something_rare (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
something_rare) wrote2010-04-17 07:40 pm
something_rare) wrote2010-04-17 07:40 pm
Entry tags:
Leap of Faith - Chapter 34
Title: Leap of Faith
Pairing: Jensen Ackles / Jared Padalecki (eventually), Mentions of Jensen/OMC, Jared/OMC and Others
Other Characters: Tom Welling, Chris Kane, Danneel Harris, Misha Collins
Rating: NC17
Word Count: 4,398
Disclaimer: 100% Pure Fiction
Note: None of this would be possible and readable without my awesome beta,![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
bigj52 . I learn from you everyday.
Summary: AU / Everybody has a dream. Some people make their dreams come true. Some just let their life slip by thinking about it.
Chapter 34:
Of course, it had not been perfect; it had not even been slow, or even sensual. Instead, it had been the quick relief that they both needed. It served also as a testament to Jared’s sudden virility, as he had not yet gone soft, and it had been at least half an hour since he had cum.
"I think it's a good sign," Jensen stated, leaning over and rubbing his hand over Jared’s jaw, feeling the hair that had just started to grow there.
"You think?"
"Yeah. I mean, for months there was nothing, and now, wow...I still can't believe it. I can't believe a lot of things. I'm so damn proud of you, Jared, so damn proud," With that, Jensen laid his head on Jared’s chest. Jared reached up and combed his fingers through Jensen’s hair. As he had been doing for the past few months, he took notice of the little things. Jensen’s hair seemed to shine more in the moonlight. The dampness that had occurred from their session seemed to have accumulated at the base of Jensen’s hairline, giving it a sheen which reflected the moonlight. For some reason, Jared found that incredible sexy. He shook all thoughts of sex out of his head though, as he knew Jensen was sore and would likely not be up to it.
"So...how is Chris?" Jared asked out of the blue. Jensen turned his head slightly and looked up at Jared.
"He's fine. He's back, you know," he stated.
"Here?"
"Yup. Moved in with Misha," The mention of another person piqued Jared’s interest.
"Who?"
"You remember that guy you met when I was staying with Chris? The doctor that treated him? They moved in together. It's been a year, I think."
"No shit," Jared responded. That came as a shock to him as Chris didn't strike him as the domestic type.
"Yeah, I'm happy for him," And as an afterthought, Jensen added, "He asked about you. Wanted to know how you were doing, how we were."
Despite all the bad experiences Jared had had with Chris in the past, he was glad that Chris was able to be there for Jensen when he wasn't.
"So," Jared started, changing the subject, "I want your opinion on something," he said, looking down at Jensen.
"Anything," Jensen replied.
"Well, I'm thinking...I mean I've decided that I want to do a press conference to kind of update my condition to the public. And maybe answer a question or two," Jared paused a second or two, just to let it sink in before he continued with, "What do you think?"
Jensen pulled himself into an upright position.
"You're serious? You really want to face them?" he asked incredulously.
"Yeah. I mean, while there were some assholes, there were also the fans that were rooting for me. I want to have a chance to say thank you. You know?"
"Yeah, that would be good. I can give Matt a call and have him set it up," Jensen paused, and then continued with, "Are you sure you're up to this?" The tentativeness was present in his voice and it made Jared take Jensen’s hand in his.
"Yeah, it's time."
It was. It had been over a year since the shooting and Jared had tried to stay out of sight as much as possible, refusing to give interviews and limiting his contacts to just his doctors, therapists, Jensen and on occasion, Matt. He had become a virtual hermit, and finally, he wanted out of his shell. Being an introvert wasn't part of his nature and he felt the time had come to redeem himself; to take his life back.
"Well, if you're sure. I'm happy that you want to do this, Jared," And with that, Jensen once again placed his head on Jared’s chest. Jared knew the past few months had been especially hard on Jared. With his mood swings it couldn't have been a picnic for Jensen to stand by him, but he did, and finally, Jensen was going to be there to share the road to recovery with Jared. Jared couldn’t have asked for anything more than that, and as he watched Jensen drift into blissful sleep, Jared couldn't help but smile.
_______________________________
The crowd was there. Jared could sense it before he could see it, and for the first time in his life it terrified him. Even more than when he came out. The small conference room was packed with reporters from every news station possible, some of the more popular ones: ABC, CBS, MTV, VH1 and even a few of the newer ones, and all the publicity was making Jared nervous beyond belief. He was planning on walking onto the stage with the aid of crutches and of course, Jensen and Matt, but the truth of the matter was that his knees were so wobbly and weak, he was afraid to even stand up, so he stayed firmly planted in his chair. Jensen was trying his best to keep Jared calm, but it wasn't helping and Jared told him so.
"I can't calm down, Jensen, so just stop with the speech, please! I've heard it from Matt already."
Jensen looked down at Jared and threw his hands in the air, "Fine, but you can't go out there in this condition. You're sweating and you're looking a bit pale, Jared.”
"I just need some time alone. Is that too much to ask?" Jared responded, not bothering to look up at Jensen.
"Fine, fine, but you have five minutes before you go out there. Please, baby, just take a deep breath. It's going to be fine," With that, Jensen leaned down and kissed Jared’s cheek. As he made an attempt to pull away, Jared gently reached up and placed his arms around Jensen’s neck, and held him in that awkward position. He repositioned his face and brought his lips to Jensen’s. Just having Jensen so close to him, in such a passionate embrace managed to calm Jared down a little. They pulled apart and Jared saw that Jensen was smiling down at him.
"Feel better?" Jensen asked, smiling down at Jared.
"Yeah, a little," Jared acknowledged, "Sorry about being a bitch earlier. I'm just so fucking nervous. For all I know, there could be another Patrick out there, waiting to take me out," And in a more somber tone Jared continued with, "I don't wanna die."
"Oh Jared," Jensen started, reaching down and taking Jared’s hands in his, "Everyone here has been checked out twice by security. Matt made sure of that and the bodyguards will be there so you have nothing to worry about. I'll even be there to hold your hand," And with that, Jensen put Jared’s hand to his lips.
"I know. I just can't help but worry, you know. I don't know how they'll react. Supposed they want to know about what happened?" Jared sighed and took another deep breath.
"Well, you answer it. If you get uncomfortable, then signal me or Matt and we'll make sure it stops, but you can't hide it forever, baby. There are going to be questions about it. That's what this press thing is all about. Letting them know about your condition; but, it's your call how far you want to take it."
Jared had to admit he was glad to hear that.
"You guys ready in here? They're getting antsy out there."
They both turned at the same time to see Matt standing in the doorway, peering at them.
"Yeah, just give us a minute,-" Jensen started, only for Jared to decline the offer, "We're coming man. I just want to get this over and done with."
Jensen looked at him quizzically and then shook his head. He then stood up and walked behind Jared, grabbing the handle of the chair and slowly pushing Jared towards the door. Just as they reached it, Jared spoke up, "No matter what goes on out there, I want you to know that I love you for standing by me. It means a lot to me, babe. More than words can describe."
Jared didn't look at Jensen when he said it, but he could practically picture Jensen’s expression. He felt Jensen’s lips connect with the back of his neck.
"I know, Jared, I know. I love you, too," And with that, he continued to push Jared forward, towards the door.
As soon as Jared hit the stage, lights started flashing and the noise level went up a decibel or two. Suddenly Jared felt himself begin to fall back into his old routine. It was as if it was just another press conference. The questions started to come fast and furious, but Jensen took control before things had a chance to get out of hand.
"I'd like to take the time to thank all of you for coming out here today for this press conference. I know it came on short notice, and I do apologize. Respectfully, I'll have to ask that you all hold your questions until Jared has finished speaking, thank you."
Silence instantly fell over the crowd and all eyes begun to focus on Jared. That left him no other choice but to begin speaking,
"Thank you for taking the time out to come here. I know that for the past year, I've been absent from the media. I've had to be absent because of injuries I sustained in a shooting a year ago. I survived, though, and I am recovering," Jared paused a moment to catch his breath, and for a moment he seized up, but Jensen, sensing things, reached over and squeezed his hand. Jared looked over at Jensen and smiled, and just by his response, a returned smile, Jared was able to find the strength to continue.
"It was a hard time for me. I went through a period where I wanted to...I wanted to die. I was paralyzed from the waist down. I was told by my doctors that I probably shouldn't hold out hope for ever walking again. I was told that I would probably be in a wheelchair for the rest of my life and I was pretty resigned to that fact. For months after I refused to work with my therapist and my doctors. I didn't think any number of exercises or regimens would make a difference. Most importantly, I turned away from the people that cared about me the most," Jared looked at Jensen when he said that, and then lifted his hand to his lips, and kissed it to the amusement of the photographers who started snapping away.
"But I wised up quickly. I decided that I would rather give myself a chance, and fail, than not try at all. It's been a rocky road for me, and for those that stood beside me, but it's been a road worth taking. For, as of three days ago, I was able to take my first steps, unaided."
Looking over the crowd, trying to read the expressions on their faces, Jared found in that instant he didn't care if they accepted him or not. Their opinion of him didn't matter anymore.
"I'm not looking for acceptance here. I'm not looking for pity either. I just want to have you and the general public respect my life and whoever chooses to be in it. You don't have to accept me. In fact, I don't care if you accept me or not. All I ask is that you show me some respect. That's all I came here to say, thank you," As soon as the last few words were out of his mouth, the room erupted in a mass of questions and once again, Jensen took the initiative to play delegate.
"One at a time, please. Ma'am, in the second row," he called out.
"Thank you. Jared, I know that you have been through a tragic time, and from all of us at NBC, we wish you all the best on your recovery. My question is this, can you elaborate on what led up to your shooting by Patrick Morrison?"
Jensen quickly stepped in before Jared could answer, "Jared will not be able to..."
"No, Jensen, it's OK, I can answer it," What was done was done, and there was no point in hiding the facts. It was time for the truth.
"As many of you may have known, Mr. Morrison worked with me for a period of two years as a publicist, and briefly, as my manager. Our professional relationship did not end amicably, and Mr. Morrison, unhappy with what he had been paid, started to blackmail me. I paid him a set sum of money and when I refused to pay him anymore, he threatened to reveal my sexual orientation to the press. When I came out, his plan was thwarted, and Mr. Morrison resorted to violent means. As you already know he was killed by law enforcement officers, trying to escape, after shooting me."
Jared thought that having to recount the details would have made him uncomfortable, but that wasn't the case. If anything, he felt liberated. The questions kept coming, though, and he answered each and every one of them to the best of his ability. A few times, Jared caught Jensen holding his breath as he was asked a question about his homosexuality, but after a while, he tried his best to look prepared. But then again, that could have been Jared’s hand resting on his knee, wordlessly reassuring Jensen that they couldn't faze him. After an hour Jared announced that he had had enough questions for the day, and he thanked them for coming. Most begged for a posed picture with the press conference crew, some with Matt and Jared, and some with Jensen and Jared. Jared obliged them all. It was a good forty five minutes later before he was able to leave the building and head home.
"So...I thought it went well," Jensen stated, looking over at Jared as they drove home.
"Yeah, it was good. I'm just glad to be out there again, you know. I guess I just miss the spotlight a little bit,"
It had been well over a year since he had performed his last concert in front of screaming fans. He had remembered that night like it happened yesterday, and the thought alone brought tears to his eyes. Jensen noticed. He reached over and caressed Jared’s knee.
"Its OK, baby, it's alright. Do you want to talk about it?"
Jared placed his hand over Jensen’s and squeezed it. He found himself wanting to tell Jensen all about what he was feeling, but he couldn't. They had made so much progress over the course of their relationship, but things weren't yet where they needed to be. Jared wasn't as emotionally connected as he needed to be, and he found it easier to just keep things in his head rather than letting Jensen see him at his weakest.
"No, I'm cool. It's just these damn allergies," Jared stated, wiping his eyes quickly, turning his face away from Jensen, choosing instead, to stare out the window. Jensen didn't question Jared again but he was aware that something was amiss. As they pulled into the underground garage, Jared couldn't help but shiver as the spot where he had been shot came into view. The surface was scrubbed clean from top to bottom and no evidence that a crime had been committed here could be found, but in his mind, Jared could still see Patrick standing there; waiting for him; shooting him; blood everywhere and it made Jared shiver.
"We should get you inside, babe. You're shaking," Jensen said as he came around to the passenger side of the car and opened the door.
"Maybe when we get upstairs, we can light the fire and have some hot chocolate..." and even though Jared saw Jensen’s mouth moving, he found that his words were drowned out by the thoughts floating around in his head.
_______________________________
Jensen sat across from Jensen, his hands firmly clasped around his mug, and while his eyes were trained on Jared, Jared could tell that his mind was not.
"Babe, you OK?" Jared asked, feeling the urge to go over and sit beside him, hold Jensen in his arms, make that vacant look disappear.
Jared looked up at him and flashed a strained smile, "Huh. Yeah...I'm fine, I'm OK. How are you though? Are you hungry, tired?" His voice held so much emotion despite its’ monotone, and Jared knew he had to be the one who was tired. Since Jared had been laid up in the hospital, having surgery after surgery, therapy after therapy, Jensen had been there, right beside him, never selfish, always thinking about Jared and never himself. Even though it came as no surprise to Jared that Jensen would have been so selfless, the reality of being at the receiving end of such devotion still managed to surprise him. It made Jared question whether he would have been so strong if the situation had been reversed.
"I'm fine. I just got a lot on my mind and...and, I just want to say how much I love you, babe. You've been great, and even though I always don't show it, I mean it," Jared’s words were impulsive, but that didn't stop them from being true. The whole fiasco was just the thing to prove how deep his feelings ran. He watched as Jensen’s eyes misted up, and tears began to spill down his cheeks. He got up from his spot on the couch and walked over to Jared.
"Oh, Jared, I'm so glad you feel that way. I know this has been so hard on you and that...I know how much you've gone through and I'm glad that you still want me here to help you through it," And with that, he leaned into Jared and planted his lips on Jared’s, in a gesture that spilled over with love. They stayed connected like that for what seemed like forever before Jared had to come up for air.
"God, I'm so hot," Jared exclaimed, nipping Jensen’s ear, while at the same time caressing his back under his shirt. Jared used his hands to pull Jensen down, having his weight rest fully on him, something he began to protest at once.
"Babe, I'm too heavy,-" Jensen started, but was cut short of saying anything else by Jared’s lips once again crushing his. That was all it took to get his full co-operation. Pretty soon, heavy petting just wasn't enough and Jared started to remove Jensen’s shirt.
"You're...sure...you're...uh...up to...um...it?" Jensen whispered heavily, trying his best to speed the process up by unbuttoning the hook on Jared’s pants, while simultaneously removing his sweater top.
"Fuck, yes," Jared whispered back, his hands beginning to wander south. At that moment, Jensen became more attractive to Jared than he had been at any other point in their relationship. Jared would have done anything just to be able to make love to him right there and then.
Only a moment passed before they both were naked and began the slow, soul-enticing process of making love. That moment held so much meaning for Jared, as it was not only the first time they made love without a condom, but it was the first time that he could remember them ever being so connected, so in sync, so in tune with Jensen. As Jensen slowly rode Jared, he couldn't help but forego closing his eyes, watching every emotion flicker over Jensen’s face. He watched Jensen bite his lips in ecstasy and then release his tongue, rubbing it along them to soothe the bruises he had inflicted. Jared watched Jensen’s mouth open, panting with joy as he gripped Jared’s shoulder hard, forcing himself to stay steady. Jared watched as the sweat formed in beads on Jensen’s forehead, taking their time, falling down his face. And most satisfyingly, Jared watched as Jensen’s eyes opened and met his, the reflection of love in them, and the lurch that Jared felt deep in the pit of his stomach that represented the returned love he felt towards Jensen, and towards them. As Jared came deep inside Jensen, his arms wrapped tightly around Jensen’s waist, his face resting squarely on Jared’s shoulder, he couldn't help but think,
This is the man I want to spend the rest of my life with.
And there was no if or buts about it.
To Jensen it seemed like forever before they uncoupled and he eased his body of off Jared’s. Jensen felt a recognizable emptiness inside and he couldn't help but groan.
"You OK, baby?" Jared asked. His voice was husky and his eyes trained on Jensen, as he began to pull up his underwear.
"Yeah, couldn't be better," Jensen responded, barely able to get his words out before having to take a deep, settling breath. It was, without a doubt, one of the most fulfilling experiences, both sexually and emotionally that they had shared. Jensen knew that held so much more meaning for him than the obvious. For a while things were quiet, and then Jared said something that Jensen had never expected him to say in a million years.
"Jensen, marry me."
It was not an offer, or a proposal, but rather, it was a request that left no room for ifs or buts. Jensen was shocked, to say the least, and by the look on Jared’s face, Jensen knew that it was something that Jared had deep convictions about.
"What? Jared, are you serious?" Jensen questioned, watching his face for signs of a smile that would indicate that this was a very misplaced joke or something along those lines.
"Of course I'm serious. It has crossed my mind before, but tonight, tonight just sealed it for me. I want to be with you for as long as I can."
Jensen was almost tempted to laugh at that, as that was so uncharacteristic of Jared. Marriage was something Jensen had never expected from a woman, much less from a man, and when he and Jared had become an item, Jensen had expected them to be a monogamous couple, but to Jensen, monogamy in no way, shape, or form meant marriage. Having not been prepared to hear it, Jensen didn't know what to say. Jared’s hand reached up, and caressed Jensen’s cheek in a tender way that made him tingle.
"Don't answer me now, Jensen. Just take your time, and think about it. I know it's a big step to take and with all that's happened, it might be something you want to think about."
But to Jensen there was nothing to think about. He loved Jared, and he loved him unconditionally. Despite his slow recovery, despite him having to walk with a cane, despite his public lifestyle, Jensen knew he was willing to go all the way with him. Jensen would go to the ends of the earth to be with him, and Jensen had the funny suspicion that Jared would have done the same for him, too.
Jensen took both his hands, and brought them to his lips, kissing each hand separately and then together.
"I love you, Jared, and I want to marry you. I don't need to think about anything,"
The smile that graced Jared’s face dispelled any doubts that Jensen may have had about it having been a rushed decision.
"Wow, wow. I...uh...wow. You're serious babe? No regrets? No turning back?" For the first time in Jensen’s life, Jared seemed unsure of himself. Jensen leaned into him and brought his lips to Jared’s in a passionate embrace. He needed Jared to know how important this was to him.
"Babe, I would never, ever regret something like this. We're meant to be together now and forever. I love you so much, Jared, so damn much, and I'm gonna be the best damn husband in the world."
"I know you will, babe," Jared whispered, his hands once again wondering down south and cupping Jensen’s sore ass, "Does it still hurt?" He asked.
It did, but Jensen didn't care. He wanted to feel Jared inside, but Jared could read Jensen like a book, and knew that while emotionally Jensen was ready, physically, he needed to rest. He took one look at the grimace on Jensen’s face and gently helped Jensen off him and into the space beside him.
"Rest, babe, tomorrow's another day, and we have a lot of things to talk about. Plus, I have my appointment with the therapist at ten, and a release party to go to at nine-thirty."
Jensen looked at him incredulously, "You're really going to that? I thought you weren't up to it."
"I wasn't, but that was before I made progress, and before the press conference. I'm feeling the need to get out, to be a part of something again," In a more somber tone Jared added, "I know I don't stand a chance as a recording artist, but at least I can be a part of a team again. It's time for someone else to take the spotlight."
Even though Jensen disagreed with some of Jared’s points, he remained quiet. Instead, he chose to lean into Jared, resting his head on Jared’s shoulder, and listening to his quiet breathing. It seemed like forever before either of them said anything.
"We should probably get you into bed, Jared. Your therapist would kill the both of us if she knew the kind of strenuous activity we've been indulging ourselves in."
Jared started to chuckle at Jensen’s words, and leaned over to plant a kiss on his forehead.
"Yeah, we should, but let's just stay here a bit. I like this."
Jensen had to admit that he liked it too. This was the life.
Pairing: Jensen Ackles / Jared Padalecki (eventually), Mentions of Jensen/OMC, Jared/OMC and Others
Other Characters: Tom Welling, Chris Kane, Danneel Harris, Misha Collins
Rating: NC17
Word Count: 4,398
Disclaimer: 100% Pure Fiction
Note: None of this would be possible and readable without my awesome beta,
bigj52 . I learn from you everyday.Summary: AU / Everybody has a dream. Some people make their dreams come true. Some just let their life slip by thinking about it.
Chapter 34:
Of course, it had not been perfect; it had not even been slow, or even sensual. Instead, it had been the quick relief that they both needed. It served also as a testament to Jared’s sudden virility, as he had not yet gone soft, and it had been at least half an hour since he had cum.
"I think it's a good sign," Jensen stated, leaning over and rubbing his hand over Jared’s jaw, feeling the hair that had just started to grow there.
"You think?"
"Yeah. I mean, for months there was nothing, and now, wow...I still can't believe it. I can't believe a lot of things. I'm so damn proud of you, Jared, so damn proud," With that, Jensen laid his head on Jared’s chest. Jared reached up and combed his fingers through Jensen’s hair. As he had been doing for the past few months, he took notice of the little things. Jensen’s hair seemed to shine more in the moonlight. The dampness that had occurred from their session seemed to have accumulated at the base of Jensen’s hairline, giving it a sheen which reflected the moonlight. For some reason, Jared found that incredible sexy. He shook all thoughts of sex out of his head though, as he knew Jensen was sore and would likely not be up to it.
"So...how is Chris?" Jared asked out of the blue. Jensen turned his head slightly and looked up at Jared.
"He's fine. He's back, you know," he stated.
"Here?"
"Yup. Moved in with Misha," The mention of another person piqued Jared’s interest.
"Who?"
"You remember that guy you met when I was staying with Chris? The doctor that treated him? They moved in together. It's been a year, I think."
"No shit," Jared responded. That came as a shock to him as Chris didn't strike him as the domestic type.
"Yeah, I'm happy for him," And as an afterthought, Jensen added, "He asked about you. Wanted to know how you were doing, how we were."
Despite all the bad experiences Jared had had with Chris in the past, he was glad that Chris was able to be there for Jensen when he wasn't.
"So," Jared started, changing the subject, "I want your opinion on something," he said, looking down at Jensen.
"Anything," Jensen replied.
"Well, I'm thinking...I mean I've decided that I want to do a press conference to kind of update my condition to the public. And maybe answer a question or two," Jared paused a second or two, just to let it sink in before he continued with, "What do you think?"
Jensen pulled himself into an upright position.
"You're serious? You really want to face them?" he asked incredulously.
"Yeah. I mean, while there were some assholes, there were also the fans that were rooting for me. I want to have a chance to say thank you. You know?"
"Yeah, that would be good. I can give Matt a call and have him set it up," Jensen paused, and then continued with, "Are you sure you're up to this?" The tentativeness was present in his voice and it made Jared take Jensen’s hand in his.
"Yeah, it's time."
It was. It had been over a year since the shooting and Jared had tried to stay out of sight as much as possible, refusing to give interviews and limiting his contacts to just his doctors, therapists, Jensen and on occasion, Matt. He had become a virtual hermit, and finally, he wanted out of his shell. Being an introvert wasn't part of his nature and he felt the time had come to redeem himself; to take his life back.
"Well, if you're sure. I'm happy that you want to do this, Jared," And with that, Jensen once again placed his head on Jared’s chest. Jared knew the past few months had been especially hard on Jared. With his mood swings it couldn't have been a picnic for Jensen to stand by him, but he did, and finally, Jensen was going to be there to share the road to recovery with Jared. Jared couldn’t have asked for anything more than that, and as he watched Jensen drift into blissful sleep, Jared couldn't help but smile.
_______________________________
The crowd was there. Jared could sense it before he could see it, and for the first time in his life it terrified him. Even more than when he came out. The small conference room was packed with reporters from every news station possible, some of the more popular ones: ABC, CBS, MTV, VH1 and even a few of the newer ones, and all the publicity was making Jared nervous beyond belief. He was planning on walking onto the stage with the aid of crutches and of course, Jensen and Matt, but the truth of the matter was that his knees were so wobbly and weak, he was afraid to even stand up, so he stayed firmly planted in his chair. Jensen was trying his best to keep Jared calm, but it wasn't helping and Jared told him so.
"I can't calm down, Jensen, so just stop with the speech, please! I've heard it from Matt already."
Jensen looked down at Jared and threw his hands in the air, "Fine, but you can't go out there in this condition. You're sweating and you're looking a bit pale, Jared.”
"I just need some time alone. Is that too much to ask?" Jared responded, not bothering to look up at Jensen.
"Fine, fine, but you have five minutes before you go out there. Please, baby, just take a deep breath. It's going to be fine," With that, Jensen leaned down and kissed Jared’s cheek. As he made an attempt to pull away, Jared gently reached up and placed his arms around Jensen’s neck, and held him in that awkward position. He repositioned his face and brought his lips to Jensen’s. Just having Jensen so close to him, in such a passionate embrace managed to calm Jared down a little. They pulled apart and Jared saw that Jensen was smiling down at him.
"Feel better?" Jensen asked, smiling down at Jared.
"Yeah, a little," Jared acknowledged, "Sorry about being a bitch earlier. I'm just so fucking nervous. For all I know, there could be another Patrick out there, waiting to take me out," And in a more somber tone Jared continued with, "I don't wanna die."
"Oh Jared," Jensen started, reaching down and taking Jared’s hands in his, "Everyone here has been checked out twice by security. Matt made sure of that and the bodyguards will be there so you have nothing to worry about. I'll even be there to hold your hand," And with that, Jensen put Jared’s hand to his lips.
"I know. I just can't help but worry, you know. I don't know how they'll react. Supposed they want to know about what happened?" Jared sighed and took another deep breath.
"Well, you answer it. If you get uncomfortable, then signal me or Matt and we'll make sure it stops, but you can't hide it forever, baby. There are going to be questions about it. That's what this press thing is all about. Letting them know about your condition; but, it's your call how far you want to take it."
Jared had to admit he was glad to hear that.
"You guys ready in here? They're getting antsy out there."
They both turned at the same time to see Matt standing in the doorway, peering at them.
"Yeah, just give us a minute,-" Jensen started, only for Jared to decline the offer, "We're coming man. I just want to get this over and done with."
Jensen looked at him quizzically and then shook his head. He then stood up and walked behind Jared, grabbing the handle of the chair and slowly pushing Jared towards the door. Just as they reached it, Jared spoke up, "No matter what goes on out there, I want you to know that I love you for standing by me. It means a lot to me, babe. More than words can describe."
Jared didn't look at Jensen when he said it, but he could practically picture Jensen’s expression. He felt Jensen’s lips connect with the back of his neck.
"I know, Jared, I know. I love you, too," And with that, he continued to push Jared forward, towards the door.
As soon as Jared hit the stage, lights started flashing and the noise level went up a decibel or two. Suddenly Jared felt himself begin to fall back into his old routine. It was as if it was just another press conference. The questions started to come fast and furious, but Jensen took control before things had a chance to get out of hand.
"I'd like to take the time to thank all of you for coming out here today for this press conference. I know it came on short notice, and I do apologize. Respectfully, I'll have to ask that you all hold your questions until Jared has finished speaking, thank you."
Silence instantly fell over the crowd and all eyes begun to focus on Jared. That left him no other choice but to begin speaking,
"Thank you for taking the time out to come here. I know that for the past year, I've been absent from the media. I've had to be absent because of injuries I sustained in a shooting a year ago. I survived, though, and I am recovering," Jared paused a moment to catch his breath, and for a moment he seized up, but Jensen, sensing things, reached over and squeezed his hand. Jared looked over at Jensen and smiled, and just by his response, a returned smile, Jared was able to find the strength to continue.
"It was a hard time for me. I went through a period where I wanted to...I wanted to die. I was paralyzed from the waist down. I was told by my doctors that I probably shouldn't hold out hope for ever walking again. I was told that I would probably be in a wheelchair for the rest of my life and I was pretty resigned to that fact. For months after I refused to work with my therapist and my doctors. I didn't think any number of exercises or regimens would make a difference. Most importantly, I turned away from the people that cared about me the most," Jared looked at Jensen when he said that, and then lifted his hand to his lips, and kissed it to the amusement of the photographers who started snapping away.
"But I wised up quickly. I decided that I would rather give myself a chance, and fail, than not try at all. It's been a rocky road for me, and for those that stood beside me, but it's been a road worth taking. For, as of three days ago, I was able to take my first steps, unaided."
Looking over the crowd, trying to read the expressions on their faces, Jared found in that instant he didn't care if they accepted him or not. Their opinion of him didn't matter anymore.
"I'm not looking for acceptance here. I'm not looking for pity either. I just want to have you and the general public respect my life and whoever chooses to be in it. You don't have to accept me. In fact, I don't care if you accept me or not. All I ask is that you show me some respect. That's all I came here to say, thank you," As soon as the last few words were out of his mouth, the room erupted in a mass of questions and once again, Jensen took the initiative to play delegate.
"One at a time, please. Ma'am, in the second row," he called out.
"Thank you. Jared, I know that you have been through a tragic time, and from all of us at NBC, we wish you all the best on your recovery. My question is this, can you elaborate on what led up to your shooting by Patrick Morrison?"
Jensen quickly stepped in before Jared could answer, "Jared will not be able to..."
"No, Jensen, it's OK, I can answer it," What was done was done, and there was no point in hiding the facts. It was time for the truth.
"As many of you may have known, Mr. Morrison worked with me for a period of two years as a publicist, and briefly, as my manager. Our professional relationship did not end amicably, and Mr. Morrison, unhappy with what he had been paid, started to blackmail me. I paid him a set sum of money and when I refused to pay him anymore, he threatened to reveal my sexual orientation to the press. When I came out, his plan was thwarted, and Mr. Morrison resorted to violent means. As you already know he was killed by law enforcement officers, trying to escape, after shooting me."
Jared thought that having to recount the details would have made him uncomfortable, but that wasn't the case. If anything, he felt liberated. The questions kept coming, though, and he answered each and every one of them to the best of his ability. A few times, Jared caught Jensen holding his breath as he was asked a question about his homosexuality, but after a while, he tried his best to look prepared. But then again, that could have been Jared’s hand resting on his knee, wordlessly reassuring Jensen that they couldn't faze him. After an hour Jared announced that he had had enough questions for the day, and he thanked them for coming. Most begged for a posed picture with the press conference crew, some with Matt and Jared, and some with Jensen and Jared. Jared obliged them all. It was a good forty five minutes later before he was able to leave the building and head home.
"So...I thought it went well," Jensen stated, looking over at Jared as they drove home.
"Yeah, it was good. I'm just glad to be out there again, you know. I guess I just miss the spotlight a little bit,"
It had been well over a year since he had performed his last concert in front of screaming fans. He had remembered that night like it happened yesterday, and the thought alone brought tears to his eyes. Jensen noticed. He reached over and caressed Jared’s knee.
"Its OK, baby, it's alright. Do you want to talk about it?"
Jared placed his hand over Jensen’s and squeezed it. He found himself wanting to tell Jensen all about what he was feeling, but he couldn't. They had made so much progress over the course of their relationship, but things weren't yet where they needed to be. Jared wasn't as emotionally connected as he needed to be, and he found it easier to just keep things in his head rather than letting Jensen see him at his weakest.
"No, I'm cool. It's just these damn allergies," Jared stated, wiping his eyes quickly, turning his face away from Jensen, choosing instead, to stare out the window. Jensen didn't question Jared again but he was aware that something was amiss. As they pulled into the underground garage, Jared couldn't help but shiver as the spot where he had been shot came into view. The surface was scrubbed clean from top to bottom and no evidence that a crime had been committed here could be found, but in his mind, Jared could still see Patrick standing there; waiting for him; shooting him; blood everywhere and it made Jared shiver.
"We should get you inside, babe. You're shaking," Jensen said as he came around to the passenger side of the car and opened the door.
"Maybe when we get upstairs, we can light the fire and have some hot chocolate..." and even though Jared saw Jensen’s mouth moving, he found that his words were drowned out by the thoughts floating around in his head.
_______________________________
Jensen sat across from Jensen, his hands firmly clasped around his mug, and while his eyes were trained on Jared, Jared could tell that his mind was not.
"Babe, you OK?" Jared asked, feeling the urge to go over and sit beside him, hold Jensen in his arms, make that vacant look disappear.
Jared looked up at him and flashed a strained smile, "Huh. Yeah...I'm fine, I'm OK. How are you though? Are you hungry, tired?" His voice held so much emotion despite its’ monotone, and Jared knew he had to be the one who was tired. Since Jared had been laid up in the hospital, having surgery after surgery, therapy after therapy, Jensen had been there, right beside him, never selfish, always thinking about Jared and never himself. Even though it came as no surprise to Jared that Jensen would have been so selfless, the reality of being at the receiving end of such devotion still managed to surprise him. It made Jared question whether he would have been so strong if the situation had been reversed.
"I'm fine. I just got a lot on my mind and...and, I just want to say how much I love you, babe. You've been great, and even though I always don't show it, I mean it," Jared’s words were impulsive, but that didn't stop them from being true. The whole fiasco was just the thing to prove how deep his feelings ran. He watched as Jensen’s eyes misted up, and tears began to spill down his cheeks. He got up from his spot on the couch and walked over to Jared.
"Oh, Jared, I'm so glad you feel that way. I know this has been so hard on you and that...I know how much you've gone through and I'm glad that you still want me here to help you through it," And with that, he leaned into Jared and planted his lips on Jared’s, in a gesture that spilled over with love. They stayed connected like that for what seemed like forever before Jared had to come up for air.
"God, I'm so hot," Jared exclaimed, nipping Jensen’s ear, while at the same time caressing his back under his shirt. Jared used his hands to pull Jensen down, having his weight rest fully on him, something he began to protest at once.
"Babe, I'm too heavy,-" Jensen started, but was cut short of saying anything else by Jared’s lips once again crushing his. That was all it took to get his full co-operation. Pretty soon, heavy petting just wasn't enough and Jared started to remove Jensen’s shirt.
"You're...sure...you're...uh...up to...um...it?" Jensen whispered heavily, trying his best to speed the process up by unbuttoning the hook on Jared’s pants, while simultaneously removing his sweater top.
"Fuck, yes," Jared whispered back, his hands beginning to wander south. At that moment, Jensen became more attractive to Jared than he had been at any other point in their relationship. Jared would have done anything just to be able to make love to him right there and then.
Only a moment passed before they both were naked and began the slow, soul-enticing process of making love. That moment held so much meaning for Jared, as it was not only the first time they made love without a condom, but it was the first time that he could remember them ever being so connected, so in sync, so in tune with Jensen. As Jensen slowly rode Jared, he couldn't help but forego closing his eyes, watching every emotion flicker over Jensen’s face. He watched Jensen bite his lips in ecstasy and then release his tongue, rubbing it along them to soothe the bruises he had inflicted. Jared watched Jensen’s mouth open, panting with joy as he gripped Jared’s shoulder hard, forcing himself to stay steady. Jared watched as the sweat formed in beads on Jensen’s forehead, taking their time, falling down his face. And most satisfyingly, Jared watched as Jensen’s eyes opened and met his, the reflection of love in them, and the lurch that Jared felt deep in the pit of his stomach that represented the returned love he felt towards Jensen, and towards them. As Jared came deep inside Jensen, his arms wrapped tightly around Jensen’s waist, his face resting squarely on Jared’s shoulder, he couldn't help but think,
This is the man I want to spend the rest of my life with.
And there was no if or buts about it.
To Jensen it seemed like forever before they uncoupled and he eased his body of off Jared’s. Jensen felt a recognizable emptiness inside and he couldn't help but groan.
"You OK, baby?" Jared asked. His voice was husky and his eyes trained on Jensen, as he began to pull up his underwear.
"Yeah, couldn't be better," Jensen responded, barely able to get his words out before having to take a deep, settling breath. It was, without a doubt, one of the most fulfilling experiences, both sexually and emotionally that they had shared. Jensen knew that held so much more meaning for him than the obvious. For a while things were quiet, and then Jared said something that Jensen had never expected him to say in a million years.
"Jensen, marry me."
It was not an offer, or a proposal, but rather, it was a request that left no room for ifs or buts. Jensen was shocked, to say the least, and by the look on Jared’s face, Jensen knew that it was something that Jared had deep convictions about.
"What? Jared, are you serious?" Jensen questioned, watching his face for signs of a smile that would indicate that this was a very misplaced joke or something along those lines.
"Of course I'm serious. It has crossed my mind before, but tonight, tonight just sealed it for me. I want to be with you for as long as I can."
Jensen was almost tempted to laugh at that, as that was so uncharacteristic of Jared. Marriage was something Jensen had never expected from a woman, much less from a man, and when he and Jared had become an item, Jensen had expected them to be a monogamous couple, but to Jensen, monogamy in no way, shape, or form meant marriage. Having not been prepared to hear it, Jensen didn't know what to say. Jared’s hand reached up, and caressed Jensen’s cheek in a tender way that made him tingle.
"Don't answer me now, Jensen. Just take your time, and think about it. I know it's a big step to take and with all that's happened, it might be something you want to think about."
But to Jensen there was nothing to think about. He loved Jared, and he loved him unconditionally. Despite his slow recovery, despite him having to walk with a cane, despite his public lifestyle, Jensen knew he was willing to go all the way with him. Jensen would go to the ends of the earth to be with him, and Jensen had the funny suspicion that Jared would have done the same for him, too.
Jensen took both his hands, and brought them to his lips, kissing each hand separately and then together.
"I love you, Jared, and I want to marry you. I don't need to think about anything,"
The smile that graced Jared’s face dispelled any doubts that Jensen may have had about it having been a rushed decision.
"Wow, wow. I...uh...wow. You're serious babe? No regrets? No turning back?" For the first time in Jensen’s life, Jared seemed unsure of himself. Jensen leaned into him and brought his lips to Jared’s in a passionate embrace. He needed Jared to know how important this was to him.
"Babe, I would never, ever regret something like this. We're meant to be together now and forever. I love you so much, Jared, so damn much, and I'm gonna be the best damn husband in the world."
"I know you will, babe," Jared whispered, his hands once again wondering down south and cupping Jensen’s sore ass, "Does it still hurt?" He asked.
It did, but Jensen didn't care. He wanted to feel Jared inside, but Jared could read Jensen like a book, and knew that while emotionally Jensen was ready, physically, he needed to rest. He took one look at the grimace on Jensen’s face and gently helped Jensen off him and into the space beside him.
"Rest, babe, tomorrow's another day, and we have a lot of things to talk about. Plus, I have my appointment with the therapist at ten, and a release party to go to at nine-thirty."
Jensen looked at him incredulously, "You're really going to that? I thought you weren't up to it."
"I wasn't, but that was before I made progress, and before the press conference. I'm feeling the need to get out, to be a part of something again," In a more somber tone Jared added, "I know I don't stand a chance as a recording artist, but at least I can be a part of a team again. It's time for someone else to take the spotlight."
Even though Jensen disagreed with some of Jared’s points, he remained quiet. Instead, he chose to lean into Jared, resting his head on Jared’s shoulder, and listening to his quiet breathing. It seemed like forever before either of them said anything.
"We should probably get you into bed, Jared. Your therapist would kill the both of us if she knew the kind of strenuous activity we've been indulging ourselves in."
Jared started to chuckle at Jensen’s words, and leaned over to plant a kiss on his forehead.
"Yeah, we should, but let's just stay here a bit. I like this."
Jensen had to admit that he liked it too. This was the life.