Can't Let You Go - Chapter Two
Apr. 19th, 2011 09:49 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
Title: Can't Let You Go - Chapter Two
Rating: R
Pairings: Adam Lambert/Kris Allen
Disclaimer: This story is a work of fiction. The characters and events portrayed are fictitious, and any resemblance to real people or events is purely coincidental.
Beta:
bigj52 . Thanks for your patience and continuous support.
Summary: Nothing can beat true love, except...maybe another true love.
Chapter Two
Kris looked up when Adam didn’t make any attempt at responding to his last statement. Seeing the tears in Adam’s eyes, he gasped. “I’m sorry…I didn’t mean to make you upset.”
Adam managed a little smile and cocked his head to the side. “It sounds like you two had a wonderful marriage.”
“We did,” Kris replied earnestly. “We really did…we rarely ever fought.” Looking away, he swallowed. “So…do you want to talk about your love life?”
Adam let out a shallow laugh. “I’m afraid my love life pales in comparison to yours.”
Placing his hand on Adam’s knee, Kris smiled. “Don’t let that stop you…please, I’d love to hear about it.” Kris removed his hand when he noticed Adam staring at it. “If you want, I can turn back around…make it easier for you.”
Adam smiled at Kris’s kindness. He didn’t even think that type of kindness even existed in the world anymore. Reaching out to stop Kris from turning around, he shook his head. “You don’t need to turn around…besides, you’re much better to look at this way.”
Adam could’ve sworn Kris was blushing from his comment and his first instinct was to pull Kris into his arms and kiss him. Instead, he opted for opening up to Kris as well. He wasn’t given many opportunities to tell his side of the story.
“Well…let’s see…my ex-boyfriend and I were together for nearly five years.”
Kris’s eyes grew wide. “Five years and you never thought about getting married? My goodness…”
“Yeah…probably should’ve been my first indication that we weren’t meant to be together, I know.” Sighing, he ran a hand through his hair, “And it was an on again, off again relationship.”
“Doesn’t sound too good.”
“It wasn’t,” he replied flatly. “But…I wouldn’t listen to anyone’s advice so I guess I got what I deserved.”
“Ouch,” Kris said, scrunching up his nose.
“Yeah.” Resting his hands on his thighs, Adam gazed into Kris’s eyes. They were so clear that he swore he could read Kris’s every thought. “But after five years…I guess I was used to having him around.”
Kris looked at Adam with a sadness that was genuine. Adam could tell that almost instantly. Kris honestly felt bad for him…when no one else ever really did.
“He’ll tell you a different story if you ask him, but I honestly tried to keep our relationship together…even offered to go to couples therapy.” Sighing, Adam folded his arms in front of him. “He didn’t want to be any part of it though, so instead, he just kept insisting that I was having an affair and until I’d admit it, he wouldn’t try to work anything out.”
“Wow…really?”
Adam nodded. “Yep…really…so, for the most part, just about everyone who’s close to us thinks that I cheated on him. Nowadays I just decline to comment on it…no use in trying to deny it anymore…”
“That’s awful, Adam.”
He shrugged. “It’s life, Kris.”
“Regardless, it’s still awful.” Kris smiled at him weakly, and Adam knew exactly what was going through his mind.
“And no, Kris…I did not cheat on him while we were together…that’s not my style.” Adam noticed how Kris’s body relaxed a bit at hearing his confession. “I’m not going to deny the fact and claim that I’ve never been with anyone else…but it was always during our off-times…never our on-times.”
“Don’t you think that should’ve been a clue?” Kris asked sincerely.
“What?”
“The fact that you were having off-times …that should’ve been a clue that you weren’t meant to be.”
Adam sighed loudly. “Should’ve been…but obviously, I have a hard time at catching clues.”
Kris smiled at him and his head swung around immediately when someone pounded at the door. Jumping to his feet, Adam followed quickly behind Kris, placing a hand on his shoulder. “Relax…it’s probably just my friends.”
Opening the door, Adam looked back at Kris and rolled his eyes. “Yep…it’s the ones that dragged my ass here in the first place.” Laughing, he held up his finger to Lee and continued talking to Kris. “Weren’t we supposed to be bitching about them anyway? What happened?”
“You cared…that’s what happened,” Kris answered quietly.
Adam smiled at that comment and knew exactly what Kris meant by it. Turning back around to Lee, he sighed. “Yeah? What’d ya want?”
“Nice to see you too, wise guy.” Lee peered into the room and quickly shot his head back to Adam, raising his eyebrows. “You got company, huh?”
“Good observation…what gave it away? The man you see standing in my room?” Adam questioned with sarcasm dripping from every word.
“Just came to check on you, buddy…back off.” Lee ran a hand through his hair. “Where’ve you been all day? Scarlett and I couldn’t find you.”
“Hiding,” Adam said with a smile on his face.
“Asshole,” Lee huffed.
“Feeling’s mutual.”
“Done feeling sorry for yourself?” Lee retaliated.
“Done being an ass?”
“Still sulking…I see.”
“What’s it to you?” Adam questioned.
“Pity party’s still goin’ on then, huh?”
“Wanna come in and join it?” Adam asked, throwing the door wide open. “You’re more than welcome to.”
“Can I bring the wife?”
Adam smiled. “The more the merrier.”
“Is this guy feeding your bruised and damaged ego?”
Okay…that was enough…Adam didn’t want Kris hearing anything that might put him in an embarrassing situation. “I’m closing the door now.”
“Hey…we still on for dinner?” Lee questioned.
“Sure, where are we meeting?”
Lee turned to leave, yelling over his shoulder. “Meet us in our room in an hour, okay?”
Adam slammed the door shut and promptly walked over to the empty chair and took a seat.
“Did you know that guy?” Kris questioned curiously.
“Yep…that’s the idiot that dragged me here so I’d get over feeling sorry for myself and move on.”
Kris laughed, taking a seat on the bed. “Is it working?”
“Not sure yet,” he replied, frowning. “After hearing about your wonderful marriage and rehashing my nightmare of a relationship, I think I feel even sorrier for myself now.”
“Oops…didn’t mean for that to happen.”
Adam raised his head and stared at Kris for a good thirty seconds before speaking. “I want exactly what you had.”
“Yeah,” Kris replied, smiling. Getting up from the bed, he walked over to the door. “I should probably go and find my friends as well…they’ve probably searched the whole resort now a couple times over and knowing them…they’ve probably got the coast guard out looking for me.”
“That bad, huh?” he asked, rising to his feet.
“Sometimes.” Kris opened the door to Adam’s room and stopped. “Thanks for letting me talk about it…I’m sorry you aren’t feeling any better…but you helped me.”
“Ah…you’re welcome, Kris…anytime.” Walking over to the door, he leaned up against the doorframe and watched as Kris walked down the stairs. “Hey…how long are you here for?”
“Two weeks,” Kris replied, stopping at the bottom of the stairs. “How about you?”
“Two weeks…unless of course, I head back earlier.”
“Why would you do that?”
Adam shrugged. “Just keeping my options open.”
“Hey, maybe we’ll run into each other again!” Kris smiled, waved and started jogging down the path that led to the pool.
“I’m gonna make sure of that,” he whispered.
________________________________________
All throughout dinner, Adam’s eyes remained primarily focused on the man sitting only a few tables from him. He couldn’t help it. As much as he tried, he just couldn’t. Kris was sitting only a few tables from him, eating dinner with what looked to be his friends as well.
Despite the fact that Adam couldn’t see what Kris was wearing, he did notice Kris’s Converse-clad feet tapping continuously at a rapid speed.
Kris was entirely engrossed in a conversation too and never once noticed him. It didn’t matter, Adam noticed Kris all right.
“Why are you constantly staring over there?” Scarlett asked, getting up from her seat and leaning over the table a little. “You have me curious now,” she said, cocking her head to the side.
Lee laughed while yanking on his wife’s arm. “Sit down, Scarlett…don’t draw attention to us…we’ve made it an entire day without any of his fans bombarding us.”
Adam’s head swung around and he rolled his eyes. “Try living it 24/7.”
“No thanks,” Lee replied, shaking his head. “Being a friend of yours has truly opened my eyes to fame and all I can say is…no way in hell. No amount of money is worth what you go through…shit, you can’t even take a damn dump without someone talking about it.”
Adam scrunched up his nose and let out a little laugh. “God, Lee…it’s not that bad.”
“Hey, wait a second here…you still haven’t answered my question, Adam,” Scarlett huffed, frowning at the both men. “What’s got your attention over there?”
“A guy, no doubt.” Lee said, laughing until he felt his wife’s hand smack him upside the head. “Shit…what the hell was that for?”
“I asked Adam…not you,” she gnarled.
“He’s right, Scarlett…a guy,” Adam agreed, smiling at his friend.
“The same one you had in your room earlier today when I stopped by?” Lee questioned, wiggling his eyebrows in jest.
“You had a guy in your room?” Scarlett asked, surprised. “Good Lord…we just got here early this afternoon and already you’ve snagged someone?” Shaking her head, her eyes widened. “Boy…it doesn’t take you long, does it?”
Hearing the daunting laugh coming from Lee’s direction, both Adam and Scarlett turned to look at him. “Scarlett…he is Adam Lambert for God’s sake…if it took longer than a day, I’d be worried.”
The full extent of the meaning behind that phrase took a little while to sink in. “Just what the hell do you mean by that, Lee?” his voice was cool.
“All I meant was that I’m sure it doesn’t take much to snag a guy,” Lee replied, placing a hand on Adam’s shoulder. “Don’t go getting all defensive on me.”
“You mean because of the fame?” Adam questioned further, getting hotter by the second. “You don’t think I’m capable of snagging a guy on my own merit? And why is it that I can’t go one fucking day without someone mentioning the fame thing?” Shaking his head, he leaned in towards Lee. “We don’t talk about your job…why must everyone always talk about mine?”
Scarlett shot her husband a look and then put her hand on Adam’s hand that was resting on the table. “Okay, you two…knock it off…we’re here to have a good time, remember?”
“I remember,” Adam said quietly. “But I’m not dropping it until your husband answers me.”
“I don’t know, Adam,” he replied, allowing himself to sink down further into his chair. “How can you even know one way or the other? Most people have probably seen your face at one time or another.”
He had a point, as valid or invalid as it may be. But dammit! Was it so impossible to believe that he’d actually be able to pick up a guy by just being himself? He’d done it before the fame…
“You’d be surprised, Lee…not as many people recognize me as you’d think. Be honest here…” Adam trailed, finding a way to phrase his next question. “You love Muse, right?”
“Yeah,” Lee agreed.
“If you bumped into one of them, say…walking down the street…would you recognize them?”
Lee thought for only a short moment. “Probably not…but your face is plastered everywhere man, even on condoms …”
Adam’s head lurched forward. “Did you just say ‘condoms’?”
Lee nodded.
“Shit…that can’t be good. Where the hell did you see those?”
“In my drawer, back home.” Lee looked over at his wife and laughed. “Isn’t that right, honey?”
Scarlett’s head fell. “Come on now…it was just a damn joke…get over it already!”
Adam leaned towards Scarlett. “You put my face on your husband’s condoms?” His voice was hovering between surprise and disgust. “Oh God,” Adam heaved, sitting back. “Do I even want to ask about it?”
“Probably not,” Lee answered, laughing and cocking his head over towards his wife. Making sure his wife’s head was still buried; he brought his finger to his lips and mouthed…. “Shhhh….role playing…”
Adam contained the laugh that he desperately wanted to let out. Instead, he leaned over and put his mouth right to Scarlett’s ear. “I never knew you had the hots for me,” he whispered.
Her head flew up; eyes wide with horror. “Oh God…I’m gonna kill you, Lee.”
Out of the corner of his eye, Adam caught sight of Kris laughing and smiled. Adam was glad to see that he was enjoying himself. Too bad it wasn’t with him.
________________________________________
“You’re kidding us, right?” Katy asked. She looked over at her husband, Cale, and laughed. “He’s not kidding…are you, Kris?”
Kris smiled and shrugged. “I’ll never tell.”
“You actually went back to someone’s room and didn’t have sex?” Cale asked.
“No!” Kris shot back. “We just talked…it was nice. Apparently his friends dragged him along too. I guess I’m not the only third wheel around here.”
Katy leaned over and looked sincerely at her friend. “You are not a third wheel…how many times do I have to tell you that? We wanted you to come…you need to get out, honey and live a little.”
Kris smiled at his friend of nearly fourteen years. She was right and he knew it, only it was so much easier to say than to actually do. “I’m trying…I really am…it’s just so hard.”
“So…who is this mysterious guy? What does he look like?”
“Oh God, Katy,” Kris replied, leaning back in her chair. “He’s beautiful…almost too beautiful to be a guy really.”
“Maybe he isn’t a guy,” Cale shot back with laughter in his eyes. “Did he have an Adam’s apple?”
Kris slapped Cale on the arm. “Knock it off…he was a guy and yes, he had an Adam’s apple.”
“Go on,” Katy urged. “I want to hear all the details.”
“Well,” Kris trailed. “He has dark hair…His eyes were beautiful…so clear and blue that you could get lost in them.” He took a moment to smile and sigh. “Oh and his smile was perfect…teeth were almost so bright and white that it was blinding.”
Looking over at Cale, he smiled. “And he had freckles everywhere…I even noticed that.” Letting out a long sigh, he glanced back over at Katy and immediately noticed the distressed look on her face. “He was very handsome.”
When Katy’s expression still hadn’t changed, she leaned forward in her seat. “What’s wrong? I’m not explaining him the way you want, am I?” Running a hand over his eyes, Kris sighed. “Okay…is this better? He was a hot little piece of ass.”
When he felt someone’s hand touch his shoulder, Kris froze. Then when he heard someone clearing his throat, he slowly turned around. It was Adam.
Oh God, it was Adam. How long had he been standing there? Did he hear what he said? Cringing, he nervously bit his bottom lip. “Um…hi.”
“Hi.”
Okay…this was downright embarrassing. Turning back to his friends, Kris looked over at Katy and knew by the look on her face that Adam had been standing there for quite some time. Swallowing the lump in his throat, he took a deep breath. “These are my friends…Katy and Cale …and guys, this is Adam.”
“The hot little piece of ass,” Adam mumbled.
Oh shit…he had heard all right. Kris felt the heat rising to his cheeks and instantly, he felt like his face was on fire.
Cale laughed, extending his hand. “Nice to meet you, Adam.”
“You too, Cale.” Adam extended his hand over to Katy. “You too, Katy.”
Katy couldn’t articulate a reply so instead she just smiled as she shook his hand.
Adam placed his other free hand on Kris’s other shoulder and leaned over. “I was wondering if you felt like taking a walk around the grounds.”
“Oh…um…I probably shouldn’t…”
Katy found her voice suddenly and waved her hand towards the exit. “Go on, Kristopher…we’ll be fine.”
Adam leaned in closer to his ear. “Come on, Kristopher…I hear the ocean is quite a sight at night.”
Hearing Adam call him Kristopher produced a smile on Kris’s face. Only his parents and closest friends still referred to him as Kristopher. Never a man.
“You sure?” he asked, looking at Katy and Cale.
“Positive…go on.” Standing to his feet, Katy reached over and grabbed her husband’s hand. “We were going to head on over to the nightclub anyway, weren’t we, honey?”
“Um…yeah, I guess we were,” Cale said, rising to his feet and rolling his eyes. “Have fun you two and Adam?”
Adam turned around. “Yeah?”
“Have him home by one.”
Adam laughed, smiling and nodding his head. “No problem.”
________________________________________
Together, Adam and Kris made their way past the beautifully lit in-ground pool and towards the ocean. Each one silent, but well aware of what was happening between them. Kris couldn’t help but feel the chemistry between them. There was something definitely there…
“So…what do you do for a living?” Kris questioned.
“I’m a musician,” he stated quietly.
Cringing, Kris turned his head and smiled. “Really?” That wasn’t exactly what he was hoping to hear, but it intrigued him nonetheless.
“Yep, really…how about you?”
Focusing on the path in front of him, Kris smiled. “I’m a music teacher.”
“Really?”
Kris smiled at Adam’s question, obviously following suit. “Yep, really. I love it too. There’s nothing more miraculous than watching a child get acquainted with music for the first time.”
“I bet,” Adam stated. Sighing, he ran a hand over his hair. “I love children.”
“Really?”
Adam looked over at Kris and nodded. “Yep, really.”
“Do you have any children?”
“Nope…not yet…but I want a houseful of them one day.” He reached down and grabbed Kris’s hand, stopping. Quickly, he gave Kris a onceover. A onceover that didn’t go unnoticed by either party. “How about you?”
Kris’s gaze dropped to their hands. He wasn’t used to holding anyone’s hand and it felt strange, yet comfortable. Bringing their hands up closer, he looked at Adam’s carefully. His hand was warm, soft and masculine. No signs of physical labor whatsoever. And dayum, he wore nail polish. “I always wanted children…but I doubt I’ll ever have any.”
“Why’s that?” Adam asked, cocking his head to the side. “And is it bothering you that I’m holding your hand?”
Kris let their hands drop, still clinging on. “Oh no…sorry…what’d you ask?”
“Why don’t you think you’ll have children?”
Shrugging, Kris stared out into the ocean. “Who am I going to have them with? Haven’t you noticed? I’m not straight.”
Adam shrugged back, letting a small breath escape through his nose. “Adoption Kris, there’s always adoption.…you can’t give up on life.”
Kris already had…in a way. “I’m not giving up on life, Adam…I just gave up on the idea that I’d have children one day.”
Adam took a few steps closer to the water and stopped, dropping to the sand and pulling Kris along with him. Letting go of his hand, Adam leaned back on his arms and stretched out his legs. “Sounds to me like you’ve given up.”
Kris drew his knees in to his chest and wrapped his arms around them. It wasn’t really that cold, but at the same time, the breeze felt cool on his skin. “I told him I’d wait for him, Adam.”
“I’m sure he didn’t and wouldn’t expect you to wait forever, Kris…three years is a long time,” he said softly, "to wait for someone that isn't coming back."
Kris closed his eyes and took in the sound of Adam’s voice. Smooth, gentle and sexy as hell…those were the exact words that came to his head. “I know,” he said. And he really did know that Brian wouldn’t have wanted him to deny himself a chance to love again. But he didn’t think he’d ever be able to replace his love. Brian was the love of his life and Kris loved him more than life…that kind of love could never be replaced.
“Tomorrow,” he said softly, looking straight ahead. “Is the fourth anniversary of when we said our goodbyes at the airport. I don’t consider the day he died to be the end…I consider the day we said goodbye to be the end.”
Adam remained silent.
“That’s why my friends insisted that I come with them…everyone’s afraid to leave me alone when this date comes up every year.”
Adam sat up and looked over at Kris, gently grabbing his hand again. “Maybe tomorrow is the day you finally need to let him go.”
Adam reached over with his other hand and wiped away the tear that had fallen down Kris’s cheek. Feeling Adam’s hand on his skin, Kris closed his eyes. “For three years I’ve tried to do just that…I’ve tried to let him go, Adam.” Looking over at him, Kris shook his head. “Everyone thinks that I won’t let him go…but the truth is…I’ve tried to let him go, but it never works.”
“Maybe you need someone to help you let him go,” he replied honestly.
Kris’s eyes flew open. “I don’t think that’ll help.”
“How do you know if you never try?” Adam leaned over and Kris immediately noticed the look on his face. Granted, he hadn’t seen a look like that in over three years, but it didn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out that Adam was going to kiss him.
Abruptly, he pulled back and looked out into the ocean. “Let’s change the subject…so, do you sing in the local clubs?”
Adam sighed and went back to his earlier stance, leaning back into the sand. “Something like that.”
Something like that? Uh oh…probably a struggling musician who doesn’t have any gigs. Kris nodded and smiled. “Where are you from?”
“San Francisco.”
“Where do you live now?”
“LA, most of the time.”
“Me too. I live in Orange County actually. Do you have any brothers or sisters?”
“One younger brother,” he stated quickly. “You?”
“The same.”
“Parent’s still married?” Adam questioned.
“Yes…yours?”
“Divorced.”
Kris dropped his head. “Oh…I’m sorry to hear that.”
“Yeah,” Adam said, staring out into the ocean. “They are still quite friendly though.”
Not wanting to talk about any sad subject at that particular time, Kris quickly started asking Adam more questions. “Um…any pets?”
Kris heard Adam quietly laugh under his breath, but he remained focused straight ahead.
“Nope, you?”
“No…no time.”
“Same here.”
“Um…” Kris trailed again, in search of something else to ask him. “Ever had a one-night stand?” Oh God…he didn’t just say that out loud, did he? Kris dropped his head. He had been thinking it since earlier that day when he declared to Adam that he wasn’t used to being a one-night stand, but he never planned on bringing it up. Slowly, he looked over at Adam and when he saw the look on his face, he cringed.
He did say it out loud.
Adam’s eyebrows rose. “Actually…yes and you?”
“Um…no.”
Adam continued to laugh under his breath and Kris was growing more nervous as silence lingered on.
“How old were you when you lost your virginity?” Adam asked, humor dripping from the tone of his voice.
Kris knew what Adam was up to…he was probably going to start asking him personal questions to try and get him to shut up so he could kiss him or something. There was no way he was about to let that happen. “Eighteen…you?”
“Twenty-one…was it with Brian?”
Kris continued to try and act unnerved by Adam’s current line of questioning, even though he was anything but. “Yes.”
“Is he the only person you’ve ever been with?”
Kris swallowed down the lump in his throat. No make that…gulped. “Yes, he is…how many men have you been with?” Turning his head to see Adam’s reaction, he smiled. Adam suddenly looked very uncomfortable and it gave Kris great satisfaction to see him squirm.
“Honestly…I’ve never counted…should I have?”
“You’re avoiding my question.”
“You’re damn right I am,” he said sharply and without hesitation. “I don’t want to scare you off.”
Kris’s head lunged forward. “That many, huh?”
Adam shrugged, but remained quiet.
“Do you have a boyfriend currently?”
Adam shook his head.
Kris turned his gaze back to the ocean and closed his eyes. Since the current line of questioning had already begun, he might as well find out as much as he could. Just in case…
“Are you sleeping with anyone currently?”
Hearing Adam take in a deep breath, his body tensed…waiting for him to blow at any second.
“No…not right now…you?”
Oh…he was smooth all right. And he also already knew the answer to that question. “Not quite.”
“Ever thought about it?”
“Not really,” Kris replied quickly. “Well…that’s not entirely true…but it’s not something that crosses my mind very often.”
“Has it crossed your mind in last five hours?”
Oh God…Kris wanted to die right on the spot. Adam was coming right out and asking him if he’d thought about sleeping with him…but in a roundabout way. Feeling the heat rise to his cheeks, he dropped his head between his knees.
“Hey,” Adam said quietly, giving Kris a little shove on his back with his hand. “I’m talking to you.”
“I know,” Kris mumbled into his knees.
“You’re the one who started with this subject…so answer my question and we’ll wrap it up and move on to the next subject.”
His voice…his damn voice. Did it have to be so sexy?
“Maybe,” Kris said softly.
“Maybe what?” he asked.
“Maybe I’ve thought about sleeping with someone in the last five hours.”
Adam laughed out loud. “Was that someone…me?”
Kris’s head shot up and around very quickly. “Hey…don’t you think that’s a little personal?”
Adam’s head fell back while the laughter faded. “Oh and you don’t think anything you just asked me was personal?”
“Maybe…but I didn’t come right out and ask you if you thought about sleeping with me…now, did I?”
Adam’s head slowly rose and when it was finally back into its original position, he looked right at Kris, taking his breath away. “Do you want to ask me that?”
“Yes, I do,” Kris said with determination.
“I’ll answer your question, if you answer mine.”
Turning back to avoid Adam’s gaze, Kris remained quiet.
Adam sat up so that he was in perfect line with Kris’s body. Swinging his head around, he smiled at Kris once Kris looked at him. “I think we both already know the answer to that question.”
Rating: R
Pairings: Adam Lambert/Kris Allen
Disclaimer: This story is a work of fiction. The characters and events portrayed are fictitious, and any resemblance to real people or events is purely coincidental.
Beta:
![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
Summary: Nothing can beat true love, except...maybe another true love.
Chapter Two
Kris looked up when Adam didn’t make any attempt at responding to his last statement. Seeing the tears in Adam’s eyes, he gasped. “I’m sorry…I didn’t mean to make you upset.”
Adam managed a little smile and cocked his head to the side. “It sounds like you two had a wonderful marriage.”
“We did,” Kris replied earnestly. “We really did…we rarely ever fought.” Looking away, he swallowed. “So…do you want to talk about your love life?”
Adam let out a shallow laugh. “I’m afraid my love life pales in comparison to yours.”
Placing his hand on Adam’s knee, Kris smiled. “Don’t let that stop you…please, I’d love to hear about it.” Kris removed his hand when he noticed Adam staring at it. “If you want, I can turn back around…make it easier for you.”
Adam smiled at Kris’s kindness. He didn’t even think that type of kindness even existed in the world anymore. Reaching out to stop Kris from turning around, he shook his head. “You don’t need to turn around…besides, you’re much better to look at this way.”
Adam could’ve sworn Kris was blushing from his comment and his first instinct was to pull Kris into his arms and kiss him. Instead, he opted for opening up to Kris as well. He wasn’t given many opportunities to tell his side of the story.
“Well…let’s see…my ex-boyfriend and I were together for nearly five years.”
Kris’s eyes grew wide. “Five years and you never thought about getting married? My goodness…”
“Yeah…probably should’ve been my first indication that we weren’t meant to be together, I know.” Sighing, he ran a hand through his hair, “And it was an on again, off again relationship.”
“Doesn’t sound too good.”
“It wasn’t,” he replied flatly. “But…I wouldn’t listen to anyone’s advice so I guess I got what I deserved.”
“Ouch,” Kris said, scrunching up his nose.
“Yeah.” Resting his hands on his thighs, Adam gazed into Kris’s eyes. They were so clear that he swore he could read Kris’s every thought. “But after five years…I guess I was used to having him around.”
Kris looked at Adam with a sadness that was genuine. Adam could tell that almost instantly. Kris honestly felt bad for him…when no one else ever really did.
“He’ll tell you a different story if you ask him, but I honestly tried to keep our relationship together…even offered to go to couples therapy.” Sighing, Adam folded his arms in front of him. “He didn’t want to be any part of it though, so instead, he just kept insisting that I was having an affair and until I’d admit it, he wouldn’t try to work anything out.”
“Wow…really?”
Adam nodded. “Yep…really…so, for the most part, just about everyone who’s close to us thinks that I cheated on him. Nowadays I just decline to comment on it…no use in trying to deny it anymore…”
“That’s awful, Adam.”
He shrugged. “It’s life, Kris.”
“Regardless, it’s still awful.” Kris smiled at him weakly, and Adam knew exactly what was going through his mind.
“And no, Kris…I did not cheat on him while we were together…that’s not my style.” Adam noticed how Kris’s body relaxed a bit at hearing his confession. “I’m not going to deny the fact and claim that I’ve never been with anyone else…but it was always during our off-times…never our on-times.”
“Don’t you think that should’ve been a clue?” Kris asked sincerely.
“What?”
“The fact that you were having off-times …that should’ve been a clue that you weren’t meant to be.”
Adam sighed loudly. “Should’ve been…but obviously, I have a hard time at catching clues.”
Kris smiled at him and his head swung around immediately when someone pounded at the door. Jumping to his feet, Adam followed quickly behind Kris, placing a hand on his shoulder. “Relax…it’s probably just my friends.”
Opening the door, Adam looked back at Kris and rolled his eyes. “Yep…it’s the ones that dragged my ass here in the first place.” Laughing, he held up his finger to Lee and continued talking to Kris. “Weren’t we supposed to be bitching about them anyway? What happened?”
“You cared…that’s what happened,” Kris answered quietly.
Adam smiled at that comment and knew exactly what Kris meant by it. Turning back around to Lee, he sighed. “Yeah? What’d ya want?”
“Nice to see you too, wise guy.” Lee peered into the room and quickly shot his head back to Adam, raising his eyebrows. “You got company, huh?”
“Good observation…what gave it away? The man you see standing in my room?” Adam questioned with sarcasm dripping from every word.
“Just came to check on you, buddy…back off.” Lee ran a hand through his hair. “Where’ve you been all day? Scarlett and I couldn’t find you.”
“Hiding,” Adam said with a smile on his face.
“Asshole,” Lee huffed.
“Feeling’s mutual.”
“Done feeling sorry for yourself?” Lee retaliated.
“Done being an ass?”
“Still sulking…I see.”
“What’s it to you?” Adam questioned.
“Pity party’s still goin’ on then, huh?”
“Wanna come in and join it?” Adam asked, throwing the door wide open. “You’re more than welcome to.”
“Can I bring the wife?”
Adam smiled. “The more the merrier.”
“Is this guy feeding your bruised and damaged ego?”
Okay…that was enough…Adam didn’t want Kris hearing anything that might put him in an embarrassing situation. “I’m closing the door now.”
“Hey…we still on for dinner?” Lee questioned.
“Sure, where are we meeting?”
Lee turned to leave, yelling over his shoulder. “Meet us in our room in an hour, okay?”
Adam slammed the door shut and promptly walked over to the empty chair and took a seat.
“Did you know that guy?” Kris questioned curiously.
“Yep…that’s the idiot that dragged me here so I’d get over feeling sorry for myself and move on.”
Kris laughed, taking a seat on the bed. “Is it working?”
“Not sure yet,” he replied, frowning. “After hearing about your wonderful marriage and rehashing my nightmare of a relationship, I think I feel even sorrier for myself now.”
“Oops…didn’t mean for that to happen.”
Adam raised his head and stared at Kris for a good thirty seconds before speaking. “I want exactly what you had.”
“Yeah,” Kris replied, smiling. Getting up from the bed, he walked over to the door. “I should probably go and find my friends as well…they’ve probably searched the whole resort now a couple times over and knowing them…they’ve probably got the coast guard out looking for me.”
“That bad, huh?” he asked, rising to his feet.
“Sometimes.” Kris opened the door to Adam’s room and stopped. “Thanks for letting me talk about it…I’m sorry you aren’t feeling any better…but you helped me.”
“Ah…you’re welcome, Kris…anytime.” Walking over to the door, he leaned up against the doorframe and watched as Kris walked down the stairs. “Hey…how long are you here for?”
“Two weeks,” Kris replied, stopping at the bottom of the stairs. “How about you?”
“Two weeks…unless of course, I head back earlier.”
“Why would you do that?”
Adam shrugged. “Just keeping my options open.”
“Hey, maybe we’ll run into each other again!” Kris smiled, waved and started jogging down the path that led to the pool.
“I’m gonna make sure of that,” he whispered.
________________________________________
All throughout dinner, Adam’s eyes remained primarily focused on the man sitting only a few tables from him. He couldn’t help it. As much as he tried, he just couldn’t. Kris was sitting only a few tables from him, eating dinner with what looked to be his friends as well.
Despite the fact that Adam couldn’t see what Kris was wearing, he did notice Kris’s Converse-clad feet tapping continuously at a rapid speed.
Kris was entirely engrossed in a conversation too and never once noticed him. It didn’t matter, Adam noticed Kris all right.
“Why are you constantly staring over there?” Scarlett asked, getting up from her seat and leaning over the table a little. “You have me curious now,” she said, cocking her head to the side.
Lee laughed while yanking on his wife’s arm. “Sit down, Scarlett…don’t draw attention to us…we’ve made it an entire day without any of his fans bombarding us.”
Adam’s head swung around and he rolled his eyes. “Try living it 24/7.”
“No thanks,” Lee replied, shaking his head. “Being a friend of yours has truly opened my eyes to fame and all I can say is…no way in hell. No amount of money is worth what you go through…shit, you can’t even take a damn dump without someone talking about it.”
Adam scrunched up his nose and let out a little laugh. “God, Lee…it’s not that bad.”
“Hey, wait a second here…you still haven’t answered my question, Adam,” Scarlett huffed, frowning at the both men. “What’s got your attention over there?”
“A guy, no doubt.” Lee said, laughing until he felt his wife’s hand smack him upside the head. “Shit…what the hell was that for?”
“I asked Adam…not you,” she gnarled.
“He’s right, Scarlett…a guy,” Adam agreed, smiling at his friend.
“The same one you had in your room earlier today when I stopped by?” Lee questioned, wiggling his eyebrows in jest.
“You had a guy in your room?” Scarlett asked, surprised. “Good Lord…we just got here early this afternoon and already you’ve snagged someone?” Shaking her head, her eyes widened. “Boy…it doesn’t take you long, does it?”
Hearing the daunting laugh coming from Lee’s direction, both Adam and Scarlett turned to look at him. “Scarlett…he is Adam Lambert for God’s sake…if it took longer than a day, I’d be worried.”
The full extent of the meaning behind that phrase took a little while to sink in. “Just what the hell do you mean by that, Lee?” his voice was cool.
“All I meant was that I’m sure it doesn’t take much to snag a guy,” Lee replied, placing a hand on Adam’s shoulder. “Don’t go getting all defensive on me.”
“You mean because of the fame?” Adam questioned further, getting hotter by the second. “You don’t think I’m capable of snagging a guy on my own merit? And why is it that I can’t go one fucking day without someone mentioning the fame thing?” Shaking his head, he leaned in towards Lee. “We don’t talk about your job…why must everyone always talk about mine?”
Scarlett shot her husband a look and then put her hand on Adam’s hand that was resting on the table. “Okay, you two…knock it off…we’re here to have a good time, remember?”
“I remember,” Adam said quietly. “But I’m not dropping it until your husband answers me.”
“I don’t know, Adam,” he replied, allowing himself to sink down further into his chair. “How can you even know one way or the other? Most people have probably seen your face at one time or another.”
He had a point, as valid or invalid as it may be. But dammit! Was it so impossible to believe that he’d actually be able to pick up a guy by just being himself? He’d done it before the fame…
“You’d be surprised, Lee…not as many people recognize me as you’d think. Be honest here…” Adam trailed, finding a way to phrase his next question. “You love Muse, right?”
“Yeah,” Lee agreed.
“If you bumped into one of them, say…walking down the street…would you recognize them?”
Lee thought for only a short moment. “Probably not…but your face is plastered everywhere man, even on condoms …”
Adam’s head lurched forward. “Did you just say ‘condoms’?”
Lee nodded.
“Shit…that can’t be good. Where the hell did you see those?”
“In my drawer, back home.” Lee looked over at his wife and laughed. “Isn’t that right, honey?”
Scarlett’s head fell. “Come on now…it was just a damn joke…get over it already!”
Adam leaned towards Scarlett. “You put my face on your husband’s condoms?” His voice was hovering between surprise and disgust. “Oh God,” Adam heaved, sitting back. “Do I even want to ask about it?”
“Probably not,” Lee answered, laughing and cocking his head over towards his wife. Making sure his wife’s head was still buried; he brought his finger to his lips and mouthed…. “Shhhh….role playing…”
Adam contained the laugh that he desperately wanted to let out. Instead, he leaned over and put his mouth right to Scarlett’s ear. “I never knew you had the hots for me,” he whispered.
Her head flew up; eyes wide with horror. “Oh God…I’m gonna kill you, Lee.”
Out of the corner of his eye, Adam caught sight of Kris laughing and smiled. Adam was glad to see that he was enjoying himself. Too bad it wasn’t with him.
________________________________________
“You’re kidding us, right?” Katy asked. She looked over at her husband, Cale, and laughed. “He’s not kidding…are you, Kris?”
Kris smiled and shrugged. “I’ll never tell.”
“You actually went back to someone’s room and didn’t have sex?” Cale asked.
“No!” Kris shot back. “We just talked…it was nice. Apparently his friends dragged him along too. I guess I’m not the only third wheel around here.”
Katy leaned over and looked sincerely at her friend. “You are not a third wheel…how many times do I have to tell you that? We wanted you to come…you need to get out, honey and live a little.”
Kris smiled at his friend of nearly fourteen years. She was right and he knew it, only it was so much easier to say than to actually do. “I’m trying…I really am…it’s just so hard.”
“So…who is this mysterious guy? What does he look like?”
“Oh God, Katy,” Kris replied, leaning back in her chair. “He’s beautiful…almost too beautiful to be a guy really.”
“Maybe he isn’t a guy,” Cale shot back with laughter in his eyes. “Did he have an Adam’s apple?”
Kris slapped Cale on the arm. “Knock it off…he was a guy and yes, he had an Adam’s apple.”
“Go on,” Katy urged. “I want to hear all the details.”
“Well,” Kris trailed. “He has dark hair…His eyes were beautiful…so clear and blue that you could get lost in them.” He took a moment to smile and sigh. “Oh and his smile was perfect…teeth were almost so bright and white that it was blinding.”
Looking over at Cale, he smiled. “And he had freckles everywhere…I even noticed that.” Letting out a long sigh, he glanced back over at Katy and immediately noticed the distressed look on her face. “He was very handsome.”
When Katy’s expression still hadn’t changed, she leaned forward in her seat. “What’s wrong? I’m not explaining him the way you want, am I?” Running a hand over his eyes, Kris sighed. “Okay…is this better? He was a hot little piece of ass.”
When he felt someone’s hand touch his shoulder, Kris froze. Then when he heard someone clearing his throat, he slowly turned around. It was Adam.
Oh God, it was Adam. How long had he been standing there? Did he hear what he said? Cringing, he nervously bit his bottom lip. “Um…hi.”
“Hi.”
Okay…this was downright embarrassing. Turning back to his friends, Kris looked over at Katy and knew by the look on her face that Adam had been standing there for quite some time. Swallowing the lump in his throat, he took a deep breath. “These are my friends…Katy and Cale …and guys, this is Adam.”
“The hot little piece of ass,” Adam mumbled.
Oh shit…he had heard all right. Kris felt the heat rising to his cheeks and instantly, he felt like his face was on fire.
Cale laughed, extending his hand. “Nice to meet you, Adam.”
“You too, Cale.” Adam extended his hand over to Katy. “You too, Katy.”
Katy couldn’t articulate a reply so instead she just smiled as she shook his hand.
Adam placed his other free hand on Kris’s other shoulder and leaned over. “I was wondering if you felt like taking a walk around the grounds.”
“Oh…um…I probably shouldn’t…”
Katy found her voice suddenly and waved her hand towards the exit. “Go on, Kristopher…we’ll be fine.”
Adam leaned in closer to his ear. “Come on, Kristopher…I hear the ocean is quite a sight at night.”
Hearing Adam call him Kristopher produced a smile on Kris’s face. Only his parents and closest friends still referred to him as Kristopher. Never a man.
“You sure?” he asked, looking at Katy and Cale.
“Positive…go on.” Standing to his feet, Katy reached over and grabbed her husband’s hand. “We were going to head on over to the nightclub anyway, weren’t we, honey?”
“Um…yeah, I guess we were,” Cale said, rising to his feet and rolling his eyes. “Have fun you two and Adam?”
Adam turned around. “Yeah?”
“Have him home by one.”
Adam laughed, smiling and nodding his head. “No problem.”
________________________________________
Together, Adam and Kris made their way past the beautifully lit in-ground pool and towards the ocean. Each one silent, but well aware of what was happening between them. Kris couldn’t help but feel the chemistry between them. There was something definitely there…
“So…what do you do for a living?” Kris questioned.
“I’m a musician,” he stated quietly.
Cringing, Kris turned his head and smiled. “Really?” That wasn’t exactly what he was hoping to hear, but it intrigued him nonetheless.
“Yep, really…how about you?”
Focusing on the path in front of him, Kris smiled. “I’m a music teacher.”
“Really?”
Kris smiled at Adam’s question, obviously following suit. “Yep, really. I love it too. There’s nothing more miraculous than watching a child get acquainted with music for the first time.”
“I bet,” Adam stated. Sighing, he ran a hand over his hair. “I love children.”
“Really?”
Adam looked over at Kris and nodded. “Yep, really.”
“Do you have any children?”
“Nope…not yet…but I want a houseful of them one day.” He reached down and grabbed Kris’s hand, stopping. Quickly, he gave Kris a onceover. A onceover that didn’t go unnoticed by either party. “How about you?”
Kris’s gaze dropped to their hands. He wasn’t used to holding anyone’s hand and it felt strange, yet comfortable. Bringing their hands up closer, he looked at Adam’s carefully. His hand was warm, soft and masculine. No signs of physical labor whatsoever. And dayum, he wore nail polish. “I always wanted children…but I doubt I’ll ever have any.”
“Why’s that?” Adam asked, cocking his head to the side. “And is it bothering you that I’m holding your hand?”
Kris let their hands drop, still clinging on. “Oh no…sorry…what’d you ask?”
“Why don’t you think you’ll have children?”
Shrugging, Kris stared out into the ocean. “Who am I going to have them with? Haven’t you noticed? I’m not straight.”
Adam shrugged back, letting a small breath escape through his nose. “Adoption Kris, there’s always adoption.…you can’t give up on life.”
Kris already had…in a way. “I’m not giving up on life, Adam…I just gave up on the idea that I’d have children one day.”
Adam took a few steps closer to the water and stopped, dropping to the sand and pulling Kris along with him. Letting go of his hand, Adam leaned back on his arms and stretched out his legs. “Sounds to me like you’ve given up.”
Kris drew his knees in to his chest and wrapped his arms around them. It wasn’t really that cold, but at the same time, the breeze felt cool on his skin. “I told him I’d wait for him, Adam.”
“I’m sure he didn’t and wouldn’t expect you to wait forever, Kris…three years is a long time,” he said softly, "to wait for someone that isn't coming back."
Kris closed his eyes and took in the sound of Adam’s voice. Smooth, gentle and sexy as hell…those were the exact words that came to his head. “I know,” he said. And he really did know that Brian wouldn’t have wanted him to deny himself a chance to love again. But he didn’t think he’d ever be able to replace his love. Brian was the love of his life and Kris loved him more than life…that kind of love could never be replaced.
“Tomorrow,” he said softly, looking straight ahead. “Is the fourth anniversary of when we said our goodbyes at the airport. I don’t consider the day he died to be the end…I consider the day we said goodbye to be the end.”
Adam remained silent.
“That’s why my friends insisted that I come with them…everyone’s afraid to leave me alone when this date comes up every year.”
Adam sat up and looked over at Kris, gently grabbing his hand again. “Maybe tomorrow is the day you finally need to let him go.”
Adam reached over with his other hand and wiped away the tear that had fallen down Kris’s cheek. Feeling Adam’s hand on his skin, Kris closed his eyes. “For three years I’ve tried to do just that…I’ve tried to let him go, Adam.” Looking over at him, Kris shook his head. “Everyone thinks that I won’t let him go…but the truth is…I’ve tried to let him go, but it never works.”
“Maybe you need someone to help you let him go,” he replied honestly.
Kris’s eyes flew open. “I don’t think that’ll help.”
“How do you know if you never try?” Adam leaned over and Kris immediately noticed the look on his face. Granted, he hadn’t seen a look like that in over three years, but it didn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out that Adam was going to kiss him.
Abruptly, he pulled back and looked out into the ocean. “Let’s change the subject…so, do you sing in the local clubs?”
Adam sighed and went back to his earlier stance, leaning back into the sand. “Something like that.”
Something like that? Uh oh…probably a struggling musician who doesn’t have any gigs. Kris nodded and smiled. “Where are you from?”
“San Francisco.”
“Where do you live now?”
“LA, most of the time.”
“Me too. I live in Orange County actually. Do you have any brothers or sisters?”
“One younger brother,” he stated quickly. “You?”
“The same.”
“Parent’s still married?” Adam questioned.
“Yes…yours?”
“Divorced.”
Kris dropped his head. “Oh…I’m sorry to hear that.”
“Yeah,” Adam said, staring out into the ocean. “They are still quite friendly though.”
Not wanting to talk about any sad subject at that particular time, Kris quickly started asking Adam more questions. “Um…any pets?”
Kris heard Adam quietly laugh under his breath, but he remained focused straight ahead.
“Nope, you?”
“No…no time.”
“Same here.”
“Um…” Kris trailed again, in search of something else to ask him. “Ever had a one-night stand?” Oh God…he didn’t just say that out loud, did he? Kris dropped his head. He had been thinking it since earlier that day when he declared to Adam that he wasn’t used to being a one-night stand, but he never planned on bringing it up. Slowly, he looked over at Adam and when he saw the look on his face, he cringed.
He did say it out loud.
Adam’s eyebrows rose. “Actually…yes and you?”
“Um…no.”
Adam continued to laugh under his breath and Kris was growing more nervous as silence lingered on.
“How old were you when you lost your virginity?” Adam asked, humor dripping from the tone of his voice.
Kris knew what Adam was up to…he was probably going to start asking him personal questions to try and get him to shut up so he could kiss him or something. There was no way he was about to let that happen. “Eighteen…you?”
“Twenty-one…was it with Brian?”
Kris continued to try and act unnerved by Adam’s current line of questioning, even though he was anything but. “Yes.”
“Is he the only person you’ve ever been with?”
Kris swallowed down the lump in his throat. No make that…gulped. “Yes, he is…how many men have you been with?” Turning his head to see Adam’s reaction, he smiled. Adam suddenly looked very uncomfortable and it gave Kris great satisfaction to see him squirm.
“Honestly…I’ve never counted…should I have?”
“You’re avoiding my question.”
“You’re damn right I am,” he said sharply and without hesitation. “I don’t want to scare you off.”
Kris’s head lunged forward. “That many, huh?”
Adam shrugged, but remained quiet.
“Do you have a boyfriend currently?”
Adam shook his head.
Kris turned his gaze back to the ocean and closed his eyes. Since the current line of questioning had already begun, he might as well find out as much as he could. Just in case…
“Are you sleeping with anyone currently?”
Hearing Adam take in a deep breath, his body tensed…waiting for him to blow at any second.
“No…not right now…you?”
Oh…he was smooth all right. And he also already knew the answer to that question. “Not quite.”
“Ever thought about it?”
“Not really,” Kris replied quickly. “Well…that’s not entirely true…but it’s not something that crosses my mind very often.”
“Has it crossed your mind in last five hours?”
Oh God…Kris wanted to die right on the spot. Adam was coming right out and asking him if he’d thought about sleeping with him…but in a roundabout way. Feeling the heat rise to his cheeks, he dropped his head between his knees.
“Hey,” Adam said quietly, giving Kris a little shove on his back with his hand. “I’m talking to you.”
“I know,” Kris mumbled into his knees.
“You’re the one who started with this subject…so answer my question and we’ll wrap it up and move on to the next subject.”
His voice…his damn voice. Did it have to be so sexy?
“Maybe,” Kris said softly.
“Maybe what?” he asked.
“Maybe I’ve thought about sleeping with someone in the last five hours.”
Adam laughed out loud. “Was that someone…me?”
Kris’s head shot up and around very quickly. “Hey…don’t you think that’s a little personal?”
Adam’s head fell back while the laughter faded. “Oh and you don’t think anything you just asked me was personal?”
“Maybe…but I didn’t come right out and ask you if you thought about sleeping with me…now, did I?”
Adam’s head slowly rose and when it was finally back into its original position, he looked right at Kris, taking his breath away. “Do you want to ask me that?”
“Yes, I do,” Kris said with determination.
“I’ll answer your question, if you answer mine.”
Turning back to avoid Adam’s gaze, Kris remained quiet.
Adam sat up so that he was in perfect line with Kris’s body. Swinging his head around, he smiled at Kris once Kris looked at him. “I think we both already know the answer to that question.”
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Date: 2011-04-19 06:52 pm (UTC)I`m so loving this plot...when will kris realize who hes flirting with? more more more please...
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Date: 2011-04-20 07:49 pm (UTC)Sooner ot later Kris will probably find out what he's gotten himself into.
Thank you so much. It's so good to know you like the plot so far. :)
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Date: 2011-04-20 10:08 am (UTC)Can't wait to see what happens next!
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