Silent Cries, Mighty Echoes - Chapter Six
Nov. 20th, 2011 01:43 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
something_rareTitle: Silent Cries, Mighty Echoes - Chapter Six
Pairing: Adam/Tommy
Word Count: 5,477
Rating: R
Warning: Slash Connotation
Summary: Tommy is second guessing his choices, and he is not the only one.
Note: Story title taken from Eloy's eight album.
Disclaimer: This story is a work of fiction. The characters and events are fictious.
Special Thanks: To my fabulous beta reader,![[info]](https://something-rare.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif?v=3)
bigj52. You are gold!
Chapter Six
By the time Tommy made it back to his room, he was an emotional wreck. Not only was he shaking from limb to limb, he was hyperventilating as well. His mind was replaying Adam’s words over and over again, at a tantalizingly slow speed. What you need to do is write a song about someone admitting his feelings to their beloved... I think that’s what you need to do…. I think that’s what you need to do….
Throwing himself down on the bed, he buried his face in the pillow. How could he have been so stupid? Giving Adam a copy of his work was probably the most asinine thing he’d ever done…besides letting himself fall for him. What was he thinking?
There was no way he could write a song like that. It just was not him. That type of song would not in any way, shape or form match the rest of the album. No possible way. He had never been in that type of situation before to be able to actually transform the overwhelming feelings of someone admitting his feelings to their beloved into a song. Wait a minute…if what Adam said about the theme of the album and the last song was true, did that mean he had actually been feeling that way for a while now without even realizing it? But how could that be possible? He’d started working on those songs long before his engagement party, long before his scheduled trip to the Island, long before he had any type of feelings for Adam whatsoever.
Okay...maybe that wasn't entirely true since he was pretty sure his harbored crush on Adam went way back. But this album was supposed to be about his life…his life with Amanda. It was supposed to be about Amanda and Tommy…Amanda and Tommy. Not Adam and Tommy.
Lifting his head from the pillow quickly, he moaned out loud. “Oh shit,” he mumbled rather loudly. “This album, that last song is about us.”
Where did the music stop and where did the reality set in? Or better yet, when did the reality set in?
**********
Reba looked over at Adam and shook her head. “Tommy, would you please stop fidgeting and get out here? I only have thirty minutes before our employee meeting,” she yelled towards the dressing room.
Tommy yelled back from behind the closed doors. “In a minute!”
Reba frowned, glancing at her watch. “It’s just a fitting, dear. Now hurry up, Adam and I don’t have all day. As it is, he probably doesn’t want to be here anyway.”
“I’m in no rush, Reba, really.”
“Well, don’t let him hear you say that or we could very well be here all day.”
When Tommy walked out from behind the doors, all eyes immediately focused on him. He looked like a prince. There were no other words to describe him. Adam stood there in awe as he stared at the most beautiful man he’d ever seen in his entire life.
And he was about to marry someone else.
One of his closest friends.
“Well…don’t just stand there…say something.” Tommy poked Adam in the stomach and smiled. He stepped up onto the platforms, trying to take a look at the back of his tux.
“Wow.”
Tommy turned around, giving Adam a lop-sided grin. “That’s all you can say?” He ran his hand through the fabric of the tux. “I feel like a freak.”
“You look absolutely handsome, dear. Now come here a minute.” Reba motioned for him to come closer. “Albert, don’t you think that maybe you should remove the rhinestones attached to the collar? Plus I think the pants need to be loosened a little? They’re too tight.” Her hands pointed at the area in question as she turned to Adam. “Don’t you think it’s too flashy, Adam?”
Adam couldn’t speak.
He was desperately trying to find his voice but was finding it virtually impossible.
Not only did Tommy take his breath away, he took his voice as well.
“Um…um….um…” He forced himself to look at Tommy’s face and noticed the disappointment written all over it. “I think it’s fine, Reba…what do you think Tommy?”
Tommy turned back to the mirrors. “I like it just the way it is, Reba.”
Reba moaned, shaking her head. “Oh, I don’t think so, dear…and I think Amanda would agree with me. She’s not going to want her groom to wear rhinestones on his tux or be showing his derrière off for everyone to see.” She rubbed her chin while eyeing the area in question carefully. “How would you feel about it, Adam?”
Adam’s eyes shifted from Reba to Tommy and then back again. “I really don’t think it’s all that tight, Reba…and I definitely don’t think Amanda’s going to be thinking about anything other than how handsome Tommy looks.”
Reba smacked Adam’s arm playfully. “I guess I shouldn’t be asking a gay guy that question then.”
Tommy looked at Adam and mouthed a silent “thank you” behind Reba’s back before clearing his throat and looking to the tailor. “Albert…I like it just the way it is.”
Reba stepped up on the platform and grabbed Tommy’s hand. “I’m sorry, Tommy…it’s just too flashy for this family’s taste. You understand dear, right?”
Tommy’s head dropped, his smile immediately fading. “Of course.”
When Adam finally lifted his head to look in the mirror, he wanted to take Tommy in his arms and hold him.
He looked sad.
He looked upset.
He looked beautiful.
He looked like he was about to explode.
Adam forced himself to smile, despite the ache he felt in his heart. Putting his arm around Tommy, he leaned in and whispered, “If you aren’t happy…you need to say something…now.”
He was referring to his tux.
He was referring to his upcoming wedding.
He didn’t know what the hell he was referring to but Tommy needed to speak up.
Tommy said nothing.
But his look said it all.
Adam turned his head back towards Reba and Albert who were now huddled in the corner of the room. No doubt, they were concocting a plan. His head whipped back around to Tommy. “They’re ganging up on you now…you’d better say something quickly here or else you’ll be wearing a habit to your own wedding.”
Tommy shook his head and let out a little laugh. “A habit?”
Adam quietly laughed back and raised his shoulders for a second before dropping them heavily. “You never know with her.” He cocked his head to the side and forced himself to smile. “Tommy…you look handsome, absolutely beautiful.”
Tommy smiled shyly at him. “Thanks.”
“Just like a prince.” He stepped behind Tommy and snaked his arms around him. Adam kissed his head, lingering there for a moment before he rested his chin on the exact spot he’d kissed. Slowly, he brought his gaze up and looked at him through the mirror. Tommy was looking right back at him. “We would’ve made a cute couple…don’t you think?”
Once again, Tommy looked like he was about to cry. “Yeah.”
“We still could,” he whispered.
“Don’t,” he replied softly. “Don’t say that.”
“Why?”
“You know why.”
“No, I don’t…why don’t you tell me.”
Their eyes never left the others. They each held the other’s stare. “It’s too late,” Tommy whispered quietly.
Adam removed his hold on Tommy, stepped down off the platform and walked over to Reba. “Reba…I’m sorry if I’m stepping out of line here…but, this is the tux that Tommy picked out and I really think that unless he wants Albert here to change it…it should be left the way it is.”
Reba frowned, inching her way closer to Tommy. “But Adam, he just agreed that the pants were too tight.”
Adam scrunched up his nose at her, determined not to back down. “I didn’t hear him say that at all.” He turned to the tailor. “Did you, Albert?”
Albert hung his head and said nothing.
Why he expected anything different was beyond him. Albert worked for Reba. Sighing, he shook his head and looked back at the groom. “Tommy…do you want to leave the tux the way it is?”
Tommy lowered his head. His voice could barely be heard. “Yes.”
Adam turned to Reba and raised his eyebrows. “There you have it, Reba. Don’t touch the tux, Albert.”
Reba stepped up on the platform. “Dear…I thought you just agreed that you need to be a little more proper…”
Adam interrupted her, “For crying out loud, Reba…his cock isn’t hanging out of the zipper. Stop trying to bully him into saying what you want to hear.” He softened his tone, “please.”
Reba stepped back from Tommy and walked over to Adam. He could tell instantly that Tommy was upset by his last comment. His face was beet red. “Who do you think is paying for this tux, young man?”
Tommy finally spoke up, “It’s okay, Adam…it’s not a big deal.”
He looked over at Tommy. “Yes, it is a big deal, Tommy.” Turning back to Reba, his voice got louder. “If you want…I can write you out a check right here and now for this tux.” He threw his arms up in the air. “Hell…for the whole wedding if you want…just stop acting like this is your wedding, because it isn’t yours. It’s Tommy and Amanda’s.”
“Well…I never…”
Adam interjected, “That’s right, Reba. You never should’ve done a lot of things.”
Reba huffed at Adam and turned around to Tommy. “Do you feel that way?”
Tommy was silent.
“Tommy, do you feel that way?”
He whispered, “No.”
Adam threw his arms up in the air, disgusted. “What’d you think he was going to say, Reba? You’ve pretty much scared him into doing everything you want…why should he grow a backbone now?”
He shook his head in disgust and walked away.
Tommy yelled, “Adam, wait!”
Adam ignored his pleas. He tried his best and failed. If Tommy couldn’t defend himself then he sure as hell wasn’t going to try and do it for him.
**********
When Adam left the fitting, he headed straight to the poolside bar. After downing a couple beers and shots, he headed to Ted’s room. He needed to work his anger out. His anger over the tux, Tommy, Reba and Amanda…and sex was exactly the way to work it out.
Knocking on his door abruptly, Adam dropped his fist and tried hard to control his feelings. This was about sex. This was not about Tommy.
When Ted opened the door, Adam immediately stepped in and grabbed him, backing him against the wall. Within seconds, his mouth was devouring Ted’s face. It was such a rush that he could hardly breathe. His tongue and lips were making rapid movements all over Ted’s face until he found the perfect home…Ted’s mouth.
Ted pushed him back a little. “What’s come over you, Adam?”
With the passion mounted as high as it was, he could barely speak. “You…I want you.”
Adam pulled him in again and Ted’s hands began to explore his body. “You don’t how long I’ve waited to hear you say that.”
“Just shut up and kiss me,” he demanded.
Ted obeyed him immediately. He liked that. He liked obedient men. Always had…always would.
Immediately, Adam’s brain registered his thoughts. Yes, he liked obedient men when it came to sex…but he liked them to be able to defend themselves too.
Something that Tommy obviously couldn’t do.
He pulled back. “Do you want this?”
Ted smiled at him. “Oh my God…can’t you tell?”
Adam smiled back at him. “Just checking…” His hands reached down and grabbed hold of Ted’s shirt. Ted lifted his arms immediately and Adam had no problems slipping the shirt off.
“I fucking want you so bad…hurry please.”
Running his hand all over Ted’s chest, he started to work his hands around Ted’s nipples, being careful not to touch them just yet. Despite his current state, he was trying to slow himself down.
“Touch them, damn it!”
When Ted moaned and arched his back, Adam knew he had him just where he wanted him. He kicked the door shut with his foot and brought them both to the ground.
“God…I love it when a man takes charge,” Ted moaned into his ear.
Adam groaned. Ted’s voice was starting to annoy him. He wanted him to just shut the hell up.
Ted put his hands on the outside of Adam’s jeans. “Let’s get that bad boy out.”
Adam closed his eyes to try and drown out the sound of his voice.
“Oh God,” Ted groaned while trying to free him.
It wasn’t working. When Ted started to slide his hand underneath the waistband of Adam’s boxers, he became rigid. And not the kind of rigid he wanted to be.
He pushed Ted’s hand away and shot up. “I’m sorry, Ted…this just isn’t working for me.”
“What?”
Adam tried to smooth it over by lying. “I’ve had too much to drink and I don’t want our first time to be when I was drunk.” He opened the door while buttoning his jeans. “I’m sorry.”
Ted sat up and leaned against the wall.
Adam leaned down and kissed his forehead quickly. “I’ll see you later…when I sober up some.”
Adam slammed the door and headed back to his room, stumbling along the way. Out of the corner of his eye he saw Tommy walking down the path and decided to slow his pace down so that he could catch up.
The plan worked out beautifully, because within seconds, they were side by side. “Hi…look, Adam. I’m sorry about earlier.”
“Just forget about it, Tommy…I tried to help you out and obviously you don’t want my help.” He looked back at Ted’s room and laughed. “At least someone around here wants my help.”
“You’re drunk, aren’t you?”
Glancing down, he noticed his zipper was still down. “Ah shit…” Adam knew Tommy was watching him, he could tell. “So what if I am?”
“Are you sure Ted wants you for you and not for what you are?”
Adam stopped fiddling with his zipper and raised his hands in the air. “At least he wants me…”
Tommy huffed, “Who wouldn’t want you? You’re Adam Lambert!”
“Ah shit, Tommy…you don’t want me. Would it help if I reminded you I was a rock star and I could rock your world? Just ask Ted…he’ll vouch for that.”
Tommy stood there glaring. “I don’t give a shit about you being a rock star…you know that.”
“Then why’d you bring it up?”
“I didn’t!”
“Yes, you did…you just did two seconds ago!” he yelled back.
“I never mentioned rock star…you just did.”
“You implied it, Tommy,” he shot back.
Tommy threw his arms up. “And I bet Ted could give me an earful about how you rocked his world. There’s one small problem though…I don’t give a shit! You can rock the world of every man here for all I care!”
Adam grabbed Tommy’s arms and held on tightly. “But that’s where you’re wrong…you do care. You just don’t have a fucking backbone so you can’t admit it!”
“Leave my backbone out of it,” Tommy heaved through a clenched jaw.
Adam’s voice quieted down a little, when he noticed the seriousness of Tommy’s face. “You do care…why can’t you just admit it?”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Oh, like hell you don’t, Tommy. It bugs the hell out of you…thinking about me and Ted doing the nasty…doesn’t it?”
Tommy stood still and didn’t say a word.
Adam let his head drop back while he laughed. “I can tell just by the look on your face that it bugs you. I know you like the back of my hand, Tommy.”
Still…Tommy didn’t say anything.
“You have no reason to be jealous,” he said, bringing his gaze back to Tommy’s and releasing his hold on him.
Tommy’s eyes turned to slits. “I am not jealous!”
Adam took a step closer, their noses touching. “Just remember something, Tommy…for the next fifty years, every time you see me with someone else…it could’ve been you.”
Tommy’s mouth dropped.
“It should’ve been you…but because you’re too fucking stubborn to face the truth, it won’t be you.” Adam leaned forward and kissed his nose. “And it’ll be that way because you wanted it to be.”
He walked away and left Tommy standing there…with his mouth wide open.
Tommy was frantically pounding on Adam’s door. He was not about to let Adam just walk away from him the way he did, saying the things he did. He just wouldn’t allow it.
When Adam finally answered the door, it was obvious to Tommy just how surprised he was to see him standing there. “I don’t have anything more to say to you, Tommy…just go,” he mumbled, pointing towards his room.
He started to close the door and Tommy stopped it with his hand. “Oh no, you’re not…we need to get a few things straight.”
“I’m not thinking straight and I’m really not in the mood to rehash everything that we just talked about.”
Tommy stomped his foot defiantly. “We didn’t talk about anything…you were the one talking. Now I want to add my two cents worth.”
Adam looked down at Tommy’s foot and then proceeded to stomp his own foot right back at him. “Well, what if I don’t want to listen?”
Tommy pushed his way in. “You don’t have a choice.” Pushing his way past Adam, he brushed up against him and his whole body tingled. Why was this happening now? In all the years they’d known each other, his body never tingled. Or did it? Maybe it did and he just ignored it.
He’d forever had a crush on this man standing before him…he’d admit to that. But this was going further than a crush and it was scaring the hell out of him.
Adam slammed the door shut and walked over to the couch. Plopping down, he threw his feet up. “Shoot.”
“Okay, listen,” Tommy said, walking into the center of the room. “I know you think that I’m jealous of…”
Adam crossed his arms in front of him. “You are jealous.”
“I’m not jealous, Adam.” He sat down on the floor, Indian-style, across from Adam. “I’m just lonely and seeing you with someone else makes me realize how much I miss Amanda.”
It really wasn’t the truth…but it really wasn’t a lie either.
Adam rolled his eyes. “Go on.”
His attitude was making Tommy mad, hitting his last nerve. “And this thing about me seeing you with someone else during the next fifty years…well, I can almost guarantee that it won’t be with the same someone during those years, knowing you.”
His face remained expressionless. “Your point?”
“My point,” Tommy huffed, looking directly at Adam. “Is that you’re not capable of being with one person that long.”
Adam facial expression was starting to change. “And how do you know that?”
Tommy shook his head. “Come on, Adam…look at your track record.”
“What about my track record?”
“It’s not very good, is it?”
Adam’s facial expression was getting scary now. “You try being in my shoes.”
Tommy remained quiet.
“My track record isn’t very good, because the people I’ve chosen to be with in the past haven’t been that good.” His arms slowly started to uncross. “You know…I’m not the one who knows I’m making a mistake and yet still insists on making that mistake. At least when I know someone isn’t the right one for me, I get out.”
“Hey, wait a minute here…are you talking about me now?”
“If the shoe fits, Tommy…”
Tommy stood up and started to pace the floors. “Amanda is not a mistake, Adam…how can you even say that after all these years?”
“I can say it because it’s true…and I’m sorry I didn’t see it earlier because if I would have, I would’ve said something to you about it long ago.”
Tommy stopped pacing the floors and placed his hands on his hips. “So what you’re saying is that Amanda isn’t the one for me and what? You are?”
He didn’t expect Adam to look at him the way he did.
He suddenly looked somber and peaceful.
Adam’s eyes were penetrating so deeply into his that Tommy had to look away. “Yes, Tommy…that’s exactly what I’m saying.”
“What?” he gasped.
Adam didn’t say another word.
“Where the hell is this coming from?” he asked, throwing his arms up in the air and shrugging his shoulders. “We’ve known each other forever and NOW you decide to spring this on me?”
Still…Adam said nothing.
“Well, don’t just sit there, goddamn it…say something!”
“I’m done talking…remember? You’re the one who said they wanted to talk.”
Tommy shook his head. “Why do I even bother?”
Adam got up from the couch and walked over to him. Gently pushing him to the couch, he forced Tommy down. Crouching down on his knees, he grabbed Tommy’s hands before speaking. “I only just realized it myself, Tommy.”
Tommy yanked his hands from his. “I can’t believe you! It’s almost like this is a game to you…to see if you can get me.” With the tears just about ready to escape, he closed his eyes and forced them to stay put. “Oh, I know…let’s wait until Tommy is weeks away from his wedding and then I’ll tell him that I want him.” He opened his eyes. “Is it because I’m not available that has you suddenly so intrigued?”
Adam’s voice was firm yet gentle, “No.”
“And what makes you so sure that next year or even next week, you won’t feel differently?” Tommy was starting to lose his hold on his emotions. “You grow tired of men, Adam…I’ve seen it a million times.”
“You’re different.”
Tommy’s emotions were thrown by the wayside now…he could no longer control them. Blinking rapidly to try and stop them, he couldn’t. “How so?”
Adam lifted his chin. “It just is, Tommy. I can’t explain it.”
“Well…you’re going to have to do better than that. You have to explain it.”
Adam sighed heavily, wiping away the tears from Tommy’s eyes. “Tommy…did you read the song I wrote for your album?”
Did he? Tommy closed his eyes again and nodded.
Adam leaned over, kissed him on the cheek and then made his way to his ear. He whispered softly, “That’s how I feel. I can’t explain it because I don’t know when it happened or how it happened. All I know is that it did happen.” He turned and walked towards his bedroom, stopping short. “Maybe it happened when I kissed you at your engagement party, or maybe it happened when I pushed my tongue down your throat at the AMAs and I just shoved my feelings aside first because you insisted that you were straight and then because of your relationship with Amanda.” Turning around, he backed into his bedroom. “You know how I feel…the ball’s in your court now,” he finished, shutting the door.
**********
The next few days were pretty tense. Both Tommy and Adam kept their distance from each other. And when they did happen to occasionally bump into each other, they were cordial. Not overly nice, just cordial.
It wasn’t like Tommy had time for anything more than cordial really. Reba pretty much kept him busy from morning to night. So when he did find himself finally having a free moment that afternoon, he was surprised when Ted happened along and invited him out.
“Oh, come on, Tommy…it’ll be fun. Besides, I already rented the convertible for the day.”
Tommy searched for an excuse to bow out gracefully. But Ted wouldn’t let up. Maybe hanging out would take his mind off of other things that were clouding his every thought. “Fine…let me grab my stuff.”
“What stuff?”
“My sunglasses and bag.”
Ted smiled at him. “Oh…okay. Don’t forget your beach towel either.”
Tommy nodded and headed to his room. He really didn’t feel like cruising the island in search of the perfect beach. Wasn’t the beach at the resort good enough? Grabbing his things, he headed towards the parking lot where Ted told him to meet him.
When he arrived there he was surprised to see Adam sitting in the driver’s seat of the convertible. Was it possible that Adam had rented a convertible on the same day? Not likely. When Adam noticed him, he immediately waved. Walking up to him, Tommy smiled. “Where’s Ted?”
“He’s coming.”
“I take it you’re coming with us then?”
Adam raised his eyebrows. “Yeah…is there a problem with that?”
Tommy shook his head and lied. “No…it’s just that Ted didn’t mention you were coming, that’s all.”
Tommy opened the passenger side door and took a seat in the back of the car. This was going to be a long, long day. Probably one of the longest days of his entire life, if he had to guess.
No one said anything as they waited for Ted to show. It was a tense few minutes, ones filled with silence and awkwardness. But once Ted finally took his place next to Adam, the silence was shattered. Adam looked over his shoulder. “So gentlemen…where are we headed?”
Ted slapped him on the thigh. “Just drive…we’ll let you know when we want you to stop. Right, Tommy?”
“Yeah…right.” Tommy kept himself occupied by watching the scenery as they were driving. He didn’t dare look at the couple sitting in front of him. It would only make matters worse. “You know, guys…if you want to be alone it’s okay. You can take me back to the resort.”
Ted piped in quickly, “Get out of here…we want you here. If we take you back, you know all you’ll be doing is working on shit for your wedding. Aren’t you sick of that yet?”
“You have no idea,” he mumbled back. “I’ll be glad when this whole thing is over.”
Adam turned around and made a face. “It’s only the beginning.”
Don’t remind me.
For over thirty minutes, all was quiet as they drove down the deserted roads. Except for the occasional giggle coming from the front seat, all was silent. Tommy found himself occasionally glancing towards the front and every time he did, he reprimanded himself. He didn’t need to see that Adam’s hand was resting on Ted’s thigh or that when his wasn’t there, Ted’s hand was resting on his thigh. Didn’t need to see it at all.
God…he really was jealous, wasn’t he?
Maybe Adam was right after all.
“STOP!”
Adam practically gave them all whiplash as he slammed the brakes. “Shit, Ted, don’t do that!”
“Look…over there.” Ted pointed towards a beautiful, deserted beach. “It’s beautiful and there’s no one there…it’s perfect.” He turned to look over his shoulder. “Is it okay with you, Tommy?”
Tommy smiled. “It’s great.”
Tommy and Ted quickly made their way to the beach ahead of Adam, leaving him to retrieve anything and everything they’d left behind…in particular, the cooler.
Ted set up the towels all neatly in a row and motioned for Adam to place the cooler down behind them. “You guys want to eat now or later?”
Tommy’s head glanced up. “You actually brought food?”
“Hell yeah…I packed us all a lunch and lots of wine coolers too.” He looked at Adam and laughed. “Don’t worry, honey…I brought some beer and vodka too.”
Honey? Honey? Were they an exclusive item now?
Tommy tried not to watch as Adam pulled Ted into an embrace, but he couldn’t help it. His eyes were drawn to them.
Adam smiled at Tommy and then kissed Ted on the cheek. “Thanks, honey.”
Honey?
“That’s the thanks I get? I was hoping for a little more than that.”
Tommy watched as Ted pulled Adam’s head in for a kiss. He willed himself to look away, but he couldn’t. He wanted to…but he couldn’t. He watched as Adam closed his eyes, knowing exactly what was about to happen next.
And it did.
And his heart ached.
Despite the fact that they started making out like a bunch of horny teenagers, Tommy watched every move. He really couldn’t see much, but he could hear their lip smacking, tongue-sucking kiss as clear as day.
If possible, his heart ached even more.
Without any warning, Adam opened his eyes and Tommy found himself looking eye to eye with him. He immediately looked the other way. He was embarrassed that Adam caught him staring.
“Hey, Tommy?”
Tommy turned again to see Ted standing there beside him naked. “Lose the clothes, babe.”
“Excuse me?”
“Oh, come on…live a little.” Ted did a complete 360 and then smiled. “There’s not a single soul here.”
Bullshit…there’s Adam.
“I don’t know…” Tommy trailed, searching for an excuse to keep himself covered up.
Ted turned to Adam. “Adam doesn’t care…do you?”
He shook his head.
Tommy frowned.
Ted laughed.
“Come on, party pooper…lose the clothes and stop being such a baby.”
Tommy checked Ted out thoroughly. Ted definitely had a nice firm chest there. “Oh okay…what the hell.” He took off his shirt and pants but left the boxers on. Throwing his shirt over at Adam, he laughed. “Don’t you ever tell Amanda I did this!”
Lying back on his towel, Tommy sighed. It was a relaxing day and if he had to admit to it, it had been a fun day. And fun wasn’t that easy to come by for him now.
For over four hours…Tommy, Ted and Adam played Frisbee, ate, read, drank, ate, drank, ate, drank and enjoyed the sun. Adam was the only sober one left.
Much to everyone’s dismay.
Ted and Tommy gave him a hard time about it, but he insisted that he had to drive. Ted even tried to pull Adam’s bathing suit down a couple times; trying to encourage him to sunbathe in the nude, but it was a no go.
At the present time, they were all lying down on their towels and trying to dry off from their swim. As much as he didn’t want to, Tommy even went into the water for a little while. Ted and Adam looked like they were having so much fun jumping the waves that even he decided to give it a try.
Of course, the alcohol relaxed him some too.
Even with all the wine coolers though, he couldn’t help the feeling of jealousy that took over every time Adam and Ted kissed. Maybe if all they did was kiss, he wouldn’t have been so jealous. But they didn’t just kiss; they made out…each and every time.
Lying there, Tommy suddenly sat up. His skin was killing him. Maybe coming to the beach without any sun block wasn’t such a good idea after all.
Looking over at Ted, who was lying directly next to him, he frowned when his eyes settled on Adam holding his hand. “Shit…I need to put my clothes back on, guys…sorry…but my skin is killing me.”
Ted looked over to him. “Hey…I’m surprised you lasted this long.”
“Yeah…me too.” Tommy put his clothes back on.
Ted jumped up suddenly. “I have to pee, guys…I’ll be right back.” He looked over at Adam who was still lying down and kicked his legs. “Put some moisturizer on Tommy’s skin.”
Tommy’s head immediately shook. “No, don’t worry about it, Adam…I’m OK.”
He didn’t listen.
He grabbed the moisturizer, walked over to Tommy and sat down behind him.
Once Ted was out of sight, he opened his legs and straddled Tommy from behind. He pulled Tommy in close to him and without saying a word, he spread the moisturizer all over Tommy’s back. His hands rubbed Tommy’s shoulders and Tommy felt like he was on fire. What was happening to him was indescribable and undeniable and inappropriate for a man who was about to get married to someone else.
Adam leaned in and whispered in his ear, “You having a good time?”
“Yeah…it’s just what the doctor ordered…thanks.”
Adam’s hands moved down. Slowly, he rubbed all along Tommy’s sides and then settled in on his back. It was such a turn-on that Tommy had to actually remind himself to breathe.
“How come every time I kiss Ted I catch you staring at us?”
Tommy closed his eyes and enjoyed the massage, letting the words roll right off his tongue. “It’s hard not to stare…you guys are pretty noisy.”
Adam laughed and then leaned in again to whisper, “Why can’t you just fucking admit you’re jealous.”
“Because I’m not.”
“You know, Tommy,” Adam said, taking Tommy’s earlobe in between his teeth. “You never were a very good liar.”
Tommy moaned slightly when he felt Adam’s tongue flick his ear. “Mmm…I’m not lying.”
“Oh, yes, you are.”
Any other time, Tommy would’ve just gotten up and left. But right now, he was helpless. He was so caught up in the sensations going through his body that he didn’t have a care in the world. “Okay…okay, I’m lying…so what?”
“So you are jealous then?”
Adam ran his tongue along Tommy’s shoulder and kissed his neck. He couldn’t take it anymore. He reached back, grabbed Adam’s head with his hand and pressed it closer to his neck. “Damn right I am.”
Looking up, Adam noticed Ted coming back out of the corner of his eye. He stopped kissing Tommy and patted him on the shoulder. “Just remember…you wanted it this way.”
Tommy opened his eyes instantly and frowned when he noticed Ted coming towards them. If he didn’t have any morals, he’d throw caution to the wind and just jump right on top of Adam.
Luckily, for everyone involved, he did.
“I think we should head back now…sound good?” Adam grabbed his towel and wrapped it around him.
Tommy had to hold back his laughter…it looked like he was sporting a hard on. Sitting up, he grabbed his towel as well, trying to ignore what he knew he had done. “Sounds good to me.”
Ted followed suit as they all headed back to the car.
There wasn’t a word spoken by anyone the entire way back.
**********
When Tommy finally found himself back in his room, he immediately plopped down on the couch. He had way too much to drink. Way, way too much. Lying there, he closed his eyes and remembered the scene from the beach. The scene where Adam was kissing his neck…
Jumping up, he headed for the door and didn’t turn back.
He knocked on Adam’s door, only then having second thoughts. He didn’t know if he was doing the right thing or not. Then, something took over him and he knocked again.
It was probably the alcohol.
When Adam swung the door opened, he jumped back. Adam was standing there with only a towel wrapped around his waist. Tommy’s eyes widened and traveled to Adam’s hair where he took in the beauty of it standing up all over the place. It was messy from the wind drying it and it took everything ounce of control Tommy could muster to keep his hands down by his sides.
Tommy’s gaze traveled back down to Adam’s bare chest and bulging arms. Slowly, he lifted one arm and ran his fingertips along Adam’s arm. He swallowed hard. “You’ve been working out again, haven’t you?”
“What?”
“Never mind,” he mumbled.
“Tommy…is something wrong?”
He looked around, nodded and followed that up with a shake of his head.
Adam grabbed him by the hand and pulled him in. “What’s going on?”
Tommy’s control was losing ground. He answered Adam by throwing his arms around neck and pressing his body firmly against Adam. If Adam was surprised before, he was even more surprised now, but still, he didn’t show it. Calmly, he tilted his head, wrapping his arms around Tommy’s waist. “What is it, honey?”
Honey? Honey?
Tommy pulled back a little and slid his hands up to Adam’s head, bringing him closer.
He was sure that Adam understood now.
Pressing his lips against Adam’s, he didn’t need to say anything now. Adam knew.
For a minute, Adam remained still. Not quite sure what to do or how to react, he used that minute to quickly decide what his plan of action would be. He knew what the circumstances were…and he knew what kind of state Tommy was in. What he also knew was that Tommy felt damn good in his arms and his mouth felt even damn better.
His mouth finally opened, allowing Tommy’s tongue to gain entry. Tommy moaned when their tongues touched. Adam moaned louder. Tommy moaned again. Adam was a goner.
When Tommy’s tongue slid out of Adam’s mouth and ran along his cheek, Adam pulled back. He knew where this was going and it wasn’t exactly the course he mapped out for his tentative plan of action. “What’re you doing…?”
Tommy wanted him to be quiet. No talking and no thinking allowed. He pressed his lips against Adam’s again and together they made those noises that Tommy’d heard all afternoon. It was his turn to devour him. It was his turn to make those noises. It was his turn.
Reaching down, he grabbed hold of Adam’s towel and pulled it off in one quick movement. Adam didn’t have time to react with how quickly it all happened. He watched as Tommy dropped his towel to the floor and smiled.
Then, he took his shirt off. He wanted to feel Adam’s chest against his. He wanted to feel Adam in him.
God…he wanted Adam.
And if it meant sneaking around and having an affair then so be it.
He couldn’t deny it any longer.
Once his shirt was gone, Tommy pressed himself closer and moved his body against Adam’s. It felt good. Adam felt good. He wanted more.
Tommy’s mouth was plastered to Adam’s face in a desperate attempt to avoid any interruptions. He wouldn’t stop kissing him. It didn’t matter what he was trying to remove, he didn’t want to interrupt their kisses for anything. And he didn’t.
When he reached down and started to remove his boxers, Adam knew that if he didn’t stop him now, there’d be no stopping him later. Quickly, he grabbed Tommy’s wrist. “Whoa…slow down a minute.”
Tommy managed to free himself of his grip and in a matter of a few seconds his boxers were gone too. Adam’s eyes widened, taking in the realization that Tommy was completely naked and silently begging Adam to take him. He knew right then and there that it wouldn’t take much begging on Tommy’s part, he was about to break down as it was.
He swallowed down the lump in his throat and closed his eyes. Adam wanted nothing more than to take Tommy, right then and there. He tried to wipe the thought from his mind, but when he felt his hand suddenly being lifted and placed around Tommy’s cock, the thought found its way back.
Slowly, he opened his eyes and dropped his gaze. When he heard Tommy’s breathing become deeper, with little moans escaping every so often, he bit his bottom lip and tried his best not to move a muscle. This was the hardest test of self-control he’d ever been through in his entire life. If he could make it out of this one without actually taking Tommy, he was a stronger man than he ever thought possible.
This was literally killing him.
Feeling his own erection grow harder, he looked down and groaned as it brushed up against Tommy’s body. “Shit,” he mumbled under his breath. “Shit, shit, shit…”
Tommy’s body pressed forward some, swaying to something or other that only his ears were hearing. Adam’s body pulled back, trying desperately to keep his erection from coming in contact with Tommy.
When Tommy opened his eyes, Adam had to look away. The desire was hot. The air between them thick and his erection had never been harder. This was not going to be easy.
Adam let go of his cock, grabbed him by the waist and pushed him against the wall, allowing his own erection to finally press against Tommy’s. Bringing Tommy’s hands above his head, he held them against the wall, pinning the shorter man. “Is this really what you want, Tommy?”
Tommy answered him with a deep, sexual moan.
Fuck… Adam’s head leaned in close which allowed Tommy’s tongue to run across his lips. Fuck...Please…don't let me down... “Because this isn’t what I want.”
Tommy’s eyes flew open.
Adam smiled, quickly putting the thought Tommy had to rest. “Oh, I want you,” he moaned. He looked down at their erections and Tommy followed his lead. “No question about that…I don’t think I’ve ever wanted something so bad in my entire life.” Bringing his head back up, he leaned forward and kissed Tommy’s lips still holding his arms above his head. “But not like this.”
What?
“I want you sober…so you remember every last detail of what I do to you,” he groaned loudly, with desire dripping from every word.
Hmmmmm…..okay……..
“I want you without that damn ring on your finger though,” Adam said, nodding up towards Tommy’s hands. “I want you free and clear.”
Shit…not this again.
Tommy looked at him. “Can’t we just do this behind Amanda’s back?”
Adam’s eyes remained guarded. “You mean like an affair?”
He nodded.
“We could,” he admitted, bending his knee and bringing it up between Tommy’s legs. “But it won’t be enough for me and I seriously doubt it’d be enough for you either.”
Tommy dropped some of his weight to Adam’s knee and moaned. “It’d be good.”
Adam leaned over and whispered in his ear, “Oh…I don’t doubt that. The sex would be damn good.” Hearing those words, Tommy started grinding against his knee. “But would it be enough?”
Tommy’s erection was starting to get to Adam. He didn’t know how much longer he could stand there without throwing Tommy to the ground and pounding himself into him.
He needed to end this.
Adam dropped his damp knee, leaned in and fully pressed his body against Tommy’s. Erection and all. Immediately, he felt Tommy start to wiggle as he stood on his tip toes.
Adam moved his head around so that his mouth was pressed against Tommy’s ear. “You’re trying to drive me insane, Tommy but it isn’t going to work." He took a deep breath. "When you come to me…you’ll be sober and single…understood?”
Tommy’d agree to just about anything right now.
When he continued to move, grinding himself harder, Adam laughed quietly in his ear. “And only then…will this erection be put where you really want it.”
“Oh, God…please…” Tommy moaned.
Adam crouched down a little and took Tommy’s nipple in his mouth. Sucking gently, he bit the tip. Tommy immediately arched his back; silently demanding he do more of the same. Adam pulled his mouth free and kissed his way back to Tommy’s ear. “I’ll give you more than that when you give me what I want.”
Without warning, he let go of Tommy’s arms and they fell down to his sides. He bent down and picked up Tommy’s clothes, making sure his hand grazed against Tommy’s warm body. Handing them to him, Adam gave Tommy a half-smile. “You should probably go now.”
Tommy took his clothes and turned to walk away. Adam stopped him by grabbing his arm and twirling him back around. “I’m begging you to please think about what I said. Don’t make a mistake that you’ll be forever regretting for the rest of your life, Tommy.”
Pairing: Adam/Tommy
Word Count: 5,477
Rating: R
Warning: Slash Connotation
Summary: Tommy is second guessing his choices, and he is not the only one.
Note: Story title taken from Eloy's eight album.
Disclaimer: This story is a work of fiction. The characters and events are fictious.
Special Thanks: To my fabulous beta reader,
bigj52. You are gold!Chapter Six
By the time Tommy made it back to his room, he was an emotional wreck. Not only was he shaking from limb to limb, he was hyperventilating as well. His mind was replaying Adam’s words over and over again, at a tantalizingly slow speed. What you need to do is write a song about someone admitting his feelings to their beloved... I think that’s what you need to do…. I think that’s what you need to do….
Throwing himself down on the bed, he buried his face in the pillow. How could he have been so stupid? Giving Adam a copy of his work was probably the most asinine thing he’d ever done…besides letting himself fall for him. What was he thinking?
There was no way he could write a song like that. It just was not him. That type of song would not in any way, shape or form match the rest of the album. No possible way. He had never been in that type of situation before to be able to actually transform the overwhelming feelings of someone admitting his feelings to their beloved into a song. Wait a minute…if what Adam said about the theme of the album and the last song was true, did that mean he had actually been feeling that way for a while now without even realizing it? But how could that be possible? He’d started working on those songs long before his engagement party, long before his scheduled trip to the Island, long before he had any type of feelings for Adam whatsoever.
Okay...maybe that wasn't entirely true since he was pretty sure his harbored crush on Adam went way back. But this album was supposed to be about his life…his life with Amanda. It was supposed to be about Amanda and Tommy…Amanda and Tommy. Not Adam and Tommy.
Lifting his head from the pillow quickly, he moaned out loud. “Oh shit,” he mumbled rather loudly. “This album, that last song is about us.”
Where did the music stop and where did the reality set in? Or better yet, when did the reality set in?
**********
Reba looked over at Adam and shook her head. “Tommy, would you please stop fidgeting and get out here? I only have thirty minutes before our employee meeting,” she yelled towards the dressing room.
Tommy yelled back from behind the closed doors. “In a minute!”
Reba frowned, glancing at her watch. “It’s just a fitting, dear. Now hurry up, Adam and I don’t have all day. As it is, he probably doesn’t want to be here anyway.”
“I’m in no rush, Reba, really.”
“Well, don’t let him hear you say that or we could very well be here all day.”
When Tommy walked out from behind the doors, all eyes immediately focused on him. He looked like a prince. There were no other words to describe him. Adam stood there in awe as he stared at the most beautiful man he’d ever seen in his entire life.
And he was about to marry someone else.
One of his closest friends.
“Well…don’t just stand there…say something.” Tommy poked Adam in the stomach and smiled. He stepped up onto the platforms, trying to take a look at the back of his tux.
“Wow.”
Tommy turned around, giving Adam a lop-sided grin. “That’s all you can say?” He ran his hand through the fabric of the tux. “I feel like a freak.”
“You look absolutely handsome, dear. Now come here a minute.” Reba motioned for him to come closer. “Albert, don’t you think that maybe you should remove the rhinestones attached to the collar? Plus I think the pants need to be loosened a little? They’re too tight.” Her hands pointed at the area in question as she turned to Adam. “Don’t you think it’s too flashy, Adam?”
Adam couldn’t speak.
He was desperately trying to find his voice but was finding it virtually impossible.
Not only did Tommy take his breath away, he took his voice as well.
“Um…um….um…” He forced himself to look at Tommy’s face and noticed the disappointment written all over it. “I think it’s fine, Reba…what do you think Tommy?”
Tommy turned back to the mirrors. “I like it just the way it is, Reba.”
Reba moaned, shaking her head. “Oh, I don’t think so, dear…and I think Amanda would agree with me. She’s not going to want her groom to wear rhinestones on his tux or be showing his derrière off for everyone to see.” She rubbed her chin while eyeing the area in question carefully. “How would you feel about it, Adam?”
Adam’s eyes shifted from Reba to Tommy and then back again. “I really don’t think it’s all that tight, Reba…and I definitely don’t think Amanda’s going to be thinking about anything other than how handsome Tommy looks.”
Reba smacked Adam’s arm playfully. “I guess I shouldn’t be asking a gay guy that question then.”
Tommy looked at Adam and mouthed a silent “thank you” behind Reba’s back before clearing his throat and looking to the tailor. “Albert…I like it just the way it is.”
Reba stepped up on the platform and grabbed Tommy’s hand. “I’m sorry, Tommy…it’s just too flashy for this family’s taste. You understand dear, right?”
Tommy’s head dropped, his smile immediately fading. “Of course.”
When Adam finally lifted his head to look in the mirror, he wanted to take Tommy in his arms and hold him.
He looked sad.
He looked upset.
He looked beautiful.
He looked like he was about to explode.
Adam forced himself to smile, despite the ache he felt in his heart. Putting his arm around Tommy, he leaned in and whispered, “If you aren’t happy…you need to say something…now.”
He was referring to his tux.
He was referring to his upcoming wedding.
He didn’t know what the hell he was referring to but Tommy needed to speak up.
Tommy said nothing.
But his look said it all.
Adam turned his head back towards Reba and Albert who were now huddled in the corner of the room. No doubt, they were concocting a plan. His head whipped back around to Tommy. “They’re ganging up on you now…you’d better say something quickly here or else you’ll be wearing a habit to your own wedding.”
Tommy shook his head and let out a little laugh. “A habit?”
Adam quietly laughed back and raised his shoulders for a second before dropping them heavily. “You never know with her.” He cocked his head to the side and forced himself to smile. “Tommy…you look handsome, absolutely beautiful.”
Tommy smiled shyly at him. “Thanks.”
“Just like a prince.” He stepped behind Tommy and snaked his arms around him. Adam kissed his head, lingering there for a moment before he rested his chin on the exact spot he’d kissed. Slowly, he brought his gaze up and looked at him through the mirror. Tommy was looking right back at him. “We would’ve made a cute couple…don’t you think?”
Once again, Tommy looked like he was about to cry. “Yeah.”
“We still could,” he whispered.
“Don’t,” he replied softly. “Don’t say that.”
“Why?”
“You know why.”
“No, I don’t…why don’t you tell me.”
Their eyes never left the others. They each held the other’s stare. “It’s too late,” Tommy whispered quietly.
Adam removed his hold on Tommy, stepped down off the platform and walked over to Reba. “Reba…I’m sorry if I’m stepping out of line here…but, this is the tux that Tommy picked out and I really think that unless he wants Albert here to change it…it should be left the way it is.”
Reba frowned, inching her way closer to Tommy. “But Adam, he just agreed that the pants were too tight.”
Adam scrunched up his nose at her, determined not to back down. “I didn’t hear him say that at all.” He turned to the tailor. “Did you, Albert?”
Albert hung his head and said nothing.
Why he expected anything different was beyond him. Albert worked for Reba. Sighing, he shook his head and looked back at the groom. “Tommy…do you want to leave the tux the way it is?”
Tommy lowered his head. His voice could barely be heard. “Yes.”
Adam turned to Reba and raised his eyebrows. “There you have it, Reba. Don’t touch the tux, Albert.”
Reba stepped up on the platform. “Dear…I thought you just agreed that you need to be a little more proper…”
Adam interrupted her, “For crying out loud, Reba…his cock isn’t hanging out of the zipper. Stop trying to bully him into saying what you want to hear.” He softened his tone, “please.”
Reba stepped back from Tommy and walked over to Adam. He could tell instantly that Tommy was upset by his last comment. His face was beet red. “Who do you think is paying for this tux, young man?”
Tommy finally spoke up, “It’s okay, Adam…it’s not a big deal.”
He looked over at Tommy. “Yes, it is a big deal, Tommy.” Turning back to Reba, his voice got louder. “If you want…I can write you out a check right here and now for this tux.” He threw his arms up in the air. “Hell…for the whole wedding if you want…just stop acting like this is your wedding, because it isn’t yours. It’s Tommy and Amanda’s.”
“Well…I never…”
Adam interjected, “That’s right, Reba. You never should’ve done a lot of things.”
Reba huffed at Adam and turned around to Tommy. “Do you feel that way?”
Tommy was silent.
“Tommy, do you feel that way?”
He whispered, “No.”
Adam threw his arms up in the air, disgusted. “What’d you think he was going to say, Reba? You’ve pretty much scared him into doing everything you want…why should he grow a backbone now?”
He shook his head in disgust and walked away.
Tommy yelled, “Adam, wait!”
Adam ignored his pleas. He tried his best and failed. If Tommy couldn’t defend himself then he sure as hell wasn’t going to try and do it for him.
**********
When Adam left the fitting, he headed straight to the poolside bar. After downing a couple beers and shots, he headed to Ted’s room. He needed to work his anger out. His anger over the tux, Tommy, Reba and Amanda…and sex was exactly the way to work it out.
Knocking on his door abruptly, Adam dropped his fist and tried hard to control his feelings. This was about sex. This was not about Tommy.
When Ted opened the door, Adam immediately stepped in and grabbed him, backing him against the wall. Within seconds, his mouth was devouring Ted’s face. It was such a rush that he could hardly breathe. His tongue and lips were making rapid movements all over Ted’s face until he found the perfect home…Ted’s mouth.
Ted pushed him back a little. “What’s come over you, Adam?”
With the passion mounted as high as it was, he could barely speak. “You…I want you.”
Adam pulled him in again and Ted’s hands began to explore his body. “You don’t how long I’ve waited to hear you say that.”
“Just shut up and kiss me,” he demanded.
Ted obeyed him immediately. He liked that. He liked obedient men. Always had…always would.
Immediately, Adam’s brain registered his thoughts. Yes, he liked obedient men when it came to sex…but he liked them to be able to defend themselves too.
Something that Tommy obviously couldn’t do.
He pulled back. “Do you want this?”
Ted smiled at him. “Oh my God…can’t you tell?”
Adam smiled back at him. “Just checking…” His hands reached down and grabbed hold of Ted’s shirt. Ted lifted his arms immediately and Adam had no problems slipping the shirt off.
“I fucking want you so bad…hurry please.”
Running his hand all over Ted’s chest, he started to work his hands around Ted’s nipples, being careful not to touch them just yet. Despite his current state, he was trying to slow himself down.
“Touch them, damn it!”
When Ted moaned and arched his back, Adam knew he had him just where he wanted him. He kicked the door shut with his foot and brought them both to the ground.
“God…I love it when a man takes charge,” Ted moaned into his ear.
Adam groaned. Ted’s voice was starting to annoy him. He wanted him to just shut the hell up.
Ted put his hands on the outside of Adam’s jeans. “Let’s get that bad boy out.”
Adam closed his eyes to try and drown out the sound of his voice.
“Oh God,” Ted groaned while trying to free him.
It wasn’t working. When Ted started to slide his hand underneath the waistband of Adam’s boxers, he became rigid. And not the kind of rigid he wanted to be.
He pushed Ted’s hand away and shot up. “I’m sorry, Ted…this just isn’t working for me.”
“What?”
Adam tried to smooth it over by lying. “I’ve had too much to drink and I don’t want our first time to be when I was drunk.” He opened the door while buttoning his jeans. “I’m sorry.”
Ted sat up and leaned against the wall.
Adam leaned down and kissed his forehead quickly. “I’ll see you later…when I sober up some.”
Adam slammed the door and headed back to his room, stumbling along the way. Out of the corner of his eye he saw Tommy walking down the path and decided to slow his pace down so that he could catch up.
The plan worked out beautifully, because within seconds, they were side by side. “Hi…look, Adam. I’m sorry about earlier.”
“Just forget about it, Tommy…I tried to help you out and obviously you don’t want my help.” He looked back at Ted’s room and laughed. “At least someone around here wants my help.”
“You’re drunk, aren’t you?”
Glancing down, he noticed his zipper was still down. “Ah shit…” Adam knew Tommy was watching him, he could tell. “So what if I am?”
“Are you sure Ted wants you for you and not for what you are?”
Adam stopped fiddling with his zipper and raised his hands in the air. “At least he wants me…”
Tommy huffed, “Who wouldn’t want you? You’re Adam Lambert!”
“Ah shit, Tommy…you don’t want me. Would it help if I reminded you I was a rock star and I could rock your world? Just ask Ted…he’ll vouch for that.”
Tommy stood there glaring. “I don’t give a shit about you being a rock star…you know that.”
“Then why’d you bring it up?”
“I didn’t!”
“Yes, you did…you just did two seconds ago!” he yelled back.
“I never mentioned rock star…you just did.”
“You implied it, Tommy,” he shot back.
Tommy threw his arms up. “And I bet Ted could give me an earful about how you rocked his world. There’s one small problem though…I don’t give a shit! You can rock the world of every man here for all I care!”
Adam grabbed Tommy’s arms and held on tightly. “But that’s where you’re wrong…you do care. You just don’t have a fucking backbone so you can’t admit it!”
“Leave my backbone out of it,” Tommy heaved through a clenched jaw.
Adam’s voice quieted down a little, when he noticed the seriousness of Tommy’s face. “You do care…why can’t you just admit it?”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Oh, like hell you don’t, Tommy. It bugs the hell out of you…thinking about me and Ted doing the nasty…doesn’t it?”
Tommy stood still and didn’t say a word.
Adam let his head drop back while he laughed. “I can tell just by the look on your face that it bugs you. I know you like the back of my hand, Tommy.”
Still…Tommy didn’t say anything.
“You have no reason to be jealous,” he said, bringing his gaze back to Tommy’s and releasing his hold on him.
Tommy’s eyes turned to slits. “I am not jealous!”
Adam took a step closer, their noses touching. “Just remember something, Tommy…for the next fifty years, every time you see me with someone else…it could’ve been you.”
Tommy’s mouth dropped.
“It should’ve been you…but because you’re too fucking stubborn to face the truth, it won’t be you.” Adam leaned forward and kissed his nose. “And it’ll be that way because you wanted it to be.”
He walked away and left Tommy standing there…with his mouth wide open.
Tommy was frantically pounding on Adam’s door. He was not about to let Adam just walk away from him the way he did, saying the things he did. He just wouldn’t allow it.
When Adam finally answered the door, it was obvious to Tommy just how surprised he was to see him standing there. “I don’t have anything more to say to you, Tommy…just go,” he mumbled, pointing towards his room.
He started to close the door and Tommy stopped it with his hand. “Oh no, you’re not…we need to get a few things straight.”
“I’m not thinking straight and I’m really not in the mood to rehash everything that we just talked about.”
Tommy stomped his foot defiantly. “We didn’t talk about anything…you were the one talking. Now I want to add my two cents worth.”
Adam looked down at Tommy’s foot and then proceeded to stomp his own foot right back at him. “Well, what if I don’t want to listen?”
Tommy pushed his way in. “You don’t have a choice.” Pushing his way past Adam, he brushed up against him and his whole body tingled. Why was this happening now? In all the years they’d known each other, his body never tingled. Or did it? Maybe it did and he just ignored it.
He’d forever had a crush on this man standing before him…he’d admit to that. But this was going further than a crush and it was scaring the hell out of him.
Adam slammed the door shut and walked over to the couch. Plopping down, he threw his feet up. “Shoot.”
“Okay, listen,” Tommy said, walking into the center of the room. “I know you think that I’m jealous of…”
Adam crossed his arms in front of him. “You are jealous.”
“I’m not jealous, Adam.” He sat down on the floor, Indian-style, across from Adam. “I’m just lonely and seeing you with someone else makes me realize how much I miss Amanda.”
It really wasn’t the truth…but it really wasn’t a lie either.
Adam rolled his eyes. “Go on.”
His attitude was making Tommy mad, hitting his last nerve. “And this thing about me seeing you with someone else during the next fifty years…well, I can almost guarantee that it won’t be with the same someone during those years, knowing you.”
His face remained expressionless. “Your point?”
“My point,” Tommy huffed, looking directly at Adam. “Is that you’re not capable of being with one person that long.”
Adam facial expression was starting to change. “And how do you know that?”
Tommy shook his head. “Come on, Adam…look at your track record.”
“What about my track record?”
“It’s not very good, is it?”
Adam’s facial expression was getting scary now. “You try being in my shoes.”
Tommy remained quiet.
“My track record isn’t very good, because the people I’ve chosen to be with in the past haven’t been that good.” His arms slowly started to uncross. “You know…I’m not the one who knows I’m making a mistake and yet still insists on making that mistake. At least when I know someone isn’t the right one for me, I get out.”
“Hey, wait a minute here…are you talking about me now?”
“If the shoe fits, Tommy…”
Tommy stood up and started to pace the floors. “Amanda is not a mistake, Adam…how can you even say that after all these years?”
“I can say it because it’s true…and I’m sorry I didn’t see it earlier because if I would have, I would’ve said something to you about it long ago.”
Tommy stopped pacing the floors and placed his hands on his hips. “So what you’re saying is that Amanda isn’t the one for me and what? You are?”
He didn’t expect Adam to look at him the way he did.
He suddenly looked somber and peaceful.
Adam’s eyes were penetrating so deeply into his that Tommy had to look away. “Yes, Tommy…that’s exactly what I’m saying.”
“What?” he gasped.
Adam didn’t say another word.
“Where the hell is this coming from?” he asked, throwing his arms up in the air and shrugging his shoulders. “We’ve known each other forever and NOW you decide to spring this on me?”
Still…Adam said nothing.
“Well, don’t just sit there, goddamn it…say something!”
“I’m done talking…remember? You’re the one who said they wanted to talk.”
Tommy shook his head. “Why do I even bother?”
Adam got up from the couch and walked over to him. Gently pushing him to the couch, he forced Tommy down. Crouching down on his knees, he grabbed Tommy’s hands before speaking. “I only just realized it myself, Tommy.”
Tommy yanked his hands from his. “I can’t believe you! It’s almost like this is a game to you…to see if you can get me.” With the tears just about ready to escape, he closed his eyes and forced them to stay put. “Oh, I know…let’s wait until Tommy is weeks away from his wedding and then I’ll tell him that I want him.” He opened his eyes. “Is it because I’m not available that has you suddenly so intrigued?”
Adam’s voice was firm yet gentle, “No.”
“And what makes you so sure that next year or even next week, you won’t feel differently?” Tommy was starting to lose his hold on his emotions. “You grow tired of men, Adam…I’ve seen it a million times.”
“You’re different.”
Tommy’s emotions were thrown by the wayside now…he could no longer control them. Blinking rapidly to try and stop them, he couldn’t. “How so?”
Adam lifted his chin. “It just is, Tommy. I can’t explain it.”
“Well…you’re going to have to do better than that. You have to explain it.”
Adam sighed heavily, wiping away the tears from Tommy’s eyes. “Tommy…did you read the song I wrote for your album?”
Did he? Tommy closed his eyes again and nodded.
Adam leaned over, kissed him on the cheek and then made his way to his ear. He whispered softly, “That’s how I feel. I can’t explain it because I don’t know when it happened or how it happened. All I know is that it did happen.” He turned and walked towards his bedroom, stopping short. “Maybe it happened when I kissed you at your engagement party, or maybe it happened when I pushed my tongue down your throat at the AMAs and I just shoved my feelings aside first because you insisted that you were straight and then because of your relationship with Amanda.” Turning around, he backed into his bedroom. “You know how I feel…the ball’s in your court now,” he finished, shutting the door.
**********
The next few days were pretty tense. Both Tommy and Adam kept their distance from each other. And when they did happen to occasionally bump into each other, they were cordial. Not overly nice, just cordial.
It wasn’t like Tommy had time for anything more than cordial really. Reba pretty much kept him busy from morning to night. So when he did find himself finally having a free moment that afternoon, he was surprised when Ted happened along and invited him out.
“Oh, come on, Tommy…it’ll be fun. Besides, I already rented the convertible for the day.”
Tommy searched for an excuse to bow out gracefully. But Ted wouldn’t let up. Maybe hanging out would take his mind off of other things that were clouding his every thought. “Fine…let me grab my stuff.”
“What stuff?”
“My sunglasses and bag.”
Ted smiled at him. “Oh…okay. Don’t forget your beach towel either.”
Tommy nodded and headed to his room. He really didn’t feel like cruising the island in search of the perfect beach. Wasn’t the beach at the resort good enough? Grabbing his things, he headed towards the parking lot where Ted told him to meet him.
When he arrived there he was surprised to see Adam sitting in the driver’s seat of the convertible. Was it possible that Adam had rented a convertible on the same day? Not likely. When Adam noticed him, he immediately waved. Walking up to him, Tommy smiled. “Where’s Ted?”
“He’s coming.”
“I take it you’re coming with us then?”
Adam raised his eyebrows. “Yeah…is there a problem with that?”
Tommy shook his head and lied. “No…it’s just that Ted didn’t mention you were coming, that’s all.”
Tommy opened the passenger side door and took a seat in the back of the car. This was going to be a long, long day. Probably one of the longest days of his entire life, if he had to guess.
No one said anything as they waited for Ted to show. It was a tense few minutes, ones filled with silence and awkwardness. But once Ted finally took his place next to Adam, the silence was shattered. Adam looked over his shoulder. “So gentlemen…where are we headed?”
Ted slapped him on the thigh. “Just drive…we’ll let you know when we want you to stop. Right, Tommy?”
“Yeah…right.” Tommy kept himself occupied by watching the scenery as they were driving. He didn’t dare look at the couple sitting in front of him. It would only make matters worse. “You know, guys…if you want to be alone it’s okay. You can take me back to the resort.”
Ted piped in quickly, “Get out of here…we want you here. If we take you back, you know all you’ll be doing is working on shit for your wedding. Aren’t you sick of that yet?”
“You have no idea,” he mumbled back. “I’ll be glad when this whole thing is over.”
Adam turned around and made a face. “It’s only the beginning.”
Don’t remind me.
For over thirty minutes, all was quiet as they drove down the deserted roads. Except for the occasional giggle coming from the front seat, all was silent. Tommy found himself occasionally glancing towards the front and every time he did, he reprimanded himself. He didn’t need to see that Adam’s hand was resting on Ted’s thigh or that when his wasn’t there, Ted’s hand was resting on his thigh. Didn’t need to see it at all.
God…he really was jealous, wasn’t he?
Maybe Adam was right after all.
“STOP!”
Adam practically gave them all whiplash as he slammed the brakes. “Shit, Ted, don’t do that!”
“Look…over there.” Ted pointed towards a beautiful, deserted beach. “It’s beautiful and there’s no one there…it’s perfect.” He turned to look over his shoulder. “Is it okay with you, Tommy?”
Tommy smiled. “It’s great.”
Tommy and Ted quickly made their way to the beach ahead of Adam, leaving him to retrieve anything and everything they’d left behind…in particular, the cooler.
Ted set up the towels all neatly in a row and motioned for Adam to place the cooler down behind them. “You guys want to eat now or later?”
Tommy’s head glanced up. “You actually brought food?”
“Hell yeah…I packed us all a lunch and lots of wine coolers too.” He looked at Adam and laughed. “Don’t worry, honey…I brought some beer and vodka too.”
Honey? Honey? Were they an exclusive item now?
Tommy tried not to watch as Adam pulled Ted into an embrace, but he couldn’t help it. His eyes were drawn to them.
Adam smiled at Tommy and then kissed Ted on the cheek. “Thanks, honey.”
Honey?
“That’s the thanks I get? I was hoping for a little more than that.”
Tommy watched as Ted pulled Adam’s head in for a kiss. He willed himself to look away, but he couldn’t. He wanted to…but he couldn’t. He watched as Adam closed his eyes, knowing exactly what was about to happen next.
And it did.
And his heart ached.
Despite the fact that they started making out like a bunch of horny teenagers, Tommy watched every move. He really couldn’t see much, but he could hear their lip smacking, tongue-sucking kiss as clear as day.
If possible, his heart ached even more.
Without any warning, Adam opened his eyes and Tommy found himself looking eye to eye with him. He immediately looked the other way. He was embarrassed that Adam caught him staring.
“Hey, Tommy?”
Tommy turned again to see Ted standing there beside him naked. “Lose the clothes, babe.”
“Excuse me?”
“Oh, come on…live a little.” Ted did a complete 360 and then smiled. “There’s not a single soul here.”
Bullshit…there’s Adam.
“I don’t know…” Tommy trailed, searching for an excuse to keep himself covered up.
Ted turned to Adam. “Adam doesn’t care…do you?”
He shook his head.
Tommy frowned.
Ted laughed.
“Come on, party pooper…lose the clothes and stop being such a baby.”
Tommy checked Ted out thoroughly. Ted definitely had a nice firm chest there. “Oh okay…what the hell.” He took off his shirt and pants but left the boxers on. Throwing his shirt over at Adam, he laughed. “Don’t you ever tell Amanda I did this!”
Lying back on his towel, Tommy sighed. It was a relaxing day and if he had to admit to it, it had been a fun day. And fun wasn’t that easy to come by for him now.
For over four hours…Tommy, Ted and Adam played Frisbee, ate, read, drank, ate, drank, ate, drank and enjoyed the sun. Adam was the only sober one left.
Much to everyone’s dismay.
Ted and Tommy gave him a hard time about it, but he insisted that he had to drive. Ted even tried to pull Adam’s bathing suit down a couple times; trying to encourage him to sunbathe in the nude, but it was a no go.
At the present time, they were all lying down on their towels and trying to dry off from their swim. As much as he didn’t want to, Tommy even went into the water for a little while. Ted and Adam looked like they were having so much fun jumping the waves that even he decided to give it a try.
Of course, the alcohol relaxed him some too.
Even with all the wine coolers though, he couldn’t help the feeling of jealousy that took over every time Adam and Ted kissed. Maybe if all they did was kiss, he wouldn’t have been so jealous. But they didn’t just kiss; they made out…each and every time.
Lying there, Tommy suddenly sat up. His skin was killing him. Maybe coming to the beach without any sun block wasn’t such a good idea after all.
Looking over at Ted, who was lying directly next to him, he frowned when his eyes settled on Adam holding his hand. “Shit…I need to put my clothes back on, guys…sorry…but my skin is killing me.”
Ted looked over to him. “Hey…I’m surprised you lasted this long.”
“Yeah…me too.” Tommy put his clothes back on.
Ted jumped up suddenly. “I have to pee, guys…I’ll be right back.” He looked over at Adam who was still lying down and kicked his legs. “Put some moisturizer on Tommy’s skin.”
Tommy’s head immediately shook. “No, don’t worry about it, Adam…I’m OK.”
He didn’t listen.
He grabbed the moisturizer, walked over to Tommy and sat down behind him.
Once Ted was out of sight, he opened his legs and straddled Tommy from behind. He pulled Tommy in close to him and without saying a word, he spread the moisturizer all over Tommy’s back. His hands rubbed Tommy’s shoulders and Tommy felt like he was on fire. What was happening to him was indescribable and undeniable and inappropriate for a man who was about to get married to someone else.
Adam leaned in and whispered in his ear, “You having a good time?”
“Yeah…it’s just what the doctor ordered…thanks.”
Adam’s hands moved down. Slowly, he rubbed all along Tommy’s sides and then settled in on his back. It was such a turn-on that Tommy had to actually remind himself to breathe.
“How come every time I kiss Ted I catch you staring at us?”
Tommy closed his eyes and enjoyed the massage, letting the words roll right off his tongue. “It’s hard not to stare…you guys are pretty noisy.”
Adam laughed and then leaned in again to whisper, “Why can’t you just fucking admit you’re jealous.”
“Because I’m not.”
“You know, Tommy,” Adam said, taking Tommy’s earlobe in between his teeth. “You never were a very good liar.”
Tommy moaned slightly when he felt Adam’s tongue flick his ear. “Mmm…I’m not lying.”
“Oh, yes, you are.”
Any other time, Tommy would’ve just gotten up and left. But right now, he was helpless. He was so caught up in the sensations going through his body that he didn’t have a care in the world. “Okay…okay, I’m lying…so what?”
“So you are jealous then?”
Adam ran his tongue along Tommy’s shoulder and kissed his neck. He couldn’t take it anymore. He reached back, grabbed Adam’s head with his hand and pressed it closer to his neck. “Damn right I am.”
Looking up, Adam noticed Ted coming back out of the corner of his eye. He stopped kissing Tommy and patted him on the shoulder. “Just remember…you wanted it this way.”
Tommy opened his eyes instantly and frowned when he noticed Ted coming towards them. If he didn’t have any morals, he’d throw caution to the wind and just jump right on top of Adam.
Luckily, for everyone involved, he did.
“I think we should head back now…sound good?” Adam grabbed his towel and wrapped it around him.
Tommy had to hold back his laughter…it looked like he was sporting a hard on. Sitting up, he grabbed his towel as well, trying to ignore what he knew he had done. “Sounds good to me.”
Ted followed suit as they all headed back to the car.
There wasn’t a word spoken by anyone the entire way back.
**********
When Tommy finally found himself back in his room, he immediately plopped down on the couch. He had way too much to drink. Way, way too much. Lying there, he closed his eyes and remembered the scene from the beach. The scene where Adam was kissing his neck…
Jumping up, he headed for the door and didn’t turn back.
He knocked on Adam’s door, only then having second thoughts. He didn’t know if he was doing the right thing or not. Then, something took over him and he knocked again.
It was probably the alcohol.
When Adam swung the door opened, he jumped back. Adam was standing there with only a towel wrapped around his waist. Tommy’s eyes widened and traveled to Adam’s hair where he took in the beauty of it standing up all over the place. It was messy from the wind drying it and it took everything ounce of control Tommy could muster to keep his hands down by his sides.
Tommy’s gaze traveled back down to Adam’s bare chest and bulging arms. Slowly, he lifted one arm and ran his fingertips along Adam’s arm. He swallowed hard. “You’ve been working out again, haven’t you?”
“What?”
“Never mind,” he mumbled.
“Tommy…is something wrong?”
He looked around, nodded and followed that up with a shake of his head.
Adam grabbed him by the hand and pulled him in. “What’s going on?”
Tommy’s control was losing ground. He answered Adam by throwing his arms around neck and pressing his body firmly against Adam. If Adam was surprised before, he was even more surprised now, but still, he didn’t show it. Calmly, he tilted his head, wrapping his arms around Tommy’s waist. “What is it, honey?”
Honey? Honey?
Tommy pulled back a little and slid his hands up to Adam’s head, bringing him closer.
He was sure that Adam understood now.
Pressing his lips against Adam’s, he didn’t need to say anything now. Adam knew.
For a minute, Adam remained still. Not quite sure what to do or how to react, he used that minute to quickly decide what his plan of action would be. He knew what the circumstances were…and he knew what kind of state Tommy was in. What he also knew was that Tommy felt damn good in his arms and his mouth felt even damn better.
His mouth finally opened, allowing Tommy’s tongue to gain entry. Tommy moaned when their tongues touched. Adam moaned louder. Tommy moaned again. Adam was a goner.
When Tommy’s tongue slid out of Adam’s mouth and ran along his cheek, Adam pulled back. He knew where this was going and it wasn’t exactly the course he mapped out for his tentative plan of action. “What’re you doing…?”
Tommy wanted him to be quiet. No talking and no thinking allowed. He pressed his lips against Adam’s again and together they made those noises that Tommy’d heard all afternoon. It was his turn to devour him. It was his turn to make those noises. It was his turn.
Reaching down, he grabbed hold of Adam’s towel and pulled it off in one quick movement. Adam didn’t have time to react with how quickly it all happened. He watched as Tommy dropped his towel to the floor and smiled.
Then, he took his shirt off. He wanted to feel Adam’s chest against his. He wanted to feel Adam in him.
God…he wanted Adam.
And if it meant sneaking around and having an affair then so be it.
He couldn’t deny it any longer.
Once his shirt was gone, Tommy pressed himself closer and moved his body against Adam’s. It felt good. Adam felt good. He wanted more.
Tommy’s mouth was plastered to Adam’s face in a desperate attempt to avoid any interruptions. He wouldn’t stop kissing him. It didn’t matter what he was trying to remove, he didn’t want to interrupt their kisses for anything. And he didn’t.
When he reached down and started to remove his boxers, Adam knew that if he didn’t stop him now, there’d be no stopping him later. Quickly, he grabbed Tommy’s wrist. “Whoa…slow down a minute.”
Tommy managed to free himself of his grip and in a matter of a few seconds his boxers were gone too. Adam’s eyes widened, taking in the realization that Tommy was completely naked and silently begging Adam to take him. He knew right then and there that it wouldn’t take much begging on Tommy’s part, he was about to break down as it was.
He swallowed down the lump in his throat and closed his eyes. Adam wanted nothing more than to take Tommy, right then and there. He tried to wipe the thought from his mind, but when he felt his hand suddenly being lifted and placed around Tommy’s cock, the thought found its way back.
Slowly, he opened his eyes and dropped his gaze. When he heard Tommy’s breathing become deeper, with little moans escaping every so often, he bit his bottom lip and tried his best not to move a muscle. This was the hardest test of self-control he’d ever been through in his entire life. If he could make it out of this one without actually taking Tommy, he was a stronger man than he ever thought possible.
This was literally killing him.
Feeling his own erection grow harder, he looked down and groaned as it brushed up against Tommy’s body. “Shit,” he mumbled under his breath. “Shit, shit, shit…”
Tommy’s body pressed forward some, swaying to something or other that only his ears were hearing. Adam’s body pulled back, trying desperately to keep his erection from coming in contact with Tommy.
When Tommy opened his eyes, Adam had to look away. The desire was hot. The air between them thick and his erection had never been harder. This was not going to be easy.
Adam let go of his cock, grabbed him by the waist and pushed him against the wall, allowing his own erection to finally press against Tommy’s. Bringing Tommy’s hands above his head, he held them against the wall, pinning the shorter man. “Is this really what you want, Tommy?”
Tommy answered him with a deep, sexual moan.
Fuck… Adam’s head leaned in close which allowed Tommy’s tongue to run across his lips. Fuck...Please…don't let me down... “Because this isn’t what I want.”
Tommy’s eyes flew open.
Adam smiled, quickly putting the thought Tommy had to rest. “Oh, I want you,” he moaned. He looked down at their erections and Tommy followed his lead. “No question about that…I don’t think I’ve ever wanted something so bad in my entire life.” Bringing his head back up, he leaned forward and kissed Tommy’s lips still holding his arms above his head. “But not like this.”
What?
“I want you sober…so you remember every last detail of what I do to you,” he groaned loudly, with desire dripping from every word.
Hmmmmm…..okay……..
“I want you without that damn ring on your finger though,” Adam said, nodding up towards Tommy’s hands. “I want you free and clear.”
Shit…not this again.
Tommy looked at him. “Can’t we just do this behind Amanda’s back?”
Adam’s eyes remained guarded. “You mean like an affair?”
He nodded.
“We could,” he admitted, bending his knee and bringing it up between Tommy’s legs. “But it won’t be enough for me and I seriously doubt it’d be enough for you either.”
Tommy dropped some of his weight to Adam’s knee and moaned. “It’d be good.”
Adam leaned over and whispered in his ear, “Oh…I don’t doubt that. The sex would be damn good.” Hearing those words, Tommy started grinding against his knee. “But would it be enough?”
Tommy’s erection was starting to get to Adam. He didn’t know how much longer he could stand there without throwing Tommy to the ground and pounding himself into him.
He needed to end this.
Adam dropped his damp knee, leaned in and fully pressed his body against Tommy’s. Erection and all. Immediately, he felt Tommy start to wiggle as he stood on his tip toes.
Adam moved his head around so that his mouth was pressed against Tommy’s ear. “You’re trying to drive me insane, Tommy but it isn’t going to work." He took a deep breath. "When you come to me…you’ll be sober and single…understood?”
Tommy’d agree to just about anything right now.
When he continued to move, grinding himself harder, Adam laughed quietly in his ear. “And only then…will this erection be put where you really want it.”
“Oh, God…please…” Tommy moaned.
Adam crouched down a little and took Tommy’s nipple in his mouth. Sucking gently, he bit the tip. Tommy immediately arched his back; silently demanding he do more of the same. Adam pulled his mouth free and kissed his way back to Tommy’s ear. “I’ll give you more than that when you give me what I want.”
Without warning, he let go of Tommy’s arms and they fell down to his sides. He bent down and picked up Tommy’s clothes, making sure his hand grazed against Tommy’s warm body. Handing them to him, Adam gave Tommy a half-smile. “You should probably go now.”
Tommy took his clothes and turned to walk away. Adam stopped him by grabbing his arm and twirling him back around. “I’m begging you to please think about what I said. Don’t make a mistake that you’ll be forever regretting for the rest of your life, Tommy.”
