Can't Let You Go - Chapter Twenty-Two
Aug. 1st, 2011 08:28 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
something_rareTitle: Can't Let You Go - Chapter Twenty-Two
Rating: R
Pairings: Adam Lambert/Kris Allen
Disclaimer: This story is a work of fiction. The characters and events portrayed are fictitious, and any resemblance to real people or events is purely coincidental.
Beta:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
www . Thanks for your patience and continuous support.
Summary: Nothing can beat true love, except...maybe another true love.
Chapter Twenty-Two
The next week dragged by so slowly for Adam that he thought he’d die from frustration alone. For the majority of the days that’d passed, Kris spent his time over at Bill and Julianne’s place, leaving him and his overactive brain in a state of confusion. He wasn’t sure what was going on with Kris or Brian. Kris always had an excuse for not wanting to talk about it.
Always.
Grabbing two suitcases out of the garage, he slowly made his way to the bedroom. Against his better judgment, he was going to head out to New York a week early. He was due to meet his band out there for a meeting with his record label, anyway, so he decided to get a head start. If he was lucky, he could convince his husband to join him. If he weren’t so lucky, maybe Kris’d at least consider it out of guilt. He knew how much Kris hated to be away from him. He’d said so himself many times and even quit his job he loved so much because of it.
Maybe, just maybe, Kris would realize that having Adam gone for three weeks straight would be too much to bear and he’d relent.
Maybe.
Adam glanced at the alarm clock on the nightstand and sighed. It was already six o’clock in the evening and Kris still wasn’t home. He’d left the house at nine in the morning, just like all the other mornings and while it wasn’t unusual for him to show up after dark, he’d promised that tonight he would be home in time for dinner.
Stopping in front of the full-length mirror in the walk-in closet, he studied himself closely. He still looked the same. Still looked like Adam Lambert, but he sure as hell didn’t feel the same. Cool, calm and most of the time collected Adam Lambert hadn’t existed since the fateful day the plane landed at LAX.
Those words failed to define him now.
Sticking his neck out, he studied his face closely. He didn’t remember having any wrinkles in his goatee last month, but yet, there he stood looking at the wrinkles in their early phase staring right back at him. Was it possible to age so quickly? In a matter of a week?
Evidently it was. He had the proof.
“Damn,” he mumbled out loud, running his hand along his face. “Maybe I should start Botox treatment.”
“Don’t even think about it.”
Startled, his hand flew down to his side before turning around. Adam smiled at his beautiful husband, totally aware that, despite the fact that he looked emotionally drained, he still had that beautiful glow about him that Adam loved so much.
“Sorry if I scared you,” Kris replied softly.
“No problem.”
“Sorry I’m late,” he added, shrugging. “You didn’t eat yet, did you?”
He shook his head.
“Did you want to go grab a bite to eat?”
“Not really,” Adam replied, fighting the urge to grab Kris in his arms and demand to know what was happening between him and Brian. God, why wouldn’t Kris just open up and tell him what was going on? Was that too much to ask?
“Oh…did you make something for dinner?” Kris asked, stepping out of the closet. “Why are your suitcases on the bed? You’re not leaving for another week, I thought.”
Adam inwardly sighed, looking to the ceiling and saying a quick prayer to the universe. “Actually, I’ve decided to head to New York early and meet up with some friends that I haven’t seen in a long time.”
“Patrick?”
Adam stepped out of the closet in a flash. Kris’s comeback was so quick that it had him startled. “What?”
Kris was sitting on the bed. His hand was resting on one of the suitcases in question while he stared at the floor. “Are you going out there to see Patrick?”
“Absolutely not,” Adam huffed, stepping towards Kris. Grabbing his chin, Adam lifted his head slowly to look at him. “Why would you even be thinking that way?”
Kris shrugged, closing his eyes.
“Don’t shrug it off,” Adam demanded. “Obviously something made you say that.”
Kris opened his eyes and Adam watched as the tears started falling down Kris’s cheeks. “I’m just scared, I guess…sorry.”
“Scared of what?”
Kris shrugged again.
“Scared of what?” Adam repeated, his voice dropping.
“That because I’m s-spending so much time with Brian…that maybe that’d be your w-way of getting back at me.”
“Is that what you really think?” Adam questioned, dropping his hand from Kris’s face and turning his back. Walking over to the bay window, he took a seat and raked a hand through his hair. “If that’s what you really think…then you don’t know me at all.”
Even though Kris’s back was turned to him, Adam could see how uncomfortable his last statement had made Kris. He could read it in Kris’s body language, how subtle the change actually was. Hell, it made him uncomfortable too. But at the same time, if Kris really felt that way then he didn’t know him as well as Adam thought he did.
“Maybe,” Kris whispered without moving a muscle. “We both don’t know each other as well as we thought.”
His voice was shaky and almost inaudible, that for a few seconds Adam thought that maybe he hadn’t heard Kris correctly. But there were no mistaking those words. They cut right through him, making their way to his heart. “Are you serious?”
Kris nodded.
After a few moments of silence and a few moments to let his heart mend from the damage, Adam started to get pissed. How on earth could Kris even say something like that?
“If you were feeling that way,” Adam replied, stopping for a moment to count silently to ten. He needed to word his feelings carefully, making sure that he didn’t cause more damage. “Then why didn’t you say something earlier? Why are you saying it now? Now that Brian’s back in the picture?”
Kris swung his head around. “This has nothing to do with Brian. It has to do with us.”
Adam’s eyes settled in on Kris’s quickly, boring down. “Are you sure? Because if Brian wasn’t in the picture, you would’ve never asked me if I was going to New York early to see Patrick.”
“How do you know?” Kris quipped, staring right back at Adam.
“Because I wouldn’t be going to New York early,” Adam truthfully said. “And if I was…you’d more than likely be coming with me.”
Kris stood to his feet, defiantly placing his hands on his hips. “How could I be going with you when you didn’t even ask me to go with you?”
Adam shook his head, redirecting his gaze at the wall. What the hell was happening here? This conversation as a whole didn’t start off well, but now it was going down a completely different path. “I haven’t had a chance to ask you yet.”
Kris threw his hands off his hips and waved them in the air. “You’re just saying that now to pacify me.”
Adam stood to his feet and made his way over to his husband. Grabbing Kris by the shoulders, Adam crouched down slightly to look right into his eyes. “No, I’m not just saying that to pacify you. I would love it if you would come with me. I want you to.”
“Really?” Kris asked quietly.
“Yes, really.” Adam smiled at him, standing up straight. Pulling Kris into a hug, Adam whispered in his ear, “Maybe we could use this time away to get to know each other better.”
Adam felt Kris’s body tense, causing him to hold Kris tighter. Adam didn’t want Kris making any attempt at trying to escape his hold. He felt too good to let go and after a week of having no physical contact whatsoever, it was a welcome change.
“I didn’t really mean that,” Kris mumbled into Adam’s chest.
“I know,” Adam reassured him, kissing the top of his head. “Baby…you need to tell me what’s going on with Brian. I know you don’t feel like rehashing everything to me after a long day…but I need to know what’s going on.”
Kris squeezed Adam’s waist tighter, acknowledging to him that he knew Adam was right.
“We leave for New York tomorrow afternoon.” Adam stepped back from Kris and took a seat on the bed. Grabbing Kris’s hands, Adam pulled Kris to him so that he could stand between his legs. “Once we’re there, you’re gonna have to open up to me. We need to sit down and talk this through…everything and anything…it needs to be on the table, so we can both see it and so we can both work through it.”
Kris nodded.
“We have to communicate,” Adam said, encircling Kris’s waist with his arms and pulling him close. “No matter what, baby…throughout this whole thing, we need to make sure that we never stop talking.”
________________________________________
Lane paced the floors of the airport terminal at a rapid speed and for the thirty minutes that had passed, Adam couldn’t do anything else but sit there and watch. As much as it was driving him crazy, at least it kept his mind on other things besides the fact that his husband was late and they were due to board the plane in less than twenty minutes.
“Are you sure you gave him the right flight information, Adam?”
“Fuck, Lane,” Adam huffed, giving his friend the evil eye. “Yes, I’m sure I gave him the right flight information.”
Lane stopped pacing. “Why don’t you try calling him on his cell?” she asked, starting right back up with her pacing.
“Why the hell are you pacing, Lane?” Adam asked, annoyed with his friend but more annoyed with his husband who’d left in the morning, declaring that he’d meet him at the airport and had yet to show. “It’s not your husband we’re waiting for.”
“Thanks for reminding me yet again that I haven’t been able to find the right man,” she huffed, dropping to the seat next to Adam. “I guess I’m just worried that he’s gonna miss the flight and if that happens, I know I’m in for a long quiet flight myself.”
Adam’s head slowly turned. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
“Exactly what you think it means, Adam,” Lane quipped. “You know damn well that you’ll be in a pissy mood…and consequently, I’ll suffer.”
Ignoring the comment, Adam folded his arms in front of him. “I am not calling him, he knew what time the flight was.”
“Maybe he forgot.”
“I doubt it.”
“Maybe he’s caught up in traffic.”
Adam sighed, rolling his eyes. “Nice try,” he stated dryly.
“Well, where is he then?”
“When he left this morning he took his bags with him and told me he’d meet me here,” Adam replied, shrugging. “My only guess is that someone is holding him up.”
“Who?”
“Brian…who else?”
Only a few more words were spoken before they boarded the flight and all during the flight Adam opted to keep his eyes closed and pretend that he was sleeping. He was pretty sure that Lane knew what he was up to, but being that they had been friends for so long, she didn’t say anything. Most of Adam’s friends knew that when he wasn’t in a good mood, their best bet was to keep their mouths shut and let him deal with his problems the way he always did…in silence.
Dropping the last of his bags on the floor in his New York pad, Adam kicked the door closed. He was exhausted from the flight and from the frustration that wouldn’t stop mounting. He was beyond mad by this point…he was downright pissed. The fact that Kris had missed the flight was merely only the icing on the cake that had been baking for the past week.
The truth of the matter was…he wasn’t nearly as upset about Kris missing the flight as he was about the fact that he wasn’t letting him know what was going on with Brian.
“Hey!” Lane yelled, pushing the door open.
“Oh, sorry, Lane…I forgot you were behind me.” Walking further into the apartment, Adam took a good look around him. “Kris’s right,” he stated, shaking his head. “This place just isn’t me. I think I need to sell it.”
“Suit yourself, buddy,” Lane replied, dropping her bags on the couch. “Are you sure you want me staying here all week?”
“Might as well,” he replied flatly. “I won’t need the privacy.”
“If you say so.”
It wasn’t the original plan by any means. The original plan was for Lane to stay at a nearby hotel. In turn, Adam would be staying at the apartment with Kris, enjoying the time alone with his husband. Unfortunately, his plans weren’t panning out. He looked back at Lane and pointed to the couch. “The couch pulls out to a bed, don’t worry.”
“I’m not worried.”
“Let me make a few phone calls and see what’s going on for tonight.”
“Sure,” Lane said.
Adam walked over to the bed, slipping behind the tri-paneled screen that separated the bedroom from the rest of the studio apartment. Turning his phone on, he noticed that he had one missed call. Retrieving his message, he tried to relax by lying down on the bed while waiting to hear what his husband’s excuse was going to be. He already knew, even before the message kicked in, who it was going to be.
“Adam…honey…hi, listen…I got tied up and before I even realized it, I missed the flight. I’m so sorry, God…I hope you’re not mad. Call me, okay? I’m gonna try and reschedule…maybe I can catch a flight in the morning. Okay? I’m sorry…call me.
“Whatever,” he mumbled. Punching in Kris’s number, he grew impatient on the fourth ring. What’s the sense in having a cell phone if you never answer it? Once the beep was heard, he cleared his throat and did his best to sound casual. “Hey…it’s me. Listen, if it’s too much bother to try and catch another flight, don’t worry about coming out. I guess I’ll see you in three weeks then…later.”
In a desperate attempt to forget about his problems, he hung up the phone and promptly made three more phone calls. He needed something to do and he needed something to do fast. He needed to get his mind off the problems he was having back home and concentrate on something more productive…a night out.
________________________________________
As Adam and Lane made their way back into the studio apartment, he tensed right up. Unfortunately for him, he was still sober. As much as he wanted to drown his sorrows with alcohol, he didn’t. It would only make matters worse and that was exactly what he didn’t need.
Over the years, he figured out that while at the time he was drunk he would forget about his problems, by morning his hangover would only accentuate his problems. Something that took him a few years to figure out and luckily, something he hadn’t forgotten. Drinking wasn’t the solution.
The solution was simple…he needed to have a heart-to-heart with his husband.
The outcome was the problem…it may not be the outcome he wanted.
Leaving the main lights off, Adam turned on the lamp by the couch and then took a seat, dropping his head into his hands.
“You’re sitting on my bed,” Lane stated, dropping to the couch as well.
“Yeah…” Adam lingered, slowly lifting his head. “Well, so are you.”
“Only because you are.”
“You want me to get off?”
“Only if you want to.”
Adam sighed while rubbing his eyes, thinking about the night they’d had. What started out as a normal evening sure didn’t end that way. Or maybe it did. It had been a while since he actually went out for a night on the town. Maybe he’d just forgotten how difficult it actually was to try and have a relaxing evening without someone recognizing him.
“Tonight was interesting,” Lane said.
“Yeah…no kidding.” Adam looked over at his friend and raised his eyebrows. “I honestly can’t believe what some men will do when they’ve been drinking.”
“Somehow Adam,” Lane stated, shaking her head and kicking off her shoes. “I don’t think those men needed alcohol to do what they did.”
Adam frowned, thinking back at how the two particular men they were referring to, acted. They were almost to the point of what one would consider prostituting themselves. And that was at the beginning of the entire episode. By the end of the game, they came right out and told Adam that they weren’t looking for money; they were just looking to have a good time.
“I wonder if their partners even realize what goes on when they’re not around.”
Lane’s head swung around. “They had partners?” she asked in a surprised tone.
Adam nodded. “Sure looked that way to me. They both had wedding bands on their fingers.”
“No shit?”
“Makes you wonder, doesn’t it?”
Lane acknowledged him with a slight nod.
Adam laughed loudly. “Do you really think they would’ve followed through with what they were saying though?”
Lane laughed right along with him. “Sadly…yes, I think they would have. There’s just something about being with someone famous that intrigues some people. I personally don’t get it.”
“Ah, come on, girl,” Adam whined, smiling while nudging Lane with his elbow. “I don’t believe that for a second. What about James Dean…you’d be with him in a heartbeat if you could, even though he was gay.”
Lane blew out a breath through her nose. “You are no James Dean.”
“Maybe not,” Adam admitted, folding his arms in front of his chest. “But I am their James Dean.”
“You get off on that, don’t you?”
He shrugged. “Sometimes…makes me feel good, I guess.”
“Don’t these men realize that the reality would never live up to the fantasy?”
Adam jabbed his friend in the shoulder. “Hey…are you saying I couldn’t live up to the fantasy?”
“Yeah,” Lane said with a cocky smile. “That’s what I’m saying.”
“How would you know?”
“Ah, come on, Adam…you’re not superman.”
“Says who?”
Lane pointed to herself. “Me.”
Adam laughed, realizing that what his friend said was true. “Yeah, you’re probably right. I’d be so damn nervous, it’d probably be over in a minute.”
Both of them erupted in laughter. “I wouldn’t even give you a minute, buddy. I bet you probably wouldn’t be able to even get it up.”
Adam stopped laughing and shot his friend a look. “I’ve never had a problem getting it up in the past.”
“That may be true, but when was the last time you had a one-night stand with a fan?”
“Shit,” Adam moaned, running his hand through his hair. “Not since Kris.”
“My point exactly.”
“Are you saying I’m old?”
“I’m just saying that era of your life is over.” Lane stood up from the couch and walked over to the fridge.
“Be a dear and grab me a beer, would you?” Adam kicked off his shoes and dropped his head back against the back of the couch. “You miss those days?”
“Sometimes.” Lane handed Adam a beer and sat back down. “You miss them?”
“Ah…not really.” He took a swig of his beer and sighed. “They were fun, but after a while, it got old.”
“True…” Lane lingered, sighing dramatically.
Adam laughed, placing his beer down on the end table. They both sat in silence for a few moments before he turned the lamp off. “I’m gonna hit the sack.”
“Sounds good. You’re not setting the alarm, are you?”
“Hell, no.” Adam walked over to the bed, maneuvering his way around the tri-paneled screen. Stubbing his toe on something hard, he stumbled. “Shit.”
“You okay?”
“Yeah,” he said, bending down and grabbing the offending object. Squinting to see what it was, his heart sank when he realized it was a shoe. A Converse, to be precise. Slowly, he stood up and fixed his gaze on the lump that was settled in his bed. Seeing someone lying in his bed took him completely by surprise. “What the hell?” he mumbled, pulling the covers back.
Resisting the urge to yell at the person who had snuck into his apartment, he hit the light switch on the wall, turning on the disco light.
“I wanted to surprise you,” Kris whispered, sitting up in bed.
“Surprise me?” Adam gasped, lurching his head forward. “You almost gave me a damn heart attack, boy…you’re lucky I didn’t jump on the bed and start swinging at you.”
Lane jumped off the couch. “What’s going on?” she asked, peeking around the screen. “Oh…hi Kris.”
Kris nodded, pulling the sheets up to his chin to hide his nakedness. “Lane.” Kris turned to his husband. “I thought you would be alone,” he whispered quietly.
Silence filled the air between the three of them.
Kris was staring at Adam.
Adam was staring at Kris.
Lane quickly turned around and headed back to the couch. “I’ll just grab my things and get outta here.”
“No, Lane,” Kris quipped. “You’re fine.”
“No, really it’s okay, I’m just gonna head to the hotel down the street.”
Adam stared at his husband in disbelief. “Why didn’t you call me to let me know that you were coming in tonight?”
Kris slowly turned his head towards Adam. “I wanted to surprise you.”
“You should’ve called.”
“Why, Adam?” Kris asked, gripping the sheets tighter. “You don’t like surprises? Or are you just glad now that you didn’t take those two men up on their offer?”
Adam’s mouth dropped at his question. Obviously, Kris’d heard the conversation that had taken place between him and Lane but did he hear it in its entirety? “What? I’m married, Kris…I never would’ve taken them up on their offer.”
“If you miss those days so much, Adam, then why’d you get married?” Kris’s lips were quivering now and if Adam had to guess, he was about to get seriously pissed off. “You wanted to take them up on their offer though, didn’t you?”
“What the hell are you talking about?” Adam huffed, throwing the shoe to the floor.
“Okay, guys,” Lane yelled, opening the door to the apartment. “I’ll talk to you tomorrow, Adam…goodnight.”
“Yeah, Lane,” Adam replied over his shoulder. “I’ll call you.”
Hearing the door close, Adam remained in his position next to the bed. He was astonished at the conversation that was taking place with his husband. Hell, he was just amazed that Kris was even there.
“She didn’t have to go,” Kris whispered.
“Yes, she did…we have some serious talking to do.” He began to pace the floor next to the bed in a desperate attempt to cool down. Kris’d hit a huge nerve with him, assuming that he wanted to sleep with someone other than Kris and he wasn’t about to let the subject drop. “I did not want to take anyone up on any offer…how could you even ask me something like that?”
Kris closed his eyes and let go of the sheets and sighed. “I heard you guys. I heard you say that those days were fun.”
“If you heard me,” Adam added, stopping to stare at Kris. “Then you also heard me say that those days got old and that being with you was more than enough for me.”
“That wasn’t exactly what you said,” Kris retaliated, eyes flying open.
“It’s what I meant, Kris,” Adam shot back, throwing his hands up in the air. “And you know damn well that you are more than enough for me. You also know that I’d never cheat on you too, damnit!” Dropping to the bed, his back was turned to Kris. He took in a deep breath and stared into the space in front of him. “Are you honestly questioning whether or not I’ve been faithful to you?”
When there was no response from his husband, Adam’s head flew back. “Are you?”
Kris dropped his head and slowly shook his head.
“Because quite honestly,” he added, reaching back and lifting Kris’s chin. “I could be asking you the same thing.”
Kris’s head flew up in haste. “What? You think I’ve been unfaithful to you?”
Adam shrugged. “I don’t know what the hell is going on with you anymore. You’re never home and when you are, you’re never totally there. Add in the fact that you don’t talk to me about what’s going on and I don’t know what to think.”
“So because of all that,” Kris gasped, lurching his head forward. “You’re worried that I’ve been cheating on you?”
Adam’s eyes remained focused on Kris’s. He was not going to back down. “I don’t know…you tell me. Should I be worried?”
“I can’t believe you would even think that!”
Adam shot up from the bed, keeping his back to Kris. “Same goes for you. I thought we knew each other better than this, Kris…but maybe you were right.” He reached for the light switch and threw off the light before heading back towards the couch. “Maybe we don’t know each other as well as we thought.”
Rating: R
Pairings: Adam Lambert/Kris Allen
Disclaimer: This story is a work of fiction. The characters and events portrayed are fictitious, and any resemblance to real people or events is purely coincidental.
Beta:
www . Thanks for your patience and continuous support.Summary: Nothing can beat true love, except...maybe another true love.
Chapter Twenty-Two
The next week dragged by so slowly for Adam that he thought he’d die from frustration alone. For the majority of the days that’d passed, Kris spent his time over at Bill and Julianne’s place, leaving him and his overactive brain in a state of confusion. He wasn’t sure what was going on with Kris or Brian. Kris always had an excuse for not wanting to talk about it.
Always.
Grabbing two suitcases out of the garage, he slowly made his way to the bedroom. Against his better judgment, he was going to head out to New York a week early. He was due to meet his band out there for a meeting with his record label, anyway, so he decided to get a head start. If he was lucky, he could convince his husband to join him. If he weren’t so lucky, maybe Kris’d at least consider it out of guilt. He knew how much Kris hated to be away from him. He’d said so himself many times and even quit his job he loved so much because of it.
Maybe, just maybe, Kris would realize that having Adam gone for three weeks straight would be too much to bear and he’d relent.
Maybe.
Adam glanced at the alarm clock on the nightstand and sighed. It was already six o’clock in the evening and Kris still wasn’t home. He’d left the house at nine in the morning, just like all the other mornings and while it wasn’t unusual for him to show up after dark, he’d promised that tonight he would be home in time for dinner.
Stopping in front of the full-length mirror in the walk-in closet, he studied himself closely. He still looked the same. Still looked like Adam Lambert, but he sure as hell didn’t feel the same. Cool, calm and most of the time collected Adam Lambert hadn’t existed since the fateful day the plane landed at LAX.
Those words failed to define him now.
Sticking his neck out, he studied his face closely. He didn’t remember having any wrinkles in his goatee last month, but yet, there he stood looking at the wrinkles in their early phase staring right back at him. Was it possible to age so quickly? In a matter of a week?
Evidently it was. He had the proof.
“Damn,” he mumbled out loud, running his hand along his face. “Maybe I should start Botox treatment.”
“Don’t even think about it.”
Startled, his hand flew down to his side before turning around. Adam smiled at his beautiful husband, totally aware that, despite the fact that he looked emotionally drained, he still had that beautiful glow about him that Adam loved so much.
“Sorry if I scared you,” Kris replied softly.
“No problem.”
“Sorry I’m late,” he added, shrugging. “You didn’t eat yet, did you?”
He shook his head.
“Did you want to go grab a bite to eat?”
“Not really,” Adam replied, fighting the urge to grab Kris in his arms and demand to know what was happening between him and Brian. God, why wouldn’t Kris just open up and tell him what was going on? Was that too much to ask?
“Oh…did you make something for dinner?” Kris asked, stepping out of the closet. “Why are your suitcases on the bed? You’re not leaving for another week, I thought.”
Adam inwardly sighed, looking to the ceiling and saying a quick prayer to the universe. “Actually, I’ve decided to head to New York early and meet up with some friends that I haven’t seen in a long time.”
“Patrick?”
Adam stepped out of the closet in a flash. Kris’s comeback was so quick that it had him startled. “What?”
Kris was sitting on the bed. His hand was resting on one of the suitcases in question while he stared at the floor. “Are you going out there to see Patrick?”
“Absolutely not,” Adam huffed, stepping towards Kris. Grabbing his chin, Adam lifted his head slowly to look at him. “Why would you even be thinking that way?”
Kris shrugged, closing his eyes.
“Don’t shrug it off,” Adam demanded. “Obviously something made you say that.”
Kris opened his eyes and Adam watched as the tears started falling down Kris’s cheeks. “I’m just scared, I guess…sorry.”
“Scared of what?”
Kris shrugged again.
“Scared of what?” Adam repeated, his voice dropping.
“That because I’m s-spending so much time with Brian…that maybe that’d be your w-way of getting back at me.”
“Is that what you really think?” Adam questioned, dropping his hand from Kris’s face and turning his back. Walking over to the bay window, he took a seat and raked a hand through his hair. “If that’s what you really think…then you don’t know me at all.”
Even though Kris’s back was turned to him, Adam could see how uncomfortable his last statement had made Kris. He could read it in Kris’s body language, how subtle the change actually was. Hell, it made him uncomfortable too. But at the same time, if Kris really felt that way then he didn’t know him as well as Adam thought he did.
“Maybe,” Kris whispered without moving a muscle. “We both don’t know each other as well as we thought.”
His voice was shaky and almost inaudible, that for a few seconds Adam thought that maybe he hadn’t heard Kris correctly. But there were no mistaking those words. They cut right through him, making their way to his heart. “Are you serious?”
Kris nodded.
After a few moments of silence and a few moments to let his heart mend from the damage, Adam started to get pissed. How on earth could Kris even say something like that?
“If you were feeling that way,” Adam replied, stopping for a moment to count silently to ten. He needed to word his feelings carefully, making sure that he didn’t cause more damage. “Then why didn’t you say something earlier? Why are you saying it now? Now that Brian’s back in the picture?”
Kris swung his head around. “This has nothing to do with Brian. It has to do with us.”
Adam’s eyes settled in on Kris’s quickly, boring down. “Are you sure? Because if Brian wasn’t in the picture, you would’ve never asked me if I was going to New York early to see Patrick.”
“How do you know?” Kris quipped, staring right back at Adam.
“Because I wouldn’t be going to New York early,” Adam truthfully said. “And if I was…you’d more than likely be coming with me.”
Kris stood to his feet, defiantly placing his hands on his hips. “How could I be going with you when you didn’t even ask me to go with you?”
Adam shook his head, redirecting his gaze at the wall. What the hell was happening here? This conversation as a whole didn’t start off well, but now it was going down a completely different path. “I haven’t had a chance to ask you yet.”
Kris threw his hands off his hips and waved them in the air. “You’re just saying that now to pacify me.”
Adam stood to his feet and made his way over to his husband. Grabbing Kris by the shoulders, Adam crouched down slightly to look right into his eyes. “No, I’m not just saying that to pacify you. I would love it if you would come with me. I want you to.”
“Really?” Kris asked quietly.
“Yes, really.” Adam smiled at him, standing up straight. Pulling Kris into a hug, Adam whispered in his ear, “Maybe we could use this time away to get to know each other better.”
Adam felt Kris’s body tense, causing him to hold Kris tighter. Adam didn’t want Kris making any attempt at trying to escape his hold. He felt too good to let go and after a week of having no physical contact whatsoever, it was a welcome change.
“I didn’t really mean that,” Kris mumbled into Adam’s chest.
“I know,” Adam reassured him, kissing the top of his head. “Baby…you need to tell me what’s going on with Brian. I know you don’t feel like rehashing everything to me after a long day…but I need to know what’s going on.”
Kris squeezed Adam’s waist tighter, acknowledging to him that he knew Adam was right.
“We leave for New York tomorrow afternoon.” Adam stepped back from Kris and took a seat on the bed. Grabbing Kris’s hands, Adam pulled Kris to him so that he could stand between his legs. “Once we’re there, you’re gonna have to open up to me. We need to sit down and talk this through…everything and anything…it needs to be on the table, so we can both see it and so we can both work through it.”
Kris nodded.
“We have to communicate,” Adam said, encircling Kris’s waist with his arms and pulling him close. “No matter what, baby…throughout this whole thing, we need to make sure that we never stop talking.”
________________________________________
Lane paced the floors of the airport terminal at a rapid speed and for the thirty minutes that had passed, Adam couldn’t do anything else but sit there and watch. As much as it was driving him crazy, at least it kept his mind on other things besides the fact that his husband was late and they were due to board the plane in less than twenty minutes.
“Are you sure you gave him the right flight information, Adam?”
“Fuck, Lane,” Adam huffed, giving his friend the evil eye. “Yes, I’m sure I gave him the right flight information.”
Lane stopped pacing. “Why don’t you try calling him on his cell?” she asked, starting right back up with her pacing.
“Why the hell are you pacing, Lane?” Adam asked, annoyed with his friend but more annoyed with his husband who’d left in the morning, declaring that he’d meet him at the airport and had yet to show. “It’s not your husband we’re waiting for.”
“Thanks for reminding me yet again that I haven’t been able to find the right man,” she huffed, dropping to the seat next to Adam. “I guess I’m just worried that he’s gonna miss the flight and if that happens, I know I’m in for a long quiet flight myself.”
Adam’s head slowly turned. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
“Exactly what you think it means, Adam,” Lane quipped. “You know damn well that you’ll be in a pissy mood…and consequently, I’ll suffer.”
Ignoring the comment, Adam folded his arms in front of him. “I am not calling him, he knew what time the flight was.”
“Maybe he forgot.”
“I doubt it.”
“Maybe he’s caught up in traffic.”
Adam sighed, rolling his eyes. “Nice try,” he stated dryly.
“Well, where is he then?”
“When he left this morning he took his bags with him and told me he’d meet me here,” Adam replied, shrugging. “My only guess is that someone is holding him up.”
“Who?”
“Brian…who else?”
Only a few more words were spoken before they boarded the flight and all during the flight Adam opted to keep his eyes closed and pretend that he was sleeping. He was pretty sure that Lane knew what he was up to, but being that they had been friends for so long, she didn’t say anything. Most of Adam’s friends knew that when he wasn’t in a good mood, their best bet was to keep their mouths shut and let him deal with his problems the way he always did…in silence.
Dropping the last of his bags on the floor in his New York pad, Adam kicked the door closed. He was exhausted from the flight and from the frustration that wouldn’t stop mounting. He was beyond mad by this point…he was downright pissed. The fact that Kris had missed the flight was merely only the icing on the cake that had been baking for the past week.
The truth of the matter was…he wasn’t nearly as upset about Kris missing the flight as he was about the fact that he wasn’t letting him know what was going on with Brian.
“Hey!” Lane yelled, pushing the door open.
“Oh, sorry, Lane…I forgot you were behind me.” Walking further into the apartment, Adam took a good look around him. “Kris’s right,” he stated, shaking his head. “This place just isn’t me. I think I need to sell it.”
“Suit yourself, buddy,” Lane replied, dropping her bags on the couch. “Are you sure you want me staying here all week?”
“Might as well,” he replied flatly. “I won’t need the privacy.”
“If you say so.”
It wasn’t the original plan by any means. The original plan was for Lane to stay at a nearby hotel. In turn, Adam would be staying at the apartment with Kris, enjoying the time alone with his husband. Unfortunately, his plans weren’t panning out. He looked back at Lane and pointed to the couch. “The couch pulls out to a bed, don’t worry.”
“I’m not worried.”
“Let me make a few phone calls and see what’s going on for tonight.”
“Sure,” Lane said.
Adam walked over to the bed, slipping behind the tri-paneled screen that separated the bedroom from the rest of the studio apartment. Turning his phone on, he noticed that he had one missed call. Retrieving his message, he tried to relax by lying down on the bed while waiting to hear what his husband’s excuse was going to be. He already knew, even before the message kicked in, who it was going to be.
“Adam…honey…hi, listen…I got tied up and before I even realized it, I missed the flight. I’m so sorry, God…I hope you’re not mad. Call me, okay? I’m gonna try and reschedule…maybe I can catch a flight in the morning. Okay? I’m sorry…call me.
“Whatever,” he mumbled. Punching in Kris’s number, he grew impatient on the fourth ring. What’s the sense in having a cell phone if you never answer it? Once the beep was heard, he cleared his throat and did his best to sound casual. “Hey…it’s me. Listen, if it’s too much bother to try and catch another flight, don’t worry about coming out. I guess I’ll see you in three weeks then…later.”
In a desperate attempt to forget about his problems, he hung up the phone and promptly made three more phone calls. He needed something to do and he needed something to do fast. He needed to get his mind off the problems he was having back home and concentrate on something more productive…a night out.
________________________________________
As Adam and Lane made their way back into the studio apartment, he tensed right up. Unfortunately for him, he was still sober. As much as he wanted to drown his sorrows with alcohol, he didn’t. It would only make matters worse and that was exactly what he didn’t need.
Over the years, he figured out that while at the time he was drunk he would forget about his problems, by morning his hangover would only accentuate his problems. Something that took him a few years to figure out and luckily, something he hadn’t forgotten. Drinking wasn’t the solution.
The solution was simple…he needed to have a heart-to-heart with his husband.
The outcome was the problem…it may not be the outcome he wanted.
Leaving the main lights off, Adam turned on the lamp by the couch and then took a seat, dropping his head into his hands.
“You’re sitting on my bed,” Lane stated, dropping to the couch as well.
“Yeah…” Adam lingered, slowly lifting his head. “Well, so are you.”
“Only because you are.”
“You want me to get off?”
“Only if you want to.”
Adam sighed while rubbing his eyes, thinking about the night they’d had. What started out as a normal evening sure didn’t end that way. Or maybe it did. It had been a while since he actually went out for a night on the town. Maybe he’d just forgotten how difficult it actually was to try and have a relaxing evening without someone recognizing him.
“Tonight was interesting,” Lane said.
“Yeah…no kidding.” Adam looked over at his friend and raised his eyebrows. “I honestly can’t believe what some men will do when they’ve been drinking.”
“Somehow Adam,” Lane stated, shaking her head and kicking off her shoes. “I don’t think those men needed alcohol to do what they did.”
Adam frowned, thinking back at how the two particular men they were referring to, acted. They were almost to the point of what one would consider prostituting themselves. And that was at the beginning of the entire episode. By the end of the game, they came right out and told Adam that they weren’t looking for money; they were just looking to have a good time.
“I wonder if their partners even realize what goes on when they’re not around.”
Lane’s head swung around. “They had partners?” she asked in a surprised tone.
Adam nodded. “Sure looked that way to me. They both had wedding bands on their fingers.”
“No shit?”
“Makes you wonder, doesn’t it?”
Lane acknowledged him with a slight nod.
Adam laughed loudly. “Do you really think they would’ve followed through with what they were saying though?”
Lane laughed right along with him. “Sadly…yes, I think they would have. There’s just something about being with someone famous that intrigues some people. I personally don’t get it.”
“Ah, come on, girl,” Adam whined, smiling while nudging Lane with his elbow. “I don’t believe that for a second. What about James Dean…you’d be with him in a heartbeat if you could, even though he was gay.”
Lane blew out a breath through her nose. “You are no James Dean.”
“Maybe not,” Adam admitted, folding his arms in front of his chest. “But I am their James Dean.”
“You get off on that, don’t you?”
He shrugged. “Sometimes…makes me feel good, I guess.”
“Don’t these men realize that the reality would never live up to the fantasy?”
Adam jabbed his friend in the shoulder. “Hey…are you saying I couldn’t live up to the fantasy?”
“Yeah,” Lane said with a cocky smile. “That’s what I’m saying.”
“How would you know?”
“Ah, come on, Adam…you’re not superman.”
“Says who?”
Lane pointed to herself. “Me.”
Adam laughed, realizing that what his friend said was true. “Yeah, you’re probably right. I’d be so damn nervous, it’d probably be over in a minute.”
Both of them erupted in laughter. “I wouldn’t even give you a minute, buddy. I bet you probably wouldn’t be able to even get it up.”
Adam stopped laughing and shot his friend a look. “I’ve never had a problem getting it up in the past.”
“That may be true, but when was the last time you had a one-night stand with a fan?”
“Shit,” Adam moaned, running his hand through his hair. “Not since Kris.”
“My point exactly.”
“Are you saying I’m old?”
“I’m just saying that era of your life is over.” Lane stood up from the couch and walked over to the fridge.
“Be a dear and grab me a beer, would you?” Adam kicked off his shoes and dropped his head back against the back of the couch. “You miss those days?”
“Sometimes.” Lane handed Adam a beer and sat back down. “You miss them?”
“Ah…not really.” He took a swig of his beer and sighed. “They were fun, but after a while, it got old.”
“True…” Lane lingered, sighing dramatically.
Adam laughed, placing his beer down on the end table. They both sat in silence for a few moments before he turned the lamp off. “I’m gonna hit the sack.”
“Sounds good. You’re not setting the alarm, are you?”
“Hell, no.” Adam walked over to the bed, maneuvering his way around the tri-paneled screen. Stubbing his toe on something hard, he stumbled. “Shit.”
“You okay?”
“Yeah,” he said, bending down and grabbing the offending object. Squinting to see what it was, his heart sank when he realized it was a shoe. A Converse, to be precise. Slowly, he stood up and fixed his gaze on the lump that was settled in his bed. Seeing someone lying in his bed took him completely by surprise. “What the hell?” he mumbled, pulling the covers back.
Resisting the urge to yell at the person who had snuck into his apartment, he hit the light switch on the wall, turning on the disco light.
“I wanted to surprise you,” Kris whispered, sitting up in bed.
“Surprise me?” Adam gasped, lurching his head forward. “You almost gave me a damn heart attack, boy…you’re lucky I didn’t jump on the bed and start swinging at you.”
Lane jumped off the couch. “What’s going on?” she asked, peeking around the screen. “Oh…hi Kris.”
Kris nodded, pulling the sheets up to his chin to hide his nakedness. “Lane.” Kris turned to his husband. “I thought you would be alone,” he whispered quietly.
Silence filled the air between the three of them.
Kris was staring at Adam.
Adam was staring at Kris.
Lane quickly turned around and headed back to the couch. “I’ll just grab my things and get outta here.”
“No, Lane,” Kris quipped. “You’re fine.”
“No, really it’s okay, I’m just gonna head to the hotel down the street.”
Adam stared at his husband in disbelief. “Why didn’t you call me to let me know that you were coming in tonight?”
Kris slowly turned his head towards Adam. “I wanted to surprise you.”
“You should’ve called.”
“Why, Adam?” Kris asked, gripping the sheets tighter. “You don’t like surprises? Or are you just glad now that you didn’t take those two men up on their offer?”
Adam’s mouth dropped at his question. Obviously, Kris’d heard the conversation that had taken place between him and Lane but did he hear it in its entirety? “What? I’m married, Kris…I never would’ve taken them up on their offer.”
“If you miss those days so much, Adam, then why’d you get married?” Kris’s lips were quivering now and if Adam had to guess, he was about to get seriously pissed off. “You wanted to take them up on their offer though, didn’t you?”
“What the hell are you talking about?” Adam huffed, throwing the shoe to the floor.
“Okay, guys,” Lane yelled, opening the door to the apartment. “I’ll talk to you tomorrow, Adam…goodnight.”
“Yeah, Lane,” Adam replied over his shoulder. “I’ll call you.”
Hearing the door close, Adam remained in his position next to the bed. He was astonished at the conversation that was taking place with his husband. Hell, he was just amazed that Kris was even there.
“She didn’t have to go,” Kris whispered.
“Yes, she did…we have some serious talking to do.” He began to pace the floor next to the bed in a desperate attempt to cool down. Kris’d hit a huge nerve with him, assuming that he wanted to sleep with someone other than Kris and he wasn’t about to let the subject drop. “I did not want to take anyone up on any offer…how could you even ask me something like that?”
Kris closed his eyes and let go of the sheets and sighed. “I heard you guys. I heard you say that those days were fun.”
“If you heard me,” Adam added, stopping to stare at Kris. “Then you also heard me say that those days got old and that being with you was more than enough for me.”
“That wasn’t exactly what you said,” Kris retaliated, eyes flying open.
“It’s what I meant, Kris,” Adam shot back, throwing his hands up in the air. “And you know damn well that you are more than enough for me. You also know that I’d never cheat on you too, damnit!” Dropping to the bed, his back was turned to Kris. He took in a deep breath and stared into the space in front of him. “Are you honestly questioning whether or not I’ve been faithful to you?”
When there was no response from his husband, Adam’s head flew back. “Are you?”
Kris dropped his head and slowly shook his head.
“Because quite honestly,” he added, reaching back and lifting Kris’s chin. “I could be asking you the same thing.”
Kris’s head flew up in haste. “What? You think I’ve been unfaithful to you?”
Adam shrugged. “I don’t know what the hell is going on with you anymore. You’re never home and when you are, you’re never totally there. Add in the fact that you don’t talk to me about what’s going on and I don’t know what to think.”
“So because of all that,” Kris gasped, lurching his head forward. “You’re worried that I’ve been cheating on you?”
Adam’s eyes remained focused on Kris’s. He was not going to back down. “I don’t know…you tell me. Should I be worried?”
“I can’t believe you would even think that!”
Adam shot up from the bed, keeping his back to Kris. “Same goes for you. I thought we knew each other better than this, Kris…but maybe you were right.” He reached for the light switch and threw off the light before heading back towards the couch. “Maybe we don’t know each other as well as we thought.”
