something_rare (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
something_rare) wrote2009-12-21 09:53 am
something_rare) wrote2009-12-21 09:53 am
Entry tags:
Leap of Faith - Chapter 17
Title: Leap of Faith
Pairing: Jensen Ackles /Jared Padalecki (eventually), Mentions of Jensen/OMC, Jared/OMC and Others
Other Characters: Tom Welling, Chris Kane, Danneel Harris, Misha Collins
Rating: NC17
Word Count: 3,889
Disclaimer: 100% Pure Fiction
Note: None of this would be possible and readable without my awesome beta,![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
bigj52 . I learn from you everyday.
Summery: AU / Everybody has a dream. Some people make their dreams come true. Some just let their life slip by thinking about it.
Chapter 17:
“Hello, may I speak to Dr. Collins, please?” Chris said over to the phone as he looked over at Jensen, “Yes. I’ll hold.”
Jensen smiled at his friend reassuringly, showing him that he was doing the right thing.
"Misha? Hey, it's me,” Chris said as he put the phone on speaker so Jensen could hear their conversation.
“Hi Chris. I was waiting for your call.”
“Yeah, well I've been busy.”
“With Jensen?” Jealousy was obvious in Misha’s voice, “How is he?”
“Fine. Listen, I…I wanted to talk about what happened the other day."
“The other day?” Misha asked.
“Yeah, I think there’s been a misunderstanding between us.”
“Chris, I… I have this feeling that you're ignoring me on purpose, and I don’t remember doing anything wrong to deserve being treated that way.”
“I know,” Chris whispered.
“I understand if you don't want to see me anymore.”
“It's not like that, Misha.”
"Then what is it like? I feel like you’re playing a game here with me, and dude, I am too old for that. I have been upfront with you about everything from the beginning. So why can’t you?”
“I’ve been honest with you since the first day, Misha. I told you I wasn't ready for a relationship, didn’t I?”
“But you knew that I was and yet you fucked me.”
“Are you saying this is my fault?
“No, I'm not blaming you but…just… just forget it, OK? You want to break up with me, right? Then go ahead and say it. My patients are waiting for me.”
“I'm sorry it had to be this way, Misha.”
"Whatever. Is it…is it because I said I loved you? Is that the reason you're breaking it off?”
“Misha, I-“
“I have to go, I'm on call,” Misha said and hung up.
Chris glared at Jensen.
"You happy now? He's probably gonna kill someone in the surgery now because of me! Fuck! I should have never listened to you!”
“You did the right thing, Chris.”
“Fuck you and fuck the right thing!”
“Hey! Don't cop an attitude with me because you’re feeling guilty.”
“I’m not feeling guilty!”
“Oh yeah, I think you are. You know what else I think? I think you dumped Misha because you could not control things with Misha. It’s always Chris’s way or the highway. That’s your fucking problem.”
"I don't have a fucking problem!" Chris yelled and with that, he walked into his bedroom and slammed the door shut.
_______________________________
It was not until later that evening that Chris finally emerged from his bedroom. Jensen could tell that Chris was still annoyed with him for making him call Misha. Jensen sighed and wondered how long Chris was going to ignore him like that. He watched as Chris pulled out a pack of ‘Lays’ chips from the pantry and walked out to the living room with the chips and a beer.
“Is that what you're going to eat for dinner?” Jensen asked, which Chris decided to ignore.
“Oh, come on, Chris! You don’t talk to me now? Is that how things are going to be?” Again Chris ignored Jensen and turned the television on.
"Fine! Be that way! I don’t give a,-“
Before Jensen had the chance to finish his sentence, the sound of the door bell echoed throughout the apartment.
“Shit! Just what I fucking need right now!” Chris groaned before walking to the door. Jensen sat there, waiting for the argument he knew he would soon hear if that was Misha at the door. A few seconds later he heard his name being called.
“What?” Jensen called back.
“It's for you” Jensen heard Chris say. Curiously he walked to the front door and stopped dead in his tracks.
"Jared," Jensen whispered.
“Can I talk to you for a minute, Jensen?”
“Yeah, sure. Come on in,” Jensen said.
“Hey! This is my place, you know,” Jensen heard Chris say and turned red, suddenly feeling guilty for his selfishness.
"Chris, I… I know I fucked up the other day and I'm sorry," Jensen could not believe his ears. Was Jared actually apologizing to Chris? To Chris of all people?
Chris just nodded his head, his face remaining unchanged. Then he nodded at Jared to come in and without a word, he walked into his bedroom and closed the door.
Jensen led Jared to the living room and they took a seat across from one another.
“How have you been?” Jared asked, and Jensen wondered if Jared really wanted an honest answer to that question.
“Alive.”
“Oh!” Jared said as he stared at the floor, “I'm sorry.”
“Yeah,” Jensen answered wondering what Jared was sorry for. Was he sorry about what had happened between them in Hawaii? Was he sorry for how he had left after that?
“I’m here because,-” Before Jared had a chance to finish his words, the doorbell rang again. Jensen waited for Chris to emerge his bedroom and open the door. Chris never came out.
The doorbell rang again and again.
“Chris!” Jensen heard someone calling from the other side of the door.
"Shit, it’s Misha!" Jensen groaned.
The doorbell rang again.
“Chris! It’s for you.”
“Shit! Tell him I'm in the shower. I can't deal with this shit right now.”
Jensen looked across at Jared who was obviously confused. Jensen smiled apologetically and walked to the door and opened it. Jensen sensed that Misha’s face hardened the moment he saw Jensen.
“Is…is Chris home?”
“Um...yeah but …um…he's in the shower.”
“Fine! I'll wait then,” Misha said as he pushed past Jensen and walked in. Jensen sighed and closed the door.
“I'll tell him you're here,” Jensen said and walked into Chris’s room.
Jared sat there looking at the familiar face of the stranger who seemed to be in quite a bad mood. He wished that Jensen would come back soon so they could resume their talk. He wanted to get things fixed between them and reduce all that tension. He looked at the stranger and thought about initiating small talk.
“Hey,” Jared said
“Hi,” Misha replied, with a look of recognition on his face, “You're Jared, right? The singer?”
“Yeah, I am. You look pretty familiar to me. Have we met before?”
“Um…probably not. My name is Misha Collins,” Misha said and stretched his hand out to Jared who shook it.
“Oh, Dr. Collins! You’re Jensen’s doctor. I remember now.”
“Shit! It's you.”
“What?”
“You're the one who put Chris in the hospital!”
“Um…well, Chris and I, -”
“You don't need to explain anything to him, Jared.”
Jared turned around and found Chris standing in the hallway with Jensen right next to him.
“What are you doing here, Misha?”
Jared could not remember a time he had seen Chris that scary.
“I…I wanted to talk to you.”
“I said all there was to be said on the phone.”
Jared noticed Jensen motioning over to the corridor with his eyebrow.
“Um, excuse me,” Jared said and quickly got up and walked over to Jensen. He did not want to be any part of that conversation.
Jensen reached over and took Jared’s hand in his, leading him down the corridor into the guest room. Jared stared at their intertwined fingers and felt a strange sensation rushing through his veins.
Once Chris was sure Jensen and Jared were in Jensen’s room, he turned his head and looked at Misha.
“What can I do for you, Misha?”
“After everything you and I have been through, is that the first thing you want to tell me?”
“Misha!”
“What?”
“Don’t start.”
“’Don’t start’? It’s too fucking late, Chris. It’s already started!” Misha shouted before taking a deep breath and trying to calm himself down, “I just don't get it. What did I do wrong? What did I say?”
“You didn't do or say anything wrong, Misha. I just don't want a relationship.”
“Oh come on, Chris. At least be a man and tell me the fucking truth.”
“What?”
“Everything was fucking fine until your little friend came back from his trip and then suddenly you’re not interested in me anymore. I’m not stupid, Chris. I can see what’s going on here.”
“This has nothing to do with Jensen. Things have not been OK between us for a while now.”
“I’m your fucking lover, Chris. Don’t you think you should have talked to me about this first?”
Chris looked into Misha’s eyes, remembering all the good times they had together. He wondered if he was making a mistake. He wondered if his doubts and insecurities were worth losing the gorgeous man standing right in front of him.
“Misha,-”
“No, at least listen to what I have to say. I love you, Chris. You know that and you know that I’m not the type of man who would say that just to fucking anybody. I know I have not done anything wrong until now. I have never lied, never been unfaithful to you, and I know the sex was good.”
“This is not about the sex.”
“Yeah, obviously! You got what you wanted from me and now you want someone else.”
"If all I wanted with you was just sex Misha, I would have dumped you a long time ago.”
“Then what is this about?”
Chris was trapped in a corner and he did not like it one bit. He did not like to be manipulated, not by someone like Misha. He wanted Misha off his back and soon. So he said something he knew was not fair , not right, and not even the truth.
“Misha, the bottom line is things are fucking over between us, OK? The sex was great yeah, but you are not the best I’ve had, you know. I don’t want to get tied down. It’s just not me.”
“When have I ever tried to tie you down? I just want a relationship with you, man. That’s it.”
“Well, I don't want this. I don't want the ‘happily ever after fairy-fucking-tale’. I like bars. I like strip clubs. I like one-night stands. I like my freedom. I can’t picture you in that lifestyle, Misha. You were just a fuck, a good one, I admit, but just a fuck, nothing more, and nothing less.”
Suddenly, Chris felt Misha’s fist against his face.
"You have the fucking nerve to call me a ‘just a fuck’ after everything we shared together? Well, fuck you Chris! Have a nice fucking life!” Misha yelled and spun around and walked out.
_______________________________
Once they were inside the room, Jensen let go of Jared’s hand and closed the door.
“What’s going on between those two?”
“I’m not sure even Chris has an answer to that,” Jensen said, “What are you doing here?”
“I… I wanted to see how you were doing.”
“Good, really good!” There was something in Jensen’s voice that made Jared sure that he was not good, not one bit, not at all.
"Jensen, I-"
“We don't have to talk about this, Jared.”
“But,-“
“I don’t want to talk about it, at least not now.”
"OK," Jared whispered, deciding to tell Jensen the real reason he had come over in the first place, “Jensen, I…I want to ask you something.”
Jensen seemed hesitant but nodded his head anyway.
“Has Patrick ever, in any way, threatened you about anything?” Jared asked and noticed how Jensen suddenly looked so pale. He had his answer right there.
“No,”
“Jensen, are you sure?”
“Yeah,” Jensen whispered and Jared knew it was a lie.
“Jensen? It's really important that I know this, OK?”
“Why?”
“Shit man! Don’t make this any harder than it already is. Has he threatened you or not?”
"Fuck! I said NO!” The frightened look on Jensen’s face told Jared everything he needed to know and he vowed he would take revenge.
“Fine! You don’t have to yell at me like that, dude!”
“I'm sorry. It's just that…I have a lot on my mind right now,” Jensen said apologetically and Jared knew he was one of those things.
“It's OK. I should probably go,” Jared said and he could swear he saw Jensen’s face fall, “Jensen? Aren’t you coming home?”
“Not now, Jared. Chris needs me. You just saw how things are for him.”
“Yeah,” Jared said and looked away, somewhat hurt.
“Tell Matt that I'm gonna come back to work later on in the week.”
“Sure,” Jared said as he got up, “Jensen?"
“Yeah?”
“We'll talk… later…OK? I promise," Jared said and saw a smile on Jensen’s face that did not reach his eyes.
When they walked outside, they only saw Chris, sitting in the kitchen with his back to them, and no sign of Misha anywhere.
“Chris, you alright?”
“Yeah, m’fine.”
“OK,” Jensen said as he walked Jared to the door, “See you later?”
“Sure,” Jared said walked out of the door, “Bye,” he whispered as he walked away.
Jensen watched Jared walking into the elevator in the corridor and closed the door. He wondered why Jared had asked him about Patrick and his threats. He was afraid Jared had found out about the pictures and was mad at Jensen for not warning him about them. He was afraid Patrick had handed the pictures to the press, but he would have heard about it by then, wouldn’t he? Jensen leant against the kitchen door.
“Chris, you OK?”
“Is he gone?”
“Jared? Yeah,” Jensen said as he walked into the kitchen to sit across from Chris and that was when he noticed Chris’s busted lip.
“Fuck! What the hell happened to your face?” cried Jensen.
“It’s nothing.”
“Did that asshole do that to you?”
“It’s OK, Jensen. I’m fine.”
“No, it’s not. What happened?”
“Not now, Jen.”
“Right now, Chris, right fucking now!”
“OK, OK. I told him he was just a fuck to me, nothing more and nothing less.”
“Oh God, Chris! No wonder he punched you. How would you feel if someone had called you just a fuck?”
“Well, no one will because I have never loved anybody like that and I never will.”
Jensen just sat there and shook his head. He could not blame Misha for what he had done. He did not deserve to be treated like that.
“You're a jerk, Chris. Having someone loving you like that is just the most incredible, most precious thing in the whole fucking world. There is more to life than fucking, Chris. Do you think you can live like this for the rest of your life? Eventually you are going to get old and no one will pick you at any fucking bar or club. You go on living like this, and you are going to end up miserable and lonely. “
“Oh, for God’s sake, Jensen. Quit lecturing me. You’re not my mother!”
"You are a fucking moron, Chris! You have the perfect guy, right there, and what do you do? You fucking throw him away and for what? For a different fuck seven days a week," Jensen said and got up from the chair and started walking to his room.
"Unlike you and Misha, I don’t need a fucking babysitter, Jensen. I’m a man, unlike your type who is just as bad and emotional as any woman out there. If you like Misha so fucking much, why don’t you go be his fucking boyfriend?”
Jensen just closed his bedroom door without a word. Chris cursed himself under his breath. He knew Jensen was right. He knew Jensen was just trying to help, so why did he have to go and take it all out on the poor guy?
Fuck!
He muttered under his breath and walked to his room, took his keys and wallet and walked out of the apartment. He could not bring himself to be there at that moment. He needed air. He needed to clear his head. Damn! He needed a drink. He decided to hit his usual bar.
“Hey Chris! What’s up, man? Long time, no see,” the bartender addressed Chris as he walked to his usual stool and sat down, “Are you alone? What happened to the good-looking dark-haired guy you were in here with last week?” He asked while pouring Chris his usual Scotch.
"Over and done with, man. You know me,” Chris said as he downed his drink in one gulp, “Pour me another one,” Chris said as he looked over at the man sitting beside him on a stool, obviously drunk, trying to get off his seat. Chris saw the guy slipping onto the ground, unable to find his balance. Without a thought Chris stretched his arms out, encircling the man’s waist as he tried to pull away from Chris .
“Get your fucking hands off me, you son of a bitch!” Chris heard the man cry as he pushed Chris away.
“Hey! I was just trying to help you, you ungrateful piece of shit,” Chris said, letting go of the man. The man hit the ground hard. Before Chris knew what was going on, the drunk man was on his feet and punching him. A simple attempt to help a drunken jerk quickly turned into a fight and soon the cops were involved. By the time it was over, Chris had ended up with a bottle broken over his head, a sore neck and bruised, sprained ligatures.
“Who started this?” The cop asked Chris.
“We don't want any problem here, officer. It was just a simple fight,” the bartender said.
“Stay out of this,” the cop told the bartender, “Tell me what happened.”
“It was a mistake officer. He thought I was going to attack him," Chris said. The officer stared at Chris, clearly doubting Chris’s statement before walking over to the drunken man. After a while the officer returned to Chris.
“Ok, he confirms your story. Just don't let it happen again.”
“Fine,” Chris said as he tried to stand up, only to feel dizzy and sat back down again.
“I think you should go the hospital and get stitches for that cut on your head.”
“No, it's OK. I’m just a little sore. It's not that bad," Chris said, although his head hurt really bad. He just wanted to go home and forgot that day had ever happened.
“I’m going to take you to the hospital. Just get your coat and let’s go,” the officer said as they left the bar. They drove the nearest hospital: Nashville Hospital.
Great!
Chris muttered under his breath. That was just what he needed!
As soon as they stepped into the hospital, a nurse ushered Chris into an examination room.
“A doctor will be with you shortly.”
“I'll be right outside,” The cop said as he left the room and closed the door.
Chris crossed his hands over his chest. He hated hospitals, especially this one.
“OK. Let’s see what we have here,” Chris heard as the door opened and in walked Misha.
They both stared at each other for a while, until finally Misha walked up to Chris and took a look at the cut on Chris’ forehead. He put a pair of gloves on, “Lie down on the table.”
"I'm fine!" Chris protested, refusing to lie down, not in front of Misha anyway.
"It's a deep cut, Chris. Let me examine it," Chris did not expect to hear so much venom in Misha’s voice and was quite surprised.
“OK,” he whispered before lying down.
As Misha gently wiped the blood off the cut with a swab, Chris just looked up into Misha’s face. His jaw was firm, his lips slightly apart and his breathing was heavy on Chris’s face and all Chris wanted to do was to make it all go away, so he closed his eyes.
"I'm going use tweezers to get the glass out of that cut,” Misha said. Chris opened his eyes and Misha finally looked into Chris’s eyes, “It's going to hurt a little."
Chris nodded and shut his eyes tight again, “Just make it quick.”
Soon he felt Misha’s hand on his, again something he had not expected.
“Just calm down, and be still.”
“Fucking easy for you to say,” Chris muttered through clenched teeth.
"Just try to relax and I will try to make it as painless as possible, I promise,” Misha whispered, with his hand still on Chris’s. That was when Chris realized the position he was in. He was at the mercy of a man he had hurt pretty badly earlier and Misha had the opportunity to hurt him just as bad. Instead, Misha was trying to calm him down and be there for him. Chris felt guilty as hell.
"There. All done,” Chris heard Misha say and opened his eyes. Misha was not by his side anymore and that made Chris feel empty.
"It’s over?”
“Yeah. You just need stitches now.”
“Oh, God!”
“What are you, four? You won’t feel anything.”
Chris shuddered at the thought of needles. He hated needles. He always had since he was a little boy.
As soon as Misha started to work, Chris found himself responding to his touch. God! This was not like him. What was happening to him? Misha was just another fuck. He would get over him, like he had done many times with many other men. He could do it. Yes, he could do it.
“Chris?”
“What?”
“It’s over. Here," Misha said as he handed Chris a prescription, "It’s a sedative. It will help you sleep tonight.”
“How about some painkillers?”
“Nope. You need a good night’s sleep tonight. You’ve had a rough night,” Misha said, looking up from the chart he had in his hand and Chris felt guilty again.
Why are you being so nice to me, you bastard?
Misha’s eyes were so tender, and Chris knew he had seen Misha looking at him like that so many nights; every night they had made love.
“Um, I’d better get you something for your lip,” Chris saw the guilt in Misha’s eyes. How could he even feel guilty for punching Chris? It was not like Chris had not deserved it.
“It's OK. I’m fine.”
“Stop saying you are fine!”
“I…I should probably go. That cop is still waiting for me outside.”
“He's not.”
“How'd you know?”
“Because I know him, Chris.”
“Ex?” Chris was surprised to hear his jealous tone. What was he jealous for?
“Cousin. The only family I have in town apart from the family you didn't want to meet.”
“I never said I didn't want to meet them, Misha.”
“It doesn't matter anymore, now does it? Take your prescription to the pharmacy,” Misha said and hurriedly walked out.
When Chris finally got home, Jensen was pacing the living room nervously.
“Where the fuck have you been?” Jensen screamed but stopped as he saw Chris’s bandaged head and rushed to his side, “Hey, are you OK?”
Chris just nodded his head ‘yes’.
“What? You don’t talk to me now? You leave without saying a word to me and then you come back home at almost dawn, looking like shit and all you do is fucking nod?”
“Jesus Jensen. My head hurts. Quit screaming at me,” Chris muttered as he walked past Jensen and into his room. He was not in the mood to deal with Jensen just yet. He just needed sleep. He needed the warmth of his bed.
Chapter 18
Pairing: Jensen Ackles /Jared Padalecki (eventually), Mentions of Jensen/OMC, Jared/OMC and Others
Other Characters: Tom Welling, Chris Kane, Danneel Harris, Misha Collins
Rating: NC17
Word Count: 3,889
Disclaimer: 100% Pure Fiction
Note: None of this would be possible and readable without my awesome beta,
bigj52 . I learn from you everyday. Summery: AU / Everybody has a dream. Some people make their dreams come true. Some just let their life slip by thinking about it.
Chapter 17:
“Hello, may I speak to Dr. Collins, please?” Chris said over to the phone as he looked over at Jensen, “Yes. I’ll hold.”
Jensen smiled at his friend reassuringly, showing him that he was doing the right thing.
"Misha? Hey, it's me,” Chris said as he put the phone on speaker so Jensen could hear their conversation.
“Hi Chris. I was waiting for your call.”
“Yeah, well I've been busy.”
“With Jensen?” Jealousy was obvious in Misha’s voice, “How is he?”
“Fine. Listen, I…I wanted to talk about what happened the other day."
“The other day?” Misha asked.
“Yeah, I think there’s been a misunderstanding between us.”
“Chris, I… I have this feeling that you're ignoring me on purpose, and I don’t remember doing anything wrong to deserve being treated that way.”
“I know,” Chris whispered.
“I understand if you don't want to see me anymore.”
“It's not like that, Misha.”
"Then what is it like? I feel like you’re playing a game here with me, and dude, I am too old for that. I have been upfront with you about everything from the beginning. So why can’t you?”
“I’ve been honest with you since the first day, Misha. I told you I wasn't ready for a relationship, didn’t I?”
“But you knew that I was and yet you fucked me.”
“Are you saying this is my fault?
“No, I'm not blaming you but…just… just forget it, OK? You want to break up with me, right? Then go ahead and say it. My patients are waiting for me.”
“I'm sorry it had to be this way, Misha.”
"Whatever. Is it…is it because I said I loved you? Is that the reason you're breaking it off?”
“Misha, I-“
“I have to go, I'm on call,” Misha said and hung up.
Chris glared at Jensen.
"You happy now? He's probably gonna kill someone in the surgery now because of me! Fuck! I should have never listened to you!”
“You did the right thing, Chris.”
“Fuck you and fuck the right thing!”
“Hey! Don't cop an attitude with me because you’re feeling guilty.”
“I’m not feeling guilty!”
“Oh yeah, I think you are. You know what else I think? I think you dumped Misha because you could not control things with Misha. It’s always Chris’s way or the highway. That’s your fucking problem.”
"I don't have a fucking problem!" Chris yelled and with that, he walked into his bedroom and slammed the door shut.
_______________________________
It was not until later that evening that Chris finally emerged from his bedroom. Jensen could tell that Chris was still annoyed with him for making him call Misha. Jensen sighed and wondered how long Chris was going to ignore him like that. He watched as Chris pulled out a pack of ‘Lays’ chips from the pantry and walked out to the living room with the chips and a beer.
“Is that what you're going to eat for dinner?” Jensen asked, which Chris decided to ignore.
“Oh, come on, Chris! You don’t talk to me now? Is that how things are going to be?” Again Chris ignored Jensen and turned the television on.
"Fine! Be that way! I don’t give a,-“
Before Jensen had the chance to finish his sentence, the sound of the door bell echoed throughout the apartment.
“Shit! Just what I fucking need right now!” Chris groaned before walking to the door. Jensen sat there, waiting for the argument he knew he would soon hear if that was Misha at the door. A few seconds later he heard his name being called.
“What?” Jensen called back.
“It's for you” Jensen heard Chris say. Curiously he walked to the front door and stopped dead in his tracks.
"Jared," Jensen whispered.
“Can I talk to you for a minute, Jensen?”
“Yeah, sure. Come on in,” Jensen said.
“Hey! This is my place, you know,” Jensen heard Chris say and turned red, suddenly feeling guilty for his selfishness.
"Chris, I… I know I fucked up the other day and I'm sorry," Jensen could not believe his ears. Was Jared actually apologizing to Chris? To Chris of all people?
Chris just nodded his head, his face remaining unchanged. Then he nodded at Jared to come in and without a word, he walked into his bedroom and closed the door.
Jensen led Jared to the living room and they took a seat across from one another.
“How have you been?” Jared asked, and Jensen wondered if Jared really wanted an honest answer to that question.
“Alive.”
“Oh!” Jared said as he stared at the floor, “I'm sorry.”
“Yeah,” Jensen answered wondering what Jared was sorry for. Was he sorry about what had happened between them in Hawaii? Was he sorry for how he had left after that?
“I’m here because,-” Before Jared had a chance to finish his words, the doorbell rang again. Jensen waited for Chris to emerge his bedroom and open the door. Chris never came out.
The doorbell rang again and again.
“Chris!” Jensen heard someone calling from the other side of the door.
"Shit, it’s Misha!" Jensen groaned.
The doorbell rang again.
“Chris! It’s for you.”
“Shit! Tell him I'm in the shower. I can't deal with this shit right now.”
Jensen looked across at Jared who was obviously confused. Jensen smiled apologetically and walked to the door and opened it. Jensen sensed that Misha’s face hardened the moment he saw Jensen.
“Is…is Chris home?”
“Um...yeah but …um…he's in the shower.”
“Fine! I'll wait then,” Misha said as he pushed past Jensen and walked in. Jensen sighed and closed the door.
“I'll tell him you're here,” Jensen said and walked into Chris’s room.
Jared sat there looking at the familiar face of the stranger who seemed to be in quite a bad mood. He wished that Jensen would come back soon so they could resume their talk. He wanted to get things fixed between them and reduce all that tension. He looked at the stranger and thought about initiating small talk.
“Hey,” Jared said
“Hi,” Misha replied, with a look of recognition on his face, “You're Jared, right? The singer?”
“Yeah, I am. You look pretty familiar to me. Have we met before?”
“Um…probably not. My name is Misha Collins,” Misha said and stretched his hand out to Jared who shook it.
“Oh, Dr. Collins! You’re Jensen’s doctor. I remember now.”
“Shit! It's you.”
“What?”
“You're the one who put Chris in the hospital!”
“Um…well, Chris and I, -”
“You don't need to explain anything to him, Jared.”
Jared turned around and found Chris standing in the hallway with Jensen right next to him.
“What are you doing here, Misha?”
Jared could not remember a time he had seen Chris that scary.
“I…I wanted to talk to you.”
“I said all there was to be said on the phone.”
Jared noticed Jensen motioning over to the corridor with his eyebrow.
“Um, excuse me,” Jared said and quickly got up and walked over to Jensen. He did not want to be any part of that conversation.
Jensen reached over and took Jared’s hand in his, leading him down the corridor into the guest room. Jared stared at their intertwined fingers and felt a strange sensation rushing through his veins.
Once Chris was sure Jensen and Jared were in Jensen’s room, he turned his head and looked at Misha.
“What can I do for you, Misha?”
“After everything you and I have been through, is that the first thing you want to tell me?”
“Misha!”
“What?”
“Don’t start.”
“’Don’t start’? It’s too fucking late, Chris. It’s already started!” Misha shouted before taking a deep breath and trying to calm himself down, “I just don't get it. What did I do wrong? What did I say?”
“You didn't do or say anything wrong, Misha. I just don't want a relationship.”
“Oh come on, Chris. At least be a man and tell me the fucking truth.”
“What?”
“Everything was fucking fine until your little friend came back from his trip and then suddenly you’re not interested in me anymore. I’m not stupid, Chris. I can see what’s going on here.”
“This has nothing to do with Jensen. Things have not been OK between us for a while now.”
“I’m your fucking lover, Chris. Don’t you think you should have talked to me about this first?”
Chris looked into Misha’s eyes, remembering all the good times they had together. He wondered if he was making a mistake. He wondered if his doubts and insecurities were worth losing the gorgeous man standing right in front of him.
“Misha,-”
“No, at least listen to what I have to say. I love you, Chris. You know that and you know that I’m not the type of man who would say that just to fucking anybody. I know I have not done anything wrong until now. I have never lied, never been unfaithful to you, and I know the sex was good.”
“This is not about the sex.”
“Yeah, obviously! You got what you wanted from me and now you want someone else.”
"If all I wanted with you was just sex Misha, I would have dumped you a long time ago.”
“Then what is this about?”
Chris was trapped in a corner and he did not like it one bit. He did not like to be manipulated, not by someone like Misha. He wanted Misha off his back and soon. So he said something he knew was not fair , not right, and not even the truth.
“Misha, the bottom line is things are fucking over between us, OK? The sex was great yeah, but you are not the best I’ve had, you know. I don’t want to get tied down. It’s just not me.”
“When have I ever tried to tie you down? I just want a relationship with you, man. That’s it.”
“Well, I don't want this. I don't want the ‘happily ever after fairy-fucking-tale’. I like bars. I like strip clubs. I like one-night stands. I like my freedom. I can’t picture you in that lifestyle, Misha. You were just a fuck, a good one, I admit, but just a fuck, nothing more, and nothing less.”
Suddenly, Chris felt Misha’s fist against his face.
"You have the fucking nerve to call me a ‘just a fuck’ after everything we shared together? Well, fuck you Chris! Have a nice fucking life!” Misha yelled and spun around and walked out.
_______________________________
Once they were inside the room, Jensen let go of Jared’s hand and closed the door.
“What’s going on between those two?”
“I’m not sure even Chris has an answer to that,” Jensen said, “What are you doing here?”
“I… I wanted to see how you were doing.”
“Good, really good!” There was something in Jensen’s voice that made Jared sure that he was not good, not one bit, not at all.
"Jensen, I-"
“We don't have to talk about this, Jared.”
“But,-“
“I don’t want to talk about it, at least not now.”
"OK," Jared whispered, deciding to tell Jensen the real reason he had come over in the first place, “Jensen, I…I want to ask you something.”
Jensen seemed hesitant but nodded his head anyway.
“Has Patrick ever, in any way, threatened you about anything?” Jared asked and noticed how Jensen suddenly looked so pale. He had his answer right there.
“No,”
“Jensen, are you sure?”
“Yeah,” Jensen whispered and Jared knew it was a lie.
“Jensen? It's really important that I know this, OK?”
“Why?”
“Shit man! Don’t make this any harder than it already is. Has he threatened you or not?”
"Fuck! I said NO!” The frightened look on Jensen’s face told Jared everything he needed to know and he vowed he would take revenge.
“Fine! You don’t have to yell at me like that, dude!”
“I'm sorry. It's just that…I have a lot on my mind right now,” Jensen said apologetically and Jared knew he was one of those things.
“It's OK. I should probably go,” Jared said and he could swear he saw Jensen’s face fall, “Jensen? Aren’t you coming home?”
“Not now, Jared. Chris needs me. You just saw how things are for him.”
“Yeah,” Jared said and looked away, somewhat hurt.
“Tell Matt that I'm gonna come back to work later on in the week.”
“Sure,” Jared said as he got up, “Jensen?"
“Yeah?”
“We'll talk… later…OK? I promise," Jared said and saw a smile on Jensen’s face that did not reach his eyes.
When they walked outside, they only saw Chris, sitting in the kitchen with his back to them, and no sign of Misha anywhere.
“Chris, you alright?”
“Yeah, m’fine.”
“OK,” Jensen said as he walked Jared to the door, “See you later?”
“Sure,” Jared said walked out of the door, “Bye,” he whispered as he walked away.
Jensen watched Jared walking into the elevator in the corridor and closed the door. He wondered why Jared had asked him about Patrick and his threats. He was afraid Jared had found out about the pictures and was mad at Jensen for not warning him about them. He was afraid Patrick had handed the pictures to the press, but he would have heard about it by then, wouldn’t he? Jensen leant against the kitchen door.
“Chris, you OK?”
“Is he gone?”
“Jared? Yeah,” Jensen said as he walked into the kitchen to sit across from Chris and that was when he noticed Chris’s busted lip.
“Fuck! What the hell happened to your face?” cried Jensen.
“It’s nothing.”
“Did that asshole do that to you?”
“It’s OK, Jensen. I’m fine.”
“No, it’s not. What happened?”
“Not now, Jen.”
“Right now, Chris, right fucking now!”
“OK, OK. I told him he was just a fuck to me, nothing more and nothing less.”
“Oh God, Chris! No wonder he punched you. How would you feel if someone had called you just a fuck?”
“Well, no one will because I have never loved anybody like that and I never will.”
Jensen just sat there and shook his head. He could not blame Misha for what he had done. He did not deserve to be treated like that.
“You're a jerk, Chris. Having someone loving you like that is just the most incredible, most precious thing in the whole fucking world. There is more to life than fucking, Chris. Do you think you can live like this for the rest of your life? Eventually you are going to get old and no one will pick you at any fucking bar or club. You go on living like this, and you are going to end up miserable and lonely. “
“Oh, for God’s sake, Jensen. Quit lecturing me. You’re not my mother!”
"You are a fucking moron, Chris! You have the perfect guy, right there, and what do you do? You fucking throw him away and for what? For a different fuck seven days a week," Jensen said and got up from the chair and started walking to his room.
"Unlike you and Misha, I don’t need a fucking babysitter, Jensen. I’m a man, unlike your type who is just as bad and emotional as any woman out there. If you like Misha so fucking much, why don’t you go be his fucking boyfriend?”
Jensen just closed his bedroom door without a word. Chris cursed himself under his breath. He knew Jensen was right. He knew Jensen was just trying to help, so why did he have to go and take it all out on the poor guy?
Fuck!
He muttered under his breath and walked to his room, took his keys and wallet and walked out of the apartment. He could not bring himself to be there at that moment. He needed air. He needed to clear his head. Damn! He needed a drink. He decided to hit his usual bar.
“Hey Chris! What’s up, man? Long time, no see,” the bartender addressed Chris as he walked to his usual stool and sat down, “Are you alone? What happened to the good-looking dark-haired guy you were in here with last week?” He asked while pouring Chris his usual Scotch.
"Over and done with, man. You know me,” Chris said as he downed his drink in one gulp, “Pour me another one,” Chris said as he looked over at the man sitting beside him on a stool, obviously drunk, trying to get off his seat. Chris saw the guy slipping onto the ground, unable to find his balance. Without a thought Chris stretched his arms out, encircling the man’s waist as he tried to pull away from Chris .
“Get your fucking hands off me, you son of a bitch!” Chris heard the man cry as he pushed Chris away.
“Hey! I was just trying to help you, you ungrateful piece of shit,” Chris said, letting go of the man. The man hit the ground hard. Before Chris knew what was going on, the drunk man was on his feet and punching him. A simple attempt to help a drunken jerk quickly turned into a fight and soon the cops were involved. By the time it was over, Chris had ended up with a bottle broken over his head, a sore neck and bruised, sprained ligatures.
“Who started this?” The cop asked Chris.
“We don't want any problem here, officer. It was just a simple fight,” the bartender said.
“Stay out of this,” the cop told the bartender, “Tell me what happened.”
“It was a mistake officer. He thought I was going to attack him," Chris said. The officer stared at Chris, clearly doubting Chris’s statement before walking over to the drunken man. After a while the officer returned to Chris.
“Ok, he confirms your story. Just don't let it happen again.”
“Fine,” Chris said as he tried to stand up, only to feel dizzy and sat back down again.
“I think you should go the hospital and get stitches for that cut on your head.”
“No, it's OK. I’m just a little sore. It's not that bad," Chris said, although his head hurt really bad. He just wanted to go home and forgot that day had ever happened.
“I’m going to take you to the hospital. Just get your coat and let’s go,” the officer said as they left the bar. They drove the nearest hospital: Nashville Hospital.
Great!
Chris muttered under his breath. That was just what he needed!
As soon as they stepped into the hospital, a nurse ushered Chris into an examination room.
“A doctor will be with you shortly.”
“I'll be right outside,” The cop said as he left the room and closed the door.
Chris crossed his hands over his chest. He hated hospitals, especially this one.
“OK. Let’s see what we have here,” Chris heard as the door opened and in walked Misha.
They both stared at each other for a while, until finally Misha walked up to Chris and took a look at the cut on Chris’ forehead. He put a pair of gloves on, “Lie down on the table.”
"I'm fine!" Chris protested, refusing to lie down, not in front of Misha anyway.
"It's a deep cut, Chris. Let me examine it," Chris did not expect to hear so much venom in Misha’s voice and was quite surprised.
“OK,” he whispered before lying down.
As Misha gently wiped the blood off the cut with a swab, Chris just looked up into Misha’s face. His jaw was firm, his lips slightly apart and his breathing was heavy on Chris’s face and all Chris wanted to do was to make it all go away, so he closed his eyes.
"I'm going use tweezers to get the glass out of that cut,” Misha said. Chris opened his eyes and Misha finally looked into Chris’s eyes, “It's going to hurt a little."
Chris nodded and shut his eyes tight again, “Just make it quick.”
Soon he felt Misha’s hand on his, again something he had not expected.
“Just calm down, and be still.”
“Fucking easy for you to say,” Chris muttered through clenched teeth.
"Just try to relax and I will try to make it as painless as possible, I promise,” Misha whispered, with his hand still on Chris’s. That was when Chris realized the position he was in. He was at the mercy of a man he had hurt pretty badly earlier and Misha had the opportunity to hurt him just as bad. Instead, Misha was trying to calm him down and be there for him. Chris felt guilty as hell.
"There. All done,” Chris heard Misha say and opened his eyes. Misha was not by his side anymore and that made Chris feel empty.
"It’s over?”
“Yeah. You just need stitches now.”
“Oh, God!”
“What are you, four? You won’t feel anything.”
Chris shuddered at the thought of needles. He hated needles. He always had since he was a little boy.
As soon as Misha started to work, Chris found himself responding to his touch. God! This was not like him. What was happening to him? Misha was just another fuck. He would get over him, like he had done many times with many other men. He could do it. Yes, he could do it.
“Chris?”
“What?”
“It’s over. Here," Misha said as he handed Chris a prescription, "It’s a sedative. It will help you sleep tonight.”
“How about some painkillers?”
“Nope. You need a good night’s sleep tonight. You’ve had a rough night,” Misha said, looking up from the chart he had in his hand and Chris felt guilty again.
Why are you being so nice to me, you bastard?
Misha’s eyes were so tender, and Chris knew he had seen Misha looking at him like that so many nights; every night they had made love.
“Um, I’d better get you something for your lip,” Chris saw the guilt in Misha’s eyes. How could he even feel guilty for punching Chris? It was not like Chris had not deserved it.
“It's OK. I’m fine.”
“Stop saying you are fine!”
“I…I should probably go. That cop is still waiting for me outside.”
“He's not.”
“How'd you know?”
“Because I know him, Chris.”
“Ex?” Chris was surprised to hear his jealous tone. What was he jealous for?
“Cousin. The only family I have in town apart from the family you didn't want to meet.”
“I never said I didn't want to meet them, Misha.”
“It doesn't matter anymore, now does it? Take your prescription to the pharmacy,” Misha said and hurriedly walked out.
When Chris finally got home, Jensen was pacing the living room nervously.
“Where the fuck have you been?” Jensen screamed but stopped as he saw Chris’s bandaged head and rushed to his side, “Hey, are you OK?”
Chris just nodded his head ‘yes’.
“What? You don’t talk to me now? You leave without saying a word to me and then you come back home at almost dawn, looking like shit and all you do is fucking nod?”
“Jesus Jensen. My head hurts. Quit screaming at me,” Chris muttered as he walked past Jensen and into his room. He was not in the mood to deal with Jensen just yet. He just needed sleep. He needed the warmth of his bed.
Chapter 18