Can't Let You Go - Chapter Twenty-Four
Aug. 10th, 2011 07:58 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
something_rareTitle: Can't Let You Go - Chapter Twenty-Four
Rating: R
Pairings: Adam Lambert/Kris Allen
Disclaimer: This story is a work of fiction. The characters and events portrayed are fictitious, and any resemblance to real people or events is purely coincidental.
Beta:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
something_rare . Thanks for your patience and continuous support.
Summary: Nothing can beat true love, except...maybe another true love.
Chapter Twenty-Four
Adam carried his bags to the truck as Kris watched from the window. He watched Adam’s every move, taking it all in and placing it in his memory. It would be two weeks before he would see Adam again. And as much as he wanted to go with his husband, he couldn’t. His conscience wouldn’t allow it.
Even though he hadn’t spoke to Brian since the afternoon that his marriage became a known fact, he knew it wouldn’t be long before either he called Brian or Brian called him. And Kris needed to be available for Brian when that time came.
Neither Adam nor Kris had spoken about Brian during the four days following the confrontation, but Kris knew it was always on Adam’s mind. It was obvious in Adam’s actions alone; never mind the fact that every word that came out of Adam’s mouth was carefully thought out before ever leaving his lips.
They were both on edge.
Not the edge of ecstasy either. Adam never tried to have any physical contact with him at all, not once during the last four days. And Kris was too afraid to make any moves. He was afraid of being rejected. He knew the pressure Adam was under…between his career and Brian, Adam’s nerves were just about shot.
When Adam started towards the front door, Kris jumped up and walked over to the mirror on the dresser. Quickly, he pulled his shirt over his shoulder, leaving nothing on but a tank top.
He froze. How sexy was a tank top? Even with exposing his arms and neck, it still wasn’t sexy. ‘Dammit…it looked sexy on Brian Kinney in Queer as Folk…’
“Crap,” he mumbled, yanking the top up roughly.
“What’re you doing?”
Kris froze again, the tank top half off and covering his face. “Nothing…why?”
“You going somewhere?”
“No,” he said, still frozen.
Adam laughed, taking steps towards him. Kris could hear Adam’s keys clanking together with every step he took. “Well, don’t let me stop you from undressing.”
Swallowing down the lump in his throat, Kris sighed. If Adam were going to reject him, at least his tank top would hide the embarrassment on his face. “Do you have time for a quickie?”
Adam’s hands slid around Kris’s waist, pulling him closer. “What?”
“You heard me,” Kris mumbled quietly.
“It sounded like you just asked me if I had time for a quickie.”
“I did.”
Kris heard Adam laugh quietly, his hands rubbing Kris’s exposed tummy. “I have approximately fifteen minutes,” he said into Kris’s covered ear. “Is that enough time?”
Kris nodded.
“Is that a yes? It’s hard to tell with your head covered.”
“Yes,” he answered softly.
“You want this top on or off?” Adam’s voice was deep and husky, making Kris tremble. “What’s wrong?”
“Do you even realize how sexy you are?” Kris asked, feeling Adam’s hands make their way to his chest.
“Well,” Adam whispered, he stopped his hands before they touched Kris’s nipples and slowly let them trail to Kris’s back. “I was voted People’s Sexiest Pop Star back in the day.”
“Why doesn’t that surprise me?”
“I don’t know,” Adam said, slowly moving his hands around to the front of Kris’s body again. “You tell me.”
Kris wanted to kiss him, desperately. Yanking off his tank top, he smiled at Adam. “You…”
Adam held his finger to his lips, flashing Kris a wicked smile. “Shut up and kiss me,” he moaned. “We only have twelve minutes left.”
________________________________________
Kris rolled over on the bed to watch his husband pull his jeans up. “You’d better hurry,” he whispered, looking at the clock on the nightstand. “We took an extra ten minutes.”
Adam smiled at him while zipping up his jeans. “If I miss my flight…at least it was for a good reason.”
“Are you sure you don’t want me to take you to the airport?”
“Positive,” Adam said, throwing his t-shirt back on. “Take a nap, it’s well deserved.”
Kris smiled, a feeling of renewed closeness washing over him. It was the first time in a long time that he’d felt content and at peace and knowing that it wouldn’t last, made him desperate to try and cling on to it. “The information you had on that piece of paper in your back pocket,” he mumbled, “About whether or not my prior marriage was still valid…where’d you get it from?”
Adam sat down on the bed and ran his hand over Kris’s head. “Internet.”
“Was it a legitimate site?”
Adam’s head slowly turned towards Kris. “I think I would consider any government-run web sites pretty legitimate,” he replied flatly, watching Kris’s every move. “Were you hoping it wasn’t?”
Kris shook his head. “Absolutely not.”
“You sure?”
“Positive,” Kris said tersely. “Why would you even ask me that? I just wanted to make sure that it was on the up and up and wasn’t something you made up.”
Adam stood up from the bed, blowing out a frustrated breath. “I didn’t make anything up.” Leaning down, he placed a kiss on Kris’s forehead. “I’ll call.”
“Stop worrying, honey,” Kris said, grabbing Adam’s hand from his head. “You will do fine at your meetings…just don’t give in to them.”
“It’s not the meetings I’m worried about,” Adam said, standing up straight. Adam walked to the bedroom door and stopped, turning back to blow Kris a kiss. “I love you, sweetheart.”
“I love you too.”
Kris rolled back over and sighed loudly once he heard the front door close behind him. He was going to miss Adam. Hell, he already did and Adam wasn’t even out of the driveway yet.
Jumping to his feet, he walked over to the window and stepped between the blinds, pushing them aside. He banged on the window hard. When Adam finally turned around, he mouthed, “I love you” and blew Adam a kiss.
Adam smiled, shaking his head at the sight of his naked husband. Adam mouthed the same words back to Kris and jumped in the car, honking as he drove out of the driveway.
Slowly, Kris let the blinds fall back into place, letting out a deep breath. He should’ve just gone with Adam. It’s what he really wanted to do, but Brian was holding him back. Hearing the phone ring, he started to laugh. Grabbing the phone, he smiled. “Miss me already?”
“Kris, dear…is that you?”
His heart sank at the realization that it wasn’t his husband, but Julianne. “Hi, Julianne.”
“Kris…dear…there’s been an accident. Brian’s in the hospital.”
________________________________________
Katy pushed open the door to Brian’s sterile hospital room in haste. Not only was she concerned with what was going on with her friend; she was slightly agitated with the phone call she’d received right before leaving the house. Making her way into the room, she quickly put a halt to saying what she’d originally planned after noticing that Kris was sleeping on the chair next to Brian’s bed.
She stopped and stared for a few moments at the scene. She couldn’t help but wonder what was going on between the two of them when she noticed Kris’s hand resting on Brian’s.
She walked up to her friend and tapped him on the shoulder, dropping the bag she’d brought along to the floor. Maybe wondering wasn’t the answer. Getting Kris to open up and talk was the answer.
Kris rubbed his eyes and sat up straight in the chair, bringing his hands together in his lap. When he focused on Katy, she gave him a slight smile. “Thanks for coming,” he whispered.
Katy nodded, pointing to the bag on the floor. “I just grabbed a pair of Cale’s pants and a shirt.”
“That’s fine, thanks.”
“We need to talk,” Katy whispered, motioning towards the door. “In private.”
Kris looked over to Brian and lingered for a moment before returning her attention to her friend. “He’s asleep, let’s just talk here.”
Katy frowned, shaking her head and pointing again towards the hallway. “No…out there.”
Kris rose from the chair slowly, letting out a deep moan. “Fine.”
Katy had questions; questions she wanted answered and questions Adam wanted answered. And she was determined not to leave without them. Glancing over her shoulder to make sure Kris was following her, she took in her friend’s appearance. Kris looked tired, worn out and depressed.
It was a look that was all too familiar.
Once they were out the door, she continued walking down the hall and towards the waiting room before Kris finally said anything. “Katy, I don’t want to go too far.”
Katy stopped and turned around. “If they need you, they’ll come and find you.”
Kris’s shoulders dropped, looking defeated. “All right.”
It didn’t take long before they were both seated in the waiting room, just blankly staring at each other. Doing her best to smile, Katy tried to push the visual image of her friend out of her mind. If she didn’t, she knew she’d end up breaking down. She knew the path Kris was headed down all too well. She’d seen him head down it once before and more than anything, she didn’t want to see him do it again. It would be emotional suicide and something she was sure her friend couldn’t handle again. “Okay…what’s going on?”
“I told you on the phone already…Brian tried to commit suicide.”
“Not that,” Katy huffed. “What’re you doing here still? It’s been three days already. Why aren’t you going home and getting some rest? You said yourself that Brian’s gonna be released after a few more days of observation and therapy.”
Kris frowned, showing her discomfort. “And when he’s released, I’ll go home as well.”
“You don’t need to be here 24/7. They have nurses for that.”
Kris closed her eyes, dropping her head. “I’m the reason he’s in here,” he said quietly. “I can’t just leave.”
Katy grabbed his hand, gently rubbing the top of it with her other hand. “You are not the reason he’s in here,” she sighed, trying to reason with him. Adam warned her that it wasn’t going to be easy and already she could see that. “He’s in here because he can’t cope with reality. And the reality is you’re married to a wonderful man who loves you more than anything.” She squeezed her hand tightly. “This is killing him, you know.”
Kris’s head swung up. “How do you know?”
“Because, honey,” she trailed, letting her friend’s hand go. “He called me right after you did. He hasn’t heard from you since he left and he was worried sick. Apparently, he’s left quite a few messages that you haven’t returned.” Shaking her head, she searched Kris’s face for any sign that might clue her in as to what was going on in his head. “Why haven’t you called him to tell him what’s going on?”
Kris’s face froze in horror. “You didn’t tell him about Brian, did you?”
“Of course I did,” Katy stated. “I wasn’t about to lie to him. As it is, he wants to stop this thing they’re doing and come home.”
Kris’s eyes widened. “Oh God…he can’t do that. He’ll piss everyone off.”
Katy rubbed her forehead and did her best to relax in the chair, dropping her head back. “And cramp your plans right?”
“I didn’t say that.”
“But you were thinking it, weren’t you?”
Kris’s head fell again. “He won’t understand.”
“I don’t understand.”
“He needs me.”
“Adam needs you.”
Kris lowered her voice, leaning forward. “And Adam will make me choose.”
Katy’s head shot up from the back of the chair. “That shouldn’t even be a choice for you. Your husband should be your number-one priority.”
“Just like Cale was yours?”
“That was a low blow,” Katy said through a clenched jaw, fighting back the tears. “A really low blow.”
Kris’s hand reached out, landing on Katy’s thigh. “I know, I’m sorry…but you guys don’t understand.”
“You’re right…I don’t understand,” she replied, shaking her head. “You quit the job you loved in order to be able to travel and be with your husband.” Katy’s hand flew up, waving across the room. “Yet you’re here and he’s…God knows where today.”
Kris stood up from his chair, grinding his hands into his hips. “I didn’t ask for this to happen, okay? But I can’t just ignore it now that it has happened…I can’t just walk away.” He sighed. “My God…he was my husband, Katy…he was my first love and he’s been through hell. How can I just walk away from that?”
“I don’t know,” Katy answered honestly, grabbing her friend’s arm and forcing him to sit back down. “But you don’t have a choice but to walk away. You have to let him work through this on his own. You’re not married to him anymore.”
“He’ll kill himself,” Kris whispered. “He’s already tried.”
“Listen, Kris,” she said quietly. “You know that I like Brian…I always have…but what happened a couple days ago should be a wake-up call to you.” Sighing loudly, she stopped for a minute to carefully think out her next words. “Brian’s a smart man. The pills he took probably weren’t worth the water he swallowed them down with and he knew that. If he really wanted to kill himself, he would’ve used a sure-proof method.”
Kris gasped, turning his head towards Katy. “Are you saying that this was a hoax?”
“What I think it was, was his way of making sure you stick around.”
“I can’t believe you,” Kris huffed, making a face while shaking his head rapidly from side to side. “He’s been through hell.”
“I know he has and I don’t deny the fact that he needs some major help,” she replied with a quiet voice. “But you’re not the one that needs to help. He needs a professional.”
“God,” Kris moaned, standing to his feet again. “Is this what Adam thinks?”
Katy stood to her feet, pulling her friend into a hug. “What Adam thinks right now, is that he’s losing his husband, the man he loves more than life itself and from where he stands, there isn’t a hell of a lot he can do about it. How can he compete with someone who’s willing to go out on a limb and hurt himself just to get your attention?”
Kris pulled out of the hug, shoving Katy aside. “He didn’t do this for my attention!”
“Yes, he did, Kris.”
“He did this because he’s confused, hurt and not thinking straight.”
“Can’t you see what is happening here?” Katy turned to leave, shaking her head. There was no use in arguing about it. “He’s got you right where he wants you. And I’m sure it’d please him no end to know that you’re defending him right now.”
Kris grabbed Katy’s arm, making her stop. “He doesn’t have a hidden agenda, Katy…he’s not like that.” He blew out a breath and shrugged. “You remember what he was like, don’t you? He wouldn’t do something like that…he just wouldn’t.”
“People change, Kris,” she whispered. “You should know that better than anyone. It took you years and finding Adam to realize that…but you changed too.”
Kris dropped his hold on Katy’s arm.
“Don’t forget that,” Katy pleaded. “Adam was the one that made you feel alive again. You only knew that man for a couple days and you were head over heels and planning your wedding. Even with Brian, it didn’t happen that fast.”
“I know that, okay?” Kris shot back. “I love Adam…this isn’t about my relationship with Adam. He knows that I love him.”
“Are you sure about that?”
“Why?” Kris moaned, grabbing his friend’s arm again. “Did he say something to you?”
Katy shook her head. He didn’t come out and actually say those words to her…but she could read into what he did say.
“I keep telling him that this isn’t about us, because it isn’t. It’s about Brian and helping him get up to speed so that he can move on with his life.”
“And you’re okay with him moving on without you?” Katy questioned with sadness. “Because I honestly don’t think that you’ll be okay with it.” Shrugging, she walked out and left Kris standing there.
________________________________________
Kris finished changing his clothes in the bathroom and then made his way back to Brian’s bedside. His mind was reeling with everything that Katy had said to him. How on earth could anyone think that Brian would try and commit suicide just to get his attention? He already had Kris’s attention. It didn’t make any sense and he didn’t believe it, not for one second.
Taking a seat, his arm reached out and swept across Brian’s arm. “You awake?”
“Barely,” he said, turning his head to Kris. “Where were you?”
Kris sighed. “Katy stopped by to bring me some fresh clothes and we went to the cafeteria for a coffee.”
“Oh,” Brian said quietly. “I thought maybe you might’ve gone home.”
Kris shook his head slightly. “There’s nothing to go home to.”
Brian’s head rose slightly off the pillow. “Adam left you?”
Kris continued to shake his head, noticing the slight smile on Brian’s face. “No, but he had business to take care of. He’ll be gone for the next two weeks.”
Brian’s head fell back against the pillow. “What’s he do for a living that he’d be gone for two weeks at a time?”
Staring at him, Kris pondered whether or not to come out with the truth. How would he react to hearing that Adam was famous? “Well…” he trailed hesitantly. “He’s a musician and he is out there right now working on his album.”
“Mmmm, I see.” Brian hit the remote TV buttons on the side of his bed and pointed towards the television hanging from the wall. “What’s good tonight? Anything?”
That was easy. Brian didn’t even ask him to elaborate. Kris looked up at the TV and shrugged. “I really don’t watch a lot of television. Not much worth looking at nowadays.”
Channel surfing, Brian bolted up into a sitting position. “Oh my God…is that Prince William?”
Kris couldn’t help but start to laugh. “Yes, it was his wedding today.”
“What the fuck happened to his hair?”
“Be nice…you used to think he was hot.”
Kris relaxed in the chair while they continued to watch the special in silence. His mind was a million miles away, somewhere else. He didn’t care about the royal wedding, so he just tuned it out and replayed the whole conversation he had with Katy over and over.
Would he be okay with Brian moving on with his life without him? He was pretty sure he would be, but at the same time...he couldn't be absolutely positive.
Slowly, his eyes darted over to Brian. He still couldn’t believe that Brian was alive, there and in the flesh. It was almost too much to comprehend. But at the same time, he was alive, there and in the flesh. And there was no way the man he used to call husband, would ever try something as serious as suicide to get his attention. No way.
“Is that Harry?” Brian questioned, raising his head off the pillow again. “Wow! He looks ugly!”
“Would you be nice?” Kris shot back. “Beauty is skin deep, Brian…the inside is what matters, right?”
Brian’s head dropped. Letting it fall to the side, he stared at Kris without saying anything for a while. “Is that what attracted you to Adam?” he questioned, raising his eyebrows. “No offense or anything…but he isn’t your type. You used to hate make-up on guys.”
Kris was resting his head on the back of the rocking chair. Slowly, he let it roll to face Brian. He loved Adam’s makeup. “I guess I don’t hate it anymore.”
“I guess not,” Brian huffed, running his hand through his hair. “Maybe I should wear make-up too then.”
Before Kris could respond, Julianne and Bill made their way through the doors with carryout bags in hand. “Hi, Kris,” Julianne said, making her way to him. “Brian…honey…how are you doing?”
“Fine, mom,” Brian replied, looking to his dad. “Hey, dad.”
“Hello, you two.”
“We thought you two might be hungry for something other than hospital food so we brought you your favorite,” Julianne said, handing a bag to Kris. “Honey…you need to head home and get some rest. You looked exhausted.”
Kris tried his best to smile. “Actually…I’m planning on heading home in a little bit.”
“Good…but first you need to eat before you fade away to nothing,” Julianne said, placing a kiss on her son’s cheek. “And you…has the doctor told you when you’re gonna be released?”
“The day after tomorrow,” Brian replied quietly. “With the agreement that I’m to stay with you and see my therapist that they’ve assigned to my case every day.” He raked his hand through his short hair and looked over at Kris. “They’ve also recommended that I attend group therapy sessions with other military personnel who’ve been through trying ordeals.”
Kris shifted in his chair. Brian’s stare was making him uncomfortable.
“They also said that it would be a good idea if I had someone come along with me to the group therapy sessions,” Brian continued, still staring his way. “Kris…I would really like it if you could go to those with me. They only meet three times a week.”
Only three times? Immediately, his thoughts drifted to Adam and what his reaction would be to him accompanying Brian. He wouldn’t like it one bit. Kris already knew that. Smiling to cover his discomfort, he noticed Julianne looking at him now. “Well…”
“Please,” Brian pleaded. “I don’t want to push you into it or anything, but I’ve thought it over and having you with me makes the most sense. Maybe, it would be beneficial to you as well.” Brian reached out and motioned for Kris’s hand. “Maybe it could help both of us deal with everything’s that happened.”
Kris bit his bottom lip, fidgeting while everyone’s eyes were on him. His hand went up to meet Brian’s. Bill and Julianne were counting on him, he could tell. Brian was counting on him too. “Sure,” he said without complete conviction that it was the right thing to do. “Anything to help.”
Bill sat down on the window ledge seat and sighed. “That’d be great…we want nothing more than to see you two happy and healthy.”
“Will you be able to go with work?” Brian asked, pulling his hand away and grabbing the control to move his bed into an upright position. “I’m pretty sure they have both afternoon and evening sessions available.”
Kris closed his eyes and sighed. Evening sessions were going to be out of the question if he was going to try and keep this from Adam. Which…he’d already decided in the short time that he was definitely going to do. “Morning would be better,” he replied. “Definitely morning.”
“What about work though?”
Kris shifted in his chair again. “I don’t work anymore Brian. I quit a couple months ago.”
________________________________________
Kris slammed the front door closed and immediately turned on the light. The house felt cold and lonely. He felt cold and lonely. He was also uptight and tired. During the entire dinner at the hospital, Brian bombarded him with question after question after question about why he would quit his job.
After a tense fifteen minutes of Brian’s badgering, Kris finally relented and told him the truth. He quit because he wanted to be with Adam and the only way for that to happen was for Kris to quit his job…at least for a while.
With that, Brian went ballistic, cursing Adam left and right. That’s when his parents stepped out of the room and that’s when Kris lost his cool as well. Within ten minutes of his rebuttal, he was filling Brian in on exactly what Adam did and why it wouldn’t work any other way than for him to quit his job.
Kris thought that that would shut Brian up. But just the contrary, it only made matters worse. Brian couldn’t understand why Kris would allow Adam’s career to dictate his own career and again. It started another round of questions to which Kris finally decided to call it a night and head home.
Brian didn’t understand. And Kris couldn’t make him understand. So when he finally left, he told Brian that it was a subject that he wasn’t to bring up again or else he wouldn’t attend the group therapy sessions with him.
Period.
Walking over to the refrigerator, he opened the door and jumped when he heard the phone ring. It was well past eleven o’clock. It could only be one person.
“Hello?”
“Hey,” Adam said. “It’s about damn time that you answered the phone.”
“Sorry,” he responded quietly, taking a seat at the kitchen table. “I’ve been meaning to call you back.”
“Then why haven’t you?”
Kris closed his eyes and took a deep breath. Adam already knew the situation. “I’ve been at the hospital with Brian.”
Adam didn’t say anything. Not a single word. And Kris knew exactly why he was being so quiet too…he was planning out the phrasing of his next words ever so carefully, like he had already been doing on several occasions with Kris. Adam might have thought that Kris didn’t notice, but he did, every single time.
“How’s he doing?”
Surprised, Kris quickly started stumbling for words. He hadn’t expected that. What he expected was for Adam to start laying into him about how Brian did this for his attention. After all, that’s what Katy did. “Um…um…he’s doing okay. He’ll be leaving the hospital…” Kris trailed, glancing over at the clock. It was past midnight. “Tomorrow.”
Again, there was silence. Silence that made Kris uneasy with anticipation of what was to come next.
“I see,” Adam stated dryly.
Okay, this was starting to put Kris on edge waiting for the other shoe to drop. There was going to be another shoe, right?
“I would appreciate it the next time something like this happens, that you call me and tell me yourself,” Adam said in a cool tone. “I didn’t appreciate finding this out from Katy.”
“I understand,” Kris replied meekly. “And I’m sorry that I didn’t call you myself, but I’ve been at the hospital ever since Julianne called me.”
When he heard Adam groan, Kris immediately regretted saying what he had. Maybe Adam wasn’t aware that he had been at the hospital continually.
“So I’ve heard.”
Okay, Adam was aware of it. Kris swallowed hard, closing his eyes. “So, how’s everything going with you? Are the meetings all going okay?”
“I guess,” Adam replied casually.
Kris took a deep breath and sighed. The conversation wasn’t going too well. Closing his eyes again, he covered them with his free hand and leaned his elbow on the table. “Listen, honey…I know you think the same thing Katy does about Brian and this attempt at suicide of his.”
Stopping for a second, Kris waited to hear if Adam was about to try and say anything. When he was sure that Adam wasn’t, he took another deep breath. “But he didn’t do it for my attention…he did it because he’s mentally unstable right now. And after everything he’s been through, is it any surprise?”
Adam cleared his throat, but remained quiet.
“I know you think that I’m spending too much time with him and you probably don’t like it, but I don’t know what else to do. He needs me right now.”
“Let me ask you something,” Adam stated, blowing out a held in breath. “If the situation were reversed and I was spending every waking moment with Patrick…how would you feel?”
What? Kris’s head flew up at hearing his uncalled for question. “You can’t even compare it to that. This is totally different. You hate Patrick.”
“Whoa…wait a minute,” he responded sharply. “Whoever said I hated him? Not me.”
Kris moaned, showing his discomfort. “Okay, so maybe you never said that, but I pretty much thought it was implied.”
“Well, I’m sorry if I gave you that impression, because I don’t hate him…not at all.” There were a few seconds there where Adam didn’t say anything, except for the occasional sigh. Clearing his throat rather loudly, he continued, “Despite our relationship turning to shit, he isn’t someone I hate. In fact, except for the occasional person here or there, I don’t hate anyone.”
“Except Brian,” Kris grunted.
“I don’t even know Brian,” Adam grumbled. “Don’t be putting words into my mouth.”
Kris looked at the clock again and sighed. If he didn’t put an end to this conversation soon, it was going to turn ugly and they’d end up fighting. “I should probably go.”
“You never answered my question,” Adam stated sternly.
Kris moaned. “God,” he mumbled, shaking his head. “I wouldn’t like it, Adam but there’s special circumstances here. I didn’t ask for this to happen, okay? You and Katy act like this is something I asked for and it isn’t.” Kris took in a deep breath, “How can I just turn my back on him now? If it weren’t for my trip to Cozumel and us meeting…” he trailed, quickly stopping mid-sentence before he went too far.
“If it weren’t for us getting together then you’d be with him again?” Adam moaned into the phone. “Is that what you were going to say?”
Kris didn’t know what he was going to say. But, he was pretty sure that Adam’d pretty much nailed it on the head, “Probably, yes.”
“I’ve gotta go,” Adam said tersely. “Unless there’s a problem here, I won’t be calling. Chances are, you won’t be around anyway. I guess I’ll see you when I get back.”
Kris’s heart felt like it was breaking in two and crying as well. He knew he was hurting Adam. He knew he was hurting Brian. And he damn well knew he was hurting himself, but he didn’t know how to make it all stop. “I do love you.”
“Goodnight.”
Rating: R
Pairings: Adam Lambert/Kris Allen
Disclaimer: This story is a work of fiction. The characters and events portrayed are fictitious, and any resemblance to real people or events is purely coincidental.
Beta:
something_rare . Thanks for your patience and continuous support.Summary: Nothing can beat true love, except...maybe another true love.
Chapter Twenty-Four
Adam carried his bags to the truck as Kris watched from the window. He watched Adam’s every move, taking it all in and placing it in his memory. It would be two weeks before he would see Adam again. And as much as he wanted to go with his husband, he couldn’t. His conscience wouldn’t allow it.
Even though he hadn’t spoke to Brian since the afternoon that his marriage became a known fact, he knew it wouldn’t be long before either he called Brian or Brian called him. And Kris needed to be available for Brian when that time came.
Neither Adam nor Kris had spoken about Brian during the four days following the confrontation, but Kris knew it was always on Adam’s mind. It was obvious in Adam’s actions alone; never mind the fact that every word that came out of Adam’s mouth was carefully thought out before ever leaving his lips.
They were both on edge.
Not the edge of ecstasy either. Adam never tried to have any physical contact with him at all, not once during the last four days. And Kris was too afraid to make any moves. He was afraid of being rejected. He knew the pressure Adam was under…between his career and Brian, Adam’s nerves were just about shot.
When Adam started towards the front door, Kris jumped up and walked over to the mirror on the dresser. Quickly, he pulled his shirt over his shoulder, leaving nothing on but a tank top.
He froze. How sexy was a tank top? Even with exposing his arms and neck, it still wasn’t sexy. ‘Dammit…it looked sexy on Brian Kinney in Queer as Folk…’
“Crap,” he mumbled, yanking the top up roughly.
“What’re you doing?”
Kris froze again, the tank top half off and covering his face. “Nothing…why?”
“You going somewhere?”
“No,” he said, still frozen.
Adam laughed, taking steps towards him. Kris could hear Adam’s keys clanking together with every step he took. “Well, don’t let me stop you from undressing.”
Swallowing down the lump in his throat, Kris sighed. If Adam were going to reject him, at least his tank top would hide the embarrassment on his face. “Do you have time for a quickie?”
Adam’s hands slid around Kris’s waist, pulling him closer. “What?”
“You heard me,” Kris mumbled quietly.
“It sounded like you just asked me if I had time for a quickie.”
“I did.”
Kris heard Adam laugh quietly, his hands rubbing Kris’s exposed tummy. “I have approximately fifteen minutes,” he said into Kris’s covered ear. “Is that enough time?”
Kris nodded.
“Is that a yes? It’s hard to tell with your head covered.”
“Yes,” he answered softly.
“You want this top on or off?” Adam’s voice was deep and husky, making Kris tremble. “What’s wrong?”
“Do you even realize how sexy you are?” Kris asked, feeling Adam’s hands make their way to his chest.
“Well,” Adam whispered, he stopped his hands before they touched Kris’s nipples and slowly let them trail to Kris’s back. “I was voted People’s Sexiest Pop Star back in the day.”
“Why doesn’t that surprise me?”
“I don’t know,” Adam said, slowly moving his hands around to the front of Kris’s body again. “You tell me.”
Kris wanted to kiss him, desperately. Yanking off his tank top, he smiled at Adam. “You…”
Adam held his finger to his lips, flashing Kris a wicked smile. “Shut up and kiss me,” he moaned. “We only have twelve minutes left.”
________________________________________
Kris rolled over on the bed to watch his husband pull his jeans up. “You’d better hurry,” he whispered, looking at the clock on the nightstand. “We took an extra ten minutes.”
Adam smiled at him while zipping up his jeans. “If I miss my flight…at least it was for a good reason.”
“Are you sure you don’t want me to take you to the airport?”
“Positive,” Adam said, throwing his t-shirt back on. “Take a nap, it’s well deserved.”
Kris smiled, a feeling of renewed closeness washing over him. It was the first time in a long time that he’d felt content and at peace and knowing that it wouldn’t last, made him desperate to try and cling on to it. “The information you had on that piece of paper in your back pocket,” he mumbled, “About whether or not my prior marriage was still valid…where’d you get it from?”
Adam sat down on the bed and ran his hand over Kris’s head. “Internet.”
“Was it a legitimate site?”
Adam’s head slowly turned towards Kris. “I think I would consider any government-run web sites pretty legitimate,” he replied flatly, watching Kris’s every move. “Were you hoping it wasn’t?”
Kris shook his head. “Absolutely not.”
“You sure?”
“Positive,” Kris said tersely. “Why would you even ask me that? I just wanted to make sure that it was on the up and up and wasn’t something you made up.”
Adam stood up from the bed, blowing out a frustrated breath. “I didn’t make anything up.” Leaning down, he placed a kiss on Kris’s forehead. “I’ll call.”
“Stop worrying, honey,” Kris said, grabbing Adam’s hand from his head. “You will do fine at your meetings…just don’t give in to them.”
“It’s not the meetings I’m worried about,” Adam said, standing up straight. Adam walked to the bedroom door and stopped, turning back to blow Kris a kiss. “I love you, sweetheart.”
“I love you too.”
Kris rolled back over and sighed loudly once he heard the front door close behind him. He was going to miss Adam. Hell, he already did and Adam wasn’t even out of the driveway yet.
Jumping to his feet, he walked over to the window and stepped between the blinds, pushing them aside. He banged on the window hard. When Adam finally turned around, he mouthed, “I love you” and blew Adam a kiss.
Adam smiled, shaking his head at the sight of his naked husband. Adam mouthed the same words back to Kris and jumped in the car, honking as he drove out of the driveway.
Slowly, Kris let the blinds fall back into place, letting out a deep breath. He should’ve just gone with Adam. It’s what he really wanted to do, but Brian was holding him back. Hearing the phone ring, he started to laugh. Grabbing the phone, he smiled. “Miss me already?”
“Kris, dear…is that you?”
His heart sank at the realization that it wasn’t his husband, but Julianne. “Hi, Julianne.”
“Kris…dear…there’s been an accident. Brian’s in the hospital.”
________________________________________
Katy pushed open the door to Brian’s sterile hospital room in haste. Not only was she concerned with what was going on with her friend; she was slightly agitated with the phone call she’d received right before leaving the house. Making her way into the room, she quickly put a halt to saying what she’d originally planned after noticing that Kris was sleeping on the chair next to Brian’s bed.
She stopped and stared for a few moments at the scene. She couldn’t help but wonder what was going on between the two of them when she noticed Kris’s hand resting on Brian’s.
She walked up to her friend and tapped him on the shoulder, dropping the bag she’d brought along to the floor. Maybe wondering wasn’t the answer. Getting Kris to open up and talk was the answer.
Kris rubbed his eyes and sat up straight in the chair, bringing his hands together in his lap. When he focused on Katy, she gave him a slight smile. “Thanks for coming,” he whispered.
Katy nodded, pointing to the bag on the floor. “I just grabbed a pair of Cale’s pants and a shirt.”
“That’s fine, thanks.”
“We need to talk,” Katy whispered, motioning towards the door. “In private.”
Kris looked over to Brian and lingered for a moment before returning her attention to her friend. “He’s asleep, let’s just talk here.”
Katy frowned, shaking her head and pointing again towards the hallway. “No…out there.”
Kris rose from the chair slowly, letting out a deep moan. “Fine.”
Katy had questions; questions she wanted answered and questions Adam wanted answered. And she was determined not to leave without them. Glancing over her shoulder to make sure Kris was following her, she took in her friend’s appearance. Kris looked tired, worn out and depressed.
It was a look that was all too familiar.
Once they were out the door, she continued walking down the hall and towards the waiting room before Kris finally said anything. “Katy, I don’t want to go too far.”
Katy stopped and turned around. “If they need you, they’ll come and find you.”
Kris’s shoulders dropped, looking defeated. “All right.”
It didn’t take long before they were both seated in the waiting room, just blankly staring at each other. Doing her best to smile, Katy tried to push the visual image of her friend out of her mind. If she didn’t, she knew she’d end up breaking down. She knew the path Kris was headed down all too well. She’d seen him head down it once before and more than anything, she didn’t want to see him do it again. It would be emotional suicide and something she was sure her friend couldn’t handle again. “Okay…what’s going on?”
“I told you on the phone already…Brian tried to commit suicide.”
“Not that,” Katy huffed. “What’re you doing here still? It’s been three days already. Why aren’t you going home and getting some rest? You said yourself that Brian’s gonna be released after a few more days of observation and therapy.”
Kris frowned, showing her discomfort. “And when he’s released, I’ll go home as well.”
“You don’t need to be here 24/7. They have nurses for that.”
Kris closed her eyes, dropping her head. “I’m the reason he’s in here,” he said quietly. “I can’t just leave.”
Katy grabbed his hand, gently rubbing the top of it with her other hand. “You are not the reason he’s in here,” she sighed, trying to reason with him. Adam warned her that it wasn’t going to be easy and already she could see that. “He’s in here because he can’t cope with reality. And the reality is you’re married to a wonderful man who loves you more than anything.” She squeezed her hand tightly. “This is killing him, you know.”
Kris’s head swung up. “How do you know?”
“Because, honey,” she trailed, letting her friend’s hand go. “He called me right after you did. He hasn’t heard from you since he left and he was worried sick. Apparently, he’s left quite a few messages that you haven’t returned.” Shaking her head, she searched Kris’s face for any sign that might clue her in as to what was going on in his head. “Why haven’t you called him to tell him what’s going on?”
Kris’s face froze in horror. “You didn’t tell him about Brian, did you?”
“Of course I did,” Katy stated. “I wasn’t about to lie to him. As it is, he wants to stop this thing they’re doing and come home.”
Kris’s eyes widened. “Oh God…he can’t do that. He’ll piss everyone off.”
Katy rubbed her forehead and did her best to relax in the chair, dropping her head back. “And cramp your plans right?”
“I didn’t say that.”
“But you were thinking it, weren’t you?”
Kris’s head fell again. “He won’t understand.”
“I don’t understand.”
“He needs me.”
“Adam needs you.”
Kris lowered her voice, leaning forward. “And Adam will make me choose.”
Katy’s head shot up from the back of the chair. “That shouldn’t even be a choice for you. Your husband should be your number-one priority.”
“Just like Cale was yours?”
“That was a low blow,” Katy said through a clenched jaw, fighting back the tears. “A really low blow.”
Kris’s hand reached out, landing on Katy’s thigh. “I know, I’m sorry…but you guys don’t understand.”
“You’re right…I don’t understand,” she replied, shaking her head. “You quit the job you loved in order to be able to travel and be with your husband.” Katy’s hand flew up, waving across the room. “Yet you’re here and he’s…God knows where today.”
Kris stood up from his chair, grinding his hands into his hips. “I didn’t ask for this to happen, okay? But I can’t just ignore it now that it has happened…I can’t just walk away.” He sighed. “My God…he was my husband, Katy…he was my first love and he’s been through hell. How can I just walk away from that?”
“I don’t know,” Katy answered honestly, grabbing her friend’s arm and forcing him to sit back down. “But you don’t have a choice but to walk away. You have to let him work through this on his own. You’re not married to him anymore.”
“He’ll kill himself,” Kris whispered. “He’s already tried.”
“Listen, Kris,” she said quietly. “You know that I like Brian…I always have…but what happened a couple days ago should be a wake-up call to you.” Sighing loudly, she stopped for a minute to carefully think out her next words. “Brian’s a smart man. The pills he took probably weren’t worth the water he swallowed them down with and he knew that. If he really wanted to kill himself, he would’ve used a sure-proof method.”
Kris gasped, turning his head towards Katy. “Are you saying that this was a hoax?”
“What I think it was, was his way of making sure you stick around.”
“I can’t believe you,” Kris huffed, making a face while shaking his head rapidly from side to side. “He’s been through hell.”
“I know he has and I don’t deny the fact that he needs some major help,” she replied with a quiet voice. “But you’re not the one that needs to help. He needs a professional.”
“God,” Kris moaned, standing to his feet again. “Is this what Adam thinks?”
Katy stood to her feet, pulling her friend into a hug. “What Adam thinks right now, is that he’s losing his husband, the man he loves more than life itself and from where he stands, there isn’t a hell of a lot he can do about it. How can he compete with someone who’s willing to go out on a limb and hurt himself just to get your attention?”
Kris pulled out of the hug, shoving Katy aside. “He didn’t do this for my attention!”
“Yes, he did, Kris.”
“He did this because he’s confused, hurt and not thinking straight.”
“Can’t you see what is happening here?” Katy turned to leave, shaking her head. There was no use in arguing about it. “He’s got you right where he wants you. And I’m sure it’d please him no end to know that you’re defending him right now.”
Kris grabbed Katy’s arm, making her stop. “He doesn’t have a hidden agenda, Katy…he’s not like that.” He blew out a breath and shrugged. “You remember what he was like, don’t you? He wouldn’t do something like that…he just wouldn’t.”
“People change, Kris,” she whispered. “You should know that better than anyone. It took you years and finding Adam to realize that…but you changed too.”
Kris dropped his hold on Katy’s arm.
“Don’t forget that,” Katy pleaded. “Adam was the one that made you feel alive again. You only knew that man for a couple days and you were head over heels and planning your wedding. Even with Brian, it didn’t happen that fast.”
“I know that, okay?” Kris shot back. “I love Adam…this isn’t about my relationship with Adam. He knows that I love him.”
“Are you sure about that?”
“Why?” Kris moaned, grabbing his friend’s arm again. “Did he say something to you?”
Katy shook her head. He didn’t come out and actually say those words to her…but she could read into what he did say.
“I keep telling him that this isn’t about us, because it isn’t. It’s about Brian and helping him get up to speed so that he can move on with his life.”
“And you’re okay with him moving on without you?” Katy questioned with sadness. “Because I honestly don’t think that you’ll be okay with it.” Shrugging, she walked out and left Kris standing there.
________________________________________
Kris finished changing his clothes in the bathroom and then made his way back to Brian’s bedside. His mind was reeling with everything that Katy had said to him. How on earth could anyone think that Brian would try and commit suicide just to get his attention? He already had Kris’s attention. It didn’t make any sense and he didn’t believe it, not for one second.
Taking a seat, his arm reached out and swept across Brian’s arm. “You awake?”
“Barely,” he said, turning his head to Kris. “Where were you?”
Kris sighed. “Katy stopped by to bring me some fresh clothes and we went to the cafeteria for a coffee.”
“Oh,” Brian said quietly. “I thought maybe you might’ve gone home.”
Kris shook his head slightly. “There’s nothing to go home to.”
Brian’s head rose slightly off the pillow. “Adam left you?”
Kris continued to shake his head, noticing the slight smile on Brian’s face. “No, but he had business to take care of. He’ll be gone for the next two weeks.”
Brian’s head fell back against the pillow. “What’s he do for a living that he’d be gone for two weeks at a time?”
Staring at him, Kris pondered whether or not to come out with the truth. How would he react to hearing that Adam was famous? “Well…” he trailed hesitantly. “He’s a musician and he is out there right now working on his album.”
“Mmmm, I see.” Brian hit the remote TV buttons on the side of his bed and pointed towards the television hanging from the wall. “What’s good tonight? Anything?”
That was easy. Brian didn’t even ask him to elaborate. Kris looked up at the TV and shrugged. “I really don’t watch a lot of television. Not much worth looking at nowadays.”
Channel surfing, Brian bolted up into a sitting position. “Oh my God…is that Prince William?”
Kris couldn’t help but start to laugh. “Yes, it was his wedding today.”
“What the fuck happened to his hair?”
“Be nice…you used to think he was hot.”
Kris relaxed in the chair while they continued to watch the special in silence. His mind was a million miles away, somewhere else. He didn’t care about the royal wedding, so he just tuned it out and replayed the whole conversation he had with Katy over and over.
Would he be okay with Brian moving on with his life without him? He was pretty sure he would be, but at the same time...he couldn't be absolutely positive.
Slowly, his eyes darted over to Brian. He still couldn’t believe that Brian was alive, there and in the flesh. It was almost too much to comprehend. But at the same time, he was alive, there and in the flesh. And there was no way the man he used to call husband, would ever try something as serious as suicide to get his attention. No way.
“Is that Harry?” Brian questioned, raising his head off the pillow again. “Wow! He looks ugly!”
“Would you be nice?” Kris shot back. “Beauty is skin deep, Brian…the inside is what matters, right?”
Brian’s head dropped. Letting it fall to the side, he stared at Kris without saying anything for a while. “Is that what attracted you to Adam?” he questioned, raising his eyebrows. “No offense or anything…but he isn’t your type. You used to hate make-up on guys.”
Kris was resting his head on the back of the rocking chair. Slowly, he let it roll to face Brian. He loved Adam’s makeup. “I guess I don’t hate it anymore.”
“I guess not,” Brian huffed, running his hand through his hair. “Maybe I should wear make-up too then.”
Before Kris could respond, Julianne and Bill made their way through the doors with carryout bags in hand. “Hi, Kris,” Julianne said, making her way to him. “Brian…honey…how are you doing?”
“Fine, mom,” Brian replied, looking to his dad. “Hey, dad.”
“Hello, you two.”
“We thought you two might be hungry for something other than hospital food so we brought you your favorite,” Julianne said, handing a bag to Kris. “Honey…you need to head home and get some rest. You looked exhausted.”
Kris tried his best to smile. “Actually…I’m planning on heading home in a little bit.”
“Good…but first you need to eat before you fade away to nothing,” Julianne said, placing a kiss on her son’s cheek. “And you…has the doctor told you when you’re gonna be released?”
“The day after tomorrow,” Brian replied quietly. “With the agreement that I’m to stay with you and see my therapist that they’ve assigned to my case every day.” He raked his hand through his short hair and looked over at Kris. “They’ve also recommended that I attend group therapy sessions with other military personnel who’ve been through trying ordeals.”
Kris shifted in his chair. Brian’s stare was making him uncomfortable.
“They also said that it would be a good idea if I had someone come along with me to the group therapy sessions,” Brian continued, still staring his way. “Kris…I would really like it if you could go to those with me. They only meet three times a week.”
Only three times? Immediately, his thoughts drifted to Adam and what his reaction would be to him accompanying Brian. He wouldn’t like it one bit. Kris already knew that. Smiling to cover his discomfort, he noticed Julianne looking at him now. “Well…”
“Please,” Brian pleaded. “I don’t want to push you into it or anything, but I’ve thought it over and having you with me makes the most sense. Maybe, it would be beneficial to you as well.” Brian reached out and motioned for Kris’s hand. “Maybe it could help both of us deal with everything’s that happened.”
Kris bit his bottom lip, fidgeting while everyone’s eyes were on him. His hand went up to meet Brian’s. Bill and Julianne were counting on him, he could tell. Brian was counting on him too. “Sure,” he said without complete conviction that it was the right thing to do. “Anything to help.”
Bill sat down on the window ledge seat and sighed. “That’d be great…we want nothing more than to see you two happy and healthy.”
“Will you be able to go with work?” Brian asked, pulling his hand away and grabbing the control to move his bed into an upright position. “I’m pretty sure they have both afternoon and evening sessions available.”
Kris closed his eyes and sighed. Evening sessions were going to be out of the question if he was going to try and keep this from Adam. Which…he’d already decided in the short time that he was definitely going to do. “Morning would be better,” he replied. “Definitely morning.”
“What about work though?”
Kris shifted in his chair again. “I don’t work anymore Brian. I quit a couple months ago.”
________________________________________
Kris slammed the front door closed and immediately turned on the light. The house felt cold and lonely. He felt cold and lonely. He was also uptight and tired. During the entire dinner at the hospital, Brian bombarded him with question after question after question about why he would quit his job.
After a tense fifteen minutes of Brian’s badgering, Kris finally relented and told him the truth. He quit because he wanted to be with Adam and the only way for that to happen was for Kris to quit his job…at least for a while.
With that, Brian went ballistic, cursing Adam left and right. That’s when his parents stepped out of the room and that’s when Kris lost his cool as well. Within ten minutes of his rebuttal, he was filling Brian in on exactly what Adam did and why it wouldn’t work any other way than for him to quit his job.
Kris thought that that would shut Brian up. But just the contrary, it only made matters worse. Brian couldn’t understand why Kris would allow Adam’s career to dictate his own career and again. It started another round of questions to which Kris finally decided to call it a night and head home.
Brian didn’t understand. And Kris couldn’t make him understand. So when he finally left, he told Brian that it was a subject that he wasn’t to bring up again or else he wouldn’t attend the group therapy sessions with him.
Period.
Walking over to the refrigerator, he opened the door and jumped when he heard the phone ring. It was well past eleven o’clock. It could only be one person.
“Hello?”
“Hey,” Adam said. “It’s about damn time that you answered the phone.”
“Sorry,” he responded quietly, taking a seat at the kitchen table. “I’ve been meaning to call you back.”
“Then why haven’t you?”
Kris closed his eyes and took a deep breath. Adam already knew the situation. “I’ve been at the hospital with Brian.”
Adam didn’t say anything. Not a single word. And Kris knew exactly why he was being so quiet too…he was planning out the phrasing of his next words ever so carefully, like he had already been doing on several occasions with Kris. Adam might have thought that Kris didn’t notice, but he did, every single time.
“How’s he doing?”
Surprised, Kris quickly started stumbling for words. He hadn’t expected that. What he expected was for Adam to start laying into him about how Brian did this for his attention. After all, that’s what Katy did. “Um…um…he’s doing okay. He’ll be leaving the hospital…” Kris trailed, glancing over at the clock. It was past midnight. “Tomorrow.”
Again, there was silence. Silence that made Kris uneasy with anticipation of what was to come next.
“I see,” Adam stated dryly.
Okay, this was starting to put Kris on edge waiting for the other shoe to drop. There was going to be another shoe, right?
“I would appreciate it the next time something like this happens, that you call me and tell me yourself,” Adam said in a cool tone. “I didn’t appreciate finding this out from Katy.”
“I understand,” Kris replied meekly. “And I’m sorry that I didn’t call you myself, but I’ve been at the hospital ever since Julianne called me.”
When he heard Adam groan, Kris immediately regretted saying what he had. Maybe Adam wasn’t aware that he had been at the hospital continually.
“So I’ve heard.”
Okay, Adam was aware of it. Kris swallowed hard, closing his eyes. “So, how’s everything going with you? Are the meetings all going okay?”
“I guess,” Adam replied casually.
Kris took a deep breath and sighed. The conversation wasn’t going too well. Closing his eyes again, he covered them with his free hand and leaned his elbow on the table. “Listen, honey…I know you think the same thing Katy does about Brian and this attempt at suicide of his.”
Stopping for a second, Kris waited to hear if Adam was about to try and say anything. When he was sure that Adam wasn’t, he took another deep breath. “But he didn’t do it for my attention…he did it because he’s mentally unstable right now. And after everything he’s been through, is it any surprise?”
Adam cleared his throat, but remained quiet.
“I know you think that I’m spending too much time with him and you probably don’t like it, but I don’t know what else to do. He needs me right now.”
“Let me ask you something,” Adam stated, blowing out a held in breath. “If the situation were reversed and I was spending every waking moment with Patrick…how would you feel?”
What? Kris’s head flew up at hearing his uncalled for question. “You can’t even compare it to that. This is totally different. You hate Patrick.”
“Whoa…wait a minute,” he responded sharply. “Whoever said I hated him? Not me.”
Kris moaned, showing his discomfort. “Okay, so maybe you never said that, but I pretty much thought it was implied.”
“Well, I’m sorry if I gave you that impression, because I don’t hate him…not at all.” There were a few seconds there where Adam didn’t say anything, except for the occasional sigh. Clearing his throat rather loudly, he continued, “Despite our relationship turning to shit, he isn’t someone I hate. In fact, except for the occasional person here or there, I don’t hate anyone.”
“Except Brian,” Kris grunted.
“I don’t even know Brian,” Adam grumbled. “Don’t be putting words into my mouth.”
Kris looked at the clock again and sighed. If he didn’t put an end to this conversation soon, it was going to turn ugly and they’d end up fighting. “I should probably go.”
“You never answered my question,” Adam stated sternly.
Kris moaned. “God,” he mumbled, shaking his head. “I wouldn’t like it, Adam but there’s special circumstances here. I didn’t ask for this to happen, okay? You and Katy act like this is something I asked for and it isn’t.” Kris took in a deep breath, “How can I just turn my back on him now? If it weren’t for my trip to Cozumel and us meeting…” he trailed, quickly stopping mid-sentence before he went too far.
“If it weren’t for us getting together then you’d be with him again?” Adam moaned into the phone. “Is that what you were going to say?”
Kris didn’t know what he was going to say. But, he was pretty sure that Adam’d pretty much nailed it on the head, “Probably, yes.”
“I’ve gotta go,” Adam said tersely. “Unless there’s a problem here, I won’t be calling. Chances are, you won’t be around anyway. I guess I’ll see you when I get back.”
Kris’s heart felt like it was breaking in two and crying as well. He knew he was hurting Adam. He knew he was hurting Brian. And he damn well knew he was hurting himself, but he didn’t know how to make it all stop. “I do love you.”
“Goodnight.”
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no subject
Date: 2011-08-10 10:40 pm (UTC)I really love how you wrote Katy. IM glad she told Kris her opinion on what is going on. I agree with Katy, I feel like Brian is also maniuplating Kris abit. I also feel that Brians parents expect Kris to put everything on hold for Brian, I feel for them too, but I think they put pressure on Kris.
The last part of the chapter was heartbreaking and beautifully written. IM lookgn forward to teh next chapter!
no subject
Date: 2011-08-11 09:13 am (UTC)Thank you so much! I'm glad you are enjoying this story so far. <3