Leap of Faith - Chapter 18

[something_rare]

Title: Leap of Faith
Pairing: Jensen Ackles /Jared Padalecki (eventually), Mentions of Jensen/OMC, Jared/OMC and Others
Other Characters: Tom Welling, Chris Kane, Danneel Harris, Misha Collins
Rating: NC17
Word Count: 2,469
Disclaimer: 100% Pure Fiction
Note: None of this would be possible and readable without my awesome beta, bigj52   . I learn from you everyday.
Summery: AU / Everybody has a dream. Some people make their dreams come true. Some just let their life slip by thinking about it.




Chapter 18:


The next morning, Jensen was freshly showered and making coffee when he heard the phone ring. Not wanting the ringing to wake Chris up, Jensen hurriedly picked up the phone.

“Chris?”

Jensen froze when he heard Misha’s voice.

“Chris is sleeping,” Jensen said, trying not to sound upset. After all Misha did not deserve to be treated like that.

“Oh! Is he any better?”

“I don’t know. He has not been up since he got home this morning.”

“I guess it’s better for him to rest as much as he can.”

“Yeah.”

“Jensen, I…can we talk?”

“About what?”

“I… I felt so threatened by you. I still am, even though things are over between me and Chris”.

Jensen did not quite know what to say to such an honest confession.

“Did you really tell him that you loved him?”

“Yes I did. I meant it. Shit, I still love him, OK?”

“I’m sorry things turned out this way between us, Misha, and I’m sorry that you feel that way about me. I have no idea what I might have said or done that make you feel insecure about me.  I don't want Chris, and he doesn't want me either. Trust me on that one.”

“I  know. He was very upfront about your relationship with him, since the beginning. I guess I was just insecure.”

“You didn't strike me as the insecure type.”

“You’d be surprised,” Misha said with a chuckle, “I…I didn't mean to put my hands on him, Jensen. I'm…I'm not like that. Not at all. I just lost it, you know.  When he said all those things, I just… I felt so used. I didn’t know he could be cruel like that. The Chris I fell in love with is nothing like that.”

“He's not, Misha, not really. I think you made his head spin.  Everything was coming in too fast, too strong and Chris is a control freak. If he feels someone is trying to get under his skin, he pushes them away.  It's his defense mechanism.”

“We could have dealt with it. If he had just opened up to me, we could have found a way.”

“You are too good for him, Misha. I hate to say this, he is my friend and all, but you are too good for him, and if he is too blind to see that, all I have to say is it’s his loss.”

“You think so?”

“Hell, yeah! You're a doctor for crying out loud.  You got money and with your looks you're like a fucking God.”

“Oh, is that so?”

“Absolutely! If my heart had not belonged to someone else, I would have swept you up."

“You're some guy, Jensen. I really wish the best for you and your friend.  Things will work out for you.”

“Oh, so Chris has told you about it, eh?”

“No, he hasn’t. I just saw the obvious connection between you two the other night at Chris’s place,” Misha said as Jensen heard his pager going off from the other end of the line, “Listen I should get going. I have patients to see.”

“Yeah, OK.  So should I tell him that you called?”

“No. I'd rather you didn't.  I'll call him later, OK? Bye.”

As Jensen put the phone back on the cradle, he heard his name being called.

“Jensen,” Chris called again, this time a little louder as he walked out of his room. Jensen decided not to acknowledge him. He was still mad about the night before.

“What? You’re not talking to me now?” Chris said a little annoyed and Jensen enjoyed every minute of it.

“Hello? Jennybear?”

Jensen could not help but let loose a giggle. Chris smiled as he heard Jensen’s little laugh.

“Who was that?”

“Danneel,” Jensen lied, “So, what happened last night?”

Chris’s smile disappeared and he crossed his arms over his chest protectively.

“Come on, Chris. Tell me. I'm worried about you, buddy," Jensen said, waiting for Chris to storm out of the living room, as he usually did at those moments. Instead, Chris sat down next to Jensen on the sofa, keeping his eyes on the floor. Jensen reached over and gently touched Chris’s hand.

“I hate not being in control of a situation, Jensen,” Chris said and paused, as if looking for the words, “I think I deserved what I got. I can be a fucking careless asshole. This is just me, Jensen. It’s just the way I am,” Chris turned his head and saw the confused look on Jensen’s face, “Not with you, Jensen. I have tried really hard not to be that way with you. When I met you I really decided to try to make things work between us. I wanted a relationship with you, I really did. I guess things didn’t work out between us, and somewhere along the way, you became my friend, not my lover. I'm glad it turned out that way.  You are an awesome friend. God, I feel so fucking low right now.”

“Misha?” Jensen asked.

“Yeah. I never wanted things to end this way between us. I swear I didn’t.”

“I don’t really understand why you want to always end things.  What more do you want from Misha?”

“Nothing! Jensen, Misha isn’t even the fucking problem here, I am.”

“What? What do you mean?”

“With every guy I have ever been so far, I have always looked for flaws, for an excuse to find a way out of that relationship and I always found one. With Misha it didn’t happen. He has his own money; a good job; he’s good-looking, great in bed, and has a wonderful personality!  In this case, I am the one with the problem. I'm the one with a fatal flaw and sooner or later Misha would find out about it.”

“I don’t think he would care, Chris.”

“But I would.  I've had so few people who would actually do something for me instead of wanting things from me, you know. It’s always been take, take, and take. You are one of those rare people, and I know Misha was like that too. Instead of taking, he would just give, give and give."

"What’s wrong with wanting to take care of someone you love, Chris?”

“Nothing, but I know if I start something with Misha I would end up hurting him more.”

“So you just dump him without giving him the choice of whether he wants to go through the long haul with you or not?  That is so selfish, Chris.”

"I don’t care. I want him to be happy, Jensen.  I want him to find a nice guy to get married to and live happily ever after. I will be nothing but excess baggage to him, Jensen. I know that.  I'm doing him a favor here, trust me.”

“Tell me one thing then.”

“What?”

“Do you love him?”

“No.”

“No? You are sacrificing your own happiness for his and you still say you don’t love him?”

“I really care for him, but I don't love him. I don’t want to.”

“But could you?”

“I think so, but it won't happen. I'm not going to fuck his life up,” Chris said as he stood up and walked into the kitchen, looking for something to eat.

 _______________________________


“Thank you for seeing me at such short notice, Matt,” Jared said as he walked into Matt’s office and shook his hand.

“How can I help you, Jared?”

Jared explained his situation with Patrick for Matt, leaving the pictures and the blackmailing issue unsaid. He was not sure yet if he could really trust him. If there was one thing he really had learnt in the business, it was not to trust anyone.

“So how are you willing to deal with this, son?”

“I'm not paying him one cent, not one!  I’m not giving away what I have worked so hard for just like that.”

“Well, the way I see this, he has absolutely no legal basis to his claim so I don’t really see a problem here.”

“No, trust me, Matt. I've worked with Patrick long enough to know that he always has some...some shit up his sleeve. He's not one to make empty promises.”

“Jared, do you know of any reason why he would be doing this?”

“Because he was my manager and I fired him!” Jared said, hoping he sounded confident enough for Matt to not ask any more questions about the real reason behind Patrick’s demands.

“I know that but if that were the case, why didn’t he just go straight to court?” Matt asked.

“Because he wants to fuck with my head.  He knows me and he knows if he sues and takes things to court and puts me in the spotlight he won’t get a cent out of me,” Jared said, hoping Matt would believe his reasoning.

“Well, it's your call. It's your music, your life, but I think you should go to the cops.  This is plain extortion! Plus, if you give him money now, who's to say he won't come back again and again and again?  It's just too risky.”

“I understand where you are coming from, I do, but if I go to the cops, and the media get a hold of this somehow, Hell will break loose all over again. I think I should deal with this on my own.”

"Jared, don’t you think…..?“

“No, Matt. He has issues with me, not with you.  If he wants to fuck with me, let him fuck with me but I'm not going to let him fuck with you or everyone else.  He thinks that I'm an easy target but I’m not and I'm not going make this into a bigger issue than it has to be.”

“Well, then I think we need to get a couple of entertainment lawyers on hand, somebody you'd feel comfortable with, someone we could trust.  Then I'm going to get the heads of Mercury management in here to discuss possibilities, just in case.  And of course we're going to need your boy in here as soon as possible.”

“Jensen? Why?”

“He is your publicist. He should know what’s going on. We need to have a press release ready just in case the shit hits the fan.  Jensen is the perfect one for that," Matt said, as Jared shook his head ‘no’.

“What's the problem, Jared?”

“I don't want him involved.”

“We can't hide it from him.  He's your publicist.”

“No, he doesn't need to know about this.  Not so soon after the accident.”

“But,-”

“I said ‘no’. I don't want him involved,” Jared said, raising his voice a little.

“Then we need to get you a new publicist, but I still think he needs to know. What if Patrick contacts him?”

“I already talked to him about that.  If Patrick contacts him, he'll tell me."

“OK. I don’t think this is a good idea, but OK.”

“Let me deal with this on my own, Matt.  If I need help I'll tell you.”

“OK, if you think you might be in trouble,-”

“I'll give you a call,” Jared said, then stood up and shook Matt’s hand, “Thanks, man.”

“Any time son, any time.”

 _______________________________

Jared got home later that day, only to find Jensen waiting for him outside his house. Jared parked the car, got out and walked over to Jensen’s car.

“Jensen? What happened?  Are you OK?”

“No...Yes… I don't know. I just needed to get out of Chris’s place. I came over here and you weren’t home.”

“Why didn’t you go right in? You still have the key, don’t you?”

“I do, I just thought…well, you weren’t home and,-”

“You're welcome here any time Jensen, you know that. You don’t need my permission to get inside the house.”

“Thanks,” Was Jensen’s only response.

“Come on in. Would you like something to drink? I can make some coffee.”

“No, I'm OK.  I know you must be busy. I just wanted to rest a little before I go back over there,” Jensen said and Jared saw fear in Jensen’s eyes.

“Do you want to talk about it?” 

Jensen shook his head and slowly made his way into the guest bedroom.  Jared followed behind cautiously. 

“Did he say something to you?”

“Huh?”

“What did Chris say to you?”

“Nothing. He is just being an asshole, like most of the time.”

“Yeah, I know," Jared paused, not sure whether he should reveal his thoughts or not, “Jensen? Why don’t you come back here?  I know we have a lot to resolve but I want you here with me.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Jensen said, obviously not believing Jared.

“It's true, Jen,” Jensen’s eyes softened when he heard Jared calling him ‘Jen’ and smiled. Jared groaned in his head, remembering that smile and those lips and Hawaii. He remembered how it was, how he felt just being there with Jensen, making a dream come true for Jensen, making his own dream come true. No. He could not think about that. He wasn’t sure he could control his actions if he did.

“Thanks Jared, but I think…I think it’s time I went back to my own place. I can’t live with you or Chris forever. I just have to fix a few things over there.”

“Well, why don’t you? Now that you don’t work, you have all the time in the world to do it. Plus I can help you in whatever way I can."

Fuck, Jared! You and your big mouth!

Jensen stayed quiet for a while as if he had picked up Jared’s last sentence.

“Yeah, I guess.  We'll have to talk about it.”

“Well, go take a nap. We will go out to dinner when you wake up.”

“Shouldn’t you be at the studio?”

“This album can wait. I just want to spend some time with you tonight,” Jared said, meaning every word, hoping Jensen would sense his sincerity.

“OK. Just…nowhere fancy, OK? I’m not in the mood.”

“As a matter of fact, I was thinking about going to that cozy little restaurant we used to go to when we first moved to Tennessee.”

“Oh, OK,” Jensen said, suddenly extremely curious to know what had prompted that idea in Jared’s head, “I just need to take a nap. Then I’ll take a shower and change,” Jensen said as he looked down at his jeans and crushed t-shirt. Jared would not like to be seen anywhere around him when he looked like that.

“It's a dress-down night Jensen, I promise,” Jared said as if he had read Jensen’s mind, “I just want us to hang out and…talk.”

“OK,” was all Jensen could say as he walked to the guest room and climbed into the bed, finally allowing his eyes to close and his thoughts to wander.





Chapter 19