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something_rareTitle: Silent Cries, Mighty Echoes - Chapter Three
Pairing: Adam/Tommy
Word Count: 6,633
Rating: R
Warning: Slash Connotation
Summary: Tommy is second guessing his choices, and he is not the only one.
Note: Story title taken from Eloy's eight album.
Disclaimer: This story is a work of fiction. The characters and events are fictious.
Special Thanks: To my fabulous beta reader,![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
bigj52. You are gold!
Chapter Three
Adam promptly put on his jeans and made a beeline for the door. Damnit, Amanda…where the hell are you?
When Adam left the bar at midnight, Amanda assured him that she was leaving shortly after and was headed straight to Tommy’s place to check in before heading home. Never once did she mention that she was coming back to the hotel. So why did she tell Tommy that she was?
Adam grabbed the card-key from the bar and put on his shoes. Amanda wouldn’t have actually left with those men she was sitting with, would she?
He tried to put that thought far from his mind. Amanda wasn’t that type of person. She despised those types of people…people like her father. At least that’s what she told Adam many years ago. But then that was years ago…a lot of things can change when you’re talking that much time.
Opening the door, he stepped into the hallway and immediately noticed Amanda staggering towards him. Adam stopped and placed his hands on his hips, looking like a mother who was about to reprimand their child.
“Hey, hot stuff!” Amanda exclaimed, raising her arm in the air to wave. “Where you headed? You got a little piece waiting for you or something?”
Adam walked towards her with determination. “Keep your voice down…there’s people sleeping around here.”
“Ah …you’re no fun anymore,” she whined, waving him off with her hand. “I knew that as soon as you left tonight…what’s wrong with you anyway?”
Adam cringed. The bar scene was old…to him anyway. Wherever he went, he attracted a crowd. A crowd of ogling girls and boys who all wanted the same thing…a piece of him. Nope, the bar scene definitely didn’t do it for him anymore. And tonight was no different. Within five minutes of entering the bar, people swarmed around him, hanging on his every word.
While that did wonders for his ego at the beginning of his career...at the present time it did nothing but make him realize just how phony most people actually were.
His every word was not worth hanging on to...celebrity or no celebrity.
Amanda was eating up all the attention they were getting though, that was obvious to even the men that were swarming them. If Adam wasn’t going to give them the time of day they so thought they deserved, Amanda was. It was at that exact time when Adam announced that he was leaving. Of course, Amanda convinced the three men that were sitting with them to stay, leading them to believe that just maybe another celebrity would pop in.
It took Adam every ounce of fiber in his being not to blurt out to those three men that even other celebrities’ words weren't worth hanging on to either...
Now, Adam wondered if that was such a good idea on his part – leaving early. Sighing, he shook his head at his drunken friend. “It gets old, Amanda…real old, real fast.”
Amanda stopped in front of him and shrugged. “Well…you sure missed out tonight, buddy.”
Adam grabbed her arm and pulled her the rest of the way back to the room. He opened the door, shoved Amanda inside and shut the door behind them. “Missed out on what, Amanda? Just exactly where the Hell were you, anyway?”
Amanda jerked her arm away and blew out a loud sigh, before sitting down on the couch and kicking her shoes off. “Adam…lay off…it’s not what you think.”
“Oh…it’s not?”
Amanda shook her head.
“Then what was it?”
Adam could tell that Amanda was searching for words…his face dropped and his eyes started darting back and forth. He had her right where he wanted her.
“Well…um…um…I went out for breakfast after the bar closed.”
“Oh yeah, Amanda?” Adam sat down in the chair across from him and cocked his head to the side. “And just what restaurant was that?”
“Steak-n-Shake.”
Her answer came so swiftly and easily that Adam almost believed her…almost. “Who’d you go with?”
Amanda glared at him. “Who died and made you my mommy?”
Adam had the urge just to walk over and slap her. And if Amanda had been sober and able to defend herself, he just might have. “Excuse me for being worried.” He cleared his throat loudly and looked around the room casually. “Oh and by the way…Tommy called.”
Amanda’s gaze shot up. “When?” she asked with a shaky voice.
“Oh…about ten minutes ago.”
Amanda’s face dropped, looking down. “And what’d you tell him?”
Adam shook his head, got up from the chair and walked to the bedroom door, stopping for only a second. “I lied to him, don’t worry.” He inhaled deeply after admitting what he’d done. Just what had he done? “Yeah…you can thank me later…but…he'd better never find out that I lied.”
Adam walked into the bedroom and slammed the door shut. Dropping to the bed, he thought about how he lied to Tommy. What kind of a friend was he?
Despite Amanda having an alibi or whatever it was, he wasn’t convinced that she was telling the truth. Damn you, Amanda…you’d better not be following in your father’s footsteps.
It wasn’t broadcast or openly displayed, but it was common knowledge among the immediate family members that Kevin Barlow had affairs. Something no one ever discussed but something just about every one close to them knew.
And Adam was among the few to know. He knew about it almost immediately after meeting Amanda. Amanda had spilled the beans, so to speak, late one night after drinking too much. It was obvious to Adam at the time that she needed someone to talk to and Adam just happened to be the right person.
Amanda was visibly distraught after finding out that her father had a mistress. She was the last to know and according to her, the one most deeply affected by it. Amanda kept telling Adam that she couldn’t understand why her mother accepted it, but for some reason, she did.
Adam kicked back the covers and picked up the phone. He needed to hear Tommy’s voice…just to make sure he was okay. Or was it just to hear his voice?
He felt terrible about lying to him…but what other choice did he have? He couldn’t tell Tommy the truth. Amanda was his friend and friends covered for each other.
He’d done it for almost all of his friends and band mates too. And they had all done it for him at one time or another as well. So why was he having such a hard time with it now?
Because Tommy’s your friend, asshole, that’s why…
But Amanda was his friend too…how do you choose between one friend and another?
When Tommy finally answered the phone, Adam was relieved to be pulled from his thoughts.
“Hello?” he said, sounding like he was wide-awake.
“Hey, Tommy.”
“Hi…is something wrong?”
“No…no…I just wanted to say goodbye,” Adam said quietly. He closed his eyes and mouthed “sorry” to himself. “I probably won’t get a chance to talk to you before my flight.”
Tommy didn’t say anything.
“Tommy…you still there?”
His voice was a whisper, “Yeah, I’m still here.”
“I’m sorry about everything…goodnight.”
There was a long pause before he finally spoke again. “Sorry? Sorry for what?”
“Just, sorry. Goodnight.”
Adam didn’t give him a chance to say goodbye before he hung up the phone. He didn’t want Tommy to question his apology anymore than he already had.
He was sorry about kissing Tommy.
He was sorry for almost making love to Tommy.
He was sorry about lying to Tommy.
He was just…sorry.
He vowed right then and there that if he ever found out that Amanda was cheating on Tommy, he’d strangle her with his own two hands. He wasn’t about to let anyone, friend or no friend, screw with Tommy. He was special to him.
Tommy was someone that he loved deeply and unconditionally. He was someone who didn’t care about the fame or his money. He was someone who didn’t care if he never sold another record again. There weren’t too many people in his life that he could say that about…
He closed his eyes and remembered back to the exact day that he’d introduced Tommy to Amanda. He silently wondered whether or not things would’ve turned out differently for them if he’d never been introduced to Amanda.
**********
“And Amanda…this is Tommy,” Adam said, pulling her next to him. “He is my sexy, gorgeous, glitterbaby…so be nice to him.” He smiled, instantly noticing how they couldn’t keep their eyes off each other. “You two gonna talk to each other or just stare?”
Tommy looked at him and smiled. “Sorry…was it that obvious?”
Adam rolled his eyes and looked at Amanda. “I told you he was a little hottie.”
“I guess next time I’ll believe you,” Amanda said quickly. She turned to Tommy and shrugged. “So…do you want to get some dinner tonight and maybe catch a movie?”
Tommy looked over at Adam and clenched his teeth. “Well…I had plans with Adam…”
Adam interrupted them, “It’s okay…we’ll do it another night.”
“You sure?”
“Positive.” Adam’s heart sank slightly, but he managed to produce a smile in spite of it. “Besides…I should probably call Drake and see what he’s up to anyway…before he starts giving me the cold shoulder.”
He stood there for a couple more minutes, listening to them ramble on about themselves. He watched as Tommy’s face lit up every time Amanda smiled at him. He hadn’t seen Tommy this happy since the time they had made love.
It seemed like a lifetime ago…even though it was merely a month earlier.
When Adam told Tommy that he had a boyfriend and that he’d felt guilty about their brief interlude, Tommy was quick to put a halt to it and told him that he understood.
Adam apologized and Tommy accepted it…no questions asked.
Adam could remember his exact words that day, “I’m glad my first time with a man was with you and not some asshole…don’t be sorry…I’m not.”
Asshole…
“Earth to Adam!”
He looked at Tommy. “Yeah?”
“We’re gonna get going…I’ll call you tomorrow, okay?”
“Sure.” He kissed Amanda on the forehead and then looked at Tommy. “You’d better be good to her…she’s from the Zodiac planet, or I’ll kick your ass.”
Adam patted him on the shoulder. “I understand, buddy…no problem.”
Adam watched as they walked away. When they were a few yards down the path, Tommy turned around and mouthed “thank you” to him.
**********
Getting out of bed, Adam glanced at the clock. It was almost five in the morning and he was exhausted. He needed to try and get some sleep.
Walking in the living room area, he headed for the bar. Grabbing himself water, he opened it and walked over to the couch where Amanda was snoring softly. He looked down at her and immediately noticed that her shirt was mis-buttoned. Leaning forward, he took a closer look. Yep…it was mis-buttoned, all right.
What the hell are you up to, Amanda?
He watched as his friend lay there. Amanda looked as if she didn’t have a care in the world. And why would she? She pretty much had it made. Even when she “ran away” from home – if it could be called that - and worked at the Zodiac Show…she didn’t have a care in the world.
Amanda never seemed to worry about anything. And then there was Adam…he worried about everyone and everything. He was even worrying about Amanda now and whether or not she was cheating on Tommy. Amanda didn’t look worried…so why should he worry? Adam shook his head in disgust, “Knock it off, Lambert…it’s her problem…not yours.”
He headed back to bed and called down to the front desk. “Yes…could you please change my wake-up call to eight?”
When he hung up the phone, he decided to try and get some sleep. He really wasn’t getting much sleep lately…not there and not back home in LA either. He was constantly being pulled in different directions. Now with having to be back in the studios in October, he decided he should try and take a vacation while he still could.
He needed to get away from it all and sleep. Somewhere where pesky reporters, charity supporters, loving fans or his band mates wouldn’t bother him. Somewhere where they had a bed, a TV and food…that was really all he needed.
A vacation…
**********
The next two weeks flew by for Tommy. He was safely tucked away at the resort on Bay Island now and thoroughly enjoying the solitude. Amanda was in London and his soon-to-be mother-in-law wasn’t due in for another week and a half.
Life was good.
The resort was pretty deserted as well. In preparation for the wedding, the clientele was limited. It was planned that way and had been in the works for over two years. As soon as Amanda and Tommy announced their engagement, Mr. & Mrs. Barlow insisted that the wedding take place on the island and that they wait at least two and a half years to actually take their vows.
Tommy balked at the order that was handed down, but in the end, Anne won that battle too. Just like she always did. In Anne’s opinion, they needed at least two years to reserve the entire resort for their guests and family.
It didn’t matter what Tommy or Amanda thought…
Tommy sat down at the pool and looked around. In a little less than seven weeks, the resort would be jam packed with family, wedding guests, photographers, camera men, band members, florists, decorators and last but not least…the wedding coordinator. The thought actually made his stomach turn.
He really didn’t like big crowds. He really didn’t like big crowds that would be scrutinizing his every move. And that’s exactly what they would be doing. All eyes would be on him. Not Amanda, but him.
Opening his laptop, he inserted his flash memory drive. Smiling to himself, he opened his Word document and relaxed. His new song was almost finished. Thanks to the two weeks that just passed, he had almost completed eleven songs, that could make an album…Silent Cries, Mighty Echoes.
He was only one song away from finishing the album. Tommy had been working on it for well over nine months now and still couldn’t figure out why he couldn’t write the last song of the album. He was hoping that he would’ve had a breakthrough during the writing process, but it didn’t happen. Now, he was hoping for a miracle. He needed the last song….
“Excuse me…Mr. Ratliff?”
Tommy looked up and smiled at his favorite waiter. “Brett…please call me Tommy.”
He leaned over and whispered, “I would, Mr. Ratliff but I heard that Mrs. Barlow chewed somebody out once for referring to you as that. I don’t want to get fired.”
Tommy shook his head. Who gave Anne the right to tell someone how he should be addressed? “Well, Mrs. Barlow won’t be here for ten more days, so until then…you can call me Tommy.”
“Okay…if you say so.” He took Tommy’s empty glass and shrugged. “Would you like another drink?”
“Yes, thank you.” He thought for a moment, glancing down at the last verse at where he’d left off only yesterday. “This time make it a ‘sex on the beach’ though.”
“Coming right up, Tommy.”
Tommy winked at him and went back to writing. He had left off in the middle of a hot and sexy song. While he waited for his drink, he closed his eyes and imagined that song being sung. Unbeknownst to him, he moaned slightly.
“Man…what I wouldn’t give to know what you’re thinking right now.”
Tommy’s eyes flew open and he turned around. Slouching in his chair when he saw his ‘intruder’, he smiled. “What the hell are you doing here?”
Adam handed Tommy the drink. “Giving you your sex on the beach.”
It took Tommy a moment to realize that Adam was referring to the drink. He took his drink from Adam and placed it on the little nesting table next to him, letting out a nervous laugh.
“Are you thinking about sex?” Adam asked in that deep voice of his.
Tommy swung around, hearing Adam’s tone. And when he did, he noticed Adam crouched down and leaning over his chair. He was looking directly at his laptop, with his eyes wide open.
“So…that’s why you were moaning,” he laughed.
Tommy slammed the laptop shut. “I wasn’t moaning,” he said sternly.
“Oh yeah, you were,” he answered just as sternly.
Tommy placed his laptop on the nesting table and frowned. “You’re awfully nosey…”
Adam laughed and walked around to the side. Holding out his hand, he waited until Tommy took hold of him. Pulling him up, Adam brought him into a great big bear hug. It felt like he was squeezing the life right out of Tommy with how tightly he held him.
“Now…I’ll ask you again…what are you doing here?”
“Vacationing…what else?” Adam answered in his ear.
Tommy pulled away from him. “Are you serious?”
He nodded.
“How’d you get reservations on such short notice?” Thinking about his stupid question and noticing Adam’s stupid look, he shook his head. “Never mind…dumb question, I know. How long you staying?”
“For a long time,” he said, walking over to the pool and jumping in.
A long time?
Adam swam to the surface and leaned on the cement edge. “Until your wedding.”
Tommy walked towards him and crouched down. “Seriously?”
Adam nodded again as he grabbed Tommy’s arm and pulled him right into the pool.
When Tommy popped up from beneath the surface, he couldn’t help but laugh while catching his breath. Splashing Adam in the face, he got closer to him. “I should kick your ass for that one, Lambert.”
“Oh, now come on…be a good sport. Besides, you were wearing your bathing suit…it could’ve been worse.” He cocked his head to the side and looked down. “Nice bathing suit too, by the way.”
“Thanks,” Tommy replied, fidgeting slightly underneath his stare. “So…does Amanda know you’re here?”
Adam dipped his head back into the water and slid his hands over his hair to slick it back and off his face.
Oh shit…
“Of course,” he replied smirking. “She’s the one that insisted on it. I needed a vacation and she offered.” He threw his arm up in the arm and twirled around like Vanna White on Wheel of Fortune. “Who could resist this?”
“You’re taking a seven-week vacation?”
Adam began to swim away from Tommy, towards the waterfall in the back corner of the pool, yelling over his shoulder, “Might as well…”
“Seven weeks?” he asked again. Who on earth took a seven-week vacation?
Evidently…Adam Lambert…along with Tommy.
Tommy got out of the pool and turned around to watch as Adam completed his haul across the pool. He looked good…too damn good. When he turned around, Tommy was still staring at him and when Adam waved at him, he dropped his head slightly and waved back. Busted!
After drying off, he sat back down, grabbed his laptop and began pounding away at the keys. He needed to finish the last song…come hell or high water…he needed to. For over an hour, he typed and then stopped to look over at Adam.
Type…stop…look at Adam…type…stop…look at Adam…
At this rate, he’d never complete his song. And in an hour’s time…he only typed one damn verse.
He was too busy watching Adam make new friends with the few people that were in the pool. He was just too friendly and Tommy was just too…
Jealous?
Tommy’s eye’s immediately focused on Ted Taylor, the resort’s one and only nightclub singer….make that gay singer. “Figures,” he mumbled under his breath. Ted always had someone going gaga over him. He was beautiful and had a voice sent down from heaven. Even the most jealous of men would have to admit that.
Jealous?
Ted was tall and had a body to die for. His long, black hair was always styled nicely and his deep green eyes were dazzling. It was the very first thing most people noticed about him.
Me…jealous?
Tommy ran his fingers through his hair. After all these years, he had still kept his hair blonde. And his eyes? Well, they definitely weren’t a dazzling green…they were brown.
He found himself absolutely mesmerized by Adam, watching his every move. Try as he might, he couldn’t concentrate on anything else. Not writing his song and not his cell phone that was rudely interrupting his thoughts.
Picking up the phone, he didn’t even check who it was…something he usually did. He was too engrossed in watching the man in the pool. “Hello?”
“Hi, honey…something wrong?”
Amanda…the woman he should be thinking about.
“No,” he replied casually. “Why?”
“You sound upset.”
Tommy turned his head so he wasn’t looking at Adam anymore. “I’m fine, sweetie…how are you?”
Amanda let out a long sigh. “I’m lonely…but I’ll survive. Whatcha been doing all week?”
Tommy closed his laptop and placed it on the ground next to him. “Not much…just relaxing until your mother gets here.”
Amanda laughed. “Hey…did you see your surprise yet?”
Tommy smiled and turned back around. Adam was making his way back to his end of the pool now. “If you mean Adam…yeah, I’m looking right at him as we speak.”
She laughed again. “I thought you could use the company. I know how bored you get there when I’m not around.”
Tommy suddenly felt a twinge of guilt. Lately when he came to the resort, he was never bored. In fact, he loved it…writing songs was something he really enjoyed doing. It was just too bad that he couldn’t tell Amanda about it too.
“Hey…is Adam there?”
“Yeah, just a second.” Tommy stood up and walked over to the edge of the pool. “Hurry up, Adam…Amanda wants to talk to you!”
Adam nodded and swam harder. Climbing the stairs to get out, Tommy noticed the water dripping from his muscular body. Shaking his head to rid the thoughts from his mind, he looked away and handed him the phone.
“Thanks….” Adam turned his attention towards the phone. “Hey, sexy…what’s up?”
Tommy could only hear one side of the conversation…but it was enough for him to figure out that Adam already had his sights set on Ted.
“Is he? He didn’t mention that to me.”
“Yeah…no doubt. I’m gonna head there tonight.”
“Yeah…he looks like he’s been keeping busy…”
Adam glanced at Tommy’s laptop on the ground and smiled at Tommy. “I caught him writing …”
He stopped mid-sentence when he felt Tommy hitting him. “Hang on a sec,” he huffed into the phone. Placing his hand over the phone, he shrugged. “What?”
“Don’t say anything about me writing music…please.”
“Why the hell not?”
Tommy whispered quietly, “She doesn’t know and if she finds out…she’ll freak on me.”
Adam shrugged his shoulders and went back to the phone. “It looks like he’s been writing you a love letter…or an email or something…trying to keep himself busy, I suppose.”
“Don’t worry…later.”
He handed the phone back to Tommy, who promptly said his goodbyes. “Well, I should let you go, honey…I need to head back to the room and get ready for dinner.” Tommy looked over at Adam and mouthed “thank you”. “Love you too, honey…bye.”
When he hung up his cell phone, he reached down and grabbed his laptop. “Well, I’ll see you later.”
With his laptop under his arm, he started to walk past Adam. He didn’t get very far…Adam pulled him back.
“What was that all about?”
“What?” he asked.
“Me not telling Amanda that you were writing music.”
Tommy shrugged. “Oh that…”
“Yeah…that.”
“It’s a long story, Adam.”
Adam grabbed his towel and put his arm around Tommy. “Well…I got the next seven weeks to listen to it.” He started walking with Tommy. “Where do you want to start?”
Tommy laughed loudly. “Where’s your room?”
“Right next door to yours…so you don’t have any excuses…we can stay up all night and talk if you want.” He looked over at Tommy and smiled. “And before you ask…yes, I requested to be in the room next to you.”
Tommy looked at him and rolled his eyes. “It’ll bore you to tears…or sleep.”
He grabbed a fist of Tommy’s hair and yanked it back lightly. “I’ll be the judge of that.” Smiling, they continued walking towards their rooms and stopped when they reached Tommy’s door. “You want company for dinner?”
“Don’t you have plans?”
Adam shook his head. “What plans?”
“I don’t know…I just thought…that maybe you asked Ted to dinner?” Tommy felt himself actually getting jealous at the thought of it.
“Nope…”
Tommy smiled and relaxed a little bit. Why did he care so much? He shouldn’t.
“Actually…we have plans for dinner tomorrow night…so it looks like you have me all to yourself tonight.”
Tommy’s smiled faded with Adam’s announcement of his dinner date for the following evening. He did care. Shit, this was not good. Not good at all. “Great…pick me up in an hour.”
He turned to walk into his room and stopped when he heard Adam gasp.
“An hour? You need a whole hour?” Adam threw his arms up in mock disgust.
“It’s vacation time, boy…not primping time. Who you gonna try and impress anyway? Amanda isn’t even here.”
Tommy turned around, smiled and batted his eyelashes. “Well…you of course.”
Adam laughed, swatting Tommy on the butt. “Don’t tease me like that…”
Tommy was teasing…right?
**********
When Adam arrived at his door, in exactly an hour, Tommy’s nerves started unraveling. What was wrong with him anyway? Taking a deep breath, he mumbled, “It’s only Adam, Tommy…calm down.” Opening the door only slightly, he told Adam to close his eyes and then waited for a few seconds. “Are they closed?”
“Yes.”
He opened the door and pulled Adam in by the arm. “Okay…you can open them now.”
Adam did as he was told and looked around the room for a few seconds before glancing his way. “Wow…this place is beautiful.”
Tommy frowned. He didn’t mean for Adam to be in awe over his room. He wanted Adam to be in awe over him. He’d taken extreme measures, primping and Adam didn’t even notice. Disappointed, he looked around the room and managed a little smile. “Yeah…it’s pretty nice.”
“Pretty nice?” Adam walked into the living room and looked up. “Dude, you even got skylights.”
Tommy looked up and laughed. “Dude,” he mocked. “I am almost the son-in-law, you know. I’m entitled to those five skylights.” He rolled his eyes and then started to talk seriously. “I love when it rains here…the sound on the skylights is pretty cool.”
Adam nodded. “I bet…next time it rains, I’ll be over.” Smiling, he looked at Tommy. “You ready?”
“Why?” Tommy walked over to the mirrored front closet doors and cocked his head slightly. “Don’t I look ready?”
Adam walked up behind Tommy and snaked his arms around the shorter man. Feeling Adam so close to him made Tommy sigh. Adam looked at Tommy through the mirror. “I didn’t mean that.” He leaned in to smell Tommy’s freshly washed hair. “You look great…and you primped anyway, didn’t you?”
“Of course,” Tommy replied, watching Adam smell his hair. “I’m not a tease.”
“You’re not, huh?” Adam asked, smiling at Tommy back in the mirror. Winking, he kissed the top of Tommy’s head. “You do look really nice.”
“Thanks.” Tommy couldn’t take his eyes off Adam. He looked incredibly handsome…standing there with his arms around him. They almost looked like a couple standing there, a perfectly matched couple.
When Adam looked back at the mirror, he smiled at Tommy. “Ready?”
He dropped his hold on Tommy and Tommy turned around. “Yep.”
“Okay then…grab your stuff and let’s go.”
**********
There were two restaurants on the resort. Since this was an all-inclusive type of resort, to a certain extent, the guests had their pick. ‘The Islander’ was the exclusive one and the dress code was up-scale. Since most of the guests were on the wealthier side – this one was always busy. This restaurant also required the guests to pay, unlike ‘Bayside’. It wasn’t by any means all that expensive, but it did go above and beyond the simplicity of ‘Bayside’.
‘Bayside,’ the other choice, was more on the casual side. It was a buffet-style setting, and while there were loads of different foods to choose from, it wasn’t to the extent that ‘The Islander’ was. Tommy visited this one the most since he really felt that he didn’t fit in with the other crowd. Even though Amanda and her parents were wealthy – he still didn’t feel like he belonged.
Seeing as how both Tommy and Adam were dressed casually, they chose ‘Bayside’, which was just fine with Tommy.
After retrieving their food from the buffet lines, Adam sat back and looked at Tommy. “So…you gonna tell me why you don’t want Amanda knowing that you’re writing?”
“Do I have to?”
Adam shook his head, eating a spoonful of his chicken dumpling soup. “But I’m all ears if you want to.”
Tommy sighed and put down his fork. What the hell? Adam already knew most of it anyway. He was well aware of his dreams from day one. “Okay…you know how my dream was to always play and write for the biggest rockers out there, right?”
“Yeah,” Adam replied, nodding and blowing the soup on his spoon.
Tommy’s heartbeat quickened with the sight of lips forming a little “O”.
“I said yeah,” Adam repeated, noticing Tommy’s lack of response. “Something wrong?” he asked, taking the spoon into his mouth.
Oh, shit… What was wrong with him? Clearing his throat, Tommy shook his head. “No, nothing’s wrong…anyway…that’s what I’ve been doing for the past nine months now…trying to catch my dream.” Tommy quickly grabbed his fork again and took a bite of his food. He couldn’t watch Adam eat, for some strange reason it was turning him on. When he finally looked up at Adam, Tommy noticed that he had put down his spoon and was just staring at him. He looked upset. “Aren’t you hungry?”
He looked down at his food and sighed. “Not really.” Adam looked back up at him. “Why can’t Amanda know?”
He replied almost automatically, “Because she’s forbidden me to write or play music.”
Adam leaned forward in his seat. “She what?”
“She doesn’t want me to play or write, Adam.” He placed his fork down again and placed his hands in his lap, catching his breath. The last thing he needed to do was to lose control of his emotions in front of him. He was a grown-up and he was going to handle this the grown-up way. “She thinks that it’s childish and told me that no husband of her was going to be in a stupid band.”
Adam started to laugh. “Stupid?”
“That’s what she said,” he casually said. “She wants me to start working for her father.”
Adam looked concerned by his statement. Cocking his head to the side, he sighed. “So…if she doesn’t want you to write and play music – which, by the way, I think is what you are born to do – then what’re you going to do with these songs when you’re finished?”
Tommy smiled. “Well…try and sell them of course.”
Adam scrunched up his nose. “Don’t you think she’ll find out about it if they’re published?”
“Not if I use a different name.”
“A different name?”
“Yeah, like an alias…she’ll never know it’s me…that’s going under the assumption that I can even sell them,” Tommy said, shrugging.
Adam smiled at him. “You’ll sell them…I’d almost bet on that one. If you’re moaning the other day was any indication…you’ll sell them in no time.” He smiled, laughing a little. “So…what’s your alias…if I may ask.”
Tommy thought long and hard for a minute. “Only if you promise not to laugh.”
Adam nodded.
“Duke Devereaux,” he replied, holding his head high.
Adam’s eyebrows furrowed, followed by the biting of his bottom lip that was then followed by a deep roar.
“You promised you weren’t gonna laugh,” Tommy pouted, shooting him a disgusted look.
Adam muffled his laugher the best he could. “I did not. I nodded when you asked…I never said I wouldn’t laugh.”
Dropping his head, he grabbed hold of his spoon and dipped it back in his bowl of soup. “You know…that’s not right for her to be telling you that you can’t do something that you’ve always had your heart set on.”
“I know it isn’t…” he trailed, not really knowing what else to say. What could he say? He knew it wasn’t right, but at the same time, he didn’t have a choice.
“Tommy?”
He looked up at Adam. “What?”
“If you know it isn’t right…then why’d you agree to it?”
Tommy shrugged his shoulders and willed himself not to cry. He was a grown-up. He had to handle this the grown-up way. Grown-ups didn’t cry. Grown-ups accepted what was thrown their way and learned to deal with it. “What other choice do I have, Adam?”
Adam blew a breath out his nose and grunted. “You could choose to have a backbone and stand up to her. That’s what the Tommy I know and remember would’ve done.”
He was right. That is what Tommy would’ve done years ago…but somewhere along the line, his spirit had been crushed. When he looked up at Adam, a tear fell down his cheek. So much for being a grown-up…
“We wouldn’t be getting married then,” he said quietly.
Adam’s hand reached across the table and went to Tommy’s cheek. Wiping the tear away, he brought his other hand around and cupped Tommy’s face. “Maybe you shouldn’t be getting married then.”
“I love her, Adam.”
Adam shook his head. “I don’t doubt that, honey…and I know she loves you. But is this really what you want out of life? To have your wife squash the life right out of you?” Adam lowered his voice, “Because that’ll be what happens, you know…I can already tell that it’s starting.”
Tommy searched his eyes for compassion and when he didn’t see any, he whispered, “She’s your friend, Adam.”
“Yes…she’s my friend…but what she’s doing isn’t right. No one has a right to tell someone else that they can’t try and reach for their dreams…no one.” He took a deep breath before continuing, “Just think about that for a minute…no one has that right. If I would’ve listened to some of my so-called friends back during my theater days, I would never be where I am today.”
Tommy's voice started to deepen, a sure sign that he was going to start defending Amanda. It happened this way every time he defended her. Be it with his friends or mother, it always happened the same way. And the first sure sign was his voice. “It’s not just her, you know. She’s worried about what her parents will think.”
“Who gives a shit about what someone else thinks…this isn’t about her parents. It’s about you and your dream.” Adam let go of his face and put his hands on the table. “Maybe you should start thinking about yourself.”
“Shit, Adam…that isn’t how a relationship works. You can’t just think about yourself when you’re in a relationship.” Tommy leaned forward and pointed at him. “Maybe that’s why you’re not capable of keeping a relationship intact…maybe you’re too selfish. Have you ever thought of that?”
Tommy dropped his finger and watched as Adam’s face turned red. “Don’t try and turn the tables, Tommy…we’re talking about you and Amanda…not about me and my failed relationships.”
Tommy dropped his head. He was right. This wasn’t about Adam and his failed relationships. It was about him. “I’m sorry,” he whispered.
“Forget about it…I know you’re upset and quite frankly, I don’t blame you. But it’s not me who you should be taking this out on – it’s Amanda.”
“I can’t even talk to her about it, Adam…she won’t listen.” Grabbing his fork again, he silently dug into his food. He didn’t want to talk about it anymore.
For a couple of minutes, it was silent. And then out of the blue, Adam swore under his breath. “Is this about her inheritance?”
“What?”
“Is she worried about what her parents will think because it might affect her inheritance?”
Tommy shrugged his shoulders. “I don’t know…she hasn’t said that exactly…”
Adam interrupted him, “She doesn’t need to. She is so caught up in this whole inheritance thing that it’s starting to affect her sanity.” He slumped down in his seat. “I don’t know, Tommy…if I were you, I’d really be thinking this whole marriage thing through.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?” Tommy started to get up from his seat. “Now you don’t think that I should marry her?”
Adam grabbed Tommy’s arm. “I didn’t say that…sit down, please.”
“I don’t want to sit down and weren’t you just the one that said I should grow a backbone?” Tommy pulled his arm away from him and spat, “Well, guess what? I just did!”
He stomped past Adam and walked right out of the restaurant.
Adam threw his chair back and jumped up from his seat.
Once Tommy walked outside, he started running towards his room. He ran and ran and just when he didn’t think he could run anymore, he picked up his pace and ran faster.
Glancing up, he saw that he was almost to his room. He wanted to get inside and lock himself in. He didn’t want to think about anything anymore tonight. He just wanted to retreat inside and start writing. He wanted to get lost in his fantasy world.
If only he could run faster…
Feeling someone at his heels, he turned around and shouted when he was pushed to the ground. “Goddamn it, Adam! Let go of me.”
Adam held him down in a wrestling hold, with one hand on Tommy’s chest and one on his thigh. “Not until you calm down.”
Tommy started pounding Adam’s chest with his fists. “I will NOT calm down…I grew a backbone, remember?”
Adam grabbed his wrists and forced them to the ground. “You need to grow the backbone when Amanda’s around, boy …not me.”
“Hmph…”
“Hmph…is right,” he replied mockingly.
Tommy knew he had two choices. He could continue to kick and yell, staying there all night and missing his opportunity to crank out another song or two. Or, he could calm down and get the hell away from the man that was causing him to lose sight of what was important in his life…Amanda.
“Now, listen…are you going to listen to me?” he asked.
Tommy didn’t move. Option number two was his choice.
“Fine…I didn’t mean that you shouldn’t marry Amanda…I just think that you ought to sit down and talk things through.”
Tommy looked at him. Through a clenched jaw, he managed to say, “You don’t think I’ve tried that?”
“I don’t know…have you?”
Here we go again… “Yes…you big oaf, I have! I need that fucking money. I need to pay our debts…I should take care of my family…my mom,” Tommy’s voice cracked.
“Hey…hey…” Adam moved over to the side and sat down next to Tommy. He pulled Tommy up and brought him close to this chest. “Don’t cry, Tommy…,” he said, rubbing his back. “Come on, baby.”
“I…I…I…can’t…can’t…he…hel…help…it. I’m emotional…and…and…my wedding is in seven…seven…oh fuck…seven weeks,” he cried into Adam’s chest.
“Okay, buddy,” he said, standing to his feet. “Let’s go back to your room and talk.”
Pairing: Adam/Tommy
Word Count: 6,633
Rating: R
Warning: Slash Connotation
Summary: Tommy is second guessing his choices, and he is not the only one.
Note: Story title taken from Eloy's eight album.
Disclaimer: This story is a work of fiction. The characters and events are fictious.
Special Thanks: To my fabulous beta reader,
bigj52. You are gold!Chapter Three
Adam promptly put on his jeans and made a beeline for the door. Damnit, Amanda…where the hell are you?
When Adam left the bar at midnight, Amanda assured him that she was leaving shortly after and was headed straight to Tommy’s place to check in before heading home. Never once did she mention that she was coming back to the hotel. So why did she tell Tommy that she was?
Adam grabbed the card-key from the bar and put on his shoes. Amanda wouldn’t have actually left with those men she was sitting with, would she?
He tried to put that thought far from his mind. Amanda wasn’t that type of person. She despised those types of people…people like her father. At least that’s what she told Adam many years ago. But then that was years ago…a lot of things can change when you’re talking that much time.
Opening the door, he stepped into the hallway and immediately noticed Amanda staggering towards him. Adam stopped and placed his hands on his hips, looking like a mother who was about to reprimand their child.
“Hey, hot stuff!” Amanda exclaimed, raising her arm in the air to wave. “Where you headed? You got a little piece waiting for you or something?”
Adam walked towards her with determination. “Keep your voice down…there’s people sleeping around here.”
“Ah …you’re no fun anymore,” she whined, waving him off with her hand. “I knew that as soon as you left tonight…what’s wrong with you anyway?”
Adam cringed. The bar scene was old…to him anyway. Wherever he went, he attracted a crowd. A crowd of ogling girls and boys who all wanted the same thing…a piece of him. Nope, the bar scene definitely didn’t do it for him anymore. And tonight was no different. Within five minutes of entering the bar, people swarmed around him, hanging on his every word.
While that did wonders for his ego at the beginning of his career...at the present time it did nothing but make him realize just how phony most people actually were.
His every word was not worth hanging on to...celebrity or no celebrity.
Amanda was eating up all the attention they were getting though, that was obvious to even the men that were swarming them. If Adam wasn’t going to give them the time of day they so thought they deserved, Amanda was. It was at that exact time when Adam announced that he was leaving. Of course, Amanda convinced the three men that were sitting with them to stay, leading them to believe that just maybe another celebrity would pop in.
It took Adam every ounce of fiber in his being not to blurt out to those three men that even other celebrities’ words weren't worth hanging on to either...
Now, Adam wondered if that was such a good idea on his part – leaving early. Sighing, he shook his head at his drunken friend. “It gets old, Amanda…real old, real fast.”
Amanda stopped in front of him and shrugged. “Well…you sure missed out tonight, buddy.”
Adam grabbed her arm and pulled her the rest of the way back to the room. He opened the door, shoved Amanda inside and shut the door behind them. “Missed out on what, Amanda? Just exactly where the Hell were you, anyway?”
Amanda jerked her arm away and blew out a loud sigh, before sitting down on the couch and kicking her shoes off. “Adam…lay off…it’s not what you think.”
“Oh…it’s not?”
Amanda shook her head.
“Then what was it?”
Adam could tell that Amanda was searching for words…his face dropped and his eyes started darting back and forth. He had her right where he wanted her.
“Well…um…um…I went out for breakfast after the bar closed.”
“Oh yeah, Amanda?” Adam sat down in the chair across from him and cocked his head to the side. “And just what restaurant was that?”
“Steak-n-Shake.”
Her answer came so swiftly and easily that Adam almost believed her…almost. “Who’d you go with?”
Amanda glared at him. “Who died and made you my mommy?”
Adam had the urge just to walk over and slap her. And if Amanda had been sober and able to defend herself, he just might have. “Excuse me for being worried.” He cleared his throat loudly and looked around the room casually. “Oh and by the way…Tommy called.”
Amanda’s gaze shot up. “When?” she asked with a shaky voice.
“Oh…about ten minutes ago.”
Amanda’s face dropped, looking down. “And what’d you tell him?”
Adam shook his head, got up from the chair and walked to the bedroom door, stopping for only a second. “I lied to him, don’t worry.” He inhaled deeply after admitting what he’d done. Just what had he done? “Yeah…you can thank me later…but…he'd better never find out that I lied.”
Adam walked into the bedroom and slammed the door shut. Dropping to the bed, he thought about how he lied to Tommy. What kind of a friend was he?
Despite Amanda having an alibi or whatever it was, he wasn’t convinced that she was telling the truth. Damn you, Amanda…you’d better not be following in your father’s footsteps.
It wasn’t broadcast or openly displayed, but it was common knowledge among the immediate family members that Kevin Barlow had affairs. Something no one ever discussed but something just about every one close to them knew.
And Adam was among the few to know. He knew about it almost immediately after meeting Amanda. Amanda had spilled the beans, so to speak, late one night after drinking too much. It was obvious to Adam at the time that she needed someone to talk to and Adam just happened to be the right person.
Amanda was visibly distraught after finding out that her father had a mistress. She was the last to know and according to her, the one most deeply affected by it. Amanda kept telling Adam that she couldn’t understand why her mother accepted it, but for some reason, she did.
Adam kicked back the covers and picked up the phone. He needed to hear Tommy’s voice…just to make sure he was okay. Or was it just to hear his voice?
He felt terrible about lying to him…but what other choice did he have? He couldn’t tell Tommy the truth. Amanda was his friend and friends covered for each other.
He’d done it for almost all of his friends and band mates too. And they had all done it for him at one time or another as well. So why was he having such a hard time with it now?
Because Tommy’s your friend, asshole, that’s why…
But Amanda was his friend too…how do you choose between one friend and another?
When Tommy finally answered the phone, Adam was relieved to be pulled from his thoughts.
“Hello?” he said, sounding like he was wide-awake.
“Hey, Tommy.”
“Hi…is something wrong?”
“No…no…I just wanted to say goodbye,” Adam said quietly. He closed his eyes and mouthed “sorry” to himself. “I probably won’t get a chance to talk to you before my flight.”
Tommy didn’t say anything.
“Tommy…you still there?”
His voice was a whisper, “Yeah, I’m still here.”
“I’m sorry about everything…goodnight.”
There was a long pause before he finally spoke again. “Sorry? Sorry for what?”
“Just, sorry. Goodnight.”
Adam didn’t give him a chance to say goodbye before he hung up the phone. He didn’t want Tommy to question his apology anymore than he already had.
He was sorry about kissing Tommy.
He was sorry for almost making love to Tommy.
He was sorry about lying to Tommy.
He was just…sorry.
He vowed right then and there that if he ever found out that Amanda was cheating on Tommy, he’d strangle her with his own two hands. He wasn’t about to let anyone, friend or no friend, screw with Tommy. He was special to him.
Tommy was someone that he loved deeply and unconditionally. He was someone who didn’t care about the fame or his money. He was someone who didn’t care if he never sold another record again. There weren’t too many people in his life that he could say that about…
He closed his eyes and remembered back to the exact day that he’d introduced Tommy to Amanda. He silently wondered whether or not things would’ve turned out differently for them if he’d never been introduced to Amanda.
**********
“And Amanda…this is Tommy,” Adam said, pulling her next to him. “He is my sexy, gorgeous, glitterbaby…so be nice to him.” He smiled, instantly noticing how they couldn’t keep their eyes off each other. “You two gonna talk to each other or just stare?”
Tommy looked at him and smiled. “Sorry…was it that obvious?”
Adam rolled his eyes and looked at Amanda. “I told you he was a little hottie.”
“I guess next time I’ll believe you,” Amanda said quickly. She turned to Tommy and shrugged. “So…do you want to get some dinner tonight and maybe catch a movie?”
Tommy looked over at Adam and clenched his teeth. “Well…I had plans with Adam…”
Adam interrupted them, “It’s okay…we’ll do it another night.”
“You sure?”
“Positive.” Adam’s heart sank slightly, but he managed to produce a smile in spite of it. “Besides…I should probably call Drake and see what he’s up to anyway…before he starts giving me the cold shoulder.”
He stood there for a couple more minutes, listening to them ramble on about themselves. He watched as Tommy’s face lit up every time Amanda smiled at him. He hadn’t seen Tommy this happy since the time they had made love.
It seemed like a lifetime ago…even though it was merely a month earlier.
When Adam told Tommy that he had a boyfriend and that he’d felt guilty about their brief interlude, Tommy was quick to put a halt to it and told him that he understood.
Adam apologized and Tommy accepted it…no questions asked.
Adam could remember his exact words that day, “I’m glad my first time with a man was with you and not some asshole…don’t be sorry…I’m not.”
Asshole…
“Earth to Adam!”
He looked at Tommy. “Yeah?”
“We’re gonna get going…I’ll call you tomorrow, okay?”
“Sure.” He kissed Amanda on the forehead and then looked at Tommy. “You’d better be good to her…she’s from the Zodiac planet, or I’ll kick your ass.”
Adam patted him on the shoulder. “I understand, buddy…no problem.”
Adam watched as they walked away. When they were a few yards down the path, Tommy turned around and mouthed “thank you” to him.
**********
Getting out of bed, Adam glanced at the clock. It was almost five in the morning and he was exhausted. He needed to try and get some sleep.
Walking in the living room area, he headed for the bar. Grabbing himself water, he opened it and walked over to the couch where Amanda was snoring softly. He looked down at her and immediately noticed that her shirt was mis-buttoned. Leaning forward, he took a closer look. Yep…it was mis-buttoned, all right.
What the hell are you up to, Amanda?
He watched as his friend lay there. Amanda looked as if she didn’t have a care in the world. And why would she? She pretty much had it made. Even when she “ran away” from home – if it could be called that - and worked at the Zodiac Show…she didn’t have a care in the world.
Amanda never seemed to worry about anything. And then there was Adam…he worried about everyone and everything. He was even worrying about Amanda now and whether or not she was cheating on Tommy. Amanda didn’t look worried…so why should he worry? Adam shook his head in disgust, “Knock it off, Lambert…it’s her problem…not yours.”
He headed back to bed and called down to the front desk. “Yes…could you please change my wake-up call to eight?”
When he hung up the phone, he decided to try and get some sleep. He really wasn’t getting much sleep lately…not there and not back home in LA either. He was constantly being pulled in different directions. Now with having to be back in the studios in October, he decided he should try and take a vacation while he still could.
He needed to get away from it all and sleep. Somewhere where pesky reporters, charity supporters, loving fans or his band mates wouldn’t bother him. Somewhere where they had a bed, a TV and food…that was really all he needed.
A vacation…
**********
The next two weeks flew by for Tommy. He was safely tucked away at the resort on Bay Island now and thoroughly enjoying the solitude. Amanda was in London and his soon-to-be mother-in-law wasn’t due in for another week and a half.
Life was good.
The resort was pretty deserted as well. In preparation for the wedding, the clientele was limited. It was planned that way and had been in the works for over two years. As soon as Amanda and Tommy announced their engagement, Mr. & Mrs. Barlow insisted that the wedding take place on the island and that they wait at least two and a half years to actually take their vows.
Tommy balked at the order that was handed down, but in the end, Anne won that battle too. Just like she always did. In Anne’s opinion, they needed at least two years to reserve the entire resort for their guests and family.
It didn’t matter what Tommy or Amanda thought…
Tommy sat down at the pool and looked around. In a little less than seven weeks, the resort would be jam packed with family, wedding guests, photographers, camera men, band members, florists, decorators and last but not least…the wedding coordinator. The thought actually made his stomach turn.
He really didn’t like big crowds. He really didn’t like big crowds that would be scrutinizing his every move. And that’s exactly what they would be doing. All eyes would be on him. Not Amanda, but him.
Opening his laptop, he inserted his flash memory drive. Smiling to himself, he opened his Word document and relaxed. His new song was almost finished. Thanks to the two weeks that just passed, he had almost completed eleven songs, that could make an album…Silent Cries, Mighty Echoes.
He was only one song away from finishing the album. Tommy had been working on it for well over nine months now and still couldn’t figure out why he couldn’t write the last song of the album. He was hoping that he would’ve had a breakthrough during the writing process, but it didn’t happen. Now, he was hoping for a miracle. He needed the last song….
“Excuse me…Mr. Ratliff?”
Tommy looked up and smiled at his favorite waiter. “Brett…please call me Tommy.”
He leaned over and whispered, “I would, Mr. Ratliff but I heard that Mrs. Barlow chewed somebody out once for referring to you as that. I don’t want to get fired.”
Tommy shook his head. Who gave Anne the right to tell someone how he should be addressed? “Well, Mrs. Barlow won’t be here for ten more days, so until then…you can call me Tommy.”
“Okay…if you say so.” He took Tommy’s empty glass and shrugged. “Would you like another drink?”
“Yes, thank you.” He thought for a moment, glancing down at the last verse at where he’d left off only yesterday. “This time make it a ‘sex on the beach’ though.”
“Coming right up, Tommy.”
Tommy winked at him and went back to writing. He had left off in the middle of a hot and sexy song. While he waited for his drink, he closed his eyes and imagined that song being sung. Unbeknownst to him, he moaned slightly.
“Man…what I wouldn’t give to know what you’re thinking right now.”
Tommy’s eyes flew open and he turned around. Slouching in his chair when he saw his ‘intruder’, he smiled. “What the hell are you doing here?”
Adam handed Tommy the drink. “Giving you your sex on the beach.”
It took Tommy a moment to realize that Adam was referring to the drink. He took his drink from Adam and placed it on the little nesting table next to him, letting out a nervous laugh.
“Are you thinking about sex?” Adam asked in that deep voice of his.
Tommy swung around, hearing Adam’s tone. And when he did, he noticed Adam crouched down and leaning over his chair. He was looking directly at his laptop, with his eyes wide open.
“So…that’s why you were moaning,” he laughed.
Tommy slammed the laptop shut. “I wasn’t moaning,” he said sternly.
“Oh yeah, you were,” he answered just as sternly.
Tommy placed his laptop on the nesting table and frowned. “You’re awfully nosey…”
Adam laughed and walked around to the side. Holding out his hand, he waited until Tommy took hold of him. Pulling him up, Adam brought him into a great big bear hug. It felt like he was squeezing the life right out of Tommy with how tightly he held him.
“Now…I’ll ask you again…what are you doing here?”
“Vacationing…what else?” Adam answered in his ear.
Tommy pulled away from him. “Are you serious?”
He nodded.
“How’d you get reservations on such short notice?” Thinking about his stupid question and noticing Adam’s stupid look, he shook his head. “Never mind…dumb question, I know. How long you staying?”
“For a long time,” he said, walking over to the pool and jumping in.
A long time?
Adam swam to the surface and leaned on the cement edge. “Until your wedding.”
Tommy walked towards him and crouched down. “Seriously?”
Adam nodded again as he grabbed Tommy’s arm and pulled him right into the pool.
When Tommy popped up from beneath the surface, he couldn’t help but laugh while catching his breath. Splashing Adam in the face, he got closer to him. “I should kick your ass for that one, Lambert.”
“Oh, now come on…be a good sport. Besides, you were wearing your bathing suit…it could’ve been worse.” He cocked his head to the side and looked down. “Nice bathing suit too, by the way.”
“Thanks,” Tommy replied, fidgeting slightly underneath his stare. “So…does Amanda know you’re here?”
Adam dipped his head back into the water and slid his hands over his hair to slick it back and off his face.
Oh shit…
“Of course,” he replied smirking. “She’s the one that insisted on it. I needed a vacation and she offered.” He threw his arm up in the arm and twirled around like Vanna White on Wheel of Fortune. “Who could resist this?”
“You’re taking a seven-week vacation?”
Adam began to swim away from Tommy, towards the waterfall in the back corner of the pool, yelling over his shoulder, “Might as well…”
“Seven weeks?” he asked again. Who on earth took a seven-week vacation?
Evidently…Adam Lambert…along with Tommy.
Tommy got out of the pool and turned around to watch as Adam completed his haul across the pool. He looked good…too damn good. When he turned around, Tommy was still staring at him and when Adam waved at him, he dropped his head slightly and waved back. Busted!
After drying off, he sat back down, grabbed his laptop and began pounding away at the keys. He needed to finish the last song…come hell or high water…he needed to. For over an hour, he typed and then stopped to look over at Adam.
Type…stop…look at Adam…type…stop…look at Adam…
At this rate, he’d never complete his song. And in an hour’s time…he only typed one damn verse.
He was too busy watching Adam make new friends with the few people that were in the pool. He was just too friendly and Tommy was just too…
Jealous?
Tommy’s eye’s immediately focused on Ted Taylor, the resort’s one and only nightclub singer….make that gay singer. “Figures,” he mumbled under his breath. Ted always had someone going gaga over him. He was beautiful and had a voice sent down from heaven. Even the most jealous of men would have to admit that.
Jealous?
Ted was tall and had a body to die for. His long, black hair was always styled nicely and his deep green eyes were dazzling. It was the very first thing most people noticed about him.
Me…jealous?
Tommy ran his fingers through his hair. After all these years, he had still kept his hair blonde. And his eyes? Well, they definitely weren’t a dazzling green…they were brown.
He found himself absolutely mesmerized by Adam, watching his every move. Try as he might, he couldn’t concentrate on anything else. Not writing his song and not his cell phone that was rudely interrupting his thoughts.
Picking up the phone, he didn’t even check who it was…something he usually did. He was too engrossed in watching the man in the pool. “Hello?”
“Hi, honey…something wrong?”
Amanda…the woman he should be thinking about.
“No,” he replied casually. “Why?”
“You sound upset.”
Tommy turned his head so he wasn’t looking at Adam anymore. “I’m fine, sweetie…how are you?”
Amanda let out a long sigh. “I’m lonely…but I’ll survive. Whatcha been doing all week?”
Tommy closed his laptop and placed it on the ground next to him. “Not much…just relaxing until your mother gets here.”
Amanda laughed. “Hey…did you see your surprise yet?”
Tommy smiled and turned back around. Adam was making his way back to his end of the pool now. “If you mean Adam…yeah, I’m looking right at him as we speak.”
She laughed again. “I thought you could use the company. I know how bored you get there when I’m not around.”
Tommy suddenly felt a twinge of guilt. Lately when he came to the resort, he was never bored. In fact, he loved it…writing songs was something he really enjoyed doing. It was just too bad that he couldn’t tell Amanda about it too.
“Hey…is Adam there?”
“Yeah, just a second.” Tommy stood up and walked over to the edge of the pool. “Hurry up, Adam…Amanda wants to talk to you!”
Adam nodded and swam harder. Climbing the stairs to get out, Tommy noticed the water dripping from his muscular body. Shaking his head to rid the thoughts from his mind, he looked away and handed him the phone.
“Thanks….” Adam turned his attention towards the phone. “Hey, sexy…what’s up?”
Tommy could only hear one side of the conversation…but it was enough for him to figure out that Adam already had his sights set on Ted.
“Is he? He didn’t mention that to me.”
“Yeah…no doubt. I’m gonna head there tonight.”
“Yeah…he looks like he’s been keeping busy…”
Adam glanced at Tommy’s laptop on the ground and smiled at Tommy. “I caught him writing …”
He stopped mid-sentence when he felt Tommy hitting him. “Hang on a sec,” he huffed into the phone. Placing his hand over the phone, he shrugged. “What?”
“Don’t say anything about me writing music…please.”
“Why the hell not?”
Tommy whispered quietly, “She doesn’t know and if she finds out…she’ll freak on me.”
Adam shrugged his shoulders and went back to the phone. “It looks like he’s been writing you a love letter…or an email or something…trying to keep himself busy, I suppose.”
“Don’t worry…later.”
He handed the phone back to Tommy, who promptly said his goodbyes. “Well, I should let you go, honey…I need to head back to the room and get ready for dinner.” Tommy looked over at Adam and mouthed “thank you”. “Love you too, honey…bye.”
When he hung up his cell phone, he reached down and grabbed his laptop. “Well, I’ll see you later.”
With his laptop under his arm, he started to walk past Adam. He didn’t get very far…Adam pulled him back.
“What was that all about?”
“What?” he asked.
“Me not telling Amanda that you were writing music.”
Tommy shrugged. “Oh that…”
“Yeah…that.”
“It’s a long story, Adam.”
Adam grabbed his towel and put his arm around Tommy. “Well…I got the next seven weeks to listen to it.” He started walking with Tommy. “Where do you want to start?”
Tommy laughed loudly. “Where’s your room?”
“Right next door to yours…so you don’t have any excuses…we can stay up all night and talk if you want.” He looked over at Tommy and smiled. “And before you ask…yes, I requested to be in the room next to you.”
Tommy looked at him and rolled his eyes. “It’ll bore you to tears…or sleep.”
He grabbed a fist of Tommy’s hair and yanked it back lightly. “I’ll be the judge of that.” Smiling, they continued walking towards their rooms and stopped when they reached Tommy’s door. “You want company for dinner?”
“Don’t you have plans?”
Adam shook his head. “What plans?”
“I don’t know…I just thought…that maybe you asked Ted to dinner?” Tommy felt himself actually getting jealous at the thought of it.
“Nope…”
Tommy smiled and relaxed a little bit. Why did he care so much? He shouldn’t.
“Actually…we have plans for dinner tomorrow night…so it looks like you have me all to yourself tonight.”
Tommy’s smiled faded with Adam’s announcement of his dinner date for the following evening. He did care. Shit, this was not good. Not good at all. “Great…pick me up in an hour.”
He turned to walk into his room and stopped when he heard Adam gasp.
“An hour? You need a whole hour?” Adam threw his arms up in mock disgust.
“It’s vacation time, boy…not primping time. Who you gonna try and impress anyway? Amanda isn’t even here.”
Tommy turned around, smiled and batted his eyelashes. “Well…you of course.”
Adam laughed, swatting Tommy on the butt. “Don’t tease me like that…”
Tommy was teasing…right?
**********
When Adam arrived at his door, in exactly an hour, Tommy’s nerves started unraveling. What was wrong with him anyway? Taking a deep breath, he mumbled, “It’s only Adam, Tommy…calm down.” Opening the door only slightly, he told Adam to close his eyes and then waited for a few seconds. “Are they closed?”
“Yes.”
He opened the door and pulled Adam in by the arm. “Okay…you can open them now.”
Adam did as he was told and looked around the room for a few seconds before glancing his way. “Wow…this place is beautiful.”
Tommy frowned. He didn’t mean for Adam to be in awe over his room. He wanted Adam to be in awe over him. He’d taken extreme measures, primping and Adam didn’t even notice. Disappointed, he looked around the room and managed a little smile. “Yeah…it’s pretty nice.”
“Pretty nice?” Adam walked into the living room and looked up. “Dude, you even got skylights.”
Tommy looked up and laughed. “Dude,” he mocked. “I am almost the son-in-law, you know. I’m entitled to those five skylights.” He rolled his eyes and then started to talk seriously. “I love when it rains here…the sound on the skylights is pretty cool.”
Adam nodded. “I bet…next time it rains, I’ll be over.” Smiling, he looked at Tommy. “You ready?”
“Why?” Tommy walked over to the mirrored front closet doors and cocked his head slightly. “Don’t I look ready?”
Adam walked up behind Tommy and snaked his arms around the shorter man. Feeling Adam so close to him made Tommy sigh. Adam looked at Tommy through the mirror. “I didn’t mean that.” He leaned in to smell Tommy’s freshly washed hair. “You look great…and you primped anyway, didn’t you?”
“Of course,” Tommy replied, watching Adam smell his hair. “I’m not a tease.”
“You’re not, huh?” Adam asked, smiling at Tommy back in the mirror. Winking, he kissed the top of Tommy’s head. “You do look really nice.”
“Thanks.” Tommy couldn’t take his eyes off Adam. He looked incredibly handsome…standing there with his arms around him. They almost looked like a couple standing there, a perfectly matched couple.
When Adam looked back at the mirror, he smiled at Tommy. “Ready?”
He dropped his hold on Tommy and Tommy turned around. “Yep.”
“Okay then…grab your stuff and let’s go.”
**********
There were two restaurants on the resort. Since this was an all-inclusive type of resort, to a certain extent, the guests had their pick. ‘The Islander’ was the exclusive one and the dress code was up-scale. Since most of the guests were on the wealthier side – this one was always busy. This restaurant also required the guests to pay, unlike ‘Bayside’. It wasn’t by any means all that expensive, but it did go above and beyond the simplicity of ‘Bayside’.
‘Bayside,’ the other choice, was more on the casual side. It was a buffet-style setting, and while there were loads of different foods to choose from, it wasn’t to the extent that ‘The Islander’ was. Tommy visited this one the most since he really felt that he didn’t fit in with the other crowd. Even though Amanda and her parents were wealthy – he still didn’t feel like he belonged.
Seeing as how both Tommy and Adam were dressed casually, they chose ‘Bayside’, which was just fine with Tommy.
After retrieving their food from the buffet lines, Adam sat back and looked at Tommy. “So…you gonna tell me why you don’t want Amanda knowing that you’re writing?”
“Do I have to?”
Adam shook his head, eating a spoonful of his chicken dumpling soup. “But I’m all ears if you want to.”
Tommy sighed and put down his fork. What the hell? Adam already knew most of it anyway. He was well aware of his dreams from day one. “Okay…you know how my dream was to always play and write for the biggest rockers out there, right?”
“Yeah,” Adam replied, nodding and blowing the soup on his spoon.
Tommy’s heartbeat quickened with the sight of lips forming a little “O”.
“I said yeah,” Adam repeated, noticing Tommy’s lack of response. “Something wrong?” he asked, taking the spoon into his mouth.
Oh, shit… What was wrong with him? Clearing his throat, Tommy shook his head. “No, nothing’s wrong…anyway…that’s what I’ve been doing for the past nine months now…trying to catch my dream.” Tommy quickly grabbed his fork again and took a bite of his food. He couldn’t watch Adam eat, for some strange reason it was turning him on. When he finally looked up at Adam, Tommy noticed that he had put down his spoon and was just staring at him. He looked upset. “Aren’t you hungry?”
He looked down at his food and sighed. “Not really.” Adam looked back up at him. “Why can’t Amanda know?”
He replied almost automatically, “Because she’s forbidden me to write or play music.”
Adam leaned forward in his seat. “She what?”
“She doesn’t want me to play or write, Adam.” He placed his fork down again and placed his hands in his lap, catching his breath. The last thing he needed to do was to lose control of his emotions in front of him. He was a grown-up and he was going to handle this the grown-up way. “She thinks that it’s childish and told me that no husband of her was going to be in a stupid band.”
Adam started to laugh. “Stupid?”
“That’s what she said,” he casually said. “She wants me to start working for her father.”
Adam looked concerned by his statement. Cocking his head to the side, he sighed. “So…if she doesn’t want you to write and play music – which, by the way, I think is what you are born to do – then what’re you going to do with these songs when you’re finished?”
Tommy smiled. “Well…try and sell them of course.”
Adam scrunched up his nose. “Don’t you think she’ll find out about it if they’re published?”
“Not if I use a different name.”
“A different name?”
“Yeah, like an alias…she’ll never know it’s me…that’s going under the assumption that I can even sell them,” Tommy said, shrugging.
Adam smiled at him. “You’ll sell them…I’d almost bet on that one. If you’re moaning the other day was any indication…you’ll sell them in no time.” He smiled, laughing a little. “So…what’s your alias…if I may ask.”
Tommy thought long and hard for a minute. “Only if you promise not to laugh.”
Adam nodded.
“Duke Devereaux,” he replied, holding his head high.
Adam’s eyebrows furrowed, followed by the biting of his bottom lip that was then followed by a deep roar.
“You promised you weren’t gonna laugh,” Tommy pouted, shooting him a disgusted look.
Adam muffled his laugher the best he could. “I did not. I nodded when you asked…I never said I wouldn’t laugh.”
Dropping his head, he grabbed hold of his spoon and dipped it back in his bowl of soup. “You know…that’s not right for her to be telling you that you can’t do something that you’ve always had your heart set on.”
“I know it isn’t…” he trailed, not really knowing what else to say. What could he say? He knew it wasn’t right, but at the same time, he didn’t have a choice.
“Tommy?”
He looked up at Adam. “What?”
“If you know it isn’t right…then why’d you agree to it?”
Tommy shrugged his shoulders and willed himself not to cry. He was a grown-up. He had to handle this the grown-up way. Grown-ups didn’t cry. Grown-ups accepted what was thrown their way and learned to deal with it. “What other choice do I have, Adam?”
Adam blew a breath out his nose and grunted. “You could choose to have a backbone and stand up to her. That’s what the Tommy I know and remember would’ve done.”
He was right. That is what Tommy would’ve done years ago…but somewhere along the line, his spirit had been crushed. When he looked up at Adam, a tear fell down his cheek. So much for being a grown-up…
“We wouldn’t be getting married then,” he said quietly.
Adam’s hand reached across the table and went to Tommy’s cheek. Wiping the tear away, he brought his other hand around and cupped Tommy’s face. “Maybe you shouldn’t be getting married then.”
“I love her, Adam.”
Adam shook his head. “I don’t doubt that, honey…and I know she loves you. But is this really what you want out of life? To have your wife squash the life right out of you?” Adam lowered his voice, “Because that’ll be what happens, you know…I can already tell that it’s starting.”
Tommy searched his eyes for compassion and when he didn’t see any, he whispered, “She’s your friend, Adam.”
“Yes…she’s my friend…but what she’s doing isn’t right. No one has a right to tell someone else that they can’t try and reach for their dreams…no one.” He took a deep breath before continuing, “Just think about that for a minute…no one has that right. If I would’ve listened to some of my so-called friends back during my theater days, I would never be where I am today.”
Tommy's voice started to deepen, a sure sign that he was going to start defending Amanda. It happened this way every time he defended her. Be it with his friends or mother, it always happened the same way. And the first sure sign was his voice. “It’s not just her, you know. She’s worried about what her parents will think.”
“Who gives a shit about what someone else thinks…this isn’t about her parents. It’s about you and your dream.” Adam let go of his face and put his hands on the table. “Maybe you should start thinking about yourself.”
“Shit, Adam…that isn’t how a relationship works. You can’t just think about yourself when you’re in a relationship.” Tommy leaned forward and pointed at him. “Maybe that’s why you’re not capable of keeping a relationship intact…maybe you’re too selfish. Have you ever thought of that?”
Tommy dropped his finger and watched as Adam’s face turned red. “Don’t try and turn the tables, Tommy…we’re talking about you and Amanda…not about me and my failed relationships.”
Tommy dropped his head. He was right. This wasn’t about Adam and his failed relationships. It was about him. “I’m sorry,” he whispered.
“Forget about it…I know you’re upset and quite frankly, I don’t blame you. But it’s not me who you should be taking this out on – it’s Amanda.”
“I can’t even talk to her about it, Adam…she won’t listen.” Grabbing his fork again, he silently dug into his food. He didn’t want to talk about it anymore.
For a couple of minutes, it was silent. And then out of the blue, Adam swore under his breath. “Is this about her inheritance?”
“What?”
“Is she worried about what her parents will think because it might affect her inheritance?”
Tommy shrugged his shoulders. “I don’t know…she hasn’t said that exactly…”
Adam interrupted him, “She doesn’t need to. She is so caught up in this whole inheritance thing that it’s starting to affect her sanity.” He slumped down in his seat. “I don’t know, Tommy…if I were you, I’d really be thinking this whole marriage thing through.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?” Tommy started to get up from his seat. “Now you don’t think that I should marry her?”
Adam grabbed Tommy’s arm. “I didn’t say that…sit down, please.”
“I don’t want to sit down and weren’t you just the one that said I should grow a backbone?” Tommy pulled his arm away from him and spat, “Well, guess what? I just did!”
He stomped past Adam and walked right out of the restaurant.
Adam threw his chair back and jumped up from his seat.
Once Tommy walked outside, he started running towards his room. He ran and ran and just when he didn’t think he could run anymore, he picked up his pace and ran faster.
Glancing up, he saw that he was almost to his room. He wanted to get inside and lock himself in. He didn’t want to think about anything anymore tonight. He just wanted to retreat inside and start writing. He wanted to get lost in his fantasy world.
If only he could run faster…
Feeling someone at his heels, he turned around and shouted when he was pushed to the ground. “Goddamn it, Adam! Let go of me.”
Adam held him down in a wrestling hold, with one hand on Tommy’s chest and one on his thigh. “Not until you calm down.”
Tommy started pounding Adam’s chest with his fists. “I will NOT calm down…I grew a backbone, remember?”
Adam grabbed his wrists and forced them to the ground. “You need to grow the backbone when Amanda’s around, boy …not me.”
“Hmph…”
“Hmph…is right,” he replied mockingly.
Tommy knew he had two choices. He could continue to kick and yell, staying there all night and missing his opportunity to crank out another song or two. Or, he could calm down and get the hell away from the man that was causing him to lose sight of what was important in his life…Amanda.
“Now, listen…are you going to listen to me?” he asked.
Tommy didn’t move. Option number two was his choice.
“Fine…I didn’t mean that you shouldn’t marry Amanda…I just think that you ought to sit down and talk things through.”
Tommy looked at him. Through a clenched jaw, he managed to say, “You don’t think I’ve tried that?”
“I don’t know…have you?”
Here we go again… “Yes…you big oaf, I have! I need that fucking money. I need to pay our debts…I should take care of my family…my mom,” Tommy’s voice cracked.
“Hey…hey…” Adam moved over to the side and sat down next to Tommy. He pulled Tommy up and brought him close to this chest. “Don’t cry, Tommy…,” he said, rubbing his back. “Come on, baby.”
“I…I…I…can’t…can’t…he…hel…help…it. I’m emotional…and…and…my wedding is in seven…seven…oh fuck…seven weeks,” he cried into Adam’s chest.
“Okay, buddy,” he said, standing to his feet. “Let’s go back to your room and talk.”
