Can't Let You Go - Chapter Twenty
Jul. 23rd, 2011 08:27 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
something_rareTitle: Can't Let You Go - Chapter Twenty
Rating: R
Pairings: Adam Lambert/Kris Allen
Disclaimer: This story is a work of fiction. The characters and events portrayed are fictitious, and any resemblance to real people or events is purely coincidental.
Beta:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
bigj52 . Thanks for your patience and continuous support.
Summary: Nothing can beat true love, except...maybe another true love.
Chapter Twenty
Kris and Adam drove in complete silence to Katy’s house. In fact, over the last twenty-four hours, silence described just about everything. No one was saying anything about anything.
It wasn’t that Adam was trying to keep silent because it was quite the opposite. He wanted to talk. Kris was the one who didn’t want to talk and because of that, he pretty much did whatever he could to keep it that way. After the dreaded phone call from Julianne yesterday afternoon, he avoided Adam whenever possible, keeping himself preoccupied with just about anything.
The tension in the air was so thick that even a knife couldn’t cut it.
Adam sighed heavily, trying to keep his mind focused on anything but the fact that in less than forty-eight hours, Kris’s late husband might be making a surprise comeback. It still didn’t seem real, but what things seem and what they actually were, were entirely two different things. Being a celebrity, it was something he was all too familiar with and by being a celebrity, it never made it any easier to accept.
This was no different.
When he finally forced himself to look over at his husband, Kris looked back at him and gave him a weak smile. His normal happy self wasn’t even able to break through the scared exterior and it made the whole scenario sink in that much further. “Katy mentioned that Cale was gonna try and make it over for dinner too,” Kris said, turning his head to look back out the passenger side window.
“That’s cool.”
“Yeah,” he agreed. “I think they’re finally making some headway on their relationship. At least, it sounded that way to me when I called her this afternoon.”
“That’s cool.”
Kris’s head slowly turned. Adam couldn’t help but be short with his answers, something he obviously noticed right away by the look on his face. “All right,” he replied wearily. “Is there something bothering you?”
“Gee, I don’t know, Kris,” Adam shot back quickly. “Why would you think that?”
Kris dropped his head rather hesitantly. “I told Katy what was going on.”
“I figured as much.”
“I needed someone to talk to,” Kris whispered softly.
Adam’s eyes remained focused on the road while he placed his hand on Kris’s thigh. “I wish you would talk to me about it.”
“You won’t understand.”
“Try me.”
“I don’t want you to get mad.”
“Why would I get mad?”
Kris sighed, dropping his head back against the seat. “I’m scared, Adam…I don’t know what to think. I don’t know what to feel. I don’t know how I’m supposed to act.”
Instead of saying something, Adam simply squeezed his thigh. As much as he wanted to talk about it, he really didn’t know what to say.
“I guess I’m really trying hard to not think about this at all until Monday. I still can’t believe that any of this is happening.”
“What I don’t get about the whole thing is why the government didn’t figure this out sooner than now,” Adam managed to finally say. It probably wasn’t the right time to say it, or the right thing to say, but short of breaking down himself, he opted to be honest. “I’m not sure I’m buying into this whole thing.”
Kris lifted his head slowly, turning it towards Adam. “What? You think this is all a lie?”
“No, not exactly.” Adam turned towards him again, narrowing his eyes. “They wouldn’t lie about something like this. I don’t know what to think. After three years they just now find out about this?”
“I can’t think about this now,” Kris grunted, obviously frustrated with Adam’s honesty. “I don’t feel like talking about it.”
“Well, when the hell do you think you’re gonna feel like talking about it, Kris?” Adam removed his hand from Kris’s thigh and pounded the steering wheel twice. “Monday is right around the corner.”
“Don’t you think I know that, Adam?!” Kris turned his head towards Adam, rubbing his eyes. “I know Monday’s right around the corner and I know this doesn’t make sense but I don’t know what to say. I’m scared, Adam,” he moaned, breaking down. “I’m scared…”
Adam reached over, placing his hand on Kris’s cheek. “I know, honey. And I’m scared that you’re going to get your hopes up only to end up hurt.”
________________________________________
After dinner, Katy and Kris excused themselves and headed upstairs. It was a welcome relief as far as Adam was concerned. His husband had done a complete one eighty in a matter of less than thirty and some odd hours. He’d clammed up, shut down and shut everyone out. And dinner was no exception. If it weren’t for Cale and Adam’s conversation at dinner, there would’ve been no conversation at all. It was that bad.
“Fuck,” Adam moaned, grabbing another beer from the fridge. Walking back over to the kitchen table, he sat down. “Dinner was painful.”
“You’re not kidding. What the hell was up with that?”
Adam blew out a frustrated breath and shook his head. “Kris’s pretty much clammed up since he got the phone call from Brian’s parents. I’ve tried to talk to him about it, but haven’t had much luck.”
Cale got up from the table, grabbing some dirty dishes. He walked over and placed them in the sink. “I still can’t believe it. There is no damn way he’s still alive.”
“I don’t know, Cale,” he moaned. “According to Bill, the government said that there was a very good chance that Brian is still alive.”
“Do you know how fucked up he’s gonna be?” Cale walked back over to the table, grabbing some more dirty dishes. With his hands full, he stopped. “If he’s actually still alive…and after years of being a prisoner…he’s gonna be fucked up, no question about it.”
Adam pounded back his beer. He couldn’t even imagine someone going through something like that, much less someone his husband loved. Which was exactly what frightened him the most.
His husband loved Brian at one point. His husband still loved Brian. He would always love Brian and Adam thought he was okay with that, but now he wasn’t so sure. “Do you even think this is possible? I just can’t believe that no one had wind of this earlier than now.”
Cale sat across from Adam on the chair, shaking his head. “I don’t know, man…it sounds fishy to me too, but I don’t really have a clue on how any of this Army shit works.”
Adam’s eyes darted towards the ceiling and then at Cale. “What the hell is this going to do to us?”
Cale shrugged. Looking at Adam, he rubbed his forehead. “I don’t know, Adam. Hopefully, it won’t do anything to you two.”
“You and I can hope all we want,” Adam retorted. “But both of us know damn well, it’s gonna affect my relationship with Kris. There’s no way that this won’t affect it. Even if Brian isn’t one of the survivors, it’ll still set us back.” He paused momentarily, catching his breath. “If he isn’t one of the POWs, I already know that Kris will spend the rest of his life wondering if he’s still out there somewhere,” he moaned.
Cale’s head dropped back, looking towards the ceiling. “What the hell are those two doing in the attic?”
“Attic?”
“Yeah, I can hear them rummaging around up there. They’re in the attic.”
“Only one way to find out,” Adam said, standing to his feet. “And my guess is that it has something to do with Brian.”
“Shit,” Cale moaned. “Now that you mention it, Katy did put all those boxes from Kris’s old place up there.”
Adam acknowledged him with a nod and made his way to the stairs. “What room has access to the attic?”
“Third door on your left.”
Adam stopped and raised his eyebrows. “You comin’?”
Cale shook his head. “Nope, you’re on your own.”
Step by step, Adam tiptoed his way up the stairs and right into that room. Hearing Kris and Katy talking, he stopped and listened. It was against his better judgment, but at this point, he wasn’t capable of making any type of judgment.
“Are you sure you really want to read those, Kris?”
“I’m not sure about anything.”
“Why don’t you wait then…until you know more about what’s going on.”
“I can’t wait, Katy…what if he is alive? I need to know what those letters say.”
“Have you talked to Adam about this?” Katy asked, in a perturbed voice.
“I can’t talk to him about this, you know that. He wouldn’t understand.”
“I think you’re underestimating your husband, Kris.”
Thank you, Katy… Adam took a seat on the carpeted floor and leant up against the wall. This sounded like it could be a while and he wasn’t going anywhere.
“Maybe, maybe not. But how can I talk to him about it when I don’t even know what to think myself?”
“That’s why you need to talk to him…take it from me, you have to keep the lines of communication open, honey. If you don’t, what’s happening with Cale and myself could happen to you.”
“Just help me look through these boxes please…if we’re gone for too long, Adam and Cale are going to start looking for us,” Kris said.
“Fine, but I think you’re making a mistake by doing this, Kris.”
“Wouldn’t be the first time you thought that.”
Once Adam heard Katy confirm that she’d found the box that Kris was searching for, he stood up to leave. He didn’t want to take any chances of being seen. Slowly, he made his way down the stairs, finding Cale on the couch, watching TV.
“Well?”
Adam sat down, shrugging. “Kris’s going through Brian’s things just like I suspected and your wife should be heading down…” he trailed, pointing to the stairs. “Just about now.”
Katy bounded down the stairs. “Kris should be down in a few minutes…he wasn’t feeling too good.”
Adam looked at Cale. Cale looked at Adam.
“Did you guys want to play cards or something? Maybe get a game of Euchre going?” Katy asked, wiping down the table. “Thanks for cleaning up, guys.”
“Thank your husband,” Adam replied casually. “He did it.”
“We need four people to play Euchre, Katy,” Cale stated, flipping through the channels still. “I only see three here.”
“Kris’ll be down in a minute, guys, hang tight.”
During their wait, Adam refrained from asking any questions and acted like he was getting involved in the rerun of ‘How I Met Your Mother’, even laughing on cue when he heard Cale laugh. It had to have been a good twenty minutes before Kris finally made his way down the stairs and when he did, Adam glanced down at his watch and then over to Kris. “Feeling better?” he questioned, knowing damn well that Kris felt fine.
Slowly, Kris made his way over to the couch where Adam sat; head down and trembling. Adam immediately noticed the change in him, even from a distance. Something was wrong. “Kris, what’s wrong?”
When Kris was finally standing in front of Adam, he lifted his head. The tears were streaming down his face. Streaming. Not falling, not pouring, but streaming.
Slowly, Kris’s hand came up from his side. Adam’s head shot down when he saw how bad Kris was trembling. Looking back into his eyes, Adam lifted his hand and gently started wiping Kris’s face. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Cale get up and make his way into the kitchen.
“Adam?” he squeaked out.
“Hmmm?” he questioned, dropping his gaze again when he noticed Kris had a folded-up letter in his hand. Slowly, he reached for Kris’s hand.
“I told him I’d wait,” he whispered, gasping for air. “He thinks I’m waiting for him.”
Adam pulled Kris down onto his lap. “We’ve been over this before…you did wait. Plus you thought he was gone.” He pried Kris’s hand open, retrieving the letter from inside. “Don’t start beating yourself up over it.” His heart ached for Kris. “Please don’t start.”
“How am I g-gonna explain to h-him that I m-married someone else?” Kris gasped for air, bending over at the waist.
“Stop it,” Adam huffed, pulling Kris up by the waist and wrapping his arms around his husband. “Just knock it off now. We don’t even know if he’s alive yet and you’re worried about what you’re gonna tell him about me. If…and that’s a big if…he’s alive, Kris, you’re gonna tell him the truth.”
“That’ll k-kill him,” Kris mumbled into his chest.
Adam held on to Kris tightly, wishing he could make everything and everyone just go away. Two days ago, their lives were just fine…wonderful in fact. And today, their lives were anything but fine.
“I t-told him I’d w-wait.”
Ignoring his remark, Adam had opened up the letter and was now reading what had Kris so upset…….
Kris,
Well, this is the fifth letter I’ve written to you this past week. You’re all that I think about, sweetheart. I’m having a hard time even concentrating on what I’m supposed to be doing. Things here are pretty intense now, but because of where I’m stationed, we don’t see any of the action.
I miss you, babe. A lot. And when I get back home, I’m getting out of this gig for good. I don’t know what it’ll take to get out, but it doesn’t matter anymore. I just want out. I don’t want to do this anymore.
How are things back home? Hopefully, next weekend, I’ll be able to call home to hear your voice. I miss talking to you, holding you, kissing you…God, how I miss those damn lips of yours! But more than anything, I miss seeing your beautiful face when I wake up in the morning and how you always start off the day by telling me how much you love me.
I’m gonna be home soon, sweetheart. I don’t know when exactly, but I’ll be there before you know it and the only thing that keeps me going each and every day is knowing that you’ll be there waiting for me.
I love you.
Brian
Adam folded the letter back up and lifted Kris off his lap and to his feet. Rising to his feet himself, he stuffed the letter into his back pocket. “Get your stuff…we need to go.”
________________________________________
Sunday was just about the longest day Adam had ever encountered in his life. The heat outside combined with the humidity made it virtually impossible to even set foot outside. In his mind, his only chance of escaping reality was to go outside and get away from it all, but because of the weather, he didn’t have a choice but to remain trapped in the dark hole he was getting sucked into.
As the minutes and hours slowly ticked by, he was finding it more and more difficult to breathe. If possible, the dark hole was getting darker and he knew there was no way out of it. Even wishing something like this on his worst enemy seemed unfathomable.
Kris kept himself pretty much locked up in their bedroom, only coming out occasionally for water and/or a snack. Their friends stopped by on several different occasions, breaking up the long dreadful afternoon. Kris’s parents and Daniel kept calling few times a day. Everyone was concerned about the events taking place, but out of the bunch, only Kim was willing to speak to Adam about it.
Daniel was mostly concerned about what this meant for him and buying the house. And because Adam had neither the time nor patience to go down that avenue, he just blew him off.
Which didn’t help matters.
When the day finally ended and nightfall finally set in, Adam made his way into the bedroom, taking his place next to his husband in bed. Gathering Kris up into his arms, Adam snuggled him in close. “Everything’s going to be okay,” he whispered, not believing a single word.
“I wish I could believe that.”
Those were the only words they spoke to each other all day. That was it. And when the sun rose the next morning, Adam wasn’t surprised to find Kris sitting on the edge of the bay window seat in the east side of the room, wrapped in a blanket and staring blankly outside.
“Did you manage to get any rest at all?” he asked, sitting up to rest against the headboard.
“Not much.”
He glanced over at the alarm clock. “It’s only five o’clock. Why don’t you try and get some sleep for a few hours.”
“I can’t sleep, Adam,” Kris whispered, still avoiding any type of eye contact with Adam.
“Can I make you a cup of coffee or something?”
Kris shook his head.
“Hungry?”
Again, he shook his head.
Instead of arguing with Kris about getting his rest and eating, Adam simply got out of bed and walked over to him. Kris looked tired and emotionally drained. The bags under his eyes were dark and from what Adam could see, his eyes looked bloodshot. He placed a kiss on the top of Kris’s head. “I love you.”
Turning, he walked towards the master bathroom that adjoined the bedroom.
“Adam?”
He stopped, but didn’t turn around. “Yeah?”
“I love you too.”
By eight o’clock, they were both dressed and as ready as they could be. Adam opted just to wear jeans, keeping it casual. Kris, on the other hand, came out of the bedroom wearing a suit. He looked refreshed and wide-awake, observant of his surroundings. A complete change from what Adam’d seen earlier.
He took a seat on the couch, dropping his head back. “You look hot.”
Within a minute, Adam felt Kris take a seat next to him, dropping his head to his chest. “I’m scared,” he confessed.
“I know you are,” Adam whispered, placing his arm around his husband.
He was scared too. Scared of the unknown. But more than anything, he was scared of what the next few hours held for them…as a couple.
________________________________________
Once Adam, Kris, Bill and Julianne arrived at the Los Angeles Air Base, a government official met up with them, along with several other families and led them to a private room. They were directed inside where several more families waited.
For a room filled with well over one hundred people, it was eerily quiet. Not a single person said anything as they stood and sat huddled together.
Adam took a moment to look around. The room mostly held women and elderly couples. Couples that were undoubtedly parents of the prisoners in question, possibly even grandparents. There were a handful of teenage children who looked uncertain as to what they were supposed to do or feel. His heart went out to them, wondering how they would deal with the surprise and/or disappointment they were sure to encounter. It was truly a sad scene.
And one that was so different from what he was used to seeing at gatherings of this magnitude.
When another government official of some sort came into the room, everyone’s head swung towards him, anxious as to what the next move would be.
“The plane is due to land in fifteen minutes. We just spoke with the pilots and everything is on track. I’ll be taking all of you outside now, to an area where the passengers of the plane will be unloading. Just a word of warning…there are hundreds of reporters out there…it’s your choice whether or not you want to talk to them. They have been directed not to ask any questions whatsoever. If they do, they will be escorted out by one of the hundreds of guards that are stationed at the scene as well.”
The official took a moment to catch his breath. “There will be counselors available for any one of you or your family members throughout the day today. You were all given an information package today. Inside, you’ll find helpful info on how to deal with many of the issues you’ll be facing. We even have youth counselors on site for the children.”
He held up a package and pointed to it. “There are locations and phone numbers of counselors inside the package that will be available to help you at any time, whether it be today, tomorrow, next week, next month or a year from now. They’re there if you need them…please don’t hesitate to contact any of them, day or night.” He dropped the packet to his side and nodded. “Follow me, please.”
Kris reached for Adam’s hand, looking over at him. “Thank you for coming with me.”
Somehow he managed a small smile. “I wouldn’t have it any other way.”
They all made their way outside, where there were hundreds of camera crews and reporters from around the globe. If anything, the official underestimated and despite the fact that they were warned ahead of time, out of habit Adam stepped back for a moment, lowering his head.
He was trying to shield his face, hoping that he wouldn’t be recognized and call attention to himself.
And that’s when it hit him. This wasn’t about him. And even though he already knew that, it reinforced it.
No one would say anything to him even if he were recognized. This was not about him. This was about people…men and women…who chose to fight for what the United States of America stood for and in the grand scheme of things – gave their life.
This was about the hundreds of people who’d lost a loved one only to find out a few years later that their loved ones might very well be alive.
Adam’s head hurt, his heart ached and his stomach turned; and once the plane was in full view, everything hurt a thousand times worse. Instead of what he was used to hearing – screaming and cheering fans – not one single sound was made during the entire landing. It was a surreal moment where time seemed to stand still and life seemed to all but stop.
By the time the steps were put into place, people were talking, crying and saying their prayers – out loud and to themselves. He quickly glanced over at Julianne when he saw her fall to her knees. She was looking towards the sky, with her hands folded and praying out loud to God.
He stepped back as is took him by surprise at how vocal she was being. After a few moments, Bill pulled her to her feet and buried her head to his chest.
He couldn’t even imagine the pain they were going through.
Adam felt Kris’s hand squeeze his tighter. Looking down, he turned their hands over and quickly noticed that his husband wasn’t wearing any of his rings. No engagement ring and no wedding band. He closed his eyes, dropped his head and swallowed down the lump in his throat.
He knew exactly why Kris didn’t have them on and that’s what made it all the harder to actually accept.
Adam lifted his head when he heard a couple not too far down from him start sobbing. Glancing towards the plane, he saw the first man step foot off the plane. He looked lost, looking down at the hordes of people that were all looking at him.
“KEVIN!” The woman yelled. “KEVIN!!”
Despite the way Adam really felt, he couldn’t help but smile as the woman, obviously a parent went running towards the plane with her arms wide open.
Kevin was home.
One by one, the same scene unraveled before him and it was only a mere three minutes later that Julianne doubled over and screamed, thanking God loudly. Immediately, Adam’s head shot up and over to the plane. Slowly, the very same scenes that he’d just witnessed, took place with the people he came with.
Julianne’s prayers were answered.
Brian, too, was home.
Rating: R
Pairings: Adam Lambert/Kris Allen
Disclaimer: This story is a work of fiction. The characters and events portrayed are fictitious, and any resemblance to real people or events is purely coincidental.
Beta:
bigj52 . Thanks for your patience and continuous support.Summary: Nothing can beat true love, except...maybe another true love.
Chapter Twenty
Kris and Adam drove in complete silence to Katy’s house. In fact, over the last twenty-four hours, silence described just about everything. No one was saying anything about anything.
It wasn’t that Adam was trying to keep silent because it was quite the opposite. He wanted to talk. Kris was the one who didn’t want to talk and because of that, he pretty much did whatever he could to keep it that way. After the dreaded phone call from Julianne yesterday afternoon, he avoided Adam whenever possible, keeping himself preoccupied with just about anything.
The tension in the air was so thick that even a knife couldn’t cut it.
Adam sighed heavily, trying to keep his mind focused on anything but the fact that in less than forty-eight hours, Kris’s late husband might be making a surprise comeback. It still didn’t seem real, but what things seem and what they actually were, were entirely two different things. Being a celebrity, it was something he was all too familiar with and by being a celebrity, it never made it any easier to accept.
This was no different.
When he finally forced himself to look over at his husband, Kris looked back at him and gave him a weak smile. His normal happy self wasn’t even able to break through the scared exterior and it made the whole scenario sink in that much further. “Katy mentioned that Cale was gonna try and make it over for dinner too,” Kris said, turning his head to look back out the passenger side window.
“That’s cool.”
“Yeah,” he agreed. “I think they’re finally making some headway on their relationship. At least, it sounded that way to me when I called her this afternoon.”
“That’s cool.”
Kris’s head slowly turned. Adam couldn’t help but be short with his answers, something he obviously noticed right away by the look on his face. “All right,” he replied wearily. “Is there something bothering you?”
“Gee, I don’t know, Kris,” Adam shot back quickly. “Why would you think that?”
Kris dropped his head rather hesitantly. “I told Katy what was going on.”
“I figured as much.”
“I needed someone to talk to,” Kris whispered softly.
Adam’s eyes remained focused on the road while he placed his hand on Kris’s thigh. “I wish you would talk to me about it.”
“You won’t understand.”
“Try me.”
“I don’t want you to get mad.”
“Why would I get mad?”
Kris sighed, dropping his head back against the seat. “I’m scared, Adam…I don’t know what to think. I don’t know what to feel. I don’t know how I’m supposed to act.”
Instead of saying something, Adam simply squeezed his thigh. As much as he wanted to talk about it, he really didn’t know what to say.
“I guess I’m really trying hard to not think about this at all until Monday. I still can’t believe that any of this is happening.”
“What I don’t get about the whole thing is why the government didn’t figure this out sooner than now,” Adam managed to finally say. It probably wasn’t the right time to say it, or the right thing to say, but short of breaking down himself, he opted to be honest. “I’m not sure I’m buying into this whole thing.”
Kris lifted his head slowly, turning it towards Adam. “What? You think this is all a lie?”
“No, not exactly.” Adam turned towards him again, narrowing his eyes. “They wouldn’t lie about something like this. I don’t know what to think. After three years they just now find out about this?”
“I can’t think about this now,” Kris grunted, obviously frustrated with Adam’s honesty. “I don’t feel like talking about it.”
“Well, when the hell do you think you’re gonna feel like talking about it, Kris?” Adam removed his hand from Kris’s thigh and pounded the steering wheel twice. “Monday is right around the corner.”
“Don’t you think I know that, Adam?!” Kris turned his head towards Adam, rubbing his eyes. “I know Monday’s right around the corner and I know this doesn’t make sense but I don’t know what to say. I’m scared, Adam,” he moaned, breaking down. “I’m scared…”
Adam reached over, placing his hand on Kris’s cheek. “I know, honey. And I’m scared that you’re going to get your hopes up only to end up hurt.”
________________________________________
After dinner, Katy and Kris excused themselves and headed upstairs. It was a welcome relief as far as Adam was concerned. His husband had done a complete one eighty in a matter of less than thirty and some odd hours. He’d clammed up, shut down and shut everyone out. And dinner was no exception. If it weren’t for Cale and Adam’s conversation at dinner, there would’ve been no conversation at all. It was that bad.
“Fuck,” Adam moaned, grabbing another beer from the fridge. Walking back over to the kitchen table, he sat down. “Dinner was painful.”
“You’re not kidding. What the hell was up with that?”
Adam blew out a frustrated breath and shook his head. “Kris’s pretty much clammed up since he got the phone call from Brian’s parents. I’ve tried to talk to him about it, but haven’t had much luck.”
Cale got up from the table, grabbing some dirty dishes. He walked over and placed them in the sink. “I still can’t believe it. There is no damn way he’s still alive.”
“I don’t know, Cale,” he moaned. “According to Bill, the government said that there was a very good chance that Brian is still alive.”
“Do you know how fucked up he’s gonna be?” Cale walked back over to the table, grabbing some more dirty dishes. With his hands full, he stopped. “If he’s actually still alive…and after years of being a prisoner…he’s gonna be fucked up, no question about it.”
Adam pounded back his beer. He couldn’t even imagine someone going through something like that, much less someone his husband loved. Which was exactly what frightened him the most.
His husband loved Brian at one point. His husband still loved Brian. He would always love Brian and Adam thought he was okay with that, but now he wasn’t so sure. “Do you even think this is possible? I just can’t believe that no one had wind of this earlier than now.”
Cale sat across from Adam on the chair, shaking his head. “I don’t know, man…it sounds fishy to me too, but I don’t really have a clue on how any of this Army shit works.”
Adam’s eyes darted towards the ceiling and then at Cale. “What the hell is this going to do to us?”
Cale shrugged. Looking at Adam, he rubbed his forehead. “I don’t know, Adam. Hopefully, it won’t do anything to you two.”
“You and I can hope all we want,” Adam retorted. “But both of us know damn well, it’s gonna affect my relationship with Kris. There’s no way that this won’t affect it. Even if Brian isn’t one of the survivors, it’ll still set us back.” He paused momentarily, catching his breath. “If he isn’t one of the POWs, I already know that Kris will spend the rest of his life wondering if he’s still out there somewhere,” he moaned.
Cale’s head dropped back, looking towards the ceiling. “What the hell are those two doing in the attic?”
“Attic?”
“Yeah, I can hear them rummaging around up there. They’re in the attic.”
“Only one way to find out,” Adam said, standing to his feet. “And my guess is that it has something to do with Brian.”
“Shit,” Cale moaned. “Now that you mention it, Katy did put all those boxes from Kris’s old place up there.”
Adam acknowledged him with a nod and made his way to the stairs. “What room has access to the attic?”
“Third door on your left.”
Adam stopped and raised his eyebrows. “You comin’?”
Cale shook his head. “Nope, you’re on your own.”
Step by step, Adam tiptoed his way up the stairs and right into that room. Hearing Kris and Katy talking, he stopped and listened. It was against his better judgment, but at this point, he wasn’t capable of making any type of judgment.
“Are you sure you really want to read those, Kris?”
“I’m not sure about anything.”
“Why don’t you wait then…until you know more about what’s going on.”
“I can’t wait, Katy…what if he is alive? I need to know what those letters say.”
“Have you talked to Adam about this?” Katy asked, in a perturbed voice.
“I can’t talk to him about this, you know that. He wouldn’t understand.”
“I think you’re underestimating your husband, Kris.”
Thank you, Katy… Adam took a seat on the carpeted floor and leant up against the wall. This sounded like it could be a while and he wasn’t going anywhere.
“Maybe, maybe not. But how can I talk to him about it when I don’t even know what to think myself?”
“That’s why you need to talk to him…take it from me, you have to keep the lines of communication open, honey. If you don’t, what’s happening with Cale and myself could happen to you.”
“Just help me look through these boxes please…if we’re gone for too long, Adam and Cale are going to start looking for us,” Kris said.
“Fine, but I think you’re making a mistake by doing this, Kris.”
“Wouldn’t be the first time you thought that.”
Once Adam heard Katy confirm that she’d found the box that Kris was searching for, he stood up to leave. He didn’t want to take any chances of being seen. Slowly, he made his way down the stairs, finding Cale on the couch, watching TV.
“Well?”
Adam sat down, shrugging. “Kris’s going through Brian’s things just like I suspected and your wife should be heading down…” he trailed, pointing to the stairs. “Just about now.”
Katy bounded down the stairs. “Kris should be down in a few minutes…he wasn’t feeling too good.”
Adam looked at Cale. Cale looked at Adam.
“Did you guys want to play cards or something? Maybe get a game of Euchre going?” Katy asked, wiping down the table. “Thanks for cleaning up, guys.”
“Thank your husband,” Adam replied casually. “He did it.”
“We need four people to play Euchre, Katy,” Cale stated, flipping through the channels still. “I only see three here.”
“Kris’ll be down in a minute, guys, hang tight.”
During their wait, Adam refrained from asking any questions and acted like he was getting involved in the rerun of ‘How I Met Your Mother’, even laughing on cue when he heard Cale laugh. It had to have been a good twenty minutes before Kris finally made his way down the stairs and when he did, Adam glanced down at his watch and then over to Kris. “Feeling better?” he questioned, knowing damn well that Kris felt fine.
Slowly, Kris made his way over to the couch where Adam sat; head down and trembling. Adam immediately noticed the change in him, even from a distance. Something was wrong. “Kris, what’s wrong?”
When Kris was finally standing in front of Adam, he lifted his head. The tears were streaming down his face. Streaming. Not falling, not pouring, but streaming.
Slowly, Kris’s hand came up from his side. Adam’s head shot down when he saw how bad Kris was trembling. Looking back into his eyes, Adam lifted his hand and gently started wiping Kris’s face. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Cale get up and make his way into the kitchen.
“Adam?” he squeaked out.
“Hmmm?” he questioned, dropping his gaze again when he noticed Kris had a folded-up letter in his hand. Slowly, he reached for Kris’s hand.
“I told him I’d wait,” he whispered, gasping for air. “He thinks I’m waiting for him.”
Adam pulled Kris down onto his lap. “We’ve been over this before…you did wait. Plus you thought he was gone.” He pried Kris’s hand open, retrieving the letter from inside. “Don’t start beating yourself up over it.” His heart ached for Kris. “Please don’t start.”
“How am I g-gonna explain to h-him that I m-married someone else?” Kris gasped for air, bending over at the waist.
“Stop it,” Adam huffed, pulling Kris up by the waist and wrapping his arms around his husband. “Just knock it off now. We don’t even know if he’s alive yet and you’re worried about what you’re gonna tell him about me. If…and that’s a big if…he’s alive, Kris, you’re gonna tell him the truth.”
“That’ll k-kill him,” Kris mumbled into his chest.
Adam held on to Kris tightly, wishing he could make everything and everyone just go away. Two days ago, their lives were just fine…wonderful in fact. And today, their lives were anything but fine.
“I t-told him I’d w-wait.”
Ignoring his remark, Adam had opened up the letter and was now reading what had Kris so upset…….
Kris,
Well, this is the fifth letter I’ve written to you this past week. You’re all that I think about, sweetheart. I’m having a hard time even concentrating on what I’m supposed to be doing. Things here are pretty intense now, but because of where I’m stationed, we don’t see any of the action.
I miss you, babe. A lot. And when I get back home, I’m getting out of this gig for good. I don’t know what it’ll take to get out, but it doesn’t matter anymore. I just want out. I don’t want to do this anymore.
How are things back home? Hopefully, next weekend, I’ll be able to call home to hear your voice. I miss talking to you, holding you, kissing you…God, how I miss those damn lips of yours! But more than anything, I miss seeing your beautiful face when I wake up in the morning and how you always start off the day by telling me how much you love me.
I’m gonna be home soon, sweetheart. I don’t know when exactly, but I’ll be there before you know it and the only thing that keeps me going each and every day is knowing that you’ll be there waiting for me.
I love you.
Brian
Adam folded the letter back up and lifted Kris off his lap and to his feet. Rising to his feet himself, he stuffed the letter into his back pocket. “Get your stuff…we need to go.”
________________________________________
Sunday was just about the longest day Adam had ever encountered in his life. The heat outside combined with the humidity made it virtually impossible to even set foot outside. In his mind, his only chance of escaping reality was to go outside and get away from it all, but because of the weather, he didn’t have a choice but to remain trapped in the dark hole he was getting sucked into.
As the minutes and hours slowly ticked by, he was finding it more and more difficult to breathe. If possible, the dark hole was getting darker and he knew there was no way out of it. Even wishing something like this on his worst enemy seemed unfathomable.
Kris kept himself pretty much locked up in their bedroom, only coming out occasionally for water and/or a snack. Their friends stopped by on several different occasions, breaking up the long dreadful afternoon. Kris’s parents and Daniel kept calling few times a day. Everyone was concerned about the events taking place, but out of the bunch, only Kim was willing to speak to Adam about it.
Daniel was mostly concerned about what this meant for him and buying the house. And because Adam had neither the time nor patience to go down that avenue, he just blew him off.
Which didn’t help matters.
When the day finally ended and nightfall finally set in, Adam made his way into the bedroom, taking his place next to his husband in bed. Gathering Kris up into his arms, Adam snuggled him in close. “Everything’s going to be okay,” he whispered, not believing a single word.
“I wish I could believe that.”
Those were the only words they spoke to each other all day. That was it. And when the sun rose the next morning, Adam wasn’t surprised to find Kris sitting on the edge of the bay window seat in the east side of the room, wrapped in a blanket and staring blankly outside.
“Did you manage to get any rest at all?” he asked, sitting up to rest against the headboard.
“Not much.”
He glanced over at the alarm clock. “It’s only five o’clock. Why don’t you try and get some sleep for a few hours.”
“I can’t sleep, Adam,” Kris whispered, still avoiding any type of eye contact with Adam.
“Can I make you a cup of coffee or something?”
Kris shook his head.
“Hungry?”
Again, he shook his head.
Instead of arguing with Kris about getting his rest and eating, Adam simply got out of bed and walked over to him. Kris looked tired and emotionally drained. The bags under his eyes were dark and from what Adam could see, his eyes looked bloodshot. He placed a kiss on the top of Kris’s head. “I love you.”
Turning, he walked towards the master bathroom that adjoined the bedroom.
“Adam?”
He stopped, but didn’t turn around. “Yeah?”
“I love you too.”
By eight o’clock, they were both dressed and as ready as they could be. Adam opted just to wear jeans, keeping it casual. Kris, on the other hand, came out of the bedroom wearing a suit. He looked refreshed and wide-awake, observant of his surroundings. A complete change from what Adam’d seen earlier.
He took a seat on the couch, dropping his head back. “You look hot.”
Within a minute, Adam felt Kris take a seat next to him, dropping his head to his chest. “I’m scared,” he confessed.
“I know you are,” Adam whispered, placing his arm around his husband.
He was scared too. Scared of the unknown. But more than anything, he was scared of what the next few hours held for them…as a couple.
________________________________________
Once Adam, Kris, Bill and Julianne arrived at the Los Angeles Air Base, a government official met up with them, along with several other families and led them to a private room. They were directed inside where several more families waited.
For a room filled with well over one hundred people, it was eerily quiet. Not a single person said anything as they stood and sat huddled together.
Adam took a moment to look around. The room mostly held women and elderly couples. Couples that were undoubtedly parents of the prisoners in question, possibly even grandparents. There were a handful of teenage children who looked uncertain as to what they were supposed to do or feel. His heart went out to them, wondering how they would deal with the surprise and/or disappointment they were sure to encounter. It was truly a sad scene.
And one that was so different from what he was used to seeing at gatherings of this magnitude.
When another government official of some sort came into the room, everyone’s head swung towards him, anxious as to what the next move would be.
“The plane is due to land in fifteen minutes. We just spoke with the pilots and everything is on track. I’ll be taking all of you outside now, to an area where the passengers of the plane will be unloading. Just a word of warning…there are hundreds of reporters out there…it’s your choice whether or not you want to talk to them. They have been directed not to ask any questions whatsoever. If they do, they will be escorted out by one of the hundreds of guards that are stationed at the scene as well.”
The official took a moment to catch his breath. “There will be counselors available for any one of you or your family members throughout the day today. You were all given an information package today. Inside, you’ll find helpful info on how to deal with many of the issues you’ll be facing. We even have youth counselors on site for the children.”
He held up a package and pointed to it. “There are locations and phone numbers of counselors inside the package that will be available to help you at any time, whether it be today, tomorrow, next week, next month or a year from now. They’re there if you need them…please don’t hesitate to contact any of them, day or night.” He dropped the packet to his side and nodded. “Follow me, please.”
Kris reached for Adam’s hand, looking over at him. “Thank you for coming with me.”
Somehow he managed a small smile. “I wouldn’t have it any other way.”
They all made their way outside, where there were hundreds of camera crews and reporters from around the globe. If anything, the official underestimated and despite the fact that they were warned ahead of time, out of habit Adam stepped back for a moment, lowering his head.
He was trying to shield his face, hoping that he wouldn’t be recognized and call attention to himself.
And that’s when it hit him. This wasn’t about him. And even though he already knew that, it reinforced it.
No one would say anything to him even if he were recognized. This was not about him. This was about people…men and women…who chose to fight for what the United States of America stood for and in the grand scheme of things – gave their life.
This was about the hundreds of people who’d lost a loved one only to find out a few years later that their loved ones might very well be alive.
Adam’s head hurt, his heart ached and his stomach turned; and once the plane was in full view, everything hurt a thousand times worse. Instead of what he was used to hearing – screaming and cheering fans – not one single sound was made during the entire landing. It was a surreal moment where time seemed to stand still and life seemed to all but stop.
By the time the steps were put into place, people were talking, crying and saying their prayers – out loud and to themselves. He quickly glanced over at Julianne when he saw her fall to her knees. She was looking towards the sky, with her hands folded and praying out loud to God.
He stepped back as is took him by surprise at how vocal she was being. After a few moments, Bill pulled her to her feet and buried her head to his chest.
He couldn’t even imagine the pain they were going through.
Adam felt Kris’s hand squeeze his tighter. Looking down, he turned their hands over and quickly noticed that his husband wasn’t wearing any of his rings. No engagement ring and no wedding band. He closed his eyes, dropped his head and swallowed down the lump in his throat.
He knew exactly why Kris didn’t have them on and that’s what made it all the harder to actually accept.
Adam lifted his head when he heard a couple not too far down from him start sobbing. Glancing towards the plane, he saw the first man step foot off the plane. He looked lost, looking down at the hordes of people that were all looking at him.
“KEVIN!” The woman yelled. “KEVIN!!”
Despite the way Adam really felt, he couldn’t help but smile as the woman, obviously a parent went running towards the plane with her arms wide open.
Kevin was home.
One by one, the same scene unraveled before him and it was only a mere three minutes later that Julianne doubled over and screamed, thanking God loudly. Immediately, Adam’s head shot up and over to the plane. Slowly, the very same scenes that he’d just witnessed, took place with the people he came with.
Julianne’s prayers were answered.
Brian, too, was home.
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Date: 2011-07-23 11:26 am (UTC)very beautiful story.
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Date: 2011-07-29 12:19 pm (UTC)no subject
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Date: 2011-07-23 03:48 pm (UTC)Brian's alive?! Why didn't Kris wear his wedding or engagement ring to the air base?!
At least there's hope that Kris said "I love you" back to Adam before they left the house.
It's a shame Kris read that old letter from Brian, now he feels guilty he got closure by going to his grave.
Poor Kris, so scared what to think & feel...and poor Adam, afraid he'll lose his husband.
OMG, BB, great chapter! I'm guessing things turn out just fine with Kris & Adam, since there have been a couple flashbacks of them being interviewed & recalling these events....but fix it soon, please! :)
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Date: 2011-07-29 12:38 pm (UTC)Kris does love, Adam. He has no doubt in that regard, but he feels responsible for the man who was once his husband, and of course, Adam is all insecure about this situation.
Oh and one more thing, this is all happening after the interview ;)
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Date: 2011-07-23 08:51 pm (UTC)hope things gets better and they work things through
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