Leap of Faith - Chapter 31
Mar. 20th, 2010 10:16 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
something_rareTitle: Leap of Faith
Pairing: Jensen Ackles / Jared Padalecki (eventually), Mentions of Jensen/OMC, Jared/OMC and Others
Other Characters: Tom Welling, Chris Kane, Danneel Harris, Misha Collins
Rating: NC17
Word Count: 4,398
Disclaimer: 100% Pure Fiction
Note: None of this would be possible and readable without my awesome beta,![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
bigj52 . I learn from you everyday.
Summary: AU / Everybody has a dream. Some people make their dreams come true. Some just let their life slip by thinking about it.
Chapter 31:
Jared awoke with the distinct feeling of numbness in some areas and pain in others. It was as if his brain had begun processing what his body was feeling all at once. He cried out in pain and was greeted with some sort of intrusion into his body, probably a syringe.
"Jared, it's good of you to join us again. You gave us quite a scare there."
Jared looked to the direction of the voice and was able to make out the form of a man in a white lab coat.
"I know by now you're probably feeling some discomfort in your body and that's quite normal for the injuries you've sustained and I promise that I'll give you something for it soon but right now, my top concern is to keep your blood pressure stabilized."
Jared wanted to respond but all that he managed to get out was a strangled gasp for water.
"Of course you're thirsty, Jared. For the past few days you've been fed through an IV tube."
The doctor walked over to a table at the far end of the room and poured the contents of the plastic jug into a cup. He walked over to Jared and held the glass to his lips. The first drops of liquid seemed to incite a thirst in Jared that made him become frantic, suddenly gripping the cup with both hands and tilting it to his lips, succeeding in forcing more water to dribble down his chin and his chest rather than in his mouth.
"Let's elevate this a bit, shall we?"
And with that, the doctor pressed a switch that enabled the bed to elevate to a sitting position. Jared was grateful for the change in position and was able to quickly finish his glass and ask for another.
"Good. It's encouraging that you're thirsty. If you keep this up, we'll probably have you try eating some solid food for dinner tonight. Maybe some mashed potatoes and gravy."
"Or some steak and bakes," Jared chimed in.
The doctor smiled and responded with a, "Steak and bakes it is, though we'll probably have someone in here to monitor that you only eat small pieces."
"Whatever you have to do as long as I get to eat soon, I'm starving," Jared stated, his throat beginning to tighten up and become scratchy.
"Water?" The doctor asked, already walking away from Jared to get it.
It seemed that only a moment passed before Jared realized that he had to take a leak and his reflexes took over. He attempted to move his legs to get up off the bed but came to realize that he couldn't even feel them. His eyes turned to the doctor for an explanation.
"What's wrong with my legs? I can't feel them, I can't move them," Jared's words trailed off as he waited for the doctors' words of comfort that it was only a temporary problem, something that time and medication could fix, but silence was all that greeted him.
"Doc?" Jared started to say but was cut off by the opening of the door. He looked past the doctor and for a moment, the questions on his mind evaporated into thin air as he saw who had just entered his room.
"Oh my god...Jared," Jensen's voice was low and hoarse, but Jared could hear the jubilation in it, and that made him all the more happy to see Jensen. Jensen stood over by the door, seemingly shocked into place by Jared's miraculous awakening, but soon enough he got the courage to walk up to Jared and reach for his hand. Jared reached and pulled Jensen down to him, connecting his lips to Jensen's. And despite what Jared knew was a case of bad breath on his part, he held the back of Jensen's head to him and tried to make it last as long as possible. And if it wasn't for the doctor clearing his throat, they would probably have kept on going and going and going.
Jared let go of Jensen's head and looked into his eyes. They didn't hold their usual pep that Jared knew them to have but told him of all the heartache Jensen had gone through since Jared had been in the hospital.
"I missed you, baby," Jared muttered, pulling Jensen to him once again, this time in an embrace.
"Me, too," Jensen managed to utter back.
Jared never wanted their embrace to end, but the question that he had begun to pursue before Jensen's arrival found its way to the forefront of his mind once again.
He held onto Jensen's hand as he asked the question to the doctor again, and by the look of foreboding on his face, Jared had a feeling that he wouldn't like what he heard.
The doctor cleared his throat and began speaking, "I think we should talk about this when you've gotten back a little bit of your strength,-"
"I want to know what's wrong with me now, doc. I want to know what you know."
Again the doctor tried to evade Jared, but after being in the dark for so long, Jared wasn't having it.
"I have a right to know what's wrong with me," he started, "and you'd better tell me."
Jared could hear the irritation in his voice and tried to remind himself that it wasn't the doctor's fault he was in that position.
"Fine, but I have to advise you that our information is just preliminary. We're still running tests and we haven't concluded anything as of yet," he stated, looking from Jared to Jensen.
When neither of them responded, the doctor continued, "Fine. What we've found so far is that you've sustained a substantial loss of blood from a bullet piercing your kidney. You've also fractured your spine. We haven't determined this for certain as of yet but we think that the damage done to your spine may be irreversible."
Jared heard the doctor's words but he didn't understand them, and he told him so.
"What I'm trying to tell you is that what your experiencing now, no feeling in your lower extremities, it may not be a temporary situation."
Those words cut through Jared like a knife and he found himself unable to speak.
"You could be wrong though, couldn't you? It could only be a temporary situation, couldn't it? You don't know for an absolute fact that he may never walk again, do you?" Jensen's words were imploring and it gave Jared a sense of pride knowing that Jensen was there to lend support to both of them when
Jared was unable to do it.
"No, I don't. We still have more tests to run and even if the tests conclude that Jared is, in fact, paralyzed, there may be a chance that all of this is reversible. I've seen similar cases before where patients have made reasonable recoveries."
"So you're saying there's still a chance then,-" Jensen continued.
"No, I'm saying that we still have more tests to run and when we find out what is what, we'll go from there. I don't want to get your hopes up, nor do I want to dash them, so I recommend we just wait and see."
It took all Jared could to hold his tongue and to urge Jensen to do the same. He didn't want that to be the prognosis, and in his mind, it was better to wait for the test results before starting to worry about what would have to be done if... he didn't even want to think of that being a possibility, so he shut it out.
"I want to have time alone with Jensen," Jared said, not looking in the doctor's direction.
"Sure, sure. I'll give you until 2:15, and then he has to come back tomorrow. We've got to get you into observation and soon."
Jared looked up at the clock and saw that it was already 1:30, not leaving much time for them, but he planned to make the most out of it. As soon as the doctor left the room, he did. He reached up and pulled Jensen down to him once more and kissed him as if it was their last day together. Jensen didn't resist him, instead, using the opportunity to feel Jared up.
"I love you so much, Jensen. I really do," he repeated, over and over again, as if his words had fallen on deaf ears.
"I know you do, baby, and I love you, too," Jared responded, holding onto Jensen with the little strength that he had left. They embraced for what seemed like forever until Jared's arms grew tired and he found that he needed to rest them by his side.
"Jensen, hold up, hold up," Jared managed to get out.
"What, what's the matter, Jared? Did I hurt you? Are you OK?"
"Yeah, I'm fine, I just need a break," With that, Jensen pulled away from him, but not out of his reach. Jensen's hand found Jared's and gently held it. Jared had to admit that it felt damn good, damn familiar, something that he needed at the moment. He needed that feeling to help him to keep his mind off the real issue. He knew he would eventually have to deal with it but that wasn't the right time.
"So... how are you... feeling?" The tone of Jensen's words told Jared that he was nervous, maybe even afraid to ask Jared any questions pertaining to what had happened. Why Jensen would feel like that, Jared didn't know, but he was determined to put Jensen's mind at ease.
"Ah, could be better, but I'm cool. I am not feeling that much pain either. Don't worry, Jensen, things are going to get better."
"You really think so?" Jensen asked, worriedly.
"Yeah. It's going to take some time but things are going to be all right."
That seemed to get Jensen to relax a little as he gently gave Jared's hand a little love tap and smiled Jared's way. That smile lit up Jensen's whole face, and Jared couldn't help but pull Jensen's lips to his. Jensen seemed happy at Jared's response as he pressed into Jared further and ran his hand over the back of Jared's head. Jared was anxious to see how far Jensen would go, but the opening of the hospital door caused Jensen to quickly sit up and away from him. When he backed away, Jared looked to see what had caused the interruption, and saw the doctor. Jared looked towards the clock and saw that it was almost two forty five, way past visiting hours. He looked at Jensen and sighed. Jensen leaned into him and kissed him on the lips one more time before telling Jared he loved him and that he would soon be back.
"If you want, you can wait in the lounge until after his observation. It could be an hour to a few hours, but that'll give you a chance to get something to eat and get some rest, and if you want, I can wake you up when he's done here."
The doctor's word brought a smile to Jensen's face, and Jared could see that he was on the verge of saying 'yes', so he interjected,
"You should go home, baby, and come back tomorrow," Jared started.
"No... no, I want to be here when you finish up, Jared. I don't want to leave your side for anything."
"No, you need your sleep. Look at you, you look as if you're about to have a case of narcolepsy."
"I can manage,-" Jensen started, but Jared interjected this time,
"No, I'll be OK. I just need a bit of alone time, OK, and some rest. I want to be refreshed and alert when I see you next, and I want you to go home and get some sleep."
Jensen was poised to object, but one look from Jared had him agreeing.
"Fine, but I'll be back first thing tomorrow morning, OK?"
"Ok," Jared replied, pulling Jensen into himself and hugging him tight.
"I love you," Jared whispered into his ear.
"I know," Jensen whispered back, and turned his head to kiss Jared's cheek. He released Jared, and stood up, his hands jammed into his pockets.
"Well, Jared, a technician will be down shortly to bring you up to an observation room."
"OK," Jared responded with his eyes still fixed on Jensen. He noticed Jared's stare and walked back over to him and leaned down to kiss him one final time.
"I don't want to leave, but I'm going to because you asked me to, but I'll be back," he whispered, and when he leaned away from Jared slightly, his eyes were filled with tears.
"Shh, don't cry, baby. You'll see me tomorrow, I promise," Jared whispered, trying to reassure Jensen.
"I know," Jensen managed to stutter out, as a steady stream of tears cascaded down his cheeks and onto Jared's gown. Jared reached and pulled Jensen into himself once again, and kissed the side of Jensen's cheek for the longest time, until he heard the door open again, and looked over Jensen's shoulder to see the technician walk into the room pulling with him a portable gurney.
Jensen pulled away reluctantly and leaned away from him. Jared tried to offer up a smile that would hopefully ease Jensen's mind, but all it seemed to do was cause more tears to fall. Jared was about to pull Jensen into him, but sensing his move, Jensen pulled away from Jared, and with a quick `see you later', he walked out of the room closing the door behind him.
"Well, are you ready, Mr. Padalecki?" asked the technician, seemingly oblivious to the turmoil that Jared was going through.
"Yeah," Jared managed to get out, "I'm ready." And with that, the technician, along with the doctor, helped Jared unto the gurney, and the technician rolled him out of the room.
_______________________________
Chris had tried convincing himself that he was there not only to see Misha, but to catch up on things with old friends. When he had moved away to LA, he had left behind a lot of acquaintances, most not even memorable, but, nonetheless, people he had known in his previous life: drunks, sex addicts, a few drug users, and more than his fair share of tricks. Not something that Chris was proud to admit, but that was a part of his life, one that he could never go back and change. Even though Chris had not thought about them much, he found himself using them as an excuse to drive down to Nashville so that he wouldn't have to face the real reason he was there - to see Misha. They had spoken last night on the phone, and Misha had spent most of the time telling Chris how much he appreciated Chris's declaration of love for him, but that maybe he should take some time to think about what he was saying, which was strange, coming from a man that had always been upfront about his feelings for Chris. But it was what Misha had said, and Chris could somewhat understand Misha's reluctance to take his words at face value, not when he had been so adamant about wanting to take things slow. But during that brief time between leaving the message and hearing Misha's response, Chris had had enough time to realize that he meant what he had said. He truly loved Misha, and behind his cover story lay the real truth why he had taken time off to drive back to Nashville, risk falling back into his old habits, and possibly risking a part of him he never knew existed, his heart. But whatever happened Chris wasn't about to turn back around and chump out of it. As he pulled into the parking lot of the hospital, he took a deep breath. The urge to cross the street and to buy a pack of smokes was overwhelming, but to his knowledge, Misha didn't smoke and he didn't want Misha to see him after all that time and recall later on that the highlight of seeing him was his smokers' breath. He exited the car and walked through the automatic sliding door to the reception desk. The redhead in front of him in the white nurse's uniform looked up from her chart and spoke to him,
"How can I help you, sir?"
"Yeah, hi, um, is Dr. Misha Collins here?" Chris asked, putting his hands in his pockets to keep them from shaking. She pulled out a silver binder and flipped through till she arrived at the right page.
"Yes, he's on call today, how may I help you?"
"Um, could you just let me know where I could find him?"
"Sir, he's very busy today. If you're a patient, then you can take a seat and I'll see if Dr. Collins is accepting any unannounced patients."
"No, I'm a friend of his from LA," Chris announced.
"Name?" The nurse asked, looking up. Chris was reluctant to give her his name and he knew that she wouldn't have just let him through so he decided to just tell her half the truth.
"Hey, Lisa," Chris said, reading her name tag that was pinned high onto her ample chest, "I drove in from LA to see Misha. He's an old college buddy of mine and I haven't seen him in like forever. He isn't expecting me, and I just want to surprise him, you know. So could you just show me his office, or something? Help a friend out." Chris gave his my most charming look, but all it seemed to accomplish was to get a laugh out of her.
"Listen, sweetheart. This is one of the biggest hospitals in Nashville, and we have a staff of over one hundred and fifty doctors, who possibly have over a hundred and fifty college buddies a piece. It's against regulation for me to let you back unless you're a patient or family, and from what I've heard you're neither. So what you need to do is give me a name, and I'll give him a page."
It was hard for Chris to get upset with her, especially when she was being so sweet, but the need to see Misha outweighed that fact.
"What the fuck difference does it make, Lisa, whether you page him or I go back there unannounced? The guy knows me, for Gods' sake," Chris's voice had risen a bit, and he turned to see a security officer turn his way. Lisa seemed to notice it too for she smiled at Chris tight-lipped and spoke,
"You see that beefy stud muffin over there? That happens to be my husband, and if you don't step the hell away from my desk, I just might be inclined to call him over."
That was enough to put Chris in check as he bid her a less than pleasant farewell, and walked out to his car. He figured that Misha would have to come out at some point in time for dinner or something, and when he did, Chris would make his move.
_______________________________
Chris looked at the clock on the dashboard and saw that it was past ten p.m. He had been waiting for almost six hours and he was beginning to lose all feeling in his feet. He had walked around the lot and had spotted Misha's car, so he knew that he was still there, but that did little to comfort him as he was freezing. Just when he decided that maybe it was time for him to just forget the whole plan and give Misha a call, Misha walked out of the automated doors with two other colleagues in tow. They parted ways at his car and Chris watched as Misha searched his jacket pocket for his keys. Chris took that as his cue to move. He quietly opened his car door and walked quietly towards Misha's turned back, and just as Misha pressed his car alarm, Chris pounced on Misha from behind covering the back of Misha's neck with his lips. It seemed like a good idea when he thought it up but seeing Misha's reaction made him rethink his position. Misha's elbow connected with Chris's stomach, and when he was doubled over, Misha's knee connected with his nose. Chris fell back into a tree and slid painfully to the ground.
"Shit, Misha, it's me!" Chris cried out, holding his nose with his hands.
"Chris," Misha said, tentatively at first, as if he wasn't sure it was Chris, and then he stared into Chris's face, a look of shock etched onto his.
"Oh, God, I'm so sorry, baby, I didn't know it was you. What are you doing here? Are you OK? Come on, let me take you inside and check to see if you're OK," Misha's voice was remorseful and almost made up for the fact that Chris's nose felt as if it had been split in half.
"No, I'm fine. It's just a nose bleed."
"Don't be ridiculous, Chris. Jesus Christ, I could have broken your nose. What were you doing sneaking up on me like that? I thought you were a mugger or something. And you still haven't told me what you're doing here."
As Misha bombarded him with questions, Chris had an opportunity to look into the face that he hadn't seen in weeks, and all he could think of was how much he missed Misha.
"What?" Misha asked, when he picked up on Chris staring. It was unnerving him no end, as he began to blush furiously, and tried his best to avoid Chris's prolonged stare.
Chris held his nose, trying to prevent the blood from gushing down onto his white shirt, while at the same time trying to hear his own voice over that of his pounding heart. Without thinking of those things anymore, Chris told Misha, "I love you."
Those words weren't said in a flustered moment, nor were they said in the heat of the moment, but rather they were said at the right moment, the moment when Chris went through what Misha had probably been going through for the past few months. The stars seemed to be shining a little brighter and Chris couldn't even imagine his life without Misha in it.
"I know," Misha's voice brought Chris back to reality, and he couldn't help but smile.
"And you believe me?"
"I always have, Chris," Chris had to admit he was relieved to hear that, "Now can we get you inside and checked out, please, before you bleed to death?" Misha added.
"OK, OK, now we can get this checked out," Chris stated, taking Misha's hand and following his lead. As they started walking towards the entrance Chris spoke again, "Boy, you got a punch on you."
Misha seemed to find the humor in it as he responded with, "I know but I'm a lover, not a fighter."
It was a cheesy line, even coming from Misha, but it was something that Chris held on to. And for some reason, he needed to hear that, to know that was what they were to each other, and what they planned to do with each other. He was fed up with the childish bullshit and needed Misha's's reassurance that they were through with their petty fighting.
"So, I take it you're happy to see me?" Chris assumed, holding his head back slightly to contain the bleeding.
"More than happy," Misha whispered, and with that, he leaned in and kissed Chris slowly on the lips. It was brief but it was all the reassurance Chris needed.
_______________________________
Misha's head rested on Chris's chest as he played with his black hair that he had allowed to grow out a little. Misha looked up at Chris and smiled, taking the tender moment to kiss Chris's chest ever so slowly.
"I want to make love again," Misha whispered, trailing his fingers down until he reached Chris's boxers.
"Soon," Chris promised, "but first, I want to talk."
Misha looked up at Chris, his eyes widening at the prospect.
"You want to talk rather than have sex, unbelievable!"
"Funny, smart ass. Keep that up and you'll be using your hand tonight," Chris teased, leaning in to kiss Misha's forehead.
"You know I'm just kidding. If you want to talk, then we'll talk." With that, Misha sat up as did Chris and he turned to face him.
"Well, I, um, I like how things seem to be turning out for us. But there is a problem that I don't see us working around."
Misha looked up at Chris worriedly, and began absentmindedly biting his lower lip.
"What problem?" He asked.
"This distance thing," Chris stated.
"Chris..." Misha started, and stopped, as Chris put a finger to his lips to silence him.
"It's not going to work, Misha. I need you right there with me or else I might, I might resort to my old ways, and I don't want that. But at the same time I don't feel it’s right for me to ask you to move, so I've come to a conclusion."
"Which is?" Misha asked, hesitantly.
"Well, of course I'll have to ask your permission first, but I'm going to be moving back up this way, and if it's OK with you, I want to move in here with you, or we can get a place together, kind of like a fresh start, you know."
A smile began to slowly spread across Misha's face.
"Are you serious, Chris, no bullshitting? You're moving back and in here?"
"If it's OK with you," Chris said. For a moment, he thought Misha was about to cry, but instead, he flung himself into Chris's arms and started to kiss the side of his neck.
"You damn well know it's OK with me. I can't believe you'd want to do this."
"Well, if you're not sure...," Chris teased.
"Shut up, Chris, you know I'm sure. Now, can we have sex? All this sentimentality is starting to get to me. I might think you're going soft," Misha teased in return, looking up at Chris.
"I'll show you soft," Chris growled, leaning into Misha and kissing him roughly before reaching over and turning off the light.
Chapter 32
Pairing: Jensen Ackles / Jared Padalecki (eventually), Mentions of Jensen/OMC, Jared/OMC and Others
Other Characters: Tom Welling, Chris Kane, Danneel Harris, Misha Collins
Rating: NC17
Word Count: 4,398
Disclaimer: 100% Pure Fiction
Note: None of this would be possible and readable without my awesome beta,
bigj52 . I learn from you everyday.Summary: AU / Everybody has a dream. Some people make their dreams come true. Some just let their life slip by thinking about it.
Chapter 31:
Jared awoke with the distinct feeling of numbness in some areas and pain in others. It was as if his brain had begun processing what his body was feeling all at once. He cried out in pain and was greeted with some sort of intrusion into his body, probably a syringe.
"Jared, it's good of you to join us again. You gave us quite a scare there."
Jared looked to the direction of the voice and was able to make out the form of a man in a white lab coat.
"I know by now you're probably feeling some discomfort in your body and that's quite normal for the injuries you've sustained and I promise that I'll give you something for it soon but right now, my top concern is to keep your blood pressure stabilized."
Jared wanted to respond but all that he managed to get out was a strangled gasp for water.
"Of course you're thirsty, Jared. For the past few days you've been fed through an IV tube."
The doctor walked over to a table at the far end of the room and poured the contents of the plastic jug into a cup. He walked over to Jared and held the glass to his lips. The first drops of liquid seemed to incite a thirst in Jared that made him become frantic, suddenly gripping the cup with both hands and tilting it to his lips, succeeding in forcing more water to dribble down his chin and his chest rather than in his mouth.
"Let's elevate this a bit, shall we?"
And with that, the doctor pressed a switch that enabled the bed to elevate to a sitting position. Jared was grateful for the change in position and was able to quickly finish his glass and ask for another.
"Good. It's encouraging that you're thirsty. If you keep this up, we'll probably have you try eating some solid food for dinner tonight. Maybe some mashed potatoes and gravy."
"Or some steak and bakes," Jared chimed in.
The doctor smiled and responded with a, "Steak and bakes it is, though we'll probably have someone in here to monitor that you only eat small pieces."
"Whatever you have to do as long as I get to eat soon, I'm starving," Jared stated, his throat beginning to tighten up and become scratchy.
"Water?" The doctor asked, already walking away from Jared to get it.
It seemed that only a moment passed before Jared realized that he had to take a leak and his reflexes took over. He attempted to move his legs to get up off the bed but came to realize that he couldn't even feel them. His eyes turned to the doctor for an explanation.
"What's wrong with my legs? I can't feel them, I can't move them," Jared's words trailed off as he waited for the doctors' words of comfort that it was only a temporary problem, something that time and medication could fix, but silence was all that greeted him.
"Doc?" Jared started to say but was cut off by the opening of the door. He looked past the doctor and for a moment, the questions on his mind evaporated into thin air as he saw who had just entered his room.
"Oh my god...Jared," Jensen's voice was low and hoarse, but Jared could hear the jubilation in it, and that made him all the more happy to see Jensen. Jensen stood over by the door, seemingly shocked into place by Jared's miraculous awakening, but soon enough he got the courage to walk up to Jared and reach for his hand. Jared reached and pulled Jensen down to him, connecting his lips to Jensen's. And despite what Jared knew was a case of bad breath on his part, he held the back of Jensen's head to him and tried to make it last as long as possible. And if it wasn't for the doctor clearing his throat, they would probably have kept on going and going and going.
Jared let go of Jensen's head and looked into his eyes. They didn't hold their usual pep that Jared knew them to have but told him of all the heartache Jensen had gone through since Jared had been in the hospital.
"I missed you, baby," Jared muttered, pulling Jensen to him once again, this time in an embrace.
"Me, too," Jensen managed to utter back.
Jared never wanted their embrace to end, but the question that he had begun to pursue before Jensen's arrival found its way to the forefront of his mind once again.
He held onto Jensen's hand as he asked the question to the doctor again, and by the look of foreboding on his face, Jared had a feeling that he wouldn't like what he heard.
The doctor cleared his throat and began speaking, "I think we should talk about this when you've gotten back a little bit of your strength,-"
"I want to know what's wrong with me now, doc. I want to know what you know."
Again the doctor tried to evade Jared, but after being in the dark for so long, Jared wasn't having it.
"I have a right to know what's wrong with me," he started, "and you'd better tell me."
Jared could hear the irritation in his voice and tried to remind himself that it wasn't the doctor's fault he was in that position.
"Fine, but I have to advise you that our information is just preliminary. We're still running tests and we haven't concluded anything as of yet," he stated, looking from Jared to Jensen.
When neither of them responded, the doctor continued, "Fine. What we've found so far is that you've sustained a substantial loss of blood from a bullet piercing your kidney. You've also fractured your spine. We haven't determined this for certain as of yet but we think that the damage done to your spine may be irreversible."
Jared heard the doctor's words but he didn't understand them, and he told him so.
"What I'm trying to tell you is that what your experiencing now, no feeling in your lower extremities, it may not be a temporary situation."
Those words cut through Jared like a knife and he found himself unable to speak.
"You could be wrong though, couldn't you? It could only be a temporary situation, couldn't it? You don't know for an absolute fact that he may never walk again, do you?" Jensen's words were imploring and it gave Jared a sense of pride knowing that Jensen was there to lend support to both of them when
Jared was unable to do it.
"No, I don't. We still have more tests to run and even if the tests conclude that Jared is, in fact, paralyzed, there may be a chance that all of this is reversible. I've seen similar cases before where patients have made reasonable recoveries."
"So you're saying there's still a chance then,-" Jensen continued.
"No, I'm saying that we still have more tests to run and when we find out what is what, we'll go from there. I don't want to get your hopes up, nor do I want to dash them, so I recommend we just wait and see."
It took all Jared could to hold his tongue and to urge Jensen to do the same. He didn't want that to be the prognosis, and in his mind, it was better to wait for the test results before starting to worry about what would have to be done if... he didn't even want to think of that being a possibility, so he shut it out.
"I want to have time alone with Jensen," Jared said, not looking in the doctor's direction.
"Sure, sure. I'll give you until 2:15, and then he has to come back tomorrow. We've got to get you into observation and soon."
Jared looked up at the clock and saw that it was already 1:30, not leaving much time for them, but he planned to make the most out of it. As soon as the doctor left the room, he did. He reached up and pulled Jensen down to him once more and kissed him as if it was their last day together. Jensen didn't resist him, instead, using the opportunity to feel Jared up.
"I love you so much, Jensen. I really do," he repeated, over and over again, as if his words had fallen on deaf ears.
"I know you do, baby, and I love you, too," Jared responded, holding onto Jensen with the little strength that he had left. They embraced for what seemed like forever until Jared's arms grew tired and he found that he needed to rest them by his side.
"Jensen, hold up, hold up," Jared managed to get out.
"What, what's the matter, Jared? Did I hurt you? Are you OK?"
"Yeah, I'm fine, I just need a break," With that, Jensen pulled away from him, but not out of his reach. Jensen's hand found Jared's and gently held it. Jared had to admit that it felt damn good, damn familiar, something that he needed at the moment. He needed that feeling to help him to keep his mind off the real issue. He knew he would eventually have to deal with it but that wasn't the right time.
"So... how are you... feeling?" The tone of Jensen's words told Jared that he was nervous, maybe even afraid to ask Jared any questions pertaining to what had happened. Why Jensen would feel like that, Jared didn't know, but he was determined to put Jensen's mind at ease.
"Ah, could be better, but I'm cool. I am not feeling that much pain either. Don't worry, Jensen, things are going to get better."
"You really think so?" Jensen asked, worriedly.
"Yeah. It's going to take some time but things are going to be all right."
That seemed to get Jensen to relax a little as he gently gave Jared's hand a little love tap and smiled Jared's way. That smile lit up Jensen's whole face, and Jared couldn't help but pull Jensen's lips to his. Jensen seemed happy at Jared's response as he pressed into Jared further and ran his hand over the back of Jared's head. Jared was anxious to see how far Jensen would go, but the opening of the hospital door caused Jensen to quickly sit up and away from him. When he backed away, Jared looked to see what had caused the interruption, and saw the doctor. Jared looked towards the clock and saw that it was almost two forty five, way past visiting hours. He looked at Jensen and sighed. Jensen leaned into him and kissed him on the lips one more time before telling Jared he loved him and that he would soon be back.
"If you want, you can wait in the lounge until after his observation. It could be an hour to a few hours, but that'll give you a chance to get something to eat and get some rest, and if you want, I can wake you up when he's done here."
The doctor's word brought a smile to Jensen's face, and Jared could see that he was on the verge of saying 'yes', so he interjected,
"You should go home, baby, and come back tomorrow," Jared started.
"No... no, I want to be here when you finish up, Jared. I don't want to leave your side for anything."
"No, you need your sleep. Look at you, you look as if you're about to have a case of narcolepsy."
"I can manage,-" Jensen started, but Jared interjected this time,
"No, I'll be OK. I just need a bit of alone time, OK, and some rest. I want to be refreshed and alert when I see you next, and I want you to go home and get some sleep."
Jensen was poised to object, but one look from Jared had him agreeing.
"Fine, but I'll be back first thing tomorrow morning, OK?"
"Ok," Jared replied, pulling Jensen into himself and hugging him tight.
"I love you," Jared whispered into his ear.
"I know," Jensen whispered back, and turned his head to kiss Jared's cheek. He released Jared, and stood up, his hands jammed into his pockets.
"Well, Jared, a technician will be down shortly to bring you up to an observation room."
"OK," Jared responded with his eyes still fixed on Jensen. He noticed Jared's stare and walked back over to him and leaned down to kiss him one final time.
"I don't want to leave, but I'm going to because you asked me to, but I'll be back," he whispered, and when he leaned away from Jared slightly, his eyes were filled with tears.
"Shh, don't cry, baby. You'll see me tomorrow, I promise," Jared whispered, trying to reassure Jensen.
"I know," Jensen managed to stutter out, as a steady stream of tears cascaded down his cheeks and onto Jared's gown. Jared reached and pulled Jensen into himself once again, and kissed the side of Jensen's cheek for the longest time, until he heard the door open again, and looked over Jensen's shoulder to see the technician walk into the room pulling with him a portable gurney.
Jensen pulled away reluctantly and leaned away from him. Jared tried to offer up a smile that would hopefully ease Jensen's mind, but all it seemed to do was cause more tears to fall. Jared was about to pull Jensen into him, but sensing his move, Jensen pulled away from Jared, and with a quick `see you later', he walked out of the room closing the door behind him.
"Well, are you ready, Mr. Padalecki?" asked the technician, seemingly oblivious to the turmoil that Jared was going through.
"Yeah," Jared managed to get out, "I'm ready." And with that, the technician, along with the doctor, helped Jared unto the gurney, and the technician rolled him out of the room.
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Chris had tried convincing himself that he was there not only to see Misha, but to catch up on things with old friends. When he had moved away to LA, he had left behind a lot of acquaintances, most not even memorable, but, nonetheless, people he had known in his previous life: drunks, sex addicts, a few drug users, and more than his fair share of tricks. Not something that Chris was proud to admit, but that was a part of his life, one that he could never go back and change. Even though Chris had not thought about them much, he found himself using them as an excuse to drive down to Nashville so that he wouldn't have to face the real reason he was there - to see Misha. They had spoken last night on the phone, and Misha had spent most of the time telling Chris how much he appreciated Chris's declaration of love for him, but that maybe he should take some time to think about what he was saying, which was strange, coming from a man that had always been upfront about his feelings for Chris. But it was what Misha had said, and Chris could somewhat understand Misha's reluctance to take his words at face value, not when he had been so adamant about wanting to take things slow. But during that brief time between leaving the message and hearing Misha's response, Chris had had enough time to realize that he meant what he had said. He truly loved Misha, and behind his cover story lay the real truth why he had taken time off to drive back to Nashville, risk falling back into his old habits, and possibly risking a part of him he never knew existed, his heart. But whatever happened Chris wasn't about to turn back around and chump out of it. As he pulled into the parking lot of the hospital, he took a deep breath. The urge to cross the street and to buy a pack of smokes was overwhelming, but to his knowledge, Misha didn't smoke and he didn't want Misha to see him after all that time and recall later on that the highlight of seeing him was his smokers' breath. He exited the car and walked through the automatic sliding door to the reception desk. The redhead in front of him in the white nurse's uniform looked up from her chart and spoke to him,
"How can I help you, sir?"
"Yeah, hi, um, is Dr. Misha Collins here?" Chris asked, putting his hands in his pockets to keep them from shaking. She pulled out a silver binder and flipped through till she arrived at the right page.
"Yes, he's on call today, how may I help you?"
"Um, could you just let me know where I could find him?"
"Sir, he's very busy today. If you're a patient, then you can take a seat and I'll see if Dr. Collins is accepting any unannounced patients."
"No, I'm a friend of his from LA," Chris announced.
"Name?" The nurse asked, looking up. Chris was reluctant to give her his name and he knew that she wouldn't have just let him through so he decided to just tell her half the truth.
"Hey, Lisa," Chris said, reading her name tag that was pinned high onto her ample chest, "I drove in from LA to see Misha. He's an old college buddy of mine and I haven't seen him in like forever. He isn't expecting me, and I just want to surprise him, you know. So could you just show me his office, or something? Help a friend out." Chris gave his my most charming look, but all it seemed to accomplish was to get a laugh out of her.
"Listen, sweetheart. This is one of the biggest hospitals in Nashville, and we have a staff of over one hundred and fifty doctors, who possibly have over a hundred and fifty college buddies a piece. It's against regulation for me to let you back unless you're a patient or family, and from what I've heard you're neither. So what you need to do is give me a name, and I'll give him a page."
It was hard for Chris to get upset with her, especially when she was being so sweet, but the need to see Misha outweighed that fact.
"What the fuck difference does it make, Lisa, whether you page him or I go back there unannounced? The guy knows me, for Gods' sake," Chris's voice had risen a bit, and he turned to see a security officer turn his way. Lisa seemed to notice it too for she smiled at Chris tight-lipped and spoke,
"You see that beefy stud muffin over there? That happens to be my husband, and if you don't step the hell away from my desk, I just might be inclined to call him over."
That was enough to put Chris in check as he bid her a less than pleasant farewell, and walked out to his car. He figured that Misha would have to come out at some point in time for dinner or something, and when he did, Chris would make his move.
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Chris looked at the clock on the dashboard and saw that it was past ten p.m. He had been waiting for almost six hours and he was beginning to lose all feeling in his feet. He had walked around the lot and had spotted Misha's car, so he knew that he was still there, but that did little to comfort him as he was freezing. Just when he decided that maybe it was time for him to just forget the whole plan and give Misha a call, Misha walked out of the automated doors with two other colleagues in tow. They parted ways at his car and Chris watched as Misha searched his jacket pocket for his keys. Chris took that as his cue to move. He quietly opened his car door and walked quietly towards Misha's turned back, and just as Misha pressed his car alarm, Chris pounced on Misha from behind covering the back of Misha's neck with his lips. It seemed like a good idea when he thought it up but seeing Misha's reaction made him rethink his position. Misha's elbow connected with Chris's stomach, and when he was doubled over, Misha's knee connected with his nose. Chris fell back into a tree and slid painfully to the ground.
"Shit, Misha, it's me!" Chris cried out, holding his nose with his hands.
"Chris," Misha said, tentatively at first, as if he wasn't sure it was Chris, and then he stared into Chris's face, a look of shock etched onto his.
"Oh, God, I'm so sorry, baby, I didn't know it was you. What are you doing here? Are you OK? Come on, let me take you inside and check to see if you're OK," Misha's voice was remorseful and almost made up for the fact that Chris's nose felt as if it had been split in half.
"No, I'm fine. It's just a nose bleed."
"Don't be ridiculous, Chris. Jesus Christ, I could have broken your nose. What were you doing sneaking up on me like that? I thought you were a mugger or something. And you still haven't told me what you're doing here."
As Misha bombarded him with questions, Chris had an opportunity to look into the face that he hadn't seen in weeks, and all he could think of was how much he missed Misha.
"What?" Misha asked, when he picked up on Chris staring. It was unnerving him no end, as he began to blush furiously, and tried his best to avoid Chris's prolonged stare.
Chris held his nose, trying to prevent the blood from gushing down onto his white shirt, while at the same time trying to hear his own voice over that of his pounding heart. Without thinking of those things anymore, Chris told Misha, "I love you."
Those words weren't said in a flustered moment, nor were they said in the heat of the moment, but rather they were said at the right moment, the moment when Chris went through what Misha had probably been going through for the past few months. The stars seemed to be shining a little brighter and Chris couldn't even imagine his life without Misha in it.
"I know," Misha's voice brought Chris back to reality, and he couldn't help but smile.
"And you believe me?"
"I always have, Chris," Chris had to admit he was relieved to hear that, "Now can we get you inside and checked out, please, before you bleed to death?" Misha added.
"OK, OK, now we can get this checked out," Chris stated, taking Misha's hand and following his lead. As they started walking towards the entrance Chris spoke again, "Boy, you got a punch on you."
Misha seemed to find the humor in it as he responded with, "I know but I'm a lover, not a fighter."
It was a cheesy line, even coming from Misha, but it was something that Chris held on to. And for some reason, he needed to hear that, to know that was what they were to each other, and what they planned to do with each other. He was fed up with the childish bullshit and needed Misha's's reassurance that they were through with their petty fighting.
"So, I take it you're happy to see me?" Chris assumed, holding his head back slightly to contain the bleeding.
"More than happy," Misha whispered, and with that, he leaned in and kissed Chris slowly on the lips. It was brief but it was all the reassurance Chris needed.
_______________________________
Misha's head rested on Chris's chest as he played with his black hair that he had allowed to grow out a little. Misha looked up at Chris and smiled, taking the tender moment to kiss Chris's chest ever so slowly.
"I want to make love again," Misha whispered, trailing his fingers down until he reached Chris's boxers.
"Soon," Chris promised, "but first, I want to talk."
Misha looked up at Chris, his eyes widening at the prospect.
"You want to talk rather than have sex, unbelievable!"
"Funny, smart ass. Keep that up and you'll be using your hand tonight," Chris teased, leaning in to kiss Misha's forehead.
"You know I'm just kidding. If you want to talk, then we'll talk." With that, Misha sat up as did Chris and he turned to face him.
"Well, I, um, I like how things seem to be turning out for us. But there is a problem that I don't see us working around."
Misha looked up at Chris worriedly, and began absentmindedly biting his lower lip.
"What problem?" He asked.
"This distance thing," Chris stated.
"Chris..." Misha started, and stopped, as Chris put a finger to his lips to silence him.
"It's not going to work, Misha. I need you right there with me or else I might, I might resort to my old ways, and I don't want that. But at the same time I don't feel it’s right for me to ask you to move, so I've come to a conclusion."
"Which is?" Misha asked, hesitantly.
"Well, of course I'll have to ask your permission first, but I'm going to be moving back up this way, and if it's OK with you, I want to move in here with you, or we can get a place together, kind of like a fresh start, you know."
A smile began to slowly spread across Misha's face.
"Are you serious, Chris, no bullshitting? You're moving back and in here?"
"If it's OK with you," Chris said. For a moment, he thought Misha was about to cry, but instead, he flung himself into Chris's arms and started to kiss the side of his neck.
"You damn well know it's OK with me. I can't believe you'd want to do this."
"Well, if you're not sure...," Chris teased.
"Shut up, Chris, you know I'm sure. Now, can we have sex? All this sentimentality is starting to get to me. I might think you're going soft," Misha teased in return, looking up at Chris.
"I'll show you soft," Chris growled, leaning into Misha and kissing him roughly before reaching over and turning off the light.
Chapter 32
