bell and knocking for what seemed like forever.
"Excuse me, can I help you?" Someone asked. Looking over, Jensen saw that the voice belonged to an elderly woman.
"Well, yeah. I'm looking for my boy.... um.... my uh friend...Jared."
"Ah, what a nice young gentleman! He is always helping me with my groceries when he's here. He's a musician, you know. Not my type of music, what he sings, but a musician nonetheless. My granddaughter adores him."
"I know ma'am. Anyway, I'm his friend Jensen and I was wondering if you know where he went."
She seemed to ponder Jensen’s question for a second and then shook her head, "'Afraid not. He left early this morning, eight I think, had a suitcase, one of those fancy ones, real expensive too. I was going to say ‘good morning’ but he seemed to be in such a hurry. You young people usually are."
Suitcase. Hurry. What the hell was going on?
"His car is still here. Do you know how he got to where he was going?"
Again that ponderous look came over her face, "Actually, I do, a limo service.”
"Um thanks again," Jensen made a move to walk back to his car when she called out for him, "Who should I say stopped by?" She asked.
"Tell him...tell him, just tell him the Yin to his Yang," Jensen stated.
She seemed puzzled at Jensen’s reference but he didn't care. Jared would understand what that meant and that was all that mattered.
It seemed as if every second was longer than the one before as Jensen sat by the phone waiting for Jared’s phone call. He was so desperate to hear Jared’s voice, to see his face, to have Jared close to him that he would have done anything possible, even sell his soul to Satan himself. It was coming on to six in the evening and still no word from Jared. By that time all sorts of scenarios started to play out in Jensen’s mind. Maybe Jared got the message and just didn't want to speak to him. Maybe Jared really took Jensen’s words last night to heart and was taking their trial separation seriously. Or maybe Jared was just nervous and wasn't sure if he should call or not. For that reason alone, Jensen kept calling his house every hour on the hour just to give Jared an opportunity to talk to him without all the pressure.
Jared never picked up.
Jensen was close to tears by the time eight, nine and then ten o' clock rolled around. At ten, all that frustration and misery turned into anger and all Jensen could do was curse Jared underneath his breath. Jensen never meant a word of it but he was upset that Jared wasn't even giving him the chance to say that he was sorry. Tired of waiting, he turned on the television and sat down on his sofa. Nashville news coverage was on and Tiffany Amber and Garry Simms’ voice filled the living room:
Breaking news, right now from the studio. As earlier reported, a twin-engine plane owned and operated by American Airlines exploded in mid air at around ten-thirty this morning. We now bring you live coverage from Nashville Airport. Here is Michael Smith.
Thank you, Tiffany and Garry. I am reporting to you live from the tarmac of Nashville Airport where earlier today, a twin-engine plane belonging to American Airlines has exploded mid air shortly after departure from Nashville Airport. Sketchy details that have been coming in from the spokesperson at American Airlines have confirmed that this plane exploded over the ocean ten to fifteen minutes after takeoff. No apparent cause has been speculated nor have the names of the passengers or crew been released. We are expecting a conference with a spokesperson from American Airlines in about ten minutes so we are standing by. We will bring you the details as they become available to us. Tiffany, Garry, back to you.
Thank you, Monica. In other news...
Jensen turned off the television and got up. He couldn't wait any longer. He had to see Jared right away. As Jensen made a move towards the front door, the doorbell rang. Hope bubbled within Jensen and for an instance Jensen thought that it was Jared until,
"Good evening, sir. Are you Jensen Ackles?" Standing before him was a uniformed officer.
"Yes I am, um...is there a problem officer?" Jensen asked, the nervousness apparent in his voice.
"Yes sir, there is. May I come in?" The officer asked, taking off his hat.
"Sure," Jensen stepped to the side and allowed the officer to pass him. Closing the door, Jensen offered the officer a seat but he declined.
"I'm not sure what I've done officer. I don't have any outstanding parking tickets," Jensen said.
"This isn't about parking tickets sir. Maybe you would like to take a seat," And even if Jensen didn't want to, he had no choice. His legs felt unstable beneath him and he knew that at any minute he could collapse.
"Do you know a Jared Padalecki?"
"Yes," Jensen answered with a shaky voice. He had a very bad feeling about the turn of the officer’s next words.
"Sir, I am sorry to inform you that there was a plane crash out by Nashville Airport that may have involved your friend," His words stopped Jensen dead in his tracks and Jensen looked at the officer.
"What?"
The officer flipped open a note book and read from it, "A twin-engine plane belonging to American Airlines exploded over the Atlantic Ocean at around ten-thirty this morning. The flight manifest indicates that a Jared Padalecki reserved the plane. His emergency contact sheet has your name on it."
"No, it can't be him...he's not scheduled to travel anytime soon...it's not him," Jensen feebly whispered.
"Sir, I know that this is a shock but your friend was on that flight. Surveillance tapes show that he went through security and his luggage was checked in."
"No, it's not him," Jensen whispered again, feeling his eyes well up with tears.
"Sir, is there anyone that I can call for you? A friend, a family member..."
Jensen cut him off. It wasn't true. It couldn't be true. It wasn't the same Jared Padalecki. They made a mistake. It couldn't be him.
"You made a mistake officer. It isn't my friend. I know it isn't. He would have told me if he was going away. He never had plans to go away. It's not him. I'm sorry you wasted your time driving out all this way for no reason....," Jensen just kept on going and going until the officer had no alternative but to get out of his house and go and tell the real friends and family of the Jared Padalecki who was deceased that their loved one was dead.
"Sir, is there anything I can do? Call a friend, a family member, anyone?" The officer attempted one last time as he walked to the door.
"No, it's not necessary. You made a grave mistake," And with that, Jensen shut the door behind him.
Jensen turned on the TV again and was greeted with the stark reality:
A mini picture of Jared was plastered in upper right hand corner of the screen. In it, he was shirtless, decked out in a gray cap and a pair of blue jeans, a microphone close to his mouth. The newscasters commented with:
It is a sad day in the music industry day as reports have circulated to us that the famous R & B singer Jared Padalecki was in that twin-engine plane that exploded over the Atlantic ten minutes after takeoff. Reports coming through to us from Nashville Airport indicate that Jared was seen on a security camera checking in his luggage and walking through security. The Coast Guard is at this time searching the Atlantic for signs of survivors but that is expected to change in an hour or so. The coast guard reports that this search and rescue will be updated to a search and recover shortly. Once again, it has been brought to the attention of us here at Channel Nine, via an American Airlines spokesperson, that famed R & B singer Jared Padalecki, was aboard the twin-engine plane that exploded over the Atlantic. We will update you as details become available. This is Michael Smith, reporting from Nashville Airport, Tiffany, Garry, back to you in the studio.
As the screen before him dissolved into a hazy mist, Jensen found himself unable to breathe. It was true, it was true. He really was dead, and the thought alone sent Jensen into a hyperventilating attack. He couldn't breathe. He felt his chest tighten and suddenly, everything went black.
Chapter 23
Pairing: Jensen Ackles /Jared Padalecki (eventually), Mentions of Jensen/OMC, Jared/OMC and Others
Other Characters: Tom Welling, Chris Kane, Danneel Harris, Misha Collins
Rating: NC17
Word Count: 3,604
Disclaimer: 100% Pure Fiction
Note: None of this would be possible and readable without my awesome beta,
bigj52 . I learn from you everyday.Summery: AU / Everybody has a dream. Some people make their dreams come true. Some just let their life slip by thinking about it.
Chapter 22:
The night had started out simply: Chris had driven them to a small diner, coincidentally the place where he and Jared used to hang out when they first had moved to Nashville, the same place Jared had taken him their first night together and they had come to call the place their own. Jensen tried desperately to stop his thoughts from wandering. They had had a great dinner for two and listened to the band.
Jensen’s thoughts were a jumbled mess and his mind, no matter how hard he tried, remained on his lover. Upsetting as it was for him to see Jared take off, the anger and disappointment so clearly marked upon his face, it was more hurtful and more upsetting for Jensen to know that he was the reason for it. The accusatory session that Jensen subjected himself to made no difference in alleviating any of the guilt that he felt. Chris tried really hard to keep Jensen occupied, telling him stories about his childhood, the events at the newspaper office and a few hot guys he had recently met. None of that was much help.
The ride back to Jensen’s place was painfully quiet and for a moment Jensen regretted ever going out with Chris that night. Then a thought hit home.
Maybe this was just another experience that was meant to make me see how good I had it. Maybe it was just another test, like the situation with Patrick that would make me more appreciative of what I had with Jared.
"Is it really over with you guys?"
Jensen turned his head and looked at Chris. He didn't even pause to respond, "Is it ever over?"
"I guess not," Jensen paused, “Chris, what the hell have I done?”
“What do you mean buddy?”
"I’m with a handsome, strong and beautiful man. I mean, I never knew I could feel this way about anyone and I do about him and now I've gone and fucked it up because of my own fucked-up insecurities. I knew what I was in for before I went into it and I told him I understood but at the first sign of trouble I was ready to bail out. Why would he want to put up with that back and forth?"
Reaching over and giving Jensen’s shoulder a squeeze, Chris said, "You're too hard on yourself Jensen. You know… you and me aren't that much different after all."
"Yeah, right," Jensen snorted, "You and I are nothing alike Chris. Where you're confident, I'm insecure, where you're a 'take charge kind a guy', I have a 'sit back and let the action come to me' mentality. We're not alike in anyway, I guarantee it."
"Well, you're wrong because we are alike. Look at it this way; we've both been in relationships where the problems are of our own making. We have both loved our partners very much but it seems that we spend a majority of the time analyzing what they see in us or what we see in them. We're also alike in the fact that we're not over our previous relationships nor will we be anytime soon."
“Are you saying you’re not over Misha?”
“Of course I’m not, but there is not much I can do about it now, is there? It’s way over for us.”
To hear Chris say what Jensen had been thinking from the very beginning was like a wake-up call for Jensen. He really wondered whether that was really what he was doing, trying to get over his feelings for Jared. The thought left a lump in his throat and a heavy feeling in his heart as Jensen realized he never wanted to be over Jared, no matter what. What they had was good. It wasn't perfect, nor was it close to perfect, but it was what Jensen had spent the last few years wanting. Was he really that eager to throw it all away because he was afraid? Afraid of trying? Afraid of staying around? Afraid that by putting himself in that position he would inevitably be hurt? Was he really such a coward, not willing to fight for the one thing that he had wanted for so long? And in that instant it hit him! Yes! He was afraid. He was afraid that everything that he had imagined their relationship to be like would fall into disarray once reality set in. He was afraid that his expectations of Jared were so unrealistic that he was willing Jared, himself and them as a unit to fail. He was afraid that Jared would see all his flaws and not want to have anything to do with him. Most of all, he was afraid that all the years of friendship that they had shared would turn to shit and they would be in too deep to ever bring things back to the way they were. But did he really just want to be Jared's friend ever? Did he just want to be another guy Jared could call when he wanted to shoot the breeze? Jensen came to the stark realization that he never wanted to go back, back in the sense that they would be just friends, just boys, just two guys who knew each other. He never wanted to feel that there was an invisible line between them that he would never be able to cross. Most of all, he never wanted to feel the way he did before they started all of that, alone, miserable, depressed. He never wanted to imagine his life without Jared in it, ever.
And as he listened to the sounds of their breathing as Chris drove, Jensen realized that that charade would never work for one reason and one reason only. That reason being that Jensen never wanted to spend another day or night without Jared Padalecki by his side and in his life.
Chris looked over at Jensen to see the troubled look on his friend’s face, “Talk to me, man.”
"I just don't know where to begin Chris. Everything was falling apart, everything was just going downhill. I mean, you saw the huge fight we had and I think…it was mainly my fault," Jensen paused, and then continued, "He thinks that I am making excuses, trying to weasel my way out of our relationship. He actually told me that he wanted to commit, give it his all. I even think he was going to say it."
"Say what?" Chris asked.
"You know," Jensen chided, an eyebrow raised.
"It's too damn late for guessing games Jensen."
"OK, OK. I thought he was going to tell me that he loved me."
That got a jolt out of Chris, "Are you sure?"
"I think so, I mean he started to say it and then you showed up," Jensen paused again, took a deep breath before going on, "Now I know what I have to do. I was an idiot before, Chris. I was scared and I was vulnerable and I was in doubt about everything but now," A smile made its way to his face, "I know what I want and what I need. I'm not going to let this opportunity go down the drain," and as if speaking words meant for his own ears he said, "I'm going to make this work."
For the rest of the ride, Chris found himself trying to think back to a time when Jensen had been this happy and he found that he couldn't think of one single time in all the time they had known each other that could compare to his sudden state of euphoria. It gave Chris a comforting feeling to know that things were finally coming together for Jensen. But then, the inevitable question once again formed in his mind.
What about me?
Chris always thought his life was where he had always wanted it to be: Making decent money, having his pick of location, being able to choose, refuse and reuse any man he saw worthy of his presence. For the first time Chris deeply understood what a shallow existence he truly had. He wondered if he really could continue to live like that for the next five, ten, even fifteen years never committing to one place, person or thing.
Chris knew the answer to all the questions but he wouldn't allow his mind to work through all that red tape just to get through to the truth. He was too old, too stubborn, too set in his ways. He couldn't change, even if he wanted to, and what would be the point anyway? There was no white knight waiting for him on the other side, no fancy job and luxury home with his name on it. No announcer waiting to hand him the grand prize. There was nothing for him on the other side of bad, so what was even the point to think of changing? That was all he knew, that was his life and even though in his mind Chris knew it was getting old, he was determined to stick with it.
_______________________________
As Jared threw a pack of white socks into the suitcase, his thoughts once again returned to the night before. He had tried without much success to block out the unwanted images of them arguing but he couldn't. It was as if his mind was feeding off the negative energy, willing him to keep on replaying those images over and over again in his head, and remembering what Jensen had said about them having a trial separation. Jared had tossed and turned the night before, trying to figure out what that feeling was deep in his gut. It was like a wave of nausea washing over him every few seconds and Jared found himself getting up at three thirty am and driving around, nowhere in particular, in the hope of getting rid of that feeling. But it wouldn't go away, no matter what he tried: Pepto Bismol, Mylanta, antacids. Nothing money could buy would ever take it away and it finally hit him what was happening. He was suffering from a simple yet complicated affliction. One that no doctor or medication would fix. One that only Jensen could get rid of. Jared was suffering from heartache. It took him a while to get his mind to accept the diagnosis but when it did, there was no turning back. He couldn't change his mind nor pretend that it wasn't happening. He could no longer deny what he had been feeling for so long.
The ringing of the telephone broke Jared from his train of thought and he picked it up.
"Hello."
"Mr. Padalecki?"
"Yes, this is he."
"Good morning, sir. I'm just calling from American Airlines to confirm your booking of our private Piper twin-engine plane departing from Nashville airport at nine thirty, flying nonstop to Canary Islands."
"Thank you. I should be there by nine. Was your staff briefed about my requests?"
"Yes sir. We have our best pilot and top flight attendants flying with you today. They have been briefed on the discretion aspect. Is there anything else?"
Jared thought for a moment, something inside, maybe his consciousness was telling him to stay, try to work things out, not to flee like that, like a wounded animal, "Is the pilot already there?"
"Yes sir," and as if hesitant she continued with, "Is there something the matter Mr. Padalecki? Would you like to postpone your trip for a later hour...or date?"
Jared was tempted to say ‘yes’. He was tempted to drop everything and do what his gut was telling him to do but before he could think it through too much, he responded with, "No, everything is fine, thanks. I'll be there."
_______________________________
The next morning, Jensen drove over to Jared's hoping to clear the air, letting Jared know that he was now ready to work it out. He wanted to let Jared know that he had dealt with his issues and was ready to move forward in their relationship. It was amazing to Jensen how quickly that transition took place. One minute he was practically casting the man aside and the next, he was ready and willing to take whatever Jared had to offer and submit to his innermost feelings, no matter the cost. If he had to work around Jared’s schedule, he would. If he had to put up with Jared’s crazy hours, he would. No matter what, Jensen was willing to keep them together, even if they had to sneak around. He was so willing for one reason and one reason only. He was in love with Jared and was willing to do the craziest things to just to keep them going. Jensen was going to stand by his man no matter what.
He stood outside Jared’s door ringing the bell and knocking for what seemed like forever.
"Excuse me, can I help you?" Someone asked. Looking over, Jensen saw that the voice belonged to an elderly woman.
"Well, yeah. I'm looking for my boy.... um.... my uh friend...Jared."
"Ah, what a nice young gentleman! He is always helping me with my groceries when he's here. He's a musician, you know. Not my type of music, what he sings, but a musician nonetheless. My granddaughter adores him."
"I know ma'am. Anyway, I'm his friend Jensen and I was wondering if you know where he went."
She seemed to ponder Jensen’s question for a second and then shook her head, "'Afraid not. He left early this morning, eight I think, had a suitcase, one of those fancy ones, real expensive too. I was going to say ‘good morning’ but he seemed to be in such a hurry. You young people usually are."
Suitcase. Hurry. What the hell was going on?
"His car is still here. Do you know how he got to where he was going?"
Again that ponderous look came over her face, "Actually, I do, a limo service.”
"Um thanks again," Jensen made a move to walk back to his car when she called out for him, "Who should I say stopped by?" She asked.
"Tell him...tell him, just tell him the Yin to his Yang," Jensen stated.
She seemed puzzled at Jensen’s reference but he didn't care. Jared would understand what that meant and that was all that mattered.
It seemed as if every second was longer than the one before as Jensen sat by the phone waiting for Jared’s phone call. He was so desperate to hear Jared’s voice, to see his face, to have Jared close to him that he would have done anything possible, even sell his soul to Satan himself. It was coming on to six in the evening and still no word from Jared. By that time all sorts of scenarios started to play out in Jensen’s mind. Maybe Jared got the message and just didn't want to speak to him. Maybe Jared really took Jensen’s words last night to heart and was taking their trial separation seriously. Or maybe Jared was just nervous and wasn't sure if he should call or not. For that reason alone, Jensen kept calling his house every hour on the hour just to give Jared an opportunity to talk to him without all the pressure.
Jared never picked up.
Jensen was close to tears by the time eight, nine and then ten o' clock rolled around. At ten, all that frustration and misery turned into anger and all Jensen could do was curse Jared underneath his breath. Jensen never meant a word of it but he was upset that Jared wasn't even giving him the chance to say that he was sorry. Tired of waiting, he turned on the television and sat down on his sofa. Nashville news coverage was on and Tiffany Amber and Garry Simms’ voice filled the living room:
Breaking news, right now from the studio. As earlier reported, a twin-engine plane owned and operated by American Airlines exploded in mid air at around ten-thirty this morning. We now bring you live coverage from Nashville Airport. Here is Michael Smith.
Thank you, Tiffany and Garry. I am reporting to you live from the tarmac of Nashville Airport where earlier today, a twin-engine plane belonging to American Airlines has exploded mid air shortly after departure from Nashville Airport. Sketchy details that have been coming in from the spokesperson at American Airlines have confirmed that this plane exploded over the ocean ten to fifteen minutes after takeoff. No apparent cause has been speculated nor have the names of the passengers or crew been released. We are expecting a conference with a spokesperson from American Airlines in about ten minutes so we are standing by. We will bring you the details as they become available to us. Tiffany, Garry, back to you.
Thank you, Monica. In other news...
Jensen turned off the television and got up. He couldn't wait any longer. He had to see Jared right away. As Jensen made a move towards the front door, the doorbell rang. Hope bubbled within Jensen and for an instance Jensen thought that it was Jared until,
"Good evening, sir. Are you Jensen Ackles?" Standing before him was a uniformed officer.
"Yes I am, um...is there a problem officer?" Jensen asked, the nervousness apparent in his voice.
"Yes sir, there is. May I come in?" The officer asked, taking off his hat.
"Sure," Jensen stepped to the side and allowed the officer to pass him. Closing the door, Jensen offered the officer a seat but he declined.
"I'm not sure what I've done officer. I don't have any outstanding parking tickets," Jensen said.
"This isn't about parking tickets sir. Maybe you would like to take a seat," And even if Jensen didn't want to, he had no choice. His legs felt unstable beneath him and he knew that at any minute he could collapse.
"Do you know a Jared Padalecki?"
"Yes," Jensen answered with a shaky voice. He had a very bad feeling about the turn of the officer’s next words.
"Sir, I am sorry to inform you that there was a plane crash out by Nashville Airport that may have involved your friend," His words stopped Jensen dead in his tracks and Jensen looked at the officer.
"What?"
The officer flipped open a note book and read from it, "A twin-engine plane belonging to American Airlines exploded over the Atlantic Ocean at around ten-thirty this morning. The flight manifest indicates that a Jared Padalecki reserved the plane. His emergency contact sheet has your name on it."
"No, it can't be him...he's not scheduled to travel anytime soon...it's not him," Jensen feebly whispered.
"Sir, I know that this is a shock but your friend was on that flight. Surveillance tapes show that he went through security and his luggage was checked in."
"No, it's not him," Jensen whispered again, feeling his eyes well up with tears.
"Sir, is there anyone that I can call for you? A friend, a family member..."
Jensen cut him off. It wasn't true. It couldn't be true. It wasn't the same Jared Padalecki. They made a mistake. It couldn't be him.
"You made a mistake officer. It isn't my friend. I know it isn't. He would have told me if he was going away. He never had plans to go away. It's not him. I'm sorry you wasted your time driving out all this way for no reason....," Jensen just kept on going and going until the officer had no alternative but to get out of his house and go and tell the real friends and family of the Jared Padalecki who was deceased that their loved one was dead.
"Sir, is there anything I can do? Call a friend, a family member, anyone?" The officer attempted one last time as he walked to the door.
"No, it's not necessary. You made a grave mistake," And with that, Jensen shut the door behind him.
Jensen turned on the TV again and was greeted with the stark reality:
A mini picture of Jared was plastered in upper right hand corner of the screen. In it, he was shirtless, decked out in a gray cap and a pair of blue jeans, a microphone close to his mouth. The newscasters commented with:
It is a sad day in the music industry day as reports have circulated to us that the famous R & B singer Jared Padalecki was in that twin-engine plane that exploded over the Atlantic ten minutes after takeoff. Reports coming through to us from Nashville Airport indicate that Jared was seen on a security camera checking in his luggage and walking through security. The Coast Guard is at this time searching the Atlantic for signs of survivors but that is expected to change in an hour or so. The coast guard reports that this search and rescue will be updated to a search and recover shortly. Once again, it has been brought to the attention of us here at Channel Nine, via an American Airlines spokesperson, that famed R & B singer Jared Padalecki, was aboard the twin-engine plane that exploded over the Atlantic. We will update you as details become available. This is Michael Smith, reporting from Nashville Airport, Tiffany, Garry, back to you in the studio.
As the screen before him dissolved into a hazy mist, Jensen found himself unable to breathe. It was true, it was true. He really was dead, and the thought alone sent Jensen into a hyperventilating attack. He couldn't breathe. He felt his chest tighten and suddenly, everything went black.
Chapter 23