Leap of Faith - Chapter 23
Jan. 10th, 2010 01:50 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
something_rareTitle: Leap of Faith
Pairing: Jensen Ackles /Jared Padalecki (eventually), Mentions of Jensen/OMC, Jared/OMC and Others
Other Characters: Tom Welling, Chris Kane, Danneel Harris, Misha Collins
Rating: NC17
Word Count: 4,990
Disclaimer: 100% Pure Fiction
Note: None of this would be possible and readable without my awesome beta,![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
bigj52 . I learn from you everyday.
Summery: AU / Everybody has a dream. Some people make their dreams come true. Some just let their life slip by thinking about it.
Chapter 23:
Jared looked down on Jensen as he slept and Jared felt a pang somewhere inside him, a sort of painful tenderness that he never even knew he possessed. His poor baby must have been through hell and back thinking the worst. He wanted to hunt down and hurt each and every reporter that broke the story without knowing all the facts but he knew it would have done nothing but land him in a jail cell again, and if he was going to blame them, he had to also blame himself. If he had taken the time to think about what he was doing, none of that would have happened and Jensen would not be in the condition he was in right at that moment. Jensen stirred a little under Jared’s watchful gaze but he didn't wake up and Jared couldn't help but lean into him and place a soft kiss on Jensen’s lips. Jared wanted to do so much more than that but it was not the time and these were not the best of circumstances.
What the hell is wrong with you, man? You got someone here who would do anything for your ass and yet still you keep doing stupid shit.
Jared didn’t relish having his conscience there to tell it as it was but it was something he needed to hear. It was something that he knew had undoubtedly saved his life.
Earlier that day Jared had been on his way to the airport, still wrestling with his thoughts. His head was telling him to just let it go, to forget all that they had been through, to spare their friendship at the risk of dismissing their relationship and forgetting everything that they had shared. But his heart was screaming that he should just be a man and admit that what he wanted was Jensen. It was letting Jensen know that if he didn't make a conscious effort to salvage what they had, he would regret it for the rest of his life. While Jared wanted to listen to his heart and go with what he really wanted, he allowed his head to lead the way and ended up at the airport, waiting on a one-way flight to the Canary Islands. He checked in, went through security and headed over to the boarding entrance.
"Good morning Mr. Padalecki. My name is Alison and on behalf of American Airlines, I'd like to thank you for choosing us for your travel needs. We are so pleased to have you flying with us this morning," The gate attendant seemed nice enough and Jared was tempted to respond to her flirtatious manner but as strange as it seemed, Jared couldn't. He was making a living from serenading women all over the world with his words and his music, but he couldn't even find the words to respond to her.
"Um...thanks," Jared replied. She smiled at him and opened the door.
"We are so happy to have you with us, Mr. Padalecki. We love your music. My daughter is addicted to you. She has all your albums and she loves them all but the new one, she absolutely adores. I have to actually beg her to turn off your CD at night so that I can get some sleep."
Again Jared found himself at a loss for words.
"OK."
Allison continued to smile at Jared and he swore he saw her wink but he didn't have time to ponder over her intentions anymore as a tall man in his late sixties walked up to him, his arm outstretched. Jared mimicked his motion and soon they were shaking hands.
"Mr. Padalecki, I'm Captain Mathews and on behalf of American Airlines, we are pleased to have you flying with us today."
"Thanks. Um...how long will the flight be?"
"About three hours, maybe two and a half if the weather doesn't get any worse."
Again Jared had that feeling, that familiar struggle between his head and his heart but he ignored them both, barely managing to break into a smile as the captain held the door for him to walk through.
Jared broke his thoughts as he saw Jensen move his hand to his face and begin to rub his head. His eyes remained closed and he didn't make a sound but Jared knew Jensen had to be in pain. The bump to his head was a testament to how hard he had fallen.
"Jensen," Jared called to him softly, as he strained to keep his hands to himself.
Jensen didn't open his eyes nor did he move his head in the direction of Jared’s voice.
"Jensen, wake up baby," Jared called again, making sure that his voice was clear over the whirring sound of the ceiling fan.
Finally Jensen’s eyes snapped open and he sat up quickly. At first he seemed in a daze but then he sobered up and his head turned towards Jared. The reaction on Jensen’s face scared Jared and he did not hesitate to reach out and hold Jensen in his arms as he heard him starting to cry.
"It's OK baby, it's OK. I'm here and I'm never going to leave you again, ever!" Jared whispered as he rubbed Jensen’s back in a circular motion. Jensen’s sobbing increased and for the first time since holding him, Jensen grabbed Jared’s waist and held on tight. Jared could feel his own tears begin to well up but he refused to let them fall. He needed to be strong for Jensen.
"It's OK baby, it's OK. I'm never leaving you again, I promise you that. You'll never have to worry about where I am." Those words spoken in sincerity seemed to do the trick and Jensen’s sobbing finally subsided, leaving Jared with a sense of relief. He never wanted to see Jensen hurt if he could help it. Jensen was too good a person to be hurting like that.
Jared attempted to pull away from Jensen but Jensen simply held on to Jared, as if he was afraid that if he let go, Jared would disappear into thin air.
"I'm not going anywhere, Jensen, I just want to look at you, make sure you're OK."
"I'm fine," Jensen whispered, barely managing to get the words out.
"I know you are. You're a fighter, my little fighter," Jensen was amused at that and let out a small giggle which made Jared’s heart melt.
God! Look what you almost came close to losing, this, all of this.
They stayed wrapped in each other’s arms for what seemed like forever until Jensen finally felt safe enough to let Jared go, at least enough to still be able to hold one of his hands in his. Jared looked down at Jensen as he stood up and saw the relief in his face. Jared understood where that was coming from. If the situation was reversed, he would have had that same look plastered on his face. For a moment, neither of them said anything. Jensen sat up in his bed holding Jared’s hand as Jared stood above him, not letting it go.
"They said you were dead. Everyone said you were in the plane when it exploded. The police were here, they said that you had di..." Jensen couldn't get the words out as the tears started to fall again, in torrents that refused to let up.
"But I'm not, Jensen. I'm here and I'm never leaving you."
Through his tears Jensen managed to let the words 'I love you so much' come through and for once, Jared did not hesitate when he said them back.
"You mean it?" Jensen whispered.
"Yes, I never meant to hurt you, baby. Shhh, please don't cry anymore." Jared begged.
"I...can't....help...it", Jensen sniffled pulling Jared into another heartfelt embrace, one that overtook Jared’s body and made him start to shake.
They stayed like that until there was a knock on the front door. Jared tried to get up but Jensen held on to him tighter than before.
"The door...," Jared started.
"Leave it. I don't want you to go."
"I'm not leaving, Jensen."
"I don't care."
With that, Jensen released his grip on Jared enough for them to be facing one another. He slowly leaned in and touched Jared’s lips with his own. All Jared could think of was how much he missed it, all of it. As their kiss deepened, the doorbell rang again and again and again.
"Shit!" Jared called out in frustration, pulling away from Jensen.
"I really think I should get that," Jared added. Looking at Jensen, he thought that Jensen would burst into tears but instead, he slowly let go of Jared’s hand and crossed it over his chest. A pout appeared on his face and for that single moment, he reminded Jared of a little boy who hadn't gotten his own way. It was such a damn cute sight!
"I'll be right back, Jensen. OK? One minute and then I'll be right back." Jared leaned into him and kissed him on the lips a final time before heading out into the living room. Jared opened the door and faced a very surprised Chris.
"Oh my God!" Chris whispered, looking Jared up and down while covering his mouth with one hand. His face was as white as a sheet and his eyes were as big as saucers.
"Thought I was dead, didn't you?" Jared said.
"Hell fucking yeah, me and half of the Goddamn country. The news... they said that you were ...oh shit.... shit...I can't believe this shit...you're OK," With that, he surprised Jared by pulling him into an embrace that shook Jared’s whole body.
"The news is a load of shit!" Jared said, his anger finally brimming to the surface.
Chris pulled away from Jared and continued to shake his head in disbelief.
Finally he spoke again, "Where's Jensen?"
Jared nodded towards the bedroom.
"Is he OK?" Chris continued.
"I don't know how to answer that, man. I mean, he seems OK but you never know. I wanted to take him to a hospital just to make sure he's really OK but he won't budge. He thinks I'm going to leave him again."
"What the fuck do you expect? You almost died and then you suddenly reappear. No wonder he doesn't want you out of his sight."
"And I understand that Chris but I'm worried about him. When I found him he was passed out on the floor for God knows how long. He could have a concussion or something we're not even aware of."
Chris digested Jared’s words. He then continued with, "OK, you're probably right but give him some time to digest all of this. Ok? He needs to be near you, he needs you to be near him. You know how Jensen is. He needs that comfort zone and right now, no doctor in the world can be that for him. He needs you Jared, now more than ever."
Jared understood all of that, he truly did. What he did not tell Chris, though, was that as much as he was a lifeline for Jensen at that moment, Jensen was also a lifeline for him.
Jared went back inside to check on Jensen only to find him fast asleep. He pulled the covers over his body and gently leaned in to kiss his forehead. Jensen did not even budge. Jared quietly left the room and walked out to the living room where Chris sat.
Chris first words to Jared as he took a seat opposite Chris were, "Son of a bitch! You know how lucky you are?"
"Yeah, I do. Shit, just the thought that that really could have been me up there. Fuck, I don't even want to think about it."
"So...I know I asked you this before but...how's Jensen doing, really?" Chris asked.
Jared looked at Chris as he spoke knowing what he was asking but not being able to respond.
"He was hysterical. He's calmed down enough now but before, I couldn't get him to let me go. It was as if he thought I would disappear again. It's totally understandable but still, I'm worried."
Chris sighed and looked at Jared, "He loves you, you know. I've never seen him so wrapped up in anyone before," Chris paused then continued, "I'm glad you're safe Jared. I'm so fucking glad. Jensen would have never made it if anything were to happen to you."
Jared never expected to hear Chris say that to him considering their history but he was sure glad he did.
"Thanks Chris. Coming from you, that's something."
After Chris left and Jared checked to see that Jensen was still asleep, he finally afforded himself the luxury of some down time. The whole experience for him was one that he wanted to forget so badly but he knew that no matter how hard he tried, he would never forget it. Who could ever forget coming that close to death? Jared had yet to come to grips with what had happened and knew that he could not do deal with things on his own, but it did not seem like the right time to be thinking about himself at the moment. There was so much he had to do, so much he had to clear up, so much he had say and with that in mind, he flipped open his cell and punched in Matt's home number.
"Hello." Matt answered, his voice sounding weary.
"Matt, it's me."
For a second or two there was silence on the line and then, "Jared?"
"Yeah, it's me. I'm OK," Jared responded.
"Holy shit! Is that really you?" He asked.
"Yeah man, it's really me," He said. All of a sudden a deep chuckle invaded the line and Matt started to laugh.
"Fuck, Jared. Jesus, have you turned on the news lately?"
"Yeah man, it's a zoo. So half of the country thinks I'm somewhere at the bottom of the Atlantic, huh?"
"Fuck, yeah. I've been trying to get in touch with everybody but no one knew where you were. I almost started to believe them sons of bitches about what happened to you."
"Well, it isn’t true! I'm alive and well, in the flesh."
"Where are you?"
"I'm at Jensen's place."
The line went quiet for a while and then Matt said, "I'm so fucking happy you're OK man. I mean it. You've been like a son to me Jared, a son and if anything had ever happened to you...," his voice trailed off but there was no mistaking the somberness of it.
"I'm OK, Matt. I'm OK. Well anyway, I should get going. I’ve got a lot of people to contact. Are you going to alert the media?"
"Yeah, I'll get the PR guy to make an announcement and later we'll schedule a press conference. Boy oh boy, you're going to make a lot of folks happy, a lot of folks."
Towards the end of the conversation, Jared was eager to get off the phone as he was so close to just losing his composure and breaking down. Not that there was something wrong with crying, far from it, but it was not his persona. He had to be the tough one, if not for him, then for Jensen, for Matt and for his fans out there.
_______________________________
Jensen awakened expecting that it was all a dream: Jared being there with him, Chris's voice, his own not so sudden urge to hold Jared and never let him go. Jensen had expected it to be a cruel dream that would keep him awake for many nights to come but when he awoke to Jared sitting in a chair across from him, writing on a note pad, Jensen knew that all that he had been through only hours before had been real. Jensen shot up like he had been hit by a bullet and grabbed his attention instantly.
"Jensen, you OK?" Jared asked, concern evident in his voice. He walked over to Jensen and sat on the edge of the bed.
Jensen wanted to say ‘yeah’, he wanted to tell Jared that everything was OK because he was here, but he couldn't. All Jensen managed to do was shake his head and then burst into tears. Words eluded him and all that was left was his intermittent whining and moaning, a sign that he was in pain, more emotional than physical.
Jared cradled Jensen’s head to his chest and kissed his forehead while at the same time holding Jensen’s hand in his.
"I'm here now baby, I'm here now," Jared repeated over and over again.
But no matter what was said, Jensen couldn't get the image of the wreckage out of his head and his initial realization that they had had a fight only hours before over something so trivial. He couldn't get out of his head that he had almost lost the love of his life and had not had the opportunity to tell Jared how he felt. He couldn't get out of his head the fact that at any given moment, life could change without warning and that every single moment had to be cherished. All of that left Jensen drained and all he wanted to do was hold Jared forever. That way, if something unfortunate were to befall him, Jensen would perish too. As his eyes became heavier once again, Jensen held onto Jared as if his life depended on it and quietly drifted off into sleep with his words keeping him company. Those precious words being:
'I love you Jensen and you'll never have to wonder where my commitment is.
Later when Jensen had calmed down enough to be able to let Jared go for minutes at a time, he asked Jared the question that had been floating around in his mind all day.
"Where were you going?"
Jared looked up from what he had been doing and his eyes met Jensen’s.
"What?"
"The news said you chartered the plane. Where were you going?"
Jared sighed and his eyes fell from Jensen’s. Jensen’s stance seemed to stiffen and his demeanor seemed to go into protective mode.
"You don't have to tell me if you don't...," Jared cut Jensen off before he could finish his sentence by walking over to the bed and leaning down beside him.
"No, you have a right to know. I just.... I just needed to get away for a while. Things here...they just haven't been the best and then we had that stupid argument and.... I just needed to get away."
Jensen understood what Jared was saying, he really did but he had to know something else so he asked, "Then why are you not,-" Jensen felt that lump rise in his throat and he knew he was on the verge of another breakdown, "Why are you here instead of.... you should be dead."
The last word came out in a whisper and Jensen had to swallow really hard to keep from crying.
"I don't know, baby. I was supposed to be on that plane. I should have been there but...I couldn't leave like that Jensen, not when things with us were the way they were. I didn't want to go to some foreign place with us up in the air. I'm glad I didn't."
With that, Jared leaned in and kissed Jensen. A soft kiss that should have put Jensen’s troubled mind at rest but it didn't and he picked up on that.
"What's the matter?"
Jensen couldn't say what was bothering him; he just couldn't so instead he said, "nothing."
Jared wasn't letting it slide.
"Jensen, tell me, please."
"I just don't want to ruin the mood."
"You won't baby, unless you keep whatever is bothering you to yourself."
"It's just that.... I feel...," and before he could stop himself, the tears started to fall. Jared held on to Jensen not saying a word, "I feel like...it's my fault," Jensen cried, finally putting everything out there. Jared leaned away from him and looked into Jensen’s eyes.
"What’s the matter Jensen?"
"Everything! If I hadn't been an ass...you...you wouldn't have needed.... you.... I...I almost killed you...you almost died because of me."
Everything came out in a jumbled mess and Jensen could not help but look at Jared to see what Jared’s reaction would be.
The look on his face was one of shock and surprise, "Is that what this is about? You think it's your fault what happened? That you were responsible...," Jared paused, looking at Jensen for a reaction. When Jensen nodded, he continued, "Bullshit Jensen! Bullshit! How could you think that what happened was your fault, how could you?"
"Because we fought."
"And...,"
"And you were upset with me for going out with Chris."
Jared took Jensen’s hands in his and kissed them, “Now you listen to me, Jensen. What happened, what almost happened was not your fault. Everything happens for a reason and this was just one of those things. I was going to take a vacation anyway and I only hoped that you would have gone with me. If you had been there then.... shit.... we would have both been dead. You hear me, dead! If anything, you saved my life, baby. You made me feel something I have never thought I could feel for someone. That feeling made me come back to work things out. So stop that shit right now, you hear me," Jared’s voice was stern as he said those words but Jensen could feel the sincerity of it all. Jared meant every one of them and all Jensen could do was nod as Jared continued to stroke Jensen’s hands in his.
_______________________________
The press conference had been draining on Jared. Jensen could see it in his face and could hear it in Jared’s voice and all he wanted to do was rush the stage, grab his hand and run away with him, as far away from there as they could get.
The questions the journalists asked seemed to focus less on how Jared was coping with the tragedy and more on whether or not everything was a publicity stunt. Jensen wondered for the millionth time how people could be so insensitive. A whole crew was lost in the explosion and nobody seemed to give a damn.
Another reporter raised her hand and started on the subject of personal responsibility.
"Jared, do you feel that you are in anyway responsible for the deaths of that crew from American Airlines?"
Jared furrowed his brow and took a sip of water, "No, I do not! I am saddened by the deaths of those who perished on that flight but I in no way, shape or form feel responsible for their deaths. Why would you even ask me that question?"
The reporter seemed to not expect that last remark. She continued with, "Well, you did charter that flight and then mysteriously disappeared from it. If you had not chartered a flight then there would not have been a need for that plane to be in the air."
"So what you're saying is that I should have just been on that flight instead. Is that it?" Jensen could hear the anger in Jared’s voice and found himself thinking evil thoughts, thoughts of the murdering kind. Those damn reporters.
"Not at all but you have been very secretive as to why you decided not to fly to Canary Islands. Doesn't the public have a right to know?"
Jensen could have practically predicted Jared’s reaction.
"No, they don't and neither do you. First of all you people report that I was killed without finding out all the facts then you practically announce to the world that I may be to blame for the deaths of those people and finally you all have the audacity to say that the public has a right to know why I do what I do?! What’s wrong with you people??"
Jared stalked off the platform and through a side door. Jensen quickly followed suit and just in the nick of time too. Jared was throwing things around and breaking anything within reach.
"What the fuck is wrong with these people, Jensen? I come this close to death and they have the fucking nerve to want to blame me. Blame me, like I had anything to do with that. Fuck them, FUCK THEM!"
Jared was practically screaming and Jensen thought that it was a good thing these doors were soundproof.
"Who cares about them, Jared? I don't, your fans don't, Matt doesn't and neither should you. Who gives a damn about what some stupid reporter has to say?"
Jared did not answer. Instead he sat on the nearest chair and did something that Jensen never expected him to do: he cried. It was not just tears streaming down his face or intermittent sniffling. It was full-blown sobbing that had his shoulders shaking violently to the point that Jensen thought he would cry out. He walked over to Jared and kneeled down, putting his arms around Jared, just as Jared had done when he was in need of a little comfort. Jared grabbed onto Jensen tightly and laid his head on Jensen’s shoulder, refusing to let go.
"It doesn't matter what anybody has to say Jared, I don't care what they say. I love you and I'll always love you no matter what, and you'll never have to wonder about my commitment to this relationship," Jensen whispered trying his best not to break down. For once Jared needed him to be the strong one and he was not about to let Jared down.
They stayed wrapped in each other’s arms until Jared’s sobbing ceased and his quivering calmed. Jensen let go of him long enough to see his face and then it happened. Jared pulled Jensen’s face towards his and their lips touched, softly at first but as time went on, their kiss became more aggressive. It was as if Jared was trying to brand Jensen with those lips. Jensen felt Jared’s hand slink down into his pants and grab onto his ass with as much force as could be expected of a man who had come so close to death.
"I want you," Jared whispered as his lips latched onto Jensen’s neck and started to suck.
"Now?" Jensen asked, my breathing becoming heavier.
"Yeah," Jared panted.
"What about.... about.... um.... them.... Matt... repo.... reporters," Jensen had trouble getting his thoughts into words. It was as if his mind was a blank slate.
"Fuck 'em. I don't give a damn who’s out there."
And that was reason enough for Jensen. He detached himself from Jared and ran to the door, locking it and then pulling down the shades.
Jared smiled a mischievous smile and motioned him over with a nod of his head.
Jensen took that as his sign to get down and dirty. Face to face, in front of Jared, Jensen prepared to unbuckle Jared’s pants and to make his descent down but Jared stopped him.
"It's my turn," Jared whispered, tonguing Jensen’s ear for only a second and then slowly kneeling in front of him. Jensen thought he would shoot right then and there, but he stopped himself. He had to enjoy the moment as long as possible. Jared unzipped Jensen’s pants ever so slowly and pulled them down in one swift motion. Jensen could feel his legs go to jelly so he grabbed onto the nearest available surface he could. Jared pulled Jensen’s underwear down.
"This is how much I love you," He whispered before going down on Jensen’s dick as Jensen could only watch in shock and amazement. Never in his wildest dreams did Jensen think that Jared would ever be doing that to him. He was actually content. Given how he felt about Jared and knowing what it was like to be naive, this was his fantasy come true.
Jared grabbed onto Jensen’s ass and squeezed each time he sucked on Jensen’s dick, and each time Jensen thought he would come but it was not until Jared deep-throated him that he let it all go and watched as Jared swallowed every drop. Jensen’s face was pure bliss. The one man Jensen knew for certain he wanted to spend the rest of his life with wanted to spend his life with him and only him as well. The thought had Jensen’s grin widening.
Jared came up off his knees and leaned in to kiss Jensen. Jensen accepted him with so much joy that Jared had to actually pull back for air.
"How was it?" Jared asked.
"You really want to know?" Jensen whispered.
"Yeah."
"This is how great it was," And with that, Jensen proceeded to disrobe Jared completely, lay him on the nearby desk and climb on top of him. It was not the most comfortable place and position to have sex, but to Jensen, it was not about sex, it was about showing Jared how much he appreciated him and how much he was dedicated to them.
As Jensen leaned over for a condom and lube, Jared ran his hands down Jensen's back, over his ass and thighs and planted kisses all over his throat and shoulder. They were quick about it, both desperate for Jared to be inside Jensen. Jensen slipped the condom on Jared as Jared pushed a lube-covered finger inside Jensen, stretching him slightly. Seconds later Jensen squeezed Jared's shoulders and captured his mouth in a fierce kiss, as he lowered himself on Jared.
Jared held onto Jensen’s waist as Jensen rode his dick till finally he heard that familiar grunt and he felt Jared cum, and there they were, him on top of Jared, Jared inside of him, in a locked office with every major news network on the other side of the door and for once, Jensen did not care. That was where he wanted to be.
Chapter 24
Pairing: Jensen Ackles /Jared Padalecki (eventually), Mentions of Jensen/OMC, Jared/OMC and Others
Other Characters: Tom Welling, Chris Kane, Danneel Harris, Misha Collins
Rating: NC17
Word Count: 4,990
Disclaimer: 100% Pure Fiction
Note: None of this would be possible and readable without my awesome beta,
bigj52 . I learn from you everyday.Summery: AU / Everybody has a dream. Some people make their dreams come true. Some just let their life slip by thinking about it.
Chapter 23:
Jared looked down on Jensen as he slept and Jared felt a pang somewhere inside him, a sort of painful tenderness that he never even knew he possessed. His poor baby must have been through hell and back thinking the worst. He wanted to hunt down and hurt each and every reporter that broke the story without knowing all the facts but he knew it would have done nothing but land him in a jail cell again, and if he was going to blame them, he had to also blame himself. If he had taken the time to think about what he was doing, none of that would have happened and Jensen would not be in the condition he was in right at that moment. Jensen stirred a little under Jared’s watchful gaze but he didn't wake up and Jared couldn't help but lean into him and place a soft kiss on Jensen’s lips. Jared wanted to do so much more than that but it was not the time and these were not the best of circumstances.
What the hell is wrong with you, man? You got someone here who would do anything for your ass and yet still you keep doing stupid shit.
Jared didn’t relish having his conscience there to tell it as it was but it was something he needed to hear. It was something that he knew had undoubtedly saved his life.
Earlier that day Jared had been on his way to the airport, still wrestling with his thoughts. His head was telling him to just let it go, to forget all that they had been through, to spare their friendship at the risk of dismissing their relationship and forgetting everything that they had shared. But his heart was screaming that he should just be a man and admit that what he wanted was Jensen. It was letting Jensen know that if he didn't make a conscious effort to salvage what they had, he would regret it for the rest of his life. While Jared wanted to listen to his heart and go with what he really wanted, he allowed his head to lead the way and ended up at the airport, waiting on a one-way flight to the Canary Islands. He checked in, went through security and headed over to the boarding entrance.
"Good morning Mr. Padalecki. My name is Alison and on behalf of American Airlines, I'd like to thank you for choosing us for your travel needs. We are so pleased to have you flying with us this morning," The gate attendant seemed nice enough and Jared was tempted to respond to her flirtatious manner but as strange as it seemed, Jared couldn't. He was making a living from serenading women all over the world with his words and his music, but he couldn't even find the words to respond to her.
"Um...thanks," Jared replied. She smiled at him and opened the door.
"We are so happy to have you with us, Mr. Padalecki. We love your music. My daughter is addicted to you. She has all your albums and she loves them all but the new one, she absolutely adores. I have to actually beg her to turn off your CD at night so that I can get some sleep."
Again Jared found himself at a loss for words.
"OK."
Allison continued to smile at Jared and he swore he saw her wink but he didn't have time to ponder over her intentions anymore as a tall man in his late sixties walked up to him, his arm outstretched. Jared mimicked his motion and soon they were shaking hands.
"Mr. Padalecki, I'm Captain Mathews and on behalf of American Airlines, we are pleased to have you flying with us today."
"Thanks. Um...how long will the flight be?"
"About three hours, maybe two and a half if the weather doesn't get any worse."
Again Jared had that feeling, that familiar struggle between his head and his heart but he ignored them both, barely managing to break into a smile as the captain held the door for him to walk through.
Jared broke his thoughts as he saw Jensen move his hand to his face and begin to rub his head. His eyes remained closed and he didn't make a sound but Jared knew Jensen had to be in pain. The bump to his head was a testament to how hard he had fallen.
"Jensen," Jared called to him softly, as he strained to keep his hands to himself.
Jensen didn't open his eyes nor did he move his head in the direction of Jared’s voice.
"Jensen, wake up baby," Jared called again, making sure that his voice was clear over the whirring sound of the ceiling fan.
Finally Jensen’s eyes snapped open and he sat up quickly. At first he seemed in a daze but then he sobered up and his head turned towards Jared. The reaction on Jensen’s face scared Jared and he did not hesitate to reach out and hold Jensen in his arms as he heard him starting to cry.
"It's OK baby, it's OK. I'm here and I'm never going to leave you again, ever!" Jared whispered as he rubbed Jensen’s back in a circular motion. Jensen’s sobbing increased and for the first time since holding him, Jensen grabbed Jared’s waist and held on tight. Jared could feel his own tears begin to well up but he refused to let them fall. He needed to be strong for Jensen.
"It's OK baby, it's OK. I'm never leaving you again, I promise you that. You'll never have to worry about where I am." Those words spoken in sincerity seemed to do the trick and Jensen’s sobbing finally subsided, leaving Jared with a sense of relief. He never wanted to see Jensen hurt if he could help it. Jensen was too good a person to be hurting like that.
Jared attempted to pull away from Jensen but Jensen simply held on to Jared, as if he was afraid that if he let go, Jared would disappear into thin air.
"I'm not going anywhere, Jensen, I just want to look at you, make sure you're OK."
"I'm fine," Jensen whispered, barely managing to get the words out.
"I know you are. You're a fighter, my little fighter," Jensen was amused at that and let out a small giggle which made Jared’s heart melt.
God! Look what you almost came close to losing, this, all of this.
They stayed wrapped in each other’s arms for what seemed like forever until Jensen finally felt safe enough to let Jared go, at least enough to still be able to hold one of his hands in his. Jared looked down at Jensen as he stood up and saw the relief in his face. Jared understood where that was coming from. If the situation was reversed, he would have had that same look plastered on his face. For a moment, neither of them said anything. Jensen sat up in his bed holding Jared’s hand as Jared stood above him, not letting it go.
"They said you were dead. Everyone said you were in the plane when it exploded. The police were here, they said that you had di..." Jensen couldn't get the words out as the tears started to fall again, in torrents that refused to let up.
"But I'm not, Jensen. I'm here and I'm never leaving you."
Through his tears Jensen managed to let the words 'I love you so much' come through and for once, Jared did not hesitate when he said them back.
"You mean it?" Jensen whispered.
"Yes, I never meant to hurt you, baby. Shhh, please don't cry anymore." Jared begged.
"I...can't....help...it", Jensen sniffled pulling Jared into another heartfelt embrace, one that overtook Jared’s body and made him start to shake.
They stayed like that until there was a knock on the front door. Jared tried to get up but Jensen held on to him tighter than before.
"The door...," Jared started.
"Leave it. I don't want you to go."
"I'm not leaving, Jensen."
"I don't care."
With that, Jensen released his grip on Jared enough for them to be facing one another. He slowly leaned in and touched Jared’s lips with his own. All Jared could think of was how much he missed it, all of it. As their kiss deepened, the doorbell rang again and again and again.
"Shit!" Jared called out in frustration, pulling away from Jensen.
"I really think I should get that," Jared added. Looking at Jensen, he thought that Jensen would burst into tears but instead, he slowly let go of Jared’s hand and crossed it over his chest. A pout appeared on his face and for that single moment, he reminded Jared of a little boy who hadn't gotten his own way. It was such a damn cute sight!
"I'll be right back, Jensen. OK? One minute and then I'll be right back." Jared leaned into him and kissed him on the lips a final time before heading out into the living room. Jared opened the door and faced a very surprised Chris.
"Oh my God!" Chris whispered, looking Jared up and down while covering his mouth with one hand. His face was as white as a sheet and his eyes were as big as saucers.
"Thought I was dead, didn't you?" Jared said.
"Hell fucking yeah, me and half of the Goddamn country. The news... they said that you were ...oh shit.... shit...I can't believe this shit...you're OK," With that, he surprised Jared by pulling him into an embrace that shook Jared’s whole body.
"The news is a load of shit!" Jared said, his anger finally brimming to the surface.
Chris pulled away from Jared and continued to shake his head in disbelief.
Finally he spoke again, "Where's Jensen?"
Jared nodded towards the bedroom.
"Is he OK?" Chris continued.
"I don't know how to answer that, man. I mean, he seems OK but you never know. I wanted to take him to a hospital just to make sure he's really OK but he won't budge. He thinks I'm going to leave him again."
"What the fuck do you expect? You almost died and then you suddenly reappear. No wonder he doesn't want you out of his sight."
"And I understand that Chris but I'm worried about him. When I found him he was passed out on the floor for God knows how long. He could have a concussion or something we're not even aware of."
Chris digested Jared’s words. He then continued with, "OK, you're probably right but give him some time to digest all of this. Ok? He needs to be near you, he needs you to be near him. You know how Jensen is. He needs that comfort zone and right now, no doctor in the world can be that for him. He needs you Jared, now more than ever."
Jared understood all of that, he truly did. What he did not tell Chris, though, was that as much as he was a lifeline for Jensen at that moment, Jensen was also a lifeline for him.
Jared went back inside to check on Jensen only to find him fast asleep. He pulled the covers over his body and gently leaned in to kiss his forehead. Jensen did not even budge. Jared quietly left the room and walked out to the living room where Chris sat.
Chris first words to Jared as he took a seat opposite Chris were, "Son of a bitch! You know how lucky you are?"
"Yeah, I do. Shit, just the thought that that really could have been me up there. Fuck, I don't even want to think about it."
"So...I know I asked you this before but...how's Jensen doing, really?" Chris asked.
Jared looked at Chris as he spoke knowing what he was asking but not being able to respond.
"He was hysterical. He's calmed down enough now but before, I couldn't get him to let me go. It was as if he thought I would disappear again. It's totally understandable but still, I'm worried."
Chris sighed and looked at Jared, "He loves you, you know. I've never seen him so wrapped up in anyone before," Chris paused then continued, "I'm glad you're safe Jared. I'm so fucking glad. Jensen would have never made it if anything were to happen to you."
Jared never expected to hear Chris say that to him considering their history but he was sure glad he did.
"Thanks Chris. Coming from you, that's something."
After Chris left and Jared checked to see that Jensen was still asleep, he finally afforded himself the luxury of some down time. The whole experience for him was one that he wanted to forget so badly but he knew that no matter how hard he tried, he would never forget it. Who could ever forget coming that close to death? Jared had yet to come to grips with what had happened and knew that he could not do deal with things on his own, but it did not seem like the right time to be thinking about himself at the moment. There was so much he had to do, so much he had to clear up, so much he had say and with that in mind, he flipped open his cell and punched in Matt's home number.
"Hello." Matt answered, his voice sounding weary.
"Matt, it's me."
For a second or two there was silence on the line and then, "Jared?"
"Yeah, it's me. I'm OK," Jared responded.
"Holy shit! Is that really you?" He asked.
"Yeah man, it's really me," He said. All of a sudden a deep chuckle invaded the line and Matt started to laugh.
"Fuck, Jared. Jesus, have you turned on the news lately?"
"Yeah man, it's a zoo. So half of the country thinks I'm somewhere at the bottom of the Atlantic, huh?"
"Fuck, yeah. I've been trying to get in touch with everybody but no one knew where you were. I almost started to believe them sons of bitches about what happened to you."
"Well, it isn’t true! I'm alive and well, in the flesh."
"Where are you?"
"I'm at Jensen's place."
The line went quiet for a while and then Matt said, "I'm so fucking happy you're OK man. I mean it. You've been like a son to me Jared, a son and if anything had ever happened to you...," his voice trailed off but there was no mistaking the somberness of it.
"I'm OK, Matt. I'm OK. Well anyway, I should get going. I’ve got a lot of people to contact. Are you going to alert the media?"
"Yeah, I'll get the PR guy to make an announcement and later we'll schedule a press conference. Boy oh boy, you're going to make a lot of folks happy, a lot of folks."
Towards the end of the conversation, Jared was eager to get off the phone as he was so close to just losing his composure and breaking down. Not that there was something wrong with crying, far from it, but it was not his persona. He had to be the tough one, if not for him, then for Jensen, for Matt and for his fans out there.
_______________________________
Jensen awakened expecting that it was all a dream: Jared being there with him, Chris's voice, his own not so sudden urge to hold Jared and never let him go. Jensen had expected it to be a cruel dream that would keep him awake for many nights to come but when he awoke to Jared sitting in a chair across from him, writing on a note pad, Jensen knew that all that he had been through only hours before had been real. Jensen shot up like he had been hit by a bullet and grabbed his attention instantly.
"Jensen, you OK?" Jared asked, concern evident in his voice. He walked over to Jensen and sat on the edge of the bed.
Jensen wanted to say ‘yeah’, he wanted to tell Jared that everything was OK because he was here, but he couldn't. All Jensen managed to do was shake his head and then burst into tears. Words eluded him and all that was left was his intermittent whining and moaning, a sign that he was in pain, more emotional than physical.
Jared cradled Jensen’s head to his chest and kissed his forehead while at the same time holding Jensen’s hand in his.
"I'm here now baby, I'm here now," Jared repeated over and over again.
But no matter what was said, Jensen couldn't get the image of the wreckage out of his head and his initial realization that they had had a fight only hours before over something so trivial. He couldn't get out of his head that he had almost lost the love of his life and had not had the opportunity to tell Jared how he felt. He couldn't get out of his head the fact that at any given moment, life could change without warning and that every single moment had to be cherished. All of that left Jensen drained and all he wanted to do was hold Jared forever. That way, if something unfortunate were to befall him, Jensen would perish too. As his eyes became heavier once again, Jensen held onto Jared as if his life depended on it and quietly drifted off into sleep with his words keeping him company. Those precious words being:
'I love you Jensen and you'll never have to wonder where my commitment is.
Later when Jensen had calmed down enough to be able to let Jared go for minutes at a time, he asked Jared the question that had been floating around in his mind all day.
"Where were you going?"
Jared looked up from what he had been doing and his eyes met Jensen’s.
"What?"
"The news said you chartered the plane. Where were you going?"
Jared sighed and his eyes fell from Jensen’s. Jensen’s stance seemed to stiffen and his demeanor seemed to go into protective mode.
"You don't have to tell me if you don't...," Jared cut Jensen off before he could finish his sentence by walking over to the bed and leaning down beside him.
"No, you have a right to know. I just.... I just needed to get away for a while. Things here...they just haven't been the best and then we had that stupid argument and.... I just needed to get away."
Jensen understood what Jared was saying, he really did but he had to know something else so he asked, "Then why are you not,-" Jensen felt that lump rise in his throat and he knew he was on the verge of another breakdown, "Why are you here instead of.... you should be dead."
The last word came out in a whisper and Jensen had to swallow really hard to keep from crying.
"I don't know, baby. I was supposed to be on that plane. I should have been there but...I couldn't leave like that Jensen, not when things with us were the way they were. I didn't want to go to some foreign place with us up in the air. I'm glad I didn't."
With that, Jared leaned in and kissed Jensen. A soft kiss that should have put Jensen’s troubled mind at rest but it didn't and he picked up on that.
"What's the matter?"
Jensen couldn't say what was bothering him; he just couldn't so instead he said, "nothing."
Jared wasn't letting it slide.
"Jensen, tell me, please."
"I just don't want to ruin the mood."
"You won't baby, unless you keep whatever is bothering you to yourself."
"It's just that.... I feel...," and before he could stop himself, the tears started to fall. Jared held on to Jensen not saying a word, "I feel like...it's my fault," Jensen cried, finally putting everything out there. Jared leaned away from him and looked into Jensen’s eyes.
"What’s the matter Jensen?"
"Everything! If I hadn't been an ass...you...you wouldn't have needed.... you.... I...I almost killed you...you almost died because of me."
Everything came out in a jumbled mess and Jensen could not help but look at Jared to see what Jared’s reaction would be.
The look on his face was one of shock and surprise, "Is that what this is about? You think it's your fault what happened? That you were responsible...," Jared paused, looking at Jensen for a reaction. When Jensen nodded, he continued, "Bullshit Jensen! Bullshit! How could you think that what happened was your fault, how could you?"
"Because we fought."
"And...,"
"And you were upset with me for going out with Chris."
Jared took Jensen’s hands in his and kissed them, “Now you listen to me, Jensen. What happened, what almost happened was not your fault. Everything happens for a reason and this was just one of those things. I was going to take a vacation anyway and I only hoped that you would have gone with me. If you had been there then.... shit.... we would have both been dead. You hear me, dead! If anything, you saved my life, baby. You made me feel something I have never thought I could feel for someone. That feeling made me come back to work things out. So stop that shit right now, you hear me," Jared’s voice was stern as he said those words but Jensen could feel the sincerity of it all. Jared meant every one of them and all Jensen could do was nod as Jared continued to stroke Jensen’s hands in his.
_______________________________
The press conference had been draining on Jared. Jensen could see it in his face and could hear it in Jared’s voice and all he wanted to do was rush the stage, grab his hand and run away with him, as far away from there as they could get.
The questions the journalists asked seemed to focus less on how Jared was coping with the tragedy and more on whether or not everything was a publicity stunt. Jensen wondered for the millionth time how people could be so insensitive. A whole crew was lost in the explosion and nobody seemed to give a damn.
Another reporter raised her hand and started on the subject of personal responsibility.
"Jared, do you feel that you are in anyway responsible for the deaths of that crew from American Airlines?"
Jared furrowed his brow and took a sip of water, "No, I do not! I am saddened by the deaths of those who perished on that flight but I in no way, shape or form feel responsible for their deaths. Why would you even ask me that question?"
The reporter seemed to not expect that last remark. She continued with, "Well, you did charter that flight and then mysteriously disappeared from it. If you had not chartered a flight then there would not have been a need for that plane to be in the air."
"So what you're saying is that I should have just been on that flight instead. Is that it?" Jensen could hear the anger in Jared’s voice and found himself thinking evil thoughts, thoughts of the murdering kind. Those damn reporters.
"Not at all but you have been very secretive as to why you decided not to fly to Canary Islands. Doesn't the public have a right to know?"
Jensen could have practically predicted Jared’s reaction.
"No, they don't and neither do you. First of all you people report that I was killed without finding out all the facts then you practically announce to the world that I may be to blame for the deaths of those people and finally you all have the audacity to say that the public has a right to know why I do what I do?! What’s wrong with you people??"
Jared stalked off the platform and through a side door. Jensen quickly followed suit and just in the nick of time too. Jared was throwing things around and breaking anything within reach.
"What the fuck is wrong with these people, Jensen? I come this close to death and they have the fucking nerve to want to blame me. Blame me, like I had anything to do with that. Fuck them, FUCK THEM!"
Jared was practically screaming and Jensen thought that it was a good thing these doors were soundproof.
"Who cares about them, Jared? I don't, your fans don't, Matt doesn't and neither should you. Who gives a damn about what some stupid reporter has to say?"
Jared did not answer. Instead he sat on the nearest chair and did something that Jensen never expected him to do: he cried. It was not just tears streaming down his face or intermittent sniffling. It was full-blown sobbing that had his shoulders shaking violently to the point that Jensen thought he would cry out. He walked over to Jared and kneeled down, putting his arms around Jared, just as Jared had done when he was in need of a little comfort. Jared grabbed onto Jensen tightly and laid his head on Jensen’s shoulder, refusing to let go.
"It doesn't matter what anybody has to say Jared, I don't care what they say. I love you and I'll always love you no matter what, and you'll never have to wonder about my commitment to this relationship," Jensen whispered trying his best not to break down. For once Jared needed him to be the strong one and he was not about to let Jared down.
They stayed wrapped in each other’s arms until Jared’s sobbing ceased and his quivering calmed. Jensen let go of him long enough to see his face and then it happened. Jared pulled Jensen’s face towards his and their lips touched, softly at first but as time went on, their kiss became more aggressive. It was as if Jared was trying to brand Jensen with those lips. Jensen felt Jared’s hand slink down into his pants and grab onto his ass with as much force as could be expected of a man who had come so close to death.
"I want you," Jared whispered as his lips latched onto Jensen’s neck and started to suck.
"Now?" Jensen asked, my breathing becoming heavier.
"Yeah," Jared panted.
"What about.... about.... um.... them.... Matt... repo.... reporters," Jensen had trouble getting his thoughts into words. It was as if his mind was a blank slate.
"Fuck 'em. I don't give a damn who’s out there."
And that was reason enough for Jensen. He detached himself from Jared and ran to the door, locking it and then pulling down the shades.
Jared smiled a mischievous smile and motioned him over with a nod of his head.
Jensen took that as his sign to get down and dirty. Face to face, in front of Jared, Jensen prepared to unbuckle Jared’s pants and to make his descent down but Jared stopped him.
"It's my turn," Jared whispered, tonguing Jensen’s ear for only a second and then slowly kneeling in front of him. Jensen thought he would shoot right then and there, but he stopped himself. He had to enjoy the moment as long as possible. Jared unzipped Jensen’s pants ever so slowly and pulled them down in one swift motion. Jensen could feel his legs go to jelly so he grabbed onto the nearest available surface he could. Jared pulled Jensen’s underwear down.
"This is how much I love you," He whispered before going down on Jensen’s dick as Jensen could only watch in shock and amazement. Never in his wildest dreams did Jensen think that Jared would ever be doing that to him. He was actually content. Given how he felt about Jared and knowing what it was like to be naive, this was his fantasy come true.
Jared grabbed onto Jensen’s ass and squeezed each time he sucked on Jensen’s dick, and each time Jensen thought he would come but it was not until Jared deep-throated him that he let it all go and watched as Jared swallowed every drop. Jensen’s face was pure bliss. The one man Jensen knew for certain he wanted to spend the rest of his life with wanted to spend his life with him and only him as well. The thought had Jensen’s grin widening.
Jared came up off his knees and leaned in to kiss Jensen. Jensen accepted him with so much joy that Jared had to actually pull back for air.
"How was it?" Jared asked.
"You really want to know?" Jensen whispered.
"Yeah."
"This is how great it was," And with that, Jensen proceeded to disrobe Jared completely, lay him on the nearby desk and climb on top of him. It was not the most comfortable place and position to have sex, but to Jensen, it was not about sex, it was about showing Jared how much he appreciated him and how much he was dedicated to them.
As Jensen leaned over for a condom and lube, Jared ran his hands down Jensen's back, over his ass and thighs and planted kisses all over his throat and shoulder. They were quick about it, both desperate for Jared to be inside Jensen. Jensen slipped the condom on Jared as Jared pushed a lube-covered finger inside Jensen, stretching him slightly. Seconds later Jensen squeezed Jared's shoulders and captured his mouth in a fierce kiss, as he lowered himself on Jared.
Jared held onto Jensen’s waist as Jensen rode his dick till finally he heard that familiar grunt and he felt Jared cum, and there they were, him on top of Jared, Jared inside of him, in a locked office with every major news network on the other side of the door and for once, Jensen did not care. That was where he wanted to be.
Chapter 24
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no subject
Date: 2010-01-10 10:37 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-01-10 06:14 pm (UTC)Oh god i thought i was going to lose my mind,i thought it was true about the dead,but u came to the rescue,u are awesome. MUCHAS GRACIAS.
It was a perfect way to deal with all the misery,hurt and pain that was in the air.
Cant wait to read more,please update soon.
no subject
Date: 2010-01-10 09:39 pm (UTC)You, evil girl! What kind of plan have you in mind?
By the way, this chapter is so awesome! Guys are seeing the world through pink glasses now and Jared seems turned into a saint...a very sweet saint! ^^
I love the guys like this, but...ehi, I remember Patrick. Please kill him slowly and update soon!
Un bacione.
no subject
Date: 2010-01-11 06:40 am (UTC)Lovd how Jared finally had enough of the reports & told them off, also the interaction between Chris & Jared was nice.
no subject
Date: 2010-01-11 10:52 am (UTC)