Can't Let You Go - Chapter Twenty-One
Jul. 26th, 2011 07:41 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
something_rareTitle: Can't Let You Go - Chapter Twenty-One
Rating: R
Pairings: Adam Lambert/Kris Allen
Disclaimer: This story is a work of fiction. The characters and events portrayed are fictitious, and any resemblance to real people or events is purely coincidental.
Beta:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
bigj52 . Thanks for your patience and continuous support.
Summary: Nothing can beat true love, except...maybe another true love.
Chapter Twenty-One
Looking over at Bill and Julianne, Adam knew instantly that the man who’d just stepped foot off the plane was indeed their son. Even if there hadn’t been any tears in their eyes, he knew by the look on their faces.
Their son was home.
“Oh my God,” Kris mumbled quietly. “It’s him.”
When his husband said those words, Adam closed his eyes to try and ease the pain he felt. He knew what he should’ve been feeling for everyone’s prayers being answered, but the only feeling he was experiencing was pain. Gut wrenching, heart-breaking pain. The exact type of pain he’d only ever experienced once in his life…when he broke up with Brad.
“BRIAN!” Julianne screamed, before grabbing her husband’s hand and running through the crowd.
Adam’s eyes darted towards the plane again, trying his best to place Brian’s face. He’d only seen one photo of Brian, the wedding photo, and from what he could tell, it didn’t look like the same man. His hair was definitely longer and where there was no facial hair then, there was a ton now. His dirty blonde beard practically hung down to his chest.
Reality was setting in quickly as he looked over at his husband again. Kris was still standing there by his side, holding his hand, completely shell-shocked if he had to guess. He was trembling; his mouth was hanging wide-open, tears streaming down his face.
Adam tightened his grip on Kris’s hand. Out of fear and out of possessiveness. And more than anything, Adam didn’t want to let his hand go. He seriously felt that if he let his hand go, he’d be letting Kris go.
When Kris finally turned his head and looked up at him, Adam felt completely sick. Kris’s face spoke all the words that his lips refused to say. Despite the fact that Kris probably didn’t know what to do, Adam knew exactly what he had to do. There was no other choice.
He swallowed, fought back the tears and nodded his head, doing his best to act unnerved by the whole situation. And as much as he had prepared himself for what was now happening, he really wasn’t prepared at all. Nothing could’ve prepared him for this. Absolutely nothing. Managing only a weak smile at best, he did what he didn’t want to do.
He let go of Kris’s hand.
“Go to him,” Adam finally choked out.
“You sure?” Kris questioned quietly, wiping his cheeks clean of the tears and looking at Adam with uncertainty.
“Positive,” Adam said, nodding and looking back towards Brian. “He needs you.” Turning back towards his husband, Adam nodded again. “I’ll be fine…go.”
And with those words, Kris was gone.
Gone…gone…gone.
Kris didn’t take off running like all the others had before him; instead, he simply walked.
As Adam watched the entire scene through eyes that were clouded with tears, he grabbed his chest, trying desperately to gasp for much needed air. He couldn’t breathe. He couldn’t do anything…but watch as his husband made his way back to his first husband.
Adam seriously thought he would have a heart attack if he continued to watch, but he just couldn’t pull himself away from the scene that was unraveling before him. If it hadn’t been his own husband who was staring in the leading role, it would’ve been an award-winning scene. It was that touching and that dramatic and unfortunately for him, that real.
And with each reporter, news crew and cameraman who were videotaping, he was pretty sure it wouldn’t be the last time he saw it unfold. Adam closed his eyes briefly to try and make the image go away. It hurt too much and after a few seconds, he realized that the images were burned into memory. Closing his eyes wouldn’t and didn’t help.
Opening them slowly, his gaze centered right in on Kris standing maybe three feet away from Brian now, with Brian standing still himself. They were both just staring at each other. And they stood there for what seemed like minutes, but was probably only seconds, before Kris ran the rest of the way to him.
Brian’s arms opened wide, engulfing Kris and picking him up and off his feet. He twirled Kris around a couple times before stopping to place him back down.
Adam gripped his neck with his hand, forcing down the bile that was making its way up. Gasping, he finally caught his breath and then did what any sane man in his position would do, he broke down and cried as he watched Brian cup his hands on Kris’s face and then pull him in for a kiss.
Dropping his head, he took one last deep, shattered breath and made his way inside the building to make a call.
________________________________________
“Jesus, Adam,” Brad huffed, dropping the menu to the table. “Did you even tell them that you were leaving?”
Adam dropped his menu to the table as well. “Didn’t have to. I watched them from inside the building for over an hour and I honestly don’t think they even remembered that I was there in the first place.”
“Surely Kris remembered that you were there.”
Adam shook his head and sighed. “If he did, I didn’t notice. He was too caught up in everything else, trust me.” He grimaced trying to ease the ache in his heart. He seriously didn’t think he’d ever had this much heartache in one day.
“I don’t know, Ad,” Brad mumbled loudly to his friend. “They’ll probably be waiting around for you…you should’ve at least told someone you were leaving.”
Brad was probably right. He probably should’ve told someone that he was leaving. But after the scene of Brian and Kris kissing, he couldn’t bring himself to say anything to anyone. And that’s exactly why he called Brad, begging him to pick him up from the base. He needed to get the hell out of there.
“Maybe I should call Kris on his cell, just to be safe.”
“Yeah,” Brad agreed. “I think maybe you better.”
Adam quickly excused himself and made his way outside of the pub. It was an Irish pub that Brad frequented often and when Adam told him that he didn’t want Brad to take him right home, he suggested they stop for a late lunch and a brewski or two.
What Adam needed was about ten brewskis, nine Gin and Tonics, eight Tequila Sunrises, seven Killer Kool-Aids, six Sex on the Beaches, five Shirley Temples, four Fuzzy Navels, three more beers, two straight-up shots and one husband who still loved him. Then, and only then, would he feel better.
He paced the sidewalk, waiting for Kris to pick up his phone. After four rings, it was apparent that Kris was either ignoring his phone or had turned it off.
“Hey, hon,” he said quietly, leaving a message on the voicemail. “Just wanted to let you know that I had Lane pick me up from the base. She’ll drop me off at home here in a little bit. I hope everything’s going okay with you guys.” He swallowed down the lump in his throat. “I’ll see you at home. I love you.”
Placing his cell phone back in his pocket, Adam made his way back into the pub. He stopped by the bar on his way to his seat, ordering another round of beers. This was going to be another long day. Sunday would probably pale in comparison to what this day was going to hold.
He placed the beers on the table and pulled out his chair, quickly taking a seat. “Thought we could use a refill.”
Brad nodded, allowing his eyes to study Adam. “I just ordered us a bunch of different appetizers. Good enough?”
“Fine,” Adam replied, staring at his beer mug while he ran his finger along the rim. “I’m not really all that hungry anyway.”
Brad copied Adam’s actions, running his finger along the rim of his glass. “Don’t blame you. I still can’t believe that his ex is still alive.”
“You and me both,” Adam stated, stopping to look up for a moment. “But he isn’t his ex, Brad…they didn’t get divorced. Kris is a widower…was a widower…hell, whatever, but there’s a big difference. They were in love and still married when Brian was sent away…so that makes things a little more complicated now that he’s back.” He blew a frustrated breath out his nose. “Real complicated.”
“I can understand that this will throw things off kilter for a while,” Brad agreed, shrugging and thanking the waitress as she put down a bowl of peanuts. “But ultimately, you two are married…why do you think that this is going to complicate things?”
Adam contemplated whether or not he wanted to get into the specifics of his relationship with Kris and Kris’s obsession with doing the right thing, however wrong it really was. Taking his hand, he raked it through his hair, allowing his head to fall back. “Shit, Brad…it’s too complicated to even get into but to wrap it up in a sentence or two…he promised Brian that he’d wait for him and that’s exactly what he did until we met. For three years, he waited.” He brought his head back down and sighed. “He didn’t date anyone or anything…and to this day, he has a real hang-up about it. I thought he was over it, but he finally read a letter that Brian had written him while he was gone and in there was the fact that the only thing that kept him going every day was that Kris was waiting for him.”
Brad cracked open a peanut. “No sane man would expect their spouse to give up years of their life though…doesn’t Kris realize that?”
“Nope,” Adam dryly stated. “He doesn’t.”
Brad shook his head, a look of disbelief on his face. “So what’s this mean for you guys?”
Adam shrugged. “I hope nothing, but honestly…I don’t have a clue. If Brian lays the guilt trip on Kris, I don’t know what he’ll end up doing.”
“Wow.” Brad took a deep breath and rubbed his eyes with his hand. “Now that he’s back, does this make your marriage void?”
Adam’s eyes widened at the sound of hearing that question. He’d never even thought about it. “I don’t think so…I mean, he was officially declared dead at the time. It wasn’t like a missing person type of thing where they have seven years or something. Kris collected Brian’s life insurance policy immediately and everything.” He moaned, dropping his head to his hands. “Shit…I don’t even want to think about that.”
“Ya know, Adam,” Brad said earnestly. “Sounds to me like maybe you two should’ve gotten to know each other more than you did before you walked down the aisle.”
Adam simply peered at Brad, waving his hand dismissively.
“Don’t take that the wrong way or anything.”
“And just how the fuck did you want me to take it, Brad?” He pushed his beer out of the way and flung his arms up on the table, folding them in a defiant manner. “In my world – your comment could only mean one thing.” He held up his finger to drive his point home. “You think I made a mistake.”
“I didn’t say that.”
“You didn’t have to,” he replied, waving his finger around. “You implied it and for your information…we did not make a mistake getting married…no matter what the future holds for us as a couple, we did not make a mistake. I know Kris better than most people I’ve known for a decade, and that includes you too.”
Brad tilted his head “If you know him so well, Adam…then why don’t you know what he’s going to do now that his first husband is back in the picture?”
Adam had to take a deep breath. If he didn’t, he was liable to blow up and say something he’d regret. Fighting the urge to just get up and leave, he blew out his breath. “Should we just call it a day and head home? I’m not about to sit here and defend my actions to you or anyone else, Brad. In case you haven’t noticed, I’m not a child and I don’t appreciate being treated like one.”
“All right, take it easy.”
Adam gulped down the rest of his beer, slamming it hard against the tabletop when it was empty. “I think I’m ready to go.”
“Now come on…I don’t want to fight with you.”
“Good,” Adam acknowledged with a nod. “Then don’t fight and just take me home.”
________________________________________
Adam glanced at the stone and black marble clock that hung above the fireplace mantle. It was a wedding gift from Brian’s parents and at that particular time, unfortunately, it was a reminder that his time with Kris might very well be running out.
12:30 in the morning and still no sign of his husband.
Not even a phone call.
He walked towards the over-stuffed chair that sat in the corner next to the fireplace and took a seat. Bringing his legs over to rest on one of the arms, he dropped his head back on the other arm. He contemplated calling Bill for only a moment before realizing he didn’t have their number handy and having to call information first was just too much work with the depressed state he was in.
1:00 in the morning and still nothing.
Adam sat up in the chair. Despite the darkness that loomed outside and throughout the house, he had a clear shot of the front door. The front door that Kris’d undoubtedly come through…when and if he came home.
1:30 in the morning.
Adam was still sitting there, in complete darkness and in a complete state of disbelief over what’d happened in last twenty-four hours, when he heard the front door rattle. His pulse quickened with each second that ticked by, staring blankly towards the door. Whether or not it was his husband or an intruder was still yet to be seen. Hopefully, it wasn’t the latter. But if it was, he was in no condition to do anything about it besides sit there and watch.
By the time the front door finally opened, Adam already knew who it was. Kris. There was no way that an intruder would’ve spent that much time trying to open the front door when there were plenty of picture windows within a few feet that’d be easier to break.
He watched in complete silence and without moving a muscle, as his husband quietly walked in, dropped his bag to the floor, kicked off his shoes and then slowly shut the front door behind him.
Adam bit his tongue, fighting back the urge to talk. He wanted to see what his next move would be.
Kris stood completely still in the front foyer for a few minutes. A couple of times his head swung around to look down the hallway that led to the bedrooms. But that was it. No movement towards the bedrooms, just a couple of quick glances.
He sighed loudly and stepped onto the carpeting in the living room, making his way to the couch that sat against the closest wall to the door, opposite to where Adam was sitting. After taking off his coat, he reached for his neck, loosened his tie and started opening the buttons of his shirt.
It didn’t take long for him to lose his shirt and then his pants.
Adam had to stifle his moan.
And then he had to hold back his groan when Kris quickly grabbed the blanket from the back of the couch and lay down. He was going to sleep on the couch. Not in their bedroom or on their bed and not next to his husband, but on the couch.
“How’d it go?” Adam finally asked quietly; surprised to hear his own voice sound the way it did. Hurt and confused.
Even through the darkness, he could tell that Kris was surprised. His body completely froze with his arm still in the air to cover himself up with the blanket.
“How long have you been sitting there?”
“For a couple of hours.”
Not another word was spoken as Kris finished covering himself up. And it was a good minute or two later before he finally made any attempt at having a conversation. “Why’d you leave the base today?”
Adam sighed loudly, running a hand through his hair. “I didn’t belong there.”
“Oh.”
Adam’s mouth dropped. Oh? Just oh? Kris wasn’t even going to try and convince him otherwise. Obviously, Kris agreed with him. He didn’t belong there. Adam yanked on his hair in an attempt to feel a different type of pain. He could handle just about any type of pain except pain that shot straight through to his heart.
“So you got my message on your voicemail then?”
“Yeah.”
“You should’ve called and told me you were gonna be this late. I was worried.”
Kris shifted on the couch, letting out a long sigh. “Sorry.”
There was silence again. The kind of silence that made everyone who had to endure it, cringe. Slowly, Adam got up from his chair. Walking over to the couch, he bent down and placed his hand on the top of his husband’s head. “Do you feel like talking about it?”
Kris turned his head slightly away from Adam. “There really isn’t to much to talk about. After we left the base, we all headed back to Bill and Julianne’s house to eat.”
“Who drove you home?”
“Katy.”
Adam’s heart skipped a beat. “Katy? Why didn’t you just call me to come and get you?”
Slowly, Kris turned his head towards Adam. “Katy and Cale came over to Bill and Julianne’s house for dinner.”
“Oh,” Adam replied casually, trying to act unaffected by the announcement. “I see.”
Kris sat up on the couch and scooted back to rest on the arm. “They wanted to see him.”
“I understand.” Trying his best to smile, Adam forced his lips to act. Even though it was pitch dark in the room, his voice would sound better if he were at least faking somewhat of a smile. “How’s Brian handling all of this?”
Kris shrugged. “It’s hard to say. Physically, he’s okay. He did share a little bit about that aspect of this whole thing.” Kris ran a hand through his hair and sighed. “Apparently, all thirteen of the guys were treated fairly well. They weren’t tortured or starved or anything like that, thank God.”
As much as Adam tried to say something, he couldn’t. The words wouldn’t come and no amount of forcing them could change that.
“But mentally, I don’t think he’s doing okay. Before they were all brought back to the States, the army flew in a few therapists the day before to try and help all the prisoners cope.” Kris sighed loudly, covering his eyes with his hands. “I guess they thought that one day was sufficient to try and ease them back into reality…can you imagine?” He turned his head towards Adam. “After all this time, they thought one lousy day would be sufficient…I highly doubt that’ll be all the therapy he needs. He’s already agreed that it’s going to take a lot of time to try and work through this.”
Hearing Kris blaspheme caught Adam off-guard. Normally, Kris wasn’t one to use profanity unless the situation called for it and apparently, the current situation called for it. Adam sat back on his rear and stretched out, putting his arms behind him to support his weight. “He’s pretty messed up…in the head. He’s been out of touch with reality for years, you know?”
“Understandable.”
Why Adam was incapable of only uttering one or two word sentences was beyond anything he comprehended. He tried to say more, but the words just wouldn’t come out. He was pretty sure that he was coming across as being insensitive, but that wasn’t the case.
Kris turned away from Adam again. “I told him that I’d be able to meet with him every day for a few weeks to try and help him ease back into his life…but I doubt that will help either.”
“Sure.”
Kris finally looked over at Adam; his facial expression wasn’t apparent due to the lack of light, but his loud sigh was a dead giveaway. “You understand why I need to be with him for a few weeks, right?”
Adam lied through his clenched jaw. “Absolutely.”
“How come I don’t believe you?”
Adam shrugged.
“I can’t just ignore him, Adam.”
“No.”
“I won’t do that to him…he’s been through too much,” Kris mumbled, scooting himself back down into a lying position on the couch. “He needs everyone right now.”
Swallowing back his pride, Adam forced the lump down his throat. “I need you too,” he squeaked out.
Kris’s hand slowly dropped from the couch, resting on Adam’s calf. “Right now…he needs me more…you understand, right?” He rubbed his hand along Adam’s calf. “I’m not going to ignore you, if that’s what you’re worried about, honey.”
Adam was more than worried about being ignored. Being ignored wasn’t the problem. He was worried about being forgotten. But there was no way he was going to say that. He didn’t want to come off as being insensitive, uncaring or too demanding. “Did you tell him that you’re married?”
Adam immediately felt Kris’s touch stiffen, and then stop. Kris removed his hand from Adam’s leg and then rolled over to his side, turning himself into the back of the couch and away from his husband. “I’m tired, Adam.”
Adam closed his eyes and managed to stand to his feet before saying anything else. He already knew the answer to his question; Kris’s lack of answering was a clear indication that their marriage wasn’t a subject that was brought up, but he wanted to hear Kris say it. “Did you tell him that you’re married, Kris?”
Kris’s head flew back. “I wanted to, I really did.” Kris sighed heavily, covering his face with his hand. “But I just couldn’t do that to him today…it would’ve been too much for him.”
“He didn’t ask?”
Kris shook his head, removing his hand.
“And no one else mentioned it?”
Kris shook his head again.
Adam bent down and placed a kiss on his forehead. “Don’t sleep out here…take the bed,” he whispered. “I’ll sleep out here.”
Kris slowly rose to his feet. “You sure? I’d tell you to join me, but I’m pretty sure I’ll be tossing around all night.”
“Positive,” Adam mumbled, sitting down on the couch.
“Thanks,” Kris said quickly, walking away.
Rating: R
Pairings: Adam Lambert/Kris Allen
Disclaimer: This story is a work of fiction. The characters and events portrayed are fictitious, and any resemblance to real people or events is purely coincidental.
Beta:
bigj52 . Thanks for your patience and continuous support.Summary: Nothing can beat true love, except...maybe another true love.
Chapter Twenty-One
Looking over at Bill and Julianne, Adam knew instantly that the man who’d just stepped foot off the plane was indeed their son. Even if there hadn’t been any tears in their eyes, he knew by the look on their faces.
Their son was home.
“Oh my God,” Kris mumbled quietly. “It’s him.”
When his husband said those words, Adam closed his eyes to try and ease the pain he felt. He knew what he should’ve been feeling for everyone’s prayers being answered, but the only feeling he was experiencing was pain. Gut wrenching, heart-breaking pain. The exact type of pain he’d only ever experienced once in his life…when he broke up with Brad.
“BRIAN!” Julianne screamed, before grabbing her husband’s hand and running through the crowd.
Adam’s eyes darted towards the plane again, trying his best to place Brian’s face. He’d only seen one photo of Brian, the wedding photo, and from what he could tell, it didn’t look like the same man. His hair was definitely longer and where there was no facial hair then, there was a ton now. His dirty blonde beard practically hung down to his chest.
Reality was setting in quickly as he looked over at his husband again. Kris was still standing there by his side, holding his hand, completely shell-shocked if he had to guess. He was trembling; his mouth was hanging wide-open, tears streaming down his face.
Adam tightened his grip on Kris’s hand. Out of fear and out of possessiveness. And more than anything, Adam didn’t want to let his hand go. He seriously felt that if he let his hand go, he’d be letting Kris go.
When Kris finally turned his head and looked up at him, Adam felt completely sick. Kris’s face spoke all the words that his lips refused to say. Despite the fact that Kris probably didn’t know what to do, Adam knew exactly what he had to do. There was no other choice.
He swallowed, fought back the tears and nodded his head, doing his best to act unnerved by the whole situation. And as much as he had prepared himself for what was now happening, he really wasn’t prepared at all. Nothing could’ve prepared him for this. Absolutely nothing. Managing only a weak smile at best, he did what he didn’t want to do.
He let go of Kris’s hand.
“Go to him,” Adam finally choked out.
“You sure?” Kris questioned quietly, wiping his cheeks clean of the tears and looking at Adam with uncertainty.
“Positive,” Adam said, nodding and looking back towards Brian. “He needs you.” Turning back towards his husband, Adam nodded again. “I’ll be fine…go.”
And with those words, Kris was gone.
Gone…gone…gone.
Kris didn’t take off running like all the others had before him; instead, he simply walked.
As Adam watched the entire scene through eyes that were clouded with tears, he grabbed his chest, trying desperately to gasp for much needed air. He couldn’t breathe. He couldn’t do anything…but watch as his husband made his way back to his first husband.
Adam seriously thought he would have a heart attack if he continued to watch, but he just couldn’t pull himself away from the scene that was unraveling before him. If it hadn’t been his own husband who was staring in the leading role, it would’ve been an award-winning scene. It was that touching and that dramatic and unfortunately for him, that real.
And with each reporter, news crew and cameraman who were videotaping, he was pretty sure it wouldn’t be the last time he saw it unfold. Adam closed his eyes briefly to try and make the image go away. It hurt too much and after a few seconds, he realized that the images were burned into memory. Closing his eyes wouldn’t and didn’t help.
Opening them slowly, his gaze centered right in on Kris standing maybe three feet away from Brian now, with Brian standing still himself. They were both just staring at each other. And they stood there for what seemed like minutes, but was probably only seconds, before Kris ran the rest of the way to him.
Brian’s arms opened wide, engulfing Kris and picking him up and off his feet. He twirled Kris around a couple times before stopping to place him back down.
Adam gripped his neck with his hand, forcing down the bile that was making its way up. Gasping, he finally caught his breath and then did what any sane man in his position would do, he broke down and cried as he watched Brian cup his hands on Kris’s face and then pull him in for a kiss.
Dropping his head, he took one last deep, shattered breath and made his way inside the building to make a call.
________________________________________
“Jesus, Adam,” Brad huffed, dropping the menu to the table. “Did you even tell them that you were leaving?”
Adam dropped his menu to the table as well. “Didn’t have to. I watched them from inside the building for over an hour and I honestly don’t think they even remembered that I was there in the first place.”
“Surely Kris remembered that you were there.”
Adam shook his head and sighed. “If he did, I didn’t notice. He was too caught up in everything else, trust me.” He grimaced trying to ease the ache in his heart. He seriously didn’t think he’d ever had this much heartache in one day.
“I don’t know, Ad,” Brad mumbled loudly to his friend. “They’ll probably be waiting around for you…you should’ve at least told someone you were leaving.”
Brad was probably right. He probably should’ve told someone that he was leaving. But after the scene of Brian and Kris kissing, he couldn’t bring himself to say anything to anyone. And that’s exactly why he called Brad, begging him to pick him up from the base. He needed to get the hell out of there.
“Maybe I should call Kris on his cell, just to be safe.”
“Yeah,” Brad agreed. “I think maybe you better.”
Adam quickly excused himself and made his way outside of the pub. It was an Irish pub that Brad frequented often and when Adam told him that he didn’t want Brad to take him right home, he suggested they stop for a late lunch and a brewski or two.
What Adam needed was about ten brewskis, nine Gin and Tonics, eight Tequila Sunrises, seven Killer Kool-Aids, six Sex on the Beaches, five Shirley Temples, four Fuzzy Navels, three more beers, two straight-up shots and one husband who still loved him. Then, and only then, would he feel better.
He paced the sidewalk, waiting for Kris to pick up his phone. After four rings, it was apparent that Kris was either ignoring his phone or had turned it off.
“Hey, hon,” he said quietly, leaving a message on the voicemail. “Just wanted to let you know that I had Lane pick me up from the base. She’ll drop me off at home here in a little bit. I hope everything’s going okay with you guys.” He swallowed down the lump in his throat. “I’ll see you at home. I love you.”
Placing his cell phone back in his pocket, Adam made his way back into the pub. He stopped by the bar on his way to his seat, ordering another round of beers. This was going to be another long day. Sunday would probably pale in comparison to what this day was going to hold.
He placed the beers on the table and pulled out his chair, quickly taking a seat. “Thought we could use a refill.”
Brad nodded, allowing his eyes to study Adam. “I just ordered us a bunch of different appetizers. Good enough?”
“Fine,” Adam replied, staring at his beer mug while he ran his finger along the rim. “I’m not really all that hungry anyway.”
Brad copied Adam’s actions, running his finger along the rim of his glass. “Don’t blame you. I still can’t believe that his ex is still alive.”
“You and me both,” Adam stated, stopping to look up for a moment. “But he isn’t his ex, Brad…they didn’t get divorced. Kris is a widower…was a widower…hell, whatever, but there’s a big difference. They were in love and still married when Brian was sent away…so that makes things a little more complicated now that he’s back.” He blew a frustrated breath out his nose. “Real complicated.”
“I can understand that this will throw things off kilter for a while,” Brad agreed, shrugging and thanking the waitress as she put down a bowl of peanuts. “But ultimately, you two are married…why do you think that this is going to complicate things?”
Adam contemplated whether or not he wanted to get into the specifics of his relationship with Kris and Kris’s obsession with doing the right thing, however wrong it really was. Taking his hand, he raked it through his hair, allowing his head to fall back. “Shit, Brad…it’s too complicated to even get into but to wrap it up in a sentence or two…he promised Brian that he’d wait for him and that’s exactly what he did until we met. For three years, he waited.” He brought his head back down and sighed. “He didn’t date anyone or anything…and to this day, he has a real hang-up about it. I thought he was over it, but he finally read a letter that Brian had written him while he was gone and in there was the fact that the only thing that kept him going every day was that Kris was waiting for him.”
Brad cracked open a peanut. “No sane man would expect their spouse to give up years of their life though…doesn’t Kris realize that?”
“Nope,” Adam dryly stated. “He doesn’t.”
Brad shook his head, a look of disbelief on his face. “So what’s this mean for you guys?”
Adam shrugged. “I hope nothing, but honestly…I don’t have a clue. If Brian lays the guilt trip on Kris, I don’t know what he’ll end up doing.”
“Wow.” Brad took a deep breath and rubbed his eyes with his hand. “Now that he’s back, does this make your marriage void?”
Adam’s eyes widened at the sound of hearing that question. He’d never even thought about it. “I don’t think so…I mean, he was officially declared dead at the time. It wasn’t like a missing person type of thing where they have seven years or something. Kris collected Brian’s life insurance policy immediately and everything.” He moaned, dropping his head to his hands. “Shit…I don’t even want to think about that.”
“Ya know, Adam,” Brad said earnestly. “Sounds to me like maybe you two should’ve gotten to know each other more than you did before you walked down the aisle.”
Adam simply peered at Brad, waving his hand dismissively.
“Don’t take that the wrong way or anything.”
“And just how the fuck did you want me to take it, Brad?” He pushed his beer out of the way and flung his arms up on the table, folding them in a defiant manner. “In my world – your comment could only mean one thing.” He held up his finger to drive his point home. “You think I made a mistake.”
“I didn’t say that.”
“You didn’t have to,” he replied, waving his finger around. “You implied it and for your information…we did not make a mistake getting married…no matter what the future holds for us as a couple, we did not make a mistake. I know Kris better than most people I’ve known for a decade, and that includes you too.”
Brad tilted his head “If you know him so well, Adam…then why don’t you know what he’s going to do now that his first husband is back in the picture?”
Adam had to take a deep breath. If he didn’t, he was liable to blow up and say something he’d regret. Fighting the urge to just get up and leave, he blew out his breath. “Should we just call it a day and head home? I’m not about to sit here and defend my actions to you or anyone else, Brad. In case you haven’t noticed, I’m not a child and I don’t appreciate being treated like one.”
“All right, take it easy.”
Adam gulped down the rest of his beer, slamming it hard against the tabletop when it was empty. “I think I’m ready to go.”
“Now come on…I don’t want to fight with you.”
“Good,” Adam acknowledged with a nod. “Then don’t fight and just take me home.”
________________________________________
Adam glanced at the stone and black marble clock that hung above the fireplace mantle. It was a wedding gift from Brian’s parents and at that particular time, unfortunately, it was a reminder that his time with Kris might very well be running out.
12:30 in the morning and still no sign of his husband.
Not even a phone call.
He walked towards the over-stuffed chair that sat in the corner next to the fireplace and took a seat. Bringing his legs over to rest on one of the arms, he dropped his head back on the other arm. He contemplated calling Bill for only a moment before realizing he didn’t have their number handy and having to call information first was just too much work with the depressed state he was in.
1:00 in the morning and still nothing.
Adam sat up in the chair. Despite the darkness that loomed outside and throughout the house, he had a clear shot of the front door. The front door that Kris’d undoubtedly come through…when and if he came home.
1:30 in the morning.
Adam was still sitting there, in complete darkness and in a complete state of disbelief over what’d happened in last twenty-four hours, when he heard the front door rattle. His pulse quickened with each second that ticked by, staring blankly towards the door. Whether or not it was his husband or an intruder was still yet to be seen. Hopefully, it wasn’t the latter. But if it was, he was in no condition to do anything about it besides sit there and watch.
By the time the front door finally opened, Adam already knew who it was. Kris. There was no way that an intruder would’ve spent that much time trying to open the front door when there were plenty of picture windows within a few feet that’d be easier to break.
He watched in complete silence and without moving a muscle, as his husband quietly walked in, dropped his bag to the floor, kicked off his shoes and then slowly shut the front door behind him.
Adam bit his tongue, fighting back the urge to talk. He wanted to see what his next move would be.
Kris stood completely still in the front foyer for a few minutes. A couple of times his head swung around to look down the hallway that led to the bedrooms. But that was it. No movement towards the bedrooms, just a couple of quick glances.
He sighed loudly and stepped onto the carpeting in the living room, making his way to the couch that sat against the closest wall to the door, opposite to where Adam was sitting. After taking off his coat, he reached for his neck, loosened his tie and started opening the buttons of his shirt.
It didn’t take long for him to lose his shirt and then his pants.
Adam had to stifle his moan.
And then he had to hold back his groan when Kris quickly grabbed the blanket from the back of the couch and lay down. He was going to sleep on the couch. Not in their bedroom or on their bed and not next to his husband, but on the couch.
“How’d it go?” Adam finally asked quietly; surprised to hear his own voice sound the way it did. Hurt and confused.
Even through the darkness, he could tell that Kris was surprised. His body completely froze with his arm still in the air to cover himself up with the blanket.
“How long have you been sitting there?”
“For a couple of hours.”
Not another word was spoken as Kris finished covering himself up. And it was a good minute or two later before he finally made any attempt at having a conversation. “Why’d you leave the base today?”
Adam sighed loudly, running a hand through his hair. “I didn’t belong there.”
“Oh.”
Adam’s mouth dropped. Oh? Just oh? Kris wasn’t even going to try and convince him otherwise. Obviously, Kris agreed with him. He didn’t belong there. Adam yanked on his hair in an attempt to feel a different type of pain. He could handle just about any type of pain except pain that shot straight through to his heart.
“So you got my message on your voicemail then?”
“Yeah.”
“You should’ve called and told me you were gonna be this late. I was worried.”
Kris shifted on the couch, letting out a long sigh. “Sorry.”
There was silence again. The kind of silence that made everyone who had to endure it, cringe. Slowly, Adam got up from his chair. Walking over to the couch, he bent down and placed his hand on the top of his husband’s head. “Do you feel like talking about it?”
Kris turned his head slightly away from Adam. “There really isn’t to much to talk about. After we left the base, we all headed back to Bill and Julianne’s house to eat.”
“Who drove you home?”
“Katy.”
Adam’s heart skipped a beat. “Katy? Why didn’t you just call me to come and get you?”
Slowly, Kris turned his head towards Adam. “Katy and Cale came over to Bill and Julianne’s house for dinner.”
“Oh,” Adam replied casually, trying to act unaffected by the announcement. “I see.”
Kris sat up on the couch and scooted back to rest on the arm. “They wanted to see him.”
“I understand.” Trying his best to smile, Adam forced his lips to act. Even though it was pitch dark in the room, his voice would sound better if he were at least faking somewhat of a smile. “How’s Brian handling all of this?”
Kris shrugged. “It’s hard to say. Physically, he’s okay. He did share a little bit about that aspect of this whole thing.” Kris ran a hand through his hair and sighed. “Apparently, all thirteen of the guys were treated fairly well. They weren’t tortured or starved or anything like that, thank God.”
As much as Adam tried to say something, he couldn’t. The words wouldn’t come and no amount of forcing them could change that.
“But mentally, I don’t think he’s doing okay. Before they were all brought back to the States, the army flew in a few therapists the day before to try and help all the prisoners cope.” Kris sighed loudly, covering his eyes with his hands. “I guess they thought that one day was sufficient to try and ease them back into reality…can you imagine?” He turned his head towards Adam. “After all this time, they thought one lousy day would be sufficient…I highly doubt that’ll be all the therapy he needs. He’s already agreed that it’s going to take a lot of time to try and work through this.”
Hearing Kris blaspheme caught Adam off-guard. Normally, Kris wasn’t one to use profanity unless the situation called for it and apparently, the current situation called for it. Adam sat back on his rear and stretched out, putting his arms behind him to support his weight. “He’s pretty messed up…in the head. He’s been out of touch with reality for years, you know?”
“Understandable.”
Why Adam was incapable of only uttering one or two word sentences was beyond anything he comprehended. He tried to say more, but the words just wouldn’t come out. He was pretty sure that he was coming across as being insensitive, but that wasn’t the case.
Kris turned away from Adam again. “I told him that I’d be able to meet with him every day for a few weeks to try and help him ease back into his life…but I doubt that will help either.”
“Sure.”
Kris finally looked over at Adam; his facial expression wasn’t apparent due to the lack of light, but his loud sigh was a dead giveaway. “You understand why I need to be with him for a few weeks, right?”
Adam lied through his clenched jaw. “Absolutely.”
“How come I don’t believe you?”
Adam shrugged.
“I can’t just ignore him, Adam.”
“No.”
“I won’t do that to him…he’s been through too much,” Kris mumbled, scooting himself back down into a lying position on the couch. “He needs everyone right now.”
Swallowing back his pride, Adam forced the lump down his throat. “I need you too,” he squeaked out.
Kris’s hand slowly dropped from the couch, resting on Adam’s calf. “Right now…he needs me more…you understand, right?” He rubbed his hand along Adam’s calf. “I’m not going to ignore you, if that’s what you’re worried about, honey.”
Adam was more than worried about being ignored. Being ignored wasn’t the problem. He was worried about being forgotten. But there was no way he was going to say that. He didn’t want to come off as being insensitive, uncaring or too demanding. “Did you tell him that you’re married?”
Adam immediately felt Kris’s touch stiffen, and then stop. Kris removed his hand from Adam’s leg and then rolled over to his side, turning himself into the back of the couch and away from his husband. “I’m tired, Adam.”
Adam closed his eyes and managed to stand to his feet before saying anything else. He already knew the answer to his question; Kris’s lack of answering was a clear indication that their marriage wasn’t a subject that was brought up, but he wanted to hear Kris say it. “Did you tell him that you’re married, Kris?”
Kris’s head flew back. “I wanted to, I really did.” Kris sighed heavily, covering his face with his hand. “But I just couldn’t do that to him today…it would’ve been too much for him.”
“He didn’t ask?”
Kris shook his head, removing his hand.
“And no one else mentioned it?”
Kris shook his head again.
Adam bent down and placed a kiss on his forehead. “Don’t sleep out here…take the bed,” he whispered. “I’ll sleep out here.”
Kris slowly rose to his feet. “You sure? I’d tell you to join me, but I’m pretty sure I’ll be tossing around all night.”
“Positive,” Adam mumbled, sitting down on the couch.
“Thanks,” Kris said quickly, walking away.
