Leap of Faith - Chapter 25

[something_rare]

Title: Leap of Faith
Author: something_rare
Pairing: Jensen Ackles / Jared Padalecki (eventually), Mentions of Jensen/OMC, Jared/OMC and Others
Other Characters: Tom Welling, Chris Kane, Danneel Harris, Misha Collins
Rating: NC17
Word Count: 2,286
Disclaimer: 100% Pure Fiction
Note: None of this would be possible and readable without my awesome beta,bigj52 . I learn from you everyday.
Summary: AU / Everybody has a dream. Some people make their dreams come true. Some just let their life slip by thinking about it.





A/N: I know, I know. I have been kind of MIA lately. Sorry about that. The good news the next chapter is here and I have almost finished this story. So...hopefully I will be updating the story pretty much regularly again.

Chapter 25:


Jensen was losing his mind.  Five days in a row he had stayed with Jared and did nothing except eat, sleep and the obvious. But it had not been so much fun when Jared was out running the streets playing FBI secret agent when he thought Jensen was asleep.  The only reason Jensen had not confronted Jared about his routine yet was because he wanted to give Jared the opportunity to tell him what was on his mind rather than forcing his hand.  For Jensen, it was all a matter of trust, and he trusted Jared to the fullest, or at least that was what he kept telling himself every time he would wake up to an empty bed after a night of illustrious lovemaking.  Not to say that he did not have his suspicions, for he did, he just refused to believe that Jared was having an affair with someone else. On the fifth day in a row that Jensen woke up cold and alone, he had had it and he wanted answers.  Confronting Jared was not an option and invading his privacy by scanning through his text messages was something Jensen was not prepared to do so the next best thing would have been to do what any suspicious spouse would do.

Jensen waited for Jared to quietly make his exit that morning and then he followed him in a cab. Finally Jared slowed down and so did the cab. Jensen handed the driver a twenty and made his exit, barely managing to avoid being caught.  Jared's head moved from side to side as he made his way to a subway stop and waited.

Ten minutes went by and nothing, then all of a sudden, "Where the fuck have you been?"  Jared called out, making a mad dash across the street.

 From Jensen’s vantage point from behind a newsstand he was barely able to make out the figure of another person.  He tried to cross the street amongst the busy six am traffic and was almost run over by a truck.  Ensuring that he was still intact, Jensen ducked behind a telephone booth and was rewarded when their voices carried to him.

"You got it?"  Jensen heard and he knew he had heard it somewhere before but could not put a face to that tone.

"Yeah.  Where the fuck were you this morning?  I haven't got time to be wasting with your ass," Jared said, the anger ever present in his voice.

"Watch it J.T., after all, you don't want to push my ass too far.  You never know what I might do with it or who might see it," and then he laughed and it was like a light bulb went on in Jensen’s head.

Son of a Bitch!

"You know if you weren't such an asshole we could have had such a beautiful relationship.  You could have had all the ass you ever dreamed of.”

Jensen had to restrain himself from jumping out and killing him.

"I don't want any of what you're peddling," Jared growled.

"Yeah, well, too bad!  You're paying me, so you might as well have been fucking me, getting your money’s worth."

Jensen was waiting for Jared's reply but he did not have one.

"See you next month, sweetheart," Patrick said, making a smacking noise with what Jensen imagined were his lips before disappearing across the street and into the crowd.

Jensen did not see Jared follow him so he assumed Jared was still there, and decided it was time to confront Jared about what had just happened.  He stepped out of his hiding spot and just as Jared was about to cross the street, Jensen called out to him.  Jared turned to the sound of Jensen’s voice and his face fell.

"What the fuck?" Jared called out, walking towards Jensen.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Jensen inquired.

"What the hell are you doing here, Jensen?  What the hell is wrong with you? Are you following me?" Jared responded; his anger very apparent but Jensen refused to back down. He was determined to deal with things immediately.

"Yes.  I followed you."

"Fuck!  Fuck!!  You had no fucking right!!!"

"The fuck I didn't!  You lied to me!" Jensen cursed, unable to hold his anger in, "You're supposed to be my boyfriend and I'm supposed to be able to trust you."

"Fuck trust.  Fuck Trust!  And you know what Jensen, fuck you too!"  And with that Jared ran across the street, jumped into his car and sped off.  Jensen stood there like a statue, unable to move.  He could not believe what had just happened and he had been well and ready to concede that it was his fault until he did a quick replay of what had just gone down.

Hell no!  I am not going to take the blame for this! I am fed up with always having to be the peacemaker in our relationship.  What gave Jared the right to talk to me like I am an insignificant speck of dust anyway?  He lies and I am to blame?  If that was really how he felt then maybe we have no future together.

It was no surprise that five minutes later Jensen was in the back of a cab, unable to stop the flow of tears that came.

_______________________________

As the midtown traffic caught up with Jared he could not help but think back to what had transpired between him and Jensen a few minutes ago.  He knew he had been a bit harsh but he was so upset.  He did not mean for his anger to just brim over the surface like it had but having things being thrown at him from all sides was just too much for him to deal with and as usual, he ended up taking his anger out on the one person he shouldn't have.  He almost took the next side street in an attempt to turn around and go back to Jensen, but he did not.  Instead he continued home as if all was well with the world.
_______________________________


"So are we going to deal with this or not?"

"We will, just not today."

"Why not?"

"Because I got things to do, Matt."

Matt paused, sighed and then continued with, "Are you on drugs Jared, ‘cause if you are we can work on that.  There's a treatment facility upstate that will clean you right up and no one has to know."

Jared almost laughed, "Hell no! I am not on drugs!  Why would you even ask me that, man?"

"Because you haven’t been acting like yourself.  You're evasive when I ask you any questions concerning money and... just call it a gut feeling, man. I have been around the block a whole lot of times so I know when something is wrong.  And buddy, something has been bothering you for a long time.  You can trust me, Jared.  Whatever it is I want to help."

Jared had to admit it was a welcome admission but what could he possibly say to Matt? That he was in love with his ex-publicist, paying off his ex-manager to keep quiet about the fact that they had fucked and that he was afraid of losing everything he had worked for?  No. He could not tell Matt any of that and if he could not tell Matt that then Matt couldn't help him.

"I'm fine, man.  I'm not on drugs."

"Then what is it?  Why have you been so evasive then?"

"Because I.... I.... I'm not being evasive.  I just feel like my finances are my business.  You're a businessman, Matt, you know the drill."

"Yeah, I do know the drill which is why I'm concerned.  Answer me this, Jared. Are you a liable to me?  Be straight up. Should I be worried about investing my money and my reputation on you and your career?"

"No!  I'm legit, Matt.  Every part of me and I have no damn liability either.  I just need some time to get my shit together, that's it.  That's all I'm asking of you.  Give me some space and some time," By then Jared was practically begging Matt.  He needed for Matt to believe in him.

"Fine.  You got your time but I'm going to eventually want answers about what's happening.  Don't let me pick up some tabloid and read about you inside.  No matter what, let me hear it from you first, that's all I ask.  You cool with that?"

"Yeah man, I'm cool.  Listen, I got to go but I'll talk to you later in the week, OK?"

"OK, bye."

"Bye."

That was just too close for comfort.  Jared had come home expecting to just be able to relax and then Matt called.  An accountant had picked up on some of Jared’s withdrawing habits and voiced his concern to Matt who in turn brought his concerns to him. Why couldn't he do as he pleased with his money when he was the one who had to work his ass off to get it?  At the same time he could understand Matt’s concern. He was a commodity, and he had a vested interest in him and if he fucked up Matt would be fucked too, so....

The doorbell rang and broke Jared out of his train of thought.  He already knew who it was and took his time in answering it, maybe to prolong the inevitable or to give his thoughts an opportunity to get it together.

Jensen stood in front of him, shoulders slumped and features distorted.  Jared was about to say something when he spoke, "I'm not going to apologize, Jared.  I hate always having to apologize for things that you do.  I'm sorry I followed you but I was worried about you.  You've been so secretive with me and I began to wonder if you were...I was wrong for that but...you shouldn't have kept that from me."

For a moment, Jared thought Jensen would actually lash out at him but instead Jensen started to cry and it caught him off-guard.

"Oh baby," Jared said, pulling Jensen into his arms and holding him tight, "Don't cry.  Please baby, don't cry," Jared whispered over and over again while stroking the back of Jensen’s neck with the palm of his hand.  Jensen gently rubbed his head in the crook of Jared’s neck and held onto his waist as if it were a life raft.

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, Jensen.  No more secrets, I promise you that, no more secrets," And he meant it.  Everything was finally out in the open and Jared felt a sense of relief that was not there before.  It was if a weight had been lifted off his shoulders.

"I know you are," Jensen whispered.

As if running on pure adrenaline Jared asked Jensen a question that had been running through his mind for the last few days.

"Would you stick by me if I decided to just come out to everyone?"

"What?" Jensen looked up at him and took a step back.

"Would you stick by me if I decided to just come out to everyone? The media, Matt, my fans, everyone.  Would you still be there?"

"Yes," The fact that Jensen answered without much hesitation made Jared’s decision so much easier to make.

"Good, because I think that's what I'm going to do."

"Are you sure, Jared?  I mean, this is not something you can take back."

"I know, but I need to do this for me, for us.  We're going to keep on fighting over pointless things like the situation with Patrick if I don't do this."

"And what about your career?  I love you to death, Jared and I support whatever decision you feel you have to make but what about your music? I know you love singing and I can't see you going the rest of your life without it.  It won't be pretty."

Jared kissed his forehead, "I know my career might probably be over but who cares?"  It hurt him to say those words but he would not let Jensen know that.

"Have you thought about it? I mean, really sat down and thought about what it would mean?"

"Yes.  I don't want Patrick to have this shit over my head forever.  It's coming between the two things I care about the most, you and my sanity.  If I'm out, he won't have any leverage and he'll be the one left holding the bag.  Who the hell is going to want to hire him when they find out he's an extortionist?  His ass will be left out there."

Jensen sighed and reached for Jared again, "I know. I'm just afraid."

"Afraid of what?"  Jared questioned.

"Afraid that this is a hasty decision and that you'll regret it after you do it."

"I won't."  Jared ventured.

"You might."

Jared sighed, "Jensen, let me ask you something.  You love me?"

"Yes, with all my heart."

"And you trust me?"

"Of course."

“And no matter what happens you'll be there for me?"

"Yes, always."

"Then as long as I have you I have nothing to worry about," And even though those were powerful words, Jared had to keep repeating them over and over and over again in his head just to convince himself that he was ready to take the next step.  Jensen was right, there was no going back. As of that moment Jared felt as if he had made that first crucial step by admitting what he needed to do and what he knew in his heart needed to be done.  As Jensen held him Jared closed his eyes and silently prayed that he was making the right decision.



Chapter 26

Comments

[ymmy12.livejournal.com]

wonderful
i so hope that jared gets patrick or better yet, the last word come from jensen

[something-rare.livejournal.com]

Thanks for reading and for the comment. I love your icon. :-)

They both should have their way with Patrick, I think, in their own way. ;) I wonder what Jensen might do. :D

[calijirl5150.livejournal.com]

Finally Jared grows a pair. But I'm worried what Patrick will do now that his meal ticket is gone !!!

[something-rare.livejournal.com]

Let's hope Jared stays wise then. ;)

Thank you for reading, btw, and for the comment.