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something_rareTitle: Home
Rating: PG-17
Pairing: Bradam
Word Count: 5,700+/-
Disclaimer: The usual stuff. Don't know them, it's all fiction, yadda yadda yadda.
Summary: When are you coming home?
A.N.: Cheesy Name, I know. :P
Home
“Look baby, I have to go now,” Adam said sounding rushed and rather impatient. Brad bit his lip, not wanting to ask his next question and end up sounding as desperate and needy as he felt.
“When am I going to see you?” Brad asked, cursing himself for the tremble in his voice.
“Brad, is something wrong?” Adam asked softly, his voice full of concern and love. Brad took a deep breath and swallowed hard over the lump in his throat.
“Nothing,” said Brad, trying his best to sound indifferent, “I just wanted to know where I am standing in all this. When am I going to see you again, Adam?” But his voice sounded hollow and lonely even to his own ears.
“I told you Brad,” Adam said with a sigh, “They have arranged a homecoming trip to San Diego for me. It is going to be an all-day long interviews and meetings, but I’m going to try my best to come home and see you.”
Brad could tell Adam was trying to be patient with him but was starting to get annoyed, and Brad could not blame him, not really. He had called Adam at least once a day since he had made it to the Top 10 in the contest. Brad could not help it though. They had never been separated for so long before.
“Is Drake going to be there with you?”
“No baby. He has other things to do. I am going to do all in my power to come see you, OK?” Adam asked. Brad heard voices in the background calling Adam’s name.
‘No Adam, it’s not OK!’ Brad’s mind screamed, ‘I just want you to come home…to me!’
“Yeah, it’s OK,” Brad took a deep breath clutching the phone tightly to his ear as if it were his only lifeline, “I love you Adam.”
“Love you too baby,” Adam said quickly, “I’ll talk to you later, bye!”
Brad ran his hand through his hair, staring down at the phone in his other hand. Gone, Adam was gone, hung up on him so he could go out with whomever.
“I’m losing you,” Brad whispered as unfounded images filled his head.
Adam is out with people, beautiful people, maybe even with Drake, laughing with them, partying with them. How long will it be before he takes some gorgeous man back to his hotel room? Or maybe it had already happened with someone, other than Drake. That’s why you didn’t want to talk to me, Adam. You have no time for me! You’ve been cheating on me!?
Brad threw the phone as hard as he could against the window that over looked the beach below. He smiled rather wickedly as the glass shattered and fell to the balcony and bedroom floor.
It was raining rather heavily but Brad did not care. Dressed in only jeans and a blue t-shirt, he went downstairs through the house and outside. The rain was cool against his skin, his clothes offering little protection against the weather. It was then Brad realized that he was crying. He sat down on the cold concrete and hugged his knees against his chest. He buried his face in his knees and let his tears fall freely.
Adam and Brad had been inseparable for so long. Nothing had ever come between them…until then.
When Adam got into the American Idol competition, not for a second Brad thought that meant that he and Adam would drift apart, and for a while they had not. They were the same as always, deliriously happy and on the phone almost all night long talking, but then things started to get more serious for Adam.
At first it was easy. At nights, they would either stay on the phone, or chat on Skype, and at days, they would text each other back and forth. Adam was always busy during the day, sometimes answering Brad’s text after hours, but Brad did not mind in the least. He had plenty to do himself, working on his own songs, and he loved watching Adam on TV. He had such strong faith in Adam. He had always known Adam really was quite good and being an entertainer, a musician, a rock god was his true calling, was what made him so happy. Brad had been…no, still was very proud of Adam, but slowly things started to change. As Adam stayed on the show, week after week, his fan base got bigger so did his responsibilities and the rumors. That was when the photos surfaced on the net and made it to the Bill O’Reilly show. That was when Drake came to the picture. That was when Brad’s world started to crumble. Adam never seemed to understand how much Brad needed him at home by his side during that fiasco. Brad was trying really hard not being possessive and he surely did not want Adam to turn his back on his dream for him, for them. It was simpler than that. Brad loved Adam and he was not whole without him.
Adam kept him grounded. Adam was what Brad lived for, but it felt like Adam was slowly slipping away. Brad remembered how excited Adam had been when he got into the competition, and so was Brad, until those pictures found their way out. That was when Adam told him that for Brad’s own sake, it would be the best for Adam to address the whole pictures scandal as somewhat a blast from the past, something that was over, and that was when he dragged Drake into the picture. Adam had suggested for them both to somewhat crawl back into the closet, and even then Brad had tried his hardest not to let Adam see his anxiety over having to deal with the media and paparazzi without Adam’s support and on his own on one hand and the suffocating feeling of catching a picture of two of Adam and Drake together. They had both cried over the phone that night, both unwilling to let go of what they had worked so hard for during the past years. Adam had reassured Brad that his only concern was Brad’s safety and success and that it was all a cover and in their own world nothing would change between them.
“I love you Brad. Nothing will change that. God I’m gonna miss you even more now,” Adam had whispered fiercely.
“But something has changed Adam. I’m just not exactly sure what it is,” Brad looked out at the dark and cruel night sky, letting his tears leave a track on his face. He could not sleep at night without Brad next to him, and he missed Adam so much it was unhealthy and dangerous. Adam would be horrified to learn how many times Brad had come close to having an overdose. The temptation to drawn himself in drugs and alcohol, to let it all go and become oblivious to the world had long ago stopped being even an issue in Brad’s life, right when he had met Adam, but lately with Adam not being there, slowly slipping away from him, Brad had come so close to falling again. All Brad wanted was Adam’s reassurance that everything was Ok, that they were OK, that they were going to make it. He could still feel Adam’s strong arms around him, Adam’s voice telling him that he loved him, but where was Adam at that moment when Brad was sad and broken, when he needed Adam the most? Adam had sounded different over miles and miles of phone line, “Adam,” Brad whispered as sobs once again overtook him.
“Brad!” Someone called his name but Brad did not look up, did not want to, and did not care. A familiar voice called his name again, sounding closer this time. When Brad felt a hand on his shoulder he looked up.
“Hey, what’s wrong?” It was Cassidy. Brad managed a small smile for his best friend and tried to wipe away his tears, but that was rather useless considering it was still pouring down rain. Cassidy took Brad’s hand and pulled him to him feet. Brad let Cassidy lead him back inside, Cassidy’s comforting arm around his shoulder all the while. He leaned against Cassidy, shivering against the cold wind and rain.
Once inside, Brad slumped down on a chair in the kitchen, his elbows on the table. He dropped his face in his hands, tears threatening again. But Cassidy pulled Brad back, his eyes full of worry.
“Jesus sweetheart, you’re freezing,” He whispered, taking Brad’s hand in his own, “How long were you out there?”
“Don’t know,” Brad mumbled as he started to shiver again, “Come on, we’ll find something nice and soft and warm for you to wear,” Cassidy took Brad’s hand and led him upstairs. As they entered the bedroom, Brad sat down on the edge of the bed watching Cassidy as he searched for new clothes for him. Brad frowned when he noticed the look of disappointment in Cassidy’s eyes. Standing up, Brad walked towards him and grabbed him by the wrist, “Cass, I wasn’t drinking. I wasn’t using anything,” Brad said softly, looking into Cassidy’s eyes. Cassidy sighed and Brad could see him speculating as to whether Cassidy believed him or not.
“Then why were you sitting outside in the middle of a storm?” Cassidy asked, handing Brad the clothes he had grabbed for him. Brad took the clothes and turned away, peeling off his wet ones and changing.
“Honey? Answer me. Why were you sitting outside in the rain and why the hell is your window broken?!” Cassidy asked loudly as his eyes fell upon the shattered glass.
“Damn it,” Brad muttered under his breath. He had forgotten about that. As soon as he had changed Brad turned around to face his best friend, “Let’s go downstairs,” Brad said softly, glancing at the broken glass. Cassidy nodded but Brad could see he was anxiously awaiting answers to his questions.
Once downstairs, they sat down side by side on the couch in the living room and Cassidy asked the question again, rather impatiently. Brad started with the easy answer, “I got mad and threw the phone and the window,” Brad said sheepishly.
“But why?” Cassidy asked. Brad could tell Cassidy was worried, “That sounds like something Adam would do, not you,” Cassidy continued, his words causing them both to smile. Brad sighed, ran his hands through his hair and let them rest at the back of his neck, “Cass, I wasn’t drinking. I wasn’t using either,” he said turning to look into Cassidy’s eyes, needing to tell him the truth, tell him everything and hope that Cassidy could offer him some comfort, “I thought about it, wanted to but I didn’t.”
Cassidy waited patiently for Brad to go on. He always had been an amazing listener, “I was on the phone with Adam,” Brad started softly, recounting to Cassidy what they had said and then how he had broken the window, “But why did you go and sit outside in the rain?” Cassidy asked, softly.
“I don’t know,” Brad whispered, “I just had to get out of here, away from all the memories.”
There were tears as Cassidy reached out to grab Brad’s hand, “I love him so much and I just…it feels like…I don’t think he loves me anymore!”
Brad’s tears finally fell and his words were full of sobs. That was, indeed, Brad’s greatest fear, and that was the first time he had confessed it even to himself. He had felt Adam being more and more distant, but he had never dared to let himself think for a moment that Adam may have fallen out of love.
“Oh honey, that’s not true,” Cassidy said softly as he pulled Brad into his arms.
“But it could be,” Brad cried, “I’m so scared Cass, and I’m not just making this up,” Brad went on as he clung to his friend, “He wants to hide us, as if he is suddenly ashamed of us… He's fucking ashamed of me. He doesn't want anyone to know he's fucking a twinkie. He sounds different when he talks to me. He’s so impatient. Before all this, we could show every goddamned person in the whole world that we're fucking, but now that he is getting somewhere, he says it ‘s all too risky, too much too soon, and then he goes and shows around his new boy toy. Well fuck him. Fuck him and the love I thought we had. If he's ashamed of me, of us, then I can't be with him.”
“Shhh, Brad, stop it,” Cassidy scolded gently, “Look at me and stop crying, OK?” Brad sniffled rather pathetically and looked up into Cassidy’s eyes, “Adam has not stopped loving you, I know he has not. He loves you more than anyone in the entire world, Brad. I've never seen anyone so in love with someone as he is with you. And the same goes with you baby. The love you two have for each other is what some people look for all of their lives. Drake does not stand a chance with him, trust me,” Cassidy said softly. Before Brad could protest, Cassidy went on, “Brad, listen to me,” Brad nodded and wiped at the remaining tears on his eyes. “You know how hard Adam works on something that he’s dedicated to. I mean just think of all those nights when he was the last one to leave the theater just because he needed to make sure everything was perfect,” Brad smiled, remembering all too well, “Well, you can bet he’s expecting the same amount of perfection from himself now as he was then, and even more so now because it’s just him. There is no cast out there with him to lean on and ask for support. He does not have you out there with him to turn to either.”
Brad frowned, Cassidy’s words making him think. Cassidy was right. Everything he had said so far was definitely true, “And, Brad, he’s missing you. Hearing your voice on the phone so often and not being able to see or touch you is probably making that worse,” Slowly Brad’s cynical thoughts gave way to hopeful ones. All of what Cassidy had said made sense.
Please let him be right!
Cassidy watched his friend with a smile. Brad smiled back and hugged him impulsively, “Thanks C, I don’t know what I would’ve done if you hadn’t come over.”
Cassidy hugged him back and replied, “Anytime girlfriend, anytime.”
As Brad pulled away from Cassidy’s embrace, he looked at him curiously, “What are you doing here anyway?!”
Cassidy laughed, “I thought you’d never ask. Brad, Adam called me like two hours ago. He said he had just gotten off the phone with you when he had started to worry.”
Brad looked at him incredulously, “What?” he whispered, his heart beating wildly.
Cassidy smiled softly, “When you called he was just about to go to a meeting with the producers of the show or something. That’s why he was so anxious to hang up, but Brad he heard the sadness in your voice then. And I heard the worry and love in his.”
Brad was crying again. Cassidy reached out and brushed away his tears, continuing softly, “He begged me to come here and check on you. He says he’s been worried sick about you lately, been miserable without you and he can’t wait to come home,” Brad threw his arms around Cassidy and hugged him tightly, his words bringing new hope and happiness to Brad’s heart. Suddenly Brad had a mischievous grin on his face, “I think I know what to do, girlfriend.”
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
“Brad, it’s me, please call me back. I miss you so much, baby. It’s all over baby. I didn’t win, but I am coming home tomorrow, just one more day. Brad…please call me back,” Adam repeated softly, his voice so close to breaking, “I love you.”
Adam ended the call and sat back in the limo that was taking him back to the hotel, still clutching the cell phone in hand. He had not stayed long at the party, needing to get back so he could get home as soon as possible. It had been two days since Brad’s last phone call and Adam was going out of his mind.
When are you coming home?
Adam ran his hand through his hair and stared out the window, watching the lights go by. When had Brad started sounding like that? Scared, small, alone.
Please Brad, call me back. I need to hear your voice and know you’re all right.
Adam sighed, debating on whether to call Brad again.
Oh God, if something’s happened, I’ll never forgive myself. I shouldn’t have been so short with you on the phone. Brad please…please…just talk to me.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
As Adam stepped out of the car and opened the door to their room, he instantly sensed Brad’s presence in the house. Slowly, he climbed up the stairs and walked to the bedroom. A dim glow lit the room and the slight scent of roses filled the air. Adam walked into the bedroom area and gasped in surprise. There among candles and rose petals was Brad, lying on the bed. He smiled shyly, his deep brown eyes shining and looking almost gold from the reflection of the soft candlelight. He looked absolutely beautiful. A lump caught in Adam’s throat. The love he saw shimmering in Brad’s eyes was so passionate and so powerful that Adam never wanted to look away. He wanted to drown in Brad’s eyes, in him.
“Surprise,” Brad said softly, the voice Adam had been longing to hear sending chills up his spine. Adam smiled as he watched Brad play nervously with the sheets. Adam could tell Brad wanted to explain, to tell him something but he was nervous.
“You look tired, baby. Come to bed,” Brad whispered softly.
“I don’t plan on sleeping,” Adam replied slowly, “Not right now anyway. Right now I want to talk to you.”
Color rushed into Brad’s face and he seemed momentarily stricken. For all that he had craved time with Adam to have a chance for some private conversation, Brad was inexplicably taken aback by Adam’s moment of choice.
“We can talk later. You must be exhausted. You need to rest,” Brad said through stiff lips as Adam approached him.
“I need to spend some time with you,” Adam countered softly as he sat down on the edge of the bed, taking Brad by the hand. He seemed both determined and serious yet he was very gentle.
“Thank you for doing all this…for me,” Adam murmured, leaning closer toward Brad, “I love you for doing something like this for me, especially after I’ve been such a shit to you lately.”
Brad opened his mouth to protest. Adam shook his head.
“I know I’ve been shutting you out too much over the past little while. I’m sorry, baby…that’s the last thing I should be doing. I keep telling myself that it’s because I’m trying to protect you...that by bringing Drake into the picture, I only wanted the spotlight off of you…that I was sharing so little information with you about the whole situation just because I thought what you didn’t knew would not hurt you…that I know how much this whole nonsense has hurt you and I don’t want to upset you any more than you already are. But to be honest, that was probably just a cop-out. I’ve just been too scared to talk to you, Brad...that’s probably the real reason.”
Brad seemed first shocked and then, to Adam’s dismay, deeply hurt.
“Why?” he whispered.
Adam was already holding one of Brad’s hands; now he took the other in his warm grasp and bent his head to kiss them.
“Because I’ve been afraid that you have some things you want to say to me that I might not be ready to hear. That you think this is all my fault. That you’re really angry with me. That you feel like I have ruined your life, your peace. That you feel things are going to change between us,” Adam smiled a little sadly, “Or that you think maybe they already have....”
“Of course not!” Brad said, very shaken.
“No? I’ve put you in the most difficult situation imaginable, baby. For any human being. I know that. I’ve embarrassed you and hurt you and betrayed you and given you a whole lot of reasons to be pretty ashamed of me. I’m afraid that I’ve backed you into a corner and you feel like you can’t get out…and that…you want to get out…get away…from me.”
Brad did not answer but his gaze flickered away guiltily. Adam felt his heart contract and tried to continue as evenly as he could.
“I’ve upset you so much, and then exactly when you needed me to be there for you, I haven’t been,” he mumbled.
“It’s not like I have been with you every step of your journey either, Adam.”
“But you have,” Adam corrected gently, “In every possible way. You’ve done nothing but try your hardest to keep me sane...to make me feel less terrified...to encourage me that I can do this,” Lifting one hand he rubbed his knuckles along the line of Brad’s jaw, “To make me feel loved...”
Brad’s head drooped a little more. Adam could see the tension that was hardening Brad’s shoulders and the almost imperceptible way Brad was drawing back into himself.
“You’ve been trying so hard,” Adam whispered, “What are you so afraid of, baby? Are you afraid of losing me?”
Brad stiffened, eyes on his lap.
“No,” Brad said almost inaudibly, but there was an immediate contradiction in the huge tears that welled beneath lowered lids.
Adam gently ran his fingers through his lover’s hair, “I think you are,” he said very emotionally, “Almost as afraid as I am that this is going to drive you away from me.”
Unable to control himself, Brad started to tremble.
“Please don’t say that,” Brad choked.
Adam touched Brad’s chin, trying to lift his face, “Brad, I need to ask you...I should have asked you a long time ago, right at the beginning of all this...I made assumptions and I was wrong...I never should have let this go on so long without asking you to be up front with me about how you feel.”
Brad stared at him, eyes wide and glistening.
“I have been,” he whispered.
“No,” Adam whispered back, “Not really,” His hand returned to thread through Brad’s hair, “Not the way I need you to be.”
“I have,” Brad insisted again and seemed inordinately distressed by any suggestion otherwise, no matter how close it came to the truth. Adam caught at Brad’s restless hands and held them still.
“Then I need you to tell me again,” he said quietly, “So there are no misunderstandings.”
Brad shifted very uncomfortably and Adam tightened his grip on his hands until Brad’s gaze was forced back to his. His voice was firm but incredibly gentle.
“Please, sweetheart. I need you to tell me exactly where you stand in all of this.”
“Right beside you,” Brad said almost desperately.
“Are you sure? Are you sure you still want to be with me with everything I’m putting you through? Are you sure that you don’t want out? Are you sure I’m not just driving you away?”
“Please!” Brad said in agony, “Please don’t say things like that! That’s not how I feel!”
Brad tried to push Adam away. Little pockets of guilt began breaking open inside, filling him with all the remorse that he’d been struggling to hide and followed almost immediately by anger, with resentment and frustration and all the other conflicting emotions that had been tormenting him. Adam held him still, aware he was risking an all out panic attack if Brad began to feel too threatened. When Brad tried to free himself to stand up, Adam simply pulled him back down onto his lap, closing his arms around Brad tightly and hugging him close to him until Brad slumped down on his shoulder in defeat.
“Tell me,” Adam begged.
Brad had been forced to face up to a great deal of personal pain in his life but that was something he would never have guessed would cut so deep or hurt so intensely. When it came out, it came out in an a confused and broken stammer yet there was nothing he said to Adam in his tearful confession that seemed to shake him; to him they seemed to be the perfectly natural fears of a man forced into a most uncomfortable position and even the sense of resentment and residual guilt over it all seemed to Adam to be understandable by-products of shock and uncertainty.
“Right now, I am so ashamed of who I am, of what I am,” Brad said finally, dull with the weight of his own admission, “If I was better, if I was stronger, maybe you wouldn’t feel like you have to protect me. I’m not…maybe I am not good enough for you. I might end up ruining things for you. This is your future we are talking about here, Adam. You can do much better than me.”
“Oh God, baby boy, never! Never! Never be ashamed of who and what you are, remember? People are always going to look down on us for some reason or another, but we should never be afraid to be who we are because of that. That’s the first thing I have ever learnt from you; That we should do things for ourselves because we can't make everyone happy all the time, that the only person we need to worry about is us. Do you remember that?”
Brad merely nodded.
“God, you have no idea how ashamed I am right at this moment,” Adam murmured, kissing Brad’s brow and rocking him gently, “Everything I do, I end up hurting you. I’m just afraid that in the end, this whole situation is going to drive you away from me.”
Brad burrowed against him.
“Nothing will drive me away,” he whispered.
“I guess that’s what I really need to know,” Adam said huskily, “What I should have asked you in the first place. That you’ll do this with me, that we can handle all this together. I can’t do it without you, baby. I can’t risk losing you over fame or fortune or anything else.”
Brad locked his arms around Adam’s neck, crying all down the front of Adam’s chest and hiccuping emotional promises in between sobs. The lump of anxiety that had been such a dead weight inside began to crumble under the fervent affirmations he received in return and by the time they had calmed down after a long and mutual cry they were both drained and exhausted by the experience.
Adam finally titled Brad’s head up by his fingers and gently pressed his mouth to Brad’s. As their kisses deepened so did the intense desire they always felt for each other. Adam ran his hands up Brad’s arms and into his hair, his fingers weaving their way through Brad’s soft hair. His lips parted eagerly under the feel of Brad’s tongue. They kissed each other hungrily, tongues tangling and tasting as much as they could as quickly as they could. They were starved for each other. Adam was like water to Brad’s parched heart, his thirsting soul. Every touch of their skin, their mouths made Brad shudder in need and desire. Adam’s hands found their way under Brad’s shirt and soon they both broke apart to quickly remove it as well as Adam’s shirt.
“God, I’ve missed you,” Brad whispered hungrily, capturing Adam’s mouth with his own once again.
“Me too,” Adam replied feverishly. He kept one hand on the back of Brad’s neck, sliding the other down Brad’s spine to his lower back. He kissed Brad deeply, tracing Brad’s lips with his tongue before pushing into Brad’s mouth. He licked at the roof of Brad’s mouth, the underside of his tongue, all the while his hands pulling Brad as close as possible. His hand on Brad’s back slipped lower grabbing Brad’s ass and pulling their hips tightly together, “Oh fuck baby,” Brad moaned as they finally broke their kiss in order to breathe. Brad took Adam’s hips in his hands and moved them against his own, pushing their erections together as he guided them both to lie down on the bed, with Adam half on top of Brad.
He felt Adam’s fingers dig into his skin as his head fell back. Brad leaned forward to suck and nibble on Adam’s tender neck, making sure to pay special attention to the vein that popped out there. After a few more moments Brad pulled back and looked down into Adam’s face, smiling at what he saw there. Adam’s eyes were glazed over with pleasure and love, his face flushed, his lips wet and swollen. Adam reached up and pulled Brad down again, kissing him softly.
“I want to make love to you,” Adam breathed huskily.
Brad’s brow dipped a little as if in thought and then there was a faint nod. To Adam’s dismay, Brad gently edged away and tried straddling Adam. Adam’s hand landed on Brad’s hip, making him once again to lie on his back, beside him.
“That’s not what I mean,” he said, very gentle. Brad looked briefly distressed, as if sensing that he’d done something to displease Adam but he was already pulling Brad back down into place, this time hooking one arm and leg over him in a protective cuddle.
He nuzzled Brad’s cheek, half teasing and half very serious, “Didn’t you hear me? I said I want to make love to you. I want you to feel good, as good as I feel right now, having you where I want, in my arms.”
“I already feel good,” Brad mumbled back, suddenly awkward. Adam, understanding a great deal more about Brad’s feelings now than he had before, just kept kissing along Brad’s jaw line until he reached his ear, determined to gently overcome any of Brad’s reluctance to let down the rest of Brad’s emotional guard with him.
“I think maybe you can take a little more,” Adam whispered. Brad shivered in response but made no further move to discourage him and Adam settled into a long and leisurely exploration that gradually calmed Brad until he felt pliant and relaxed in Adam’s arms. Adam had quite gently turned the tables on Brad and Brad was now almost unaware that Adam was trying to comfort and reassure him of his love in the most tangible way.
Adam kissed Brad briefly before making his way to Brad’s neck. Brad’s fingers tangled in his hair and held Adam against him as Adam continued to suck at Brad’s skin. Moments later Adam went lower, kissing and sucking at each of Brad’s nipples and trailing his tongue further down Brad’s chest. Every moan, every gasp for air that escaped Brad’s lips made Adam harder and harder. For Adam, Brad was so fucking sexy and he could never get enough. As he sucked and nibbled on Brad’s stomach, Adam ran his hands down Brad’s sides, over his hips and then his thighs. His tongue dipped into Brad’s navel. Brad yanked on Adam’s hair and moaned, his voice low and breathy. Adam smiled wickedly, loving the fact that he could make Brad look so undone, so utterly debauched.
Adam slid one hand underneath Brad and sought his puckered hole with his finger. He slid it in slowly, quickly finding Brad’s prostate and stroking relentlessly. With a small smile, Adam kissed Brad again and then reached over to the nightstand, fumbling with the objects there until he found what he needed. He squeezed a liberal amount of lube into his hand, staring into Brad’s eyes as he stroked his cock, spreading the lube over it.
Brad’s lips met Adam’s, kissing him slowly and deeply as Adam positioned himself between Brad’s legs. Adam reached for a nearby pillow and slid it underneath Brad’s hips. Once again Adam grasped Brad’s hips, positioning himself between Brad’s spread legs and pushed inside of him. He heard Brad draw in a breath, his fingers digging into the skin of Adam’s upper arms.
Adam lifted his head to stare at Brad as Brad’s lashes fluttered briefly and his lips parted with a soft little moan and when his gaze rose back to Adam’s, Adam almost felt his heart break as Brad’s body finally reconnected with his. Brad’s eyes were suddenly soft with anticipation and pleasure - all unmistakable signs that he was finally beginning to lose himself in the sensation building between them.
It was all Adam needed to see. He knew perfectly well that he could have had Brad crying out for him long before now but it would not have been enough; he wanted to feel Brad’s own instinctive response and be reassured that Brad was allowing himself to take what he needed from Adam, both physically and emotionally, in the most intimate way possible.
Adam touched Brad’s face with one hand as Brad stared back at him, breath ragged.
“There he is,” Adam whispered almost reverently, “There’s my beautiful boy. I’ve missed you so much, baby. I’ve missed making you feel this way. Don’t you know how good it is for me when I see you like this? Don’t you know that I love loving you like this?”
With a soft whimper, Brad reached up for him. In response, Adam slid his hands beneath Brad’s hips, causing him to gasp and shudder and from that point forward everything was one mutual expression of love after another. There was nothing demanding or urgent about it; they were simply sharing a deeply personal moment and even the pleasure came in a reassuring wave that did not ebb but remained afterward to cover them both in a warm, supple blanket of contentment.
"Welcome home, baby," Brad whispered.
Adam squeezed his ass, "So good to be home."
Rating: PG-17
Pairing: Bradam
Word Count: 5,700+/-
Disclaimer: The usual stuff. Don't know them, it's all fiction, yadda yadda yadda.
Summary: When are you coming home?
A.N.: Cheesy Name, I know. :P
Home
“Look baby, I have to go now,” Adam said sounding rushed and rather impatient. Brad bit his lip, not wanting to ask his next question and end up sounding as desperate and needy as he felt.
“When am I going to see you?” Brad asked, cursing himself for the tremble in his voice.
“Brad, is something wrong?” Adam asked softly, his voice full of concern and love. Brad took a deep breath and swallowed hard over the lump in his throat.
“Nothing,” said Brad, trying his best to sound indifferent, “I just wanted to know where I am standing in all this. When am I going to see you again, Adam?” But his voice sounded hollow and lonely even to his own ears.
“I told you Brad,” Adam said with a sigh, “They have arranged a homecoming trip to San Diego for me. It is going to be an all-day long interviews and meetings, but I’m going to try my best to come home and see you.”
Brad could tell Adam was trying to be patient with him but was starting to get annoyed, and Brad could not blame him, not really. He had called Adam at least once a day since he had made it to the Top 10 in the contest. Brad could not help it though. They had never been separated for so long before.
“Is Drake going to be there with you?”
“No baby. He has other things to do. I am going to do all in my power to come see you, OK?” Adam asked. Brad heard voices in the background calling Adam’s name.
‘No Adam, it’s not OK!’ Brad’s mind screamed, ‘I just want you to come home…to me!’
“Yeah, it’s OK,” Brad took a deep breath clutching the phone tightly to his ear as if it were his only lifeline, “I love you Adam.”
“Love you too baby,” Adam said quickly, “I’ll talk to you later, bye!”
Brad ran his hand through his hair, staring down at the phone in his other hand. Gone, Adam was gone, hung up on him so he could go out with whomever.
“I’m losing you,” Brad whispered as unfounded images filled his head.
Adam is out with people, beautiful people, maybe even with Drake, laughing with them, partying with them. How long will it be before he takes some gorgeous man back to his hotel room? Or maybe it had already happened with someone, other than Drake. That’s why you didn’t want to talk to me, Adam. You have no time for me! You’ve been cheating on me!?
Brad threw the phone as hard as he could against the window that over looked the beach below. He smiled rather wickedly as the glass shattered and fell to the balcony and bedroom floor.
It was raining rather heavily but Brad did not care. Dressed in only jeans and a blue t-shirt, he went downstairs through the house and outside. The rain was cool against his skin, his clothes offering little protection against the weather. It was then Brad realized that he was crying. He sat down on the cold concrete and hugged his knees against his chest. He buried his face in his knees and let his tears fall freely.
Adam and Brad had been inseparable for so long. Nothing had ever come between them…until then.
When Adam got into the American Idol competition, not for a second Brad thought that meant that he and Adam would drift apart, and for a while they had not. They were the same as always, deliriously happy and on the phone almost all night long talking, but then things started to get more serious for Adam.
At first it was easy. At nights, they would either stay on the phone, or chat on Skype, and at days, they would text each other back and forth. Adam was always busy during the day, sometimes answering Brad’s text after hours, but Brad did not mind in the least. He had plenty to do himself, working on his own songs, and he loved watching Adam on TV. He had such strong faith in Adam. He had always known Adam really was quite good and being an entertainer, a musician, a rock god was his true calling, was what made him so happy. Brad had been…no, still was very proud of Adam, but slowly things started to change. As Adam stayed on the show, week after week, his fan base got bigger so did his responsibilities and the rumors. That was when the photos surfaced on the net and made it to the Bill O’Reilly show. That was when Drake came to the picture. That was when Brad’s world started to crumble. Adam never seemed to understand how much Brad needed him at home by his side during that fiasco. Brad was trying really hard not being possessive and he surely did not want Adam to turn his back on his dream for him, for them. It was simpler than that. Brad loved Adam and he was not whole without him.
Adam kept him grounded. Adam was what Brad lived for, but it felt like Adam was slowly slipping away. Brad remembered how excited Adam had been when he got into the competition, and so was Brad, until those pictures found their way out. That was when Adam told him that for Brad’s own sake, it would be the best for Adam to address the whole pictures scandal as somewhat a blast from the past, something that was over, and that was when he dragged Drake into the picture. Adam had suggested for them both to somewhat crawl back into the closet, and even then Brad had tried his hardest not to let Adam see his anxiety over having to deal with the media and paparazzi without Adam’s support and on his own on one hand and the suffocating feeling of catching a picture of two of Adam and Drake together. They had both cried over the phone that night, both unwilling to let go of what they had worked so hard for during the past years. Adam had reassured Brad that his only concern was Brad’s safety and success and that it was all a cover and in their own world nothing would change between them.
“I love you Brad. Nothing will change that. God I’m gonna miss you even more now,” Adam had whispered fiercely.
“But something has changed Adam. I’m just not exactly sure what it is,” Brad looked out at the dark and cruel night sky, letting his tears leave a track on his face. He could not sleep at night without Brad next to him, and he missed Adam so much it was unhealthy and dangerous. Adam would be horrified to learn how many times Brad had come close to having an overdose. The temptation to drawn himself in drugs and alcohol, to let it all go and become oblivious to the world had long ago stopped being even an issue in Brad’s life, right when he had met Adam, but lately with Adam not being there, slowly slipping away from him, Brad had come so close to falling again. All Brad wanted was Adam’s reassurance that everything was Ok, that they were OK, that they were going to make it. He could still feel Adam’s strong arms around him, Adam’s voice telling him that he loved him, but where was Adam at that moment when Brad was sad and broken, when he needed Adam the most? Adam had sounded different over miles and miles of phone line, “Adam,” Brad whispered as sobs once again overtook him.
“Brad!” Someone called his name but Brad did not look up, did not want to, and did not care. A familiar voice called his name again, sounding closer this time. When Brad felt a hand on his shoulder he looked up.
“Hey, what’s wrong?” It was Cassidy. Brad managed a small smile for his best friend and tried to wipe away his tears, but that was rather useless considering it was still pouring down rain. Cassidy took Brad’s hand and pulled him to him feet. Brad let Cassidy lead him back inside, Cassidy’s comforting arm around his shoulder all the while. He leaned against Cassidy, shivering against the cold wind and rain.
Once inside, Brad slumped down on a chair in the kitchen, his elbows on the table. He dropped his face in his hands, tears threatening again. But Cassidy pulled Brad back, his eyes full of worry.
“Jesus sweetheart, you’re freezing,” He whispered, taking Brad’s hand in his own, “How long were you out there?”
“Don’t know,” Brad mumbled as he started to shiver again, “Come on, we’ll find something nice and soft and warm for you to wear,” Cassidy took Brad’s hand and led him upstairs. As they entered the bedroom, Brad sat down on the edge of the bed watching Cassidy as he searched for new clothes for him. Brad frowned when he noticed the look of disappointment in Cassidy’s eyes. Standing up, Brad walked towards him and grabbed him by the wrist, “Cass, I wasn’t drinking. I wasn’t using anything,” Brad said softly, looking into Cassidy’s eyes. Cassidy sighed and Brad could see him speculating as to whether Cassidy believed him or not.
“Then why were you sitting outside in the middle of a storm?” Cassidy asked, handing Brad the clothes he had grabbed for him. Brad took the clothes and turned away, peeling off his wet ones and changing.
“Honey? Answer me. Why were you sitting outside in the rain and why the hell is your window broken?!” Cassidy asked loudly as his eyes fell upon the shattered glass.
“Damn it,” Brad muttered under his breath. He had forgotten about that. As soon as he had changed Brad turned around to face his best friend, “Let’s go downstairs,” Brad said softly, glancing at the broken glass. Cassidy nodded but Brad could see he was anxiously awaiting answers to his questions.
Once downstairs, they sat down side by side on the couch in the living room and Cassidy asked the question again, rather impatiently. Brad started with the easy answer, “I got mad and threw the phone and the window,” Brad said sheepishly.
“But why?” Cassidy asked. Brad could tell Cassidy was worried, “That sounds like something Adam would do, not you,” Cassidy continued, his words causing them both to smile. Brad sighed, ran his hands through his hair and let them rest at the back of his neck, “Cass, I wasn’t drinking. I wasn’t using either,” he said turning to look into Cassidy’s eyes, needing to tell him the truth, tell him everything and hope that Cassidy could offer him some comfort, “I thought about it, wanted to but I didn’t.”
Cassidy waited patiently for Brad to go on. He always had been an amazing listener, “I was on the phone with Adam,” Brad started softly, recounting to Cassidy what they had said and then how he had broken the window, “But why did you go and sit outside in the rain?” Cassidy asked, softly.
“I don’t know,” Brad whispered, “I just had to get out of here, away from all the memories.”
There were tears as Cassidy reached out to grab Brad’s hand, “I love him so much and I just…it feels like…I don’t think he loves me anymore!”
Brad’s tears finally fell and his words were full of sobs. That was, indeed, Brad’s greatest fear, and that was the first time he had confessed it even to himself. He had felt Adam being more and more distant, but he had never dared to let himself think for a moment that Adam may have fallen out of love.
“Oh honey, that’s not true,” Cassidy said softly as he pulled Brad into his arms.
“But it could be,” Brad cried, “I’m so scared Cass, and I’m not just making this up,” Brad went on as he clung to his friend, “He wants to hide us, as if he is suddenly ashamed of us… He's fucking ashamed of me. He doesn't want anyone to know he's fucking a twinkie. He sounds different when he talks to me. He’s so impatient. Before all this, we could show every goddamned person in the whole world that we're fucking, but now that he is getting somewhere, he says it ‘s all too risky, too much too soon, and then he goes and shows around his new boy toy. Well fuck him. Fuck him and the love I thought we had. If he's ashamed of me, of us, then I can't be with him.”
“Shhh, Brad, stop it,” Cassidy scolded gently, “Look at me and stop crying, OK?” Brad sniffled rather pathetically and looked up into Cassidy’s eyes, “Adam has not stopped loving you, I know he has not. He loves you more than anyone in the entire world, Brad. I've never seen anyone so in love with someone as he is with you. And the same goes with you baby. The love you two have for each other is what some people look for all of their lives. Drake does not stand a chance with him, trust me,” Cassidy said softly. Before Brad could protest, Cassidy went on, “Brad, listen to me,” Brad nodded and wiped at the remaining tears on his eyes. “You know how hard Adam works on something that he’s dedicated to. I mean just think of all those nights when he was the last one to leave the theater just because he needed to make sure everything was perfect,” Brad smiled, remembering all too well, “Well, you can bet he’s expecting the same amount of perfection from himself now as he was then, and even more so now because it’s just him. There is no cast out there with him to lean on and ask for support. He does not have you out there with him to turn to either.”
Brad frowned, Cassidy’s words making him think. Cassidy was right. Everything he had said so far was definitely true, “And, Brad, he’s missing you. Hearing your voice on the phone so often and not being able to see or touch you is probably making that worse,” Slowly Brad’s cynical thoughts gave way to hopeful ones. All of what Cassidy had said made sense.
Please let him be right!
Cassidy watched his friend with a smile. Brad smiled back and hugged him impulsively, “Thanks C, I don’t know what I would’ve done if you hadn’t come over.”
Cassidy hugged him back and replied, “Anytime girlfriend, anytime.”
As Brad pulled away from Cassidy’s embrace, he looked at him curiously, “What are you doing here anyway?!”
Cassidy laughed, “I thought you’d never ask. Brad, Adam called me like two hours ago. He said he had just gotten off the phone with you when he had started to worry.”
Brad looked at him incredulously, “What?” he whispered, his heart beating wildly.
Cassidy smiled softly, “When you called he was just about to go to a meeting with the producers of the show or something. That’s why he was so anxious to hang up, but Brad he heard the sadness in your voice then. And I heard the worry and love in his.”
Brad was crying again. Cassidy reached out and brushed away his tears, continuing softly, “He begged me to come here and check on you. He says he’s been worried sick about you lately, been miserable without you and he can’t wait to come home,” Brad threw his arms around Cassidy and hugged him tightly, his words bringing new hope and happiness to Brad’s heart. Suddenly Brad had a mischievous grin on his face, “I think I know what to do, girlfriend.”
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
“Brad, it’s me, please call me back. I miss you so much, baby. It’s all over baby. I didn’t win, but I am coming home tomorrow, just one more day. Brad…please call me back,” Adam repeated softly, his voice so close to breaking, “I love you.”
Adam ended the call and sat back in the limo that was taking him back to the hotel, still clutching the cell phone in hand. He had not stayed long at the party, needing to get back so he could get home as soon as possible. It had been two days since Brad’s last phone call and Adam was going out of his mind.
When are you coming home?
Adam ran his hand through his hair and stared out the window, watching the lights go by. When had Brad started sounding like that? Scared, small, alone.
Please Brad, call me back. I need to hear your voice and know you’re all right.
Adam sighed, debating on whether to call Brad again.
Oh God, if something’s happened, I’ll never forgive myself. I shouldn’t have been so short with you on the phone. Brad please…please…just talk to me.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
As Adam stepped out of the car and opened the door to their room, he instantly sensed Brad’s presence in the house. Slowly, he climbed up the stairs and walked to the bedroom. A dim glow lit the room and the slight scent of roses filled the air. Adam walked into the bedroom area and gasped in surprise. There among candles and rose petals was Brad, lying on the bed. He smiled shyly, his deep brown eyes shining and looking almost gold from the reflection of the soft candlelight. He looked absolutely beautiful. A lump caught in Adam’s throat. The love he saw shimmering in Brad’s eyes was so passionate and so powerful that Adam never wanted to look away. He wanted to drown in Brad’s eyes, in him.
“Surprise,” Brad said softly, the voice Adam had been longing to hear sending chills up his spine. Adam smiled as he watched Brad play nervously with the sheets. Adam could tell Brad wanted to explain, to tell him something but he was nervous.
“You look tired, baby. Come to bed,” Brad whispered softly.
“I don’t plan on sleeping,” Adam replied slowly, “Not right now anyway. Right now I want to talk to you.”
Color rushed into Brad’s face and he seemed momentarily stricken. For all that he had craved time with Adam to have a chance for some private conversation, Brad was inexplicably taken aback by Adam’s moment of choice.
“We can talk later. You must be exhausted. You need to rest,” Brad said through stiff lips as Adam approached him.
“I need to spend some time with you,” Adam countered softly as he sat down on the edge of the bed, taking Brad by the hand. He seemed both determined and serious yet he was very gentle.
“Thank you for doing all this…for me,” Adam murmured, leaning closer toward Brad, “I love you for doing something like this for me, especially after I’ve been such a shit to you lately.”
Brad opened his mouth to protest. Adam shook his head.
“I know I’ve been shutting you out too much over the past little while. I’m sorry, baby…that’s the last thing I should be doing. I keep telling myself that it’s because I’m trying to protect you...that by bringing Drake into the picture, I only wanted the spotlight off of you…that I was sharing so little information with you about the whole situation just because I thought what you didn’t knew would not hurt you…that I know how much this whole nonsense has hurt you and I don’t want to upset you any more than you already are. But to be honest, that was probably just a cop-out. I’ve just been too scared to talk to you, Brad...that’s probably the real reason.”
Brad seemed first shocked and then, to Adam’s dismay, deeply hurt.
“Why?” he whispered.
Adam was already holding one of Brad’s hands; now he took the other in his warm grasp and bent his head to kiss them.
“Because I’ve been afraid that you have some things you want to say to me that I might not be ready to hear. That you think this is all my fault. That you’re really angry with me. That you feel like I have ruined your life, your peace. That you feel things are going to change between us,” Adam smiled a little sadly, “Or that you think maybe they already have....”
“Of course not!” Brad said, very shaken.
“No? I’ve put you in the most difficult situation imaginable, baby. For any human being. I know that. I’ve embarrassed you and hurt you and betrayed you and given you a whole lot of reasons to be pretty ashamed of me. I’m afraid that I’ve backed you into a corner and you feel like you can’t get out…and that…you want to get out…get away…from me.”
Brad did not answer but his gaze flickered away guiltily. Adam felt his heart contract and tried to continue as evenly as he could.
“I’ve upset you so much, and then exactly when you needed me to be there for you, I haven’t been,” he mumbled.
“It’s not like I have been with you every step of your journey either, Adam.”
“But you have,” Adam corrected gently, “In every possible way. You’ve done nothing but try your hardest to keep me sane...to make me feel less terrified...to encourage me that I can do this,” Lifting one hand he rubbed his knuckles along the line of Brad’s jaw, “To make me feel loved...”
Brad’s head drooped a little more. Adam could see the tension that was hardening Brad’s shoulders and the almost imperceptible way Brad was drawing back into himself.
“You’ve been trying so hard,” Adam whispered, “What are you so afraid of, baby? Are you afraid of losing me?”
Brad stiffened, eyes on his lap.
“No,” Brad said almost inaudibly, but there was an immediate contradiction in the huge tears that welled beneath lowered lids.
Adam gently ran his fingers through his lover’s hair, “I think you are,” he said very emotionally, “Almost as afraid as I am that this is going to drive you away from me.”
Unable to control himself, Brad started to tremble.
“Please don’t say that,” Brad choked.
Adam touched Brad’s chin, trying to lift his face, “Brad, I need to ask you...I should have asked you a long time ago, right at the beginning of all this...I made assumptions and I was wrong...I never should have let this go on so long without asking you to be up front with me about how you feel.”
Brad stared at him, eyes wide and glistening.
“I have been,” he whispered.
“No,” Adam whispered back, “Not really,” His hand returned to thread through Brad’s hair, “Not the way I need you to be.”
“I have,” Brad insisted again and seemed inordinately distressed by any suggestion otherwise, no matter how close it came to the truth. Adam caught at Brad’s restless hands and held them still.
“Then I need you to tell me again,” he said quietly, “So there are no misunderstandings.”
Brad shifted very uncomfortably and Adam tightened his grip on his hands until Brad’s gaze was forced back to his. His voice was firm but incredibly gentle.
“Please, sweetheart. I need you to tell me exactly where you stand in all of this.”
“Right beside you,” Brad said almost desperately.
“Are you sure? Are you sure you still want to be with me with everything I’m putting you through? Are you sure that you don’t want out? Are you sure I’m not just driving you away?”
“Please!” Brad said in agony, “Please don’t say things like that! That’s not how I feel!”
Brad tried to push Adam away. Little pockets of guilt began breaking open inside, filling him with all the remorse that he’d been struggling to hide and followed almost immediately by anger, with resentment and frustration and all the other conflicting emotions that had been tormenting him. Adam held him still, aware he was risking an all out panic attack if Brad began to feel too threatened. When Brad tried to free himself to stand up, Adam simply pulled him back down onto his lap, closing his arms around Brad tightly and hugging him close to him until Brad slumped down on his shoulder in defeat.
“Tell me,” Adam begged.
Brad had been forced to face up to a great deal of personal pain in his life but that was something he would never have guessed would cut so deep or hurt so intensely. When it came out, it came out in an a confused and broken stammer yet there was nothing he said to Adam in his tearful confession that seemed to shake him; to him they seemed to be the perfectly natural fears of a man forced into a most uncomfortable position and even the sense of resentment and residual guilt over it all seemed to Adam to be understandable by-products of shock and uncertainty.
“Right now, I am so ashamed of who I am, of what I am,” Brad said finally, dull with the weight of his own admission, “If I was better, if I was stronger, maybe you wouldn’t feel like you have to protect me. I’m not…maybe I am not good enough for you. I might end up ruining things for you. This is your future we are talking about here, Adam. You can do much better than me.”
“Oh God, baby boy, never! Never! Never be ashamed of who and what you are, remember? People are always going to look down on us for some reason or another, but we should never be afraid to be who we are because of that. That’s the first thing I have ever learnt from you; That we should do things for ourselves because we can't make everyone happy all the time, that the only person we need to worry about is us. Do you remember that?”
Brad merely nodded.
“God, you have no idea how ashamed I am right at this moment,” Adam murmured, kissing Brad’s brow and rocking him gently, “Everything I do, I end up hurting you. I’m just afraid that in the end, this whole situation is going to drive you away from me.”
Brad burrowed against him.
“Nothing will drive me away,” he whispered.
“I guess that’s what I really need to know,” Adam said huskily, “What I should have asked you in the first place. That you’ll do this with me, that we can handle all this together. I can’t do it without you, baby. I can’t risk losing you over fame or fortune or anything else.”
Brad locked his arms around Adam’s neck, crying all down the front of Adam’s chest and hiccuping emotional promises in between sobs. The lump of anxiety that had been such a dead weight inside began to crumble under the fervent affirmations he received in return and by the time they had calmed down after a long and mutual cry they were both drained and exhausted by the experience.
Adam finally titled Brad’s head up by his fingers and gently pressed his mouth to Brad’s. As their kisses deepened so did the intense desire they always felt for each other. Adam ran his hands up Brad’s arms and into his hair, his fingers weaving their way through Brad’s soft hair. His lips parted eagerly under the feel of Brad’s tongue. They kissed each other hungrily, tongues tangling and tasting as much as they could as quickly as they could. They were starved for each other. Adam was like water to Brad’s parched heart, his thirsting soul. Every touch of their skin, their mouths made Brad shudder in need and desire. Adam’s hands found their way under Brad’s shirt and soon they both broke apart to quickly remove it as well as Adam’s shirt.
“God, I’ve missed you,” Brad whispered hungrily, capturing Adam’s mouth with his own once again.
“Me too,” Adam replied feverishly. He kept one hand on the back of Brad’s neck, sliding the other down Brad’s spine to his lower back. He kissed Brad deeply, tracing Brad’s lips with his tongue before pushing into Brad’s mouth. He licked at the roof of Brad’s mouth, the underside of his tongue, all the while his hands pulling Brad as close as possible. His hand on Brad’s back slipped lower grabbing Brad’s ass and pulling their hips tightly together, “Oh fuck baby,” Brad moaned as they finally broke their kiss in order to breathe. Brad took Adam’s hips in his hands and moved them against his own, pushing their erections together as he guided them both to lie down on the bed, with Adam half on top of Brad.
He felt Adam’s fingers dig into his skin as his head fell back. Brad leaned forward to suck and nibble on Adam’s tender neck, making sure to pay special attention to the vein that popped out there. After a few more moments Brad pulled back and looked down into Adam’s face, smiling at what he saw there. Adam’s eyes were glazed over with pleasure and love, his face flushed, his lips wet and swollen. Adam reached up and pulled Brad down again, kissing him softly.
“I want to make love to you,” Adam breathed huskily.
Brad’s brow dipped a little as if in thought and then there was a faint nod. To Adam’s dismay, Brad gently edged away and tried straddling Adam. Adam’s hand landed on Brad’s hip, making him once again to lie on his back, beside him.
“That’s not what I mean,” he said, very gentle. Brad looked briefly distressed, as if sensing that he’d done something to displease Adam but he was already pulling Brad back down into place, this time hooking one arm and leg over him in a protective cuddle.
He nuzzled Brad’s cheek, half teasing and half very serious, “Didn’t you hear me? I said I want to make love to you. I want you to feel good, as good as I feel right now, having you where I want, in my arms.”
“I already feel good,” Brad mumbled back, suddenly awkward. Adam, understanding a great deal more about Brad’s feelings now than he had before, just kept kissing along Brad’s jaw line until he reached his ear, determined to gently overcome any of Brad’s reluctance to let down the rest of Brad’s emotional guard with him.
“I think maybe you can take a little more,” Adam whispered. Brad shivered in response but made no further move to discourage him and Adam settled into a long and leisurely exploration that gradually calmed Brad until he felt pliant and relaxed in Adam’s arms. Adam had quite gently turned the tables on Brad and Brad was now almost unaware that Adam was trying to comfort and reassure him of his love in the most tangible way.
Adam kissed Brad briefly before making his way to Brad’s neck. Brad’s fingers tangled in his hair and held Adam against him as Adam continued to suck at Brad’s skin. Moments later Adam went lower, kissing and sucking at each of Brad’s nipples and trailing his tongue further down Brad’s chest. Every moan, every gasp for air that escaped Brad’s lips made Adam harder and harder. For Adam, Brad was so fucking sexy and he could never get enough. As he sucked and nibbled on Brad’s stomach, Adam ran his hands down Brad’s sides, over his hips and then his thighs. His tongue dipped into Brad’s navel. Brad yanked on Adam’s hair and moaned, his voice low and breathy. Adam smiled wickedly, loving the fact that he could make Brad look so undone, so utterly debauched.
Adam slid one hand underneath Brad and sought his puckered hole with his finger. He slid it in slowly, quickly finding Brad’s prostate and stroking relentlessly. With a small smile, Adam kissed Brad again and then reached over to the nightstand, fumbling with the objects there until he found what he needed. He squeezed a liberal amount of lube into his hand, staring into Brad’s eyes as he stroked his cock, spreading the lube over it.
Brad’s lips met Adam’s, kissing him slowly and deeply as Adam positioned himself between Brad’s legs. Adam reached for a nearby pillow and slid it underneath Brad’s hips. Once again Adam grasped Brad’s hips, positioning himself between Brad’s spread legs and pushed inside of him. He heard Brad draw in a breath, his fingers digging into the skin of Adam’s upper arms.
Adam lifted his head to stare at Brad as Brad’s lashes fluttered briefly and his lips parted with a soft little moan and when his gaze rose back to Adam’s, Adam almost felt his heart break as Brad’s body finally reconnected with his. Brad’s eyes were suddenly soft with anticipation and pleasure - all unmistakable signs that he was finally beginning to lose himself in the sensation building between them.
It was all Adam needed to see. He knew perfectly well that he could have had Brad crying out for him long before now but it would not have been enough; he wanted to feel Brad’s own instinctive response and be reassured that Brad was allowing himself to take what he needed from Adam, both physically and emotionally, in the most intimate way possible.
Adam touched Brad’s face with one hand as Brad stared back at him, breath ragged.
“There he is,” Adam whispered almost reverently, “There’s my beautiful boy. I’ve missed you so much, baby. I’ve missed making you feel this way. Don’t you know how good it is for me when I see you like this? Don’t you know that I love loving you like this?”
With a soft whimper, Brad reached up for him. In response, Adam slid his hands beneath Brad’s hips, causing him to gasp and shudder and from that point forward everything was one mutual expression of love after another. There was nothing demanding or urgent about it; they were simply sharing a deeply personal moment and even the pleasure came in a reassuring wave that did not ebb but remained afterward to cover them both in a warm, supple blanket of contentment.
"Welcome home, baby," Brad whispered.
Adam squeezed his ass, "So good to be home."
