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something_rareTitle: After All (Sequel to Can't Let You Go) - Chapter Two
Rating: R
Pairings: Adam Lambert/Kris Allen
Disclaimer: This story is a work of fiction. The characters and events portrayed are fictitious, and any resemblance to real people or events is purely coincidental.
Note: A huge thank you to![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
bigj52. Thank you for being an amazing beta. I feel guilty for the amount of work I put you through with each story.
Chapter 2
Kris’s hand shook as he brought the glass of champagne to his lips. He could feel Adam again, leering at him from somewhere within close proximity, but because he refused to look, to search the room for him, Kris didn’t know exactly where Adam was. He could only be sure that Adam was still there, making him tremble all the more.
Adam watched him throughout the course of their sit-down meal and bridal waltz. He watched Kris’s every move, bite by bite, swallow by swallow and step by step. He knew it. He didn’t need to see Adam with his own two eyes, he could feel Adam. In a strange way, it made him calm. In a predictable way, it made him weak.
And as much as he knew that the sun would rise again in the morning, he knew that Adam was reading his every thought and taking note of every shallow breath he took. He knew that Kris knew too. He always did and probably always would. He knew what he was doing to Kris, and Kris knew that Adam knew, that he knew that it was obviously intentional.
“Adam’s here.”
Kris swallowed his emotions down swiftly. “He is?” he questioned, trying to act unaffected by hearing the news that he already knew. Placing his champagne glass down, he looked Brian in the eye.
“Yeah, I noticed him earlier and was hoping against all hope that he was going to do us all a favor and bow out after dinner, but it doesn’t look like he’s going to.” Brian pulled out the chair next to him and sat down. “Do you want me to ask him to leave?” he questioned, placing his hand on Kris’s thigh.
“Kris, Adam’s here.”
Kris bit his lip and looked over to see Katy standing beside him.
“Dear, did you know that Adam was here?”
His heart sank. Maybe he couldn’t feel Adam after all. Maybe his body was playing tricks on him. “Was? Did he leave?” He left already? He left without so much as saying hello? Kris turned to face his mother.
“Kris, Adam’s here.”
Hearing the fourth announcement, Kris jumped up from his seat at the head table and threw his hands over his eyes. He couldn’t take it anymore. “I know, people!” he said loudly, pressing his flattened palms hard against his face. “I’ve been told.”
“Are you going to be okay?”
“Are you all right with this or do you want me to take you home?”
“Do you want your father and me to take you home?”
“Do you want me to ask him to leave?”
The questions came at him quickly, bombarding him, one right after another. It was too much pressure for someone that was already being bombarded all evening with intense glares. He couldn’t take any of it for one second more. “No!” His hands slid down his face. “I’ll be fine if everyone will just shut up about it and don’t you dare ask him to leave. That’d be rude.”
Katy threw him an aggravated look. “Oh and it wasn’t rude that he showed up, unannounced?”
Cale slid up beside Katy. “I thought I told you that he called me a couple of weeks ago and told me that he’d be coming.” She shrugged her shoulders and leaned in to Kris. Placing her hands on his shoulders, she whispered. “Are you going to be okay?”
Katy rolled her eyes, shaking her head. “You didn’t tell me. I would’ve remembered something that important.”
“Would everyone please stop asking me that,” Kris interrupted, letting out a groan. “I’m fine.”
“Are you sure?”
He whipped his head around. “Yes Brian, I’m one hundred percent positive that I’m fine. We’re all adults here, right? Can we please all start acting like adults and drop the Adam issue before he figures out that we’re all standing around, talking about him like a bunch of gossipy high school kids.” He moaned loudly and blew out a loud breath. Funny thing was, Adam probably already knew that he was the topic of their conversation. He sure as hell knew that he was the topic of his every thought for the past two hours. “Please, knock it off.” Kris grabbed Brian’s hand. “Let’s dance.”
He was desperate to do something, anything to get his mind off Adam. He was desperate to blend into the crowded dance floor and hopefully go unnoticed for a moment to catch his breath. He was just desperate.
“Sure,” Brian agreed, leading the way to the dance floor.
“I want to go smack dab in the middle of the dance floor.”
Brian nodded, never questioning his motives.
Within moments, their bodies were close, swaying to the slow, erotic rhythm of the music. Within moments, Kris felt his eyes closing and his body relaxing for the first time since the reception had started. Relief washed over him when he realized that Adam couldn’t see him. At that exact moment, he was free from Adam’s lingering stares and able to finally breathe.
“It looks like he’s moved on with his life. He brought a date.”
Kris’s eyes flew open. That was something he really didn’t want to hear. “Please, can we stop talking about him for just a minute and enjoy the song?”
“Yeah,” Brian whispered in his ear. “You’re right. I’m sorry.”
“Thank you,” he sighed, letting his body relax again, his chin resting on Brian’s shoulder, his heart finally slowing its pace.
“I’m not going to go out of my way to talk to him but if the opportunity comes up, I’m gonna ask him what the hell is taking him so long in getting those divorce papers signed and returned to your attorney.”
“Stop, please,” Kris moaned silently, refusing to do anything but continue to dance with his eyes closed, his mind closed. It was the first time since the reception started that he was actually able to move without planning it out first, step by step.
“I’m serious, honey. It’s bullshit that it’s taking him so long.”
Why couldn’t Brian just keep quiet for this one song? Was it too much to ask? “Brian,” Kris said firmly, feeling his heart start to race once again. Crap… Adam was watching him again. He could feel it.
His eyes flew open instinctively; finding himself staring right back into a set of blue eyes less than ten feet from him.
“Okay, okay, no more talk about him,” Brian whispered in his ear, squeezing him tightly against his body.
Kris couldn’t breathe. Literally. And it wasn’t because Brian was holding him too tightly either. It was because of him. It was because of Adam. It was because of his eyes, his stares, his just being there. It was because there were still feelings there that were so obviously trying to resurface. The same feelings he kept buried for the past year, refusing them the opportunity to make him miserable.
Adam was dancing with his date, but continued to stare regardless. He wouldn’t let up. Why wouldn’t he let up? He knew how uncomfortable it was making Kris. He had to know.
Kris pulled back from Brian.
“Is something wrong?”
Kris shook his head, pulling his eyes away from Adam. “I need some air. There’s too many people out here and I just can’t…” he closed his eyes and took a deep breath. “I just can’t catch my breath. I’ll be right back, okay?”
“Do you want me to come with you?”
“No,” he said quietly, turning to head off the dance floor. “I’ll only be a second.”
He picked up his pace, nearly running out of the hall, through the front doors and past the smoking crowd gathered around the ashtrays. When he reached the parked cars, he stopped and let the fresh air hit him full force. Inhaling deeply, he slouched over and did the best he could to catch his breath. Seeing Adam for the first time in over a year was more than he bargained for. Seeing Adam stare right at him, through him, like he had so many times in the past was unbearable. The feelings Kris had were still there. The way Adam made him feel was still there when he knew damn well they shouldn’t and couldn’t be. He was with Brian now and Adam was with someone else now too.
“Are you all right?”
Kris fought with words upon hearing his voice. He didn’t know what to say, what to do or even what to feel. He wasn’t expecting this. Not even close. If he would’ve at least expected to see Adam, he could’ve rehearsed what he was going to say, but because he was blind-sided, he couldn’t think straight. And because he couldn’t really breathe, he couldn’t find the energy to talk.
“Kris?”
Kris could feel him coming closer. “Stop,” he said firmly. “Stop staring at me.”
Kris heard him inhale deeply. “I wasn’t staring at you.”
He twirled around, his mouth falling open at Adam’s outright lie, his breath hitching once again at the very sight of Adam, up close and personal. “Yes, yes you are. Just stop it because I can’t breathe with you staring at me and someone’s going to notice.”
Adam’s mouth tightened; his eyes narrowed. “Why the hell is everyone giving me the cold shoulder back there?”
“What?” Kris was the one who was upset. Adam was the one staring. Why was he turning the tables around on him now and acting upset? “What’re you talking about?”
“Cut the crap, Kris,” he huffed. “Why is everyone treating me like I have some type of disease or something?”
Kris’s best line of defense would be to simply just walk away, but he knew that was going to be next to impossible. Adam wasn’t the type of person someone, mainly Kris, could just walk away from. “You’re paranoid,” Kris replied. “And I’m going back in there because suddenly I’m finding it even more difficult to catch my breath out here.”
Adam grabbed his arm swiftly, stopping him from making any attempt at trying to get away. “I am not paranoid and you know it,” he said quietly, enunciating every word precisely.
“Do you really want your date to come out here and find you talking to me?”
Adam’s lips slowly turned up, softening his facial features. “He’s using the restroom and by the time he’s done I’ll be back.” His head tilted to the side, his eyes narrowing once again, deliberately questioning Kris. “Are you worried about Brian coming out here and finding you talking to me?”
The obvious answer to that question was yes. Brian would be pissed beyond belief, but Kris wasn’t about to admit that. “No, should I be?”
With a groan, Adam’s eyes became vehement and heated. “Probably. If he saw the way you’re looking at me right now, he wouldn’t like it.”
What was Adam trying to get at? Kris wasn’t looking at him any differently than he would look at someone else that was driving him insane. “If your date saw the way you’ve been staring at me all evening, especially on the dance floor, he wouldn’t like it much either.”
“Probably not,” Adam agreed, dropping his hand from Kris’s arm. “But lucky for me, he doesn’t have eyes in the back of his head.”
There. Adam just admitted that he had been staring at him. Kris knew he wasn’t going crazy. “See, you are staring at me,” he groaned, lowering his voice. “Stop it.”
“I can’t help it, Kris.” Adam’s voice was dangerously low, sexy and just the way Kris remembered it. “He doesn’t drive me insane like you do.”
“Stop it!” he whispered defiantly. “Please. Leave me alone.”
“You don’t mean that,” Adam countered, resting his hand on the hood of the car they were standing next to. “And don’t try arguing about it either.”
Kris couldn’t take Adam’s eyes piercing through him for another second. It was too intense, too dangerous and if he wasn’t careful, it could lead to him doing something totally stupid. “What do you want?”
Adam spoke with only actions.
“No, I’m not all right. Okay?” Kris looked away momentarily before slowly letting his gaze meet Adam’s again. “You need to stop staring at me. I’m with Brian now and you have a date, so just stop it.”
Adam’s jaw tightened as he just stood there and continued to stare. His eyes weren’t doing a very good job of hiding his feelings because from where Kris stood, he could read right into them.
“Don’t you think I know that?” he shot, shoving his fingers through his long hair.
Kris hadn’t even noticed that Adam’s hair was longer until that exact moment. He’d been too busy worrying about Adam’s presence. He looked good. His hair looked good. Everything about him looked good, and the more Kris let himself linger on Adam’s looks, the more he fought to control the emotions that had been building up inside of him throughout the evening.
When Adam’s arms folded across his chest, Kris looked him in the eyes and swallowed. Adam’s eyes made him feel as though every last nerve was being exposed. The control Adam held over his emotions shook Kris to the core. His looks alone were sending his heart through the wringer, his mind through the gutter. He couldn’t think of anything else but the way Adam made him feel, the way he had felt when Adam used to make love to him. When he used to love him.
“I don’t need you to remind me that you’re with Brian,” Adam said, leaning in towards him. His stare intensified. “I was there, remember?”
Kris’s heart fell, his head drooped. “I know,” he whispered, holding back the tears. “I’m sorry.”
“I only came out here to find out why everyone’s avoiding me.” Adam stood tall and cocked his head to the side. “The most I’ve gotten out of anyone, besides Cale, is a simple hello, and hell, I couldn’t even get that out of your father.”
Kris felt for him, but didn’t know how to answer him. Slowly, he lifted his head back up. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Maybe it’d helped if I explained it better then,” he said with sarcasm, tugging on Kris’s heartstrings even more. “When I left here, a little over a year ago, I had at least one friend – Katy. Never mind the fact that I considered Cale to be one of my friends too.” He took a deep breath, still not moving a muscle. “Your mother has always been nice to me and even your father came around eventually, treating me like one of his sons. So why is it that not one of these people that I just mentioned has been able to even look me in the eye? What have I done to them?”
Kris could tell that Adam was hurting. It was evident in his voice and even more evident in his facial expression. If Kris didn’t know better, Adam almost looked like he was about to cry. It was the same type of look that he had on that fateful day that he stepped out of his life.
It was a horrible look and one Kris didn’t how to respond to, so he did the only thing he could think of on such short notice. He mentioned the boyfriend. “Why do you think it’s something I said or did? Maybe they’re all giving you the cold shoulder because you brought a date with you?”
Adam finally moved when his hands flew up to his head. It was obvious that he was a little more than aggravated. “I don’t believe that. You and Brian have gotten on with your lives, why can’t I get on with mine?”
Indifferent, Kris shrugged. He didn’t know how to answer that one.
“What have I ever done to any of them?” Adam asked, letting his hands fall down to his sides. “Or better yet, what have I ever done to you, besides letting you get on with your life? What I did, I did for you.”
“I know,” Kris whispered.
“They should be thanking me not shunning me,” he huffed. “Because from where I’m standing…you look a thousand times better than you did a year ago.”
Kris dropped his head upon hearing those words. If only Adam knew. “Thanks,” he mumbled, bringing his head up. “You look a lot better too.” He did look good. He looked damn good. Plus, he looked happy, a lot happier than he did one year, two months and one week ago.
Realizing how pathetic he was for knowing the exact day he’d last seen Adam, Kris let his gaze fall, taking in the beauty of the man he once had. Adam looked distinguished in his black suit. Kris wanted to reach out and touch him, feel him, put closure to what they once had.
Closure. It was something Kris desperately needed in order to move on with his life. Adam may have had the closure he needed to move on, but Kris had always felt like he was robbed of it.
When Adam let him go, Kris wasn’t expecting it. He never saw it coming. He never thought that Adam was going to give up on them and literally walk out of his life. It took him completely by surprise. And even though everyone else claimed to have seen it coming, he didn’t see it at all. Adam wasn’t someone who gave up easily, so how come it felt like that was exactly what he did?
“I may look better,” Adam said evenly. “But what you can’t see is the way I feel and I can assure you…” Adam trailed, pausing for only a moment to catch his breath. “That I don’t feel half as good as you think I look.”
Kris knew what Adam was getting at. His message came through loud and clear. “I’m sorry,” he whispered. “I really am.”
That hung in the air for a moment as they both stood in silence, each one staring at the other. It made Kris uneasy, but at the same time, he couldn’t pull his eyes away from Adam’s hold. There was always something about his eyes that pulled Kris in and kept him there. Maybe it was the color…maybe it was the intensity…or maybe it was the way Adam undressed him with them. Whatever it was…it was still there. And it scared Kris half to death. In order for closure, he needed it not to be there. “I should probably get back in there,” he said quietly, fighting the urge to reach out and touch Adam.
He responded with a nod of his head. “Are you happy?”
He simply nodded. “You?”
Kris noticed Adam’s hesitation at answering him and immediately regretted even asking him something so intrusive. It wasn’t any of his business whether Adam was happy or not. They weren’t connected on that level anymore and never would be again. Forcing a slight smile, he whispered. “I gotta go. It was nice seeing you.”
It was in that instant that Kris saw Brian standing by the entrance of the hall with his arms folded in front of his chest, his shoulder leaning up against the doorjamb. He started to walk towards Brian, but hesitated once he caught sight of the looks Brian was shooting his way. Brian didn’t look impressed and Kris wasn’t in the mood to deal with his jealousy. It had been a long, exhausting day.
“I was wondering where you were,” Brian said, reaching out and grabbing hold of his hand once Kris stood in front of him at the entrance. He pulled Kris close to him and put his arm around Kris’s shoulders.
It was an act of possession.
“Brian.” Adam nodded his head and extended his hand.
Kris watched in horror as Brian declined to return the gesture. Instead, he simply looked back at him. Kris was mortified at Brian’s dismissive attitude. What had Adam ever done to him except hand Kris over on a silver platter?
“I guess I’ll see you around,” Adam said casually.
“Not if I can help it,” Brian piped in. “Come on, honey.”
Kris heard Adam laugh as he stepped around them. He immediately closed his eyes and said a silent prayer that there wouldn’t be any type of confrontation.
“For someone who finally got what they wanted, Brian,” Adam said quickly. “You sure don’t look very happy.”
Brian quickly grabbed his arm, stopping him. “Looks can be deceiving,” he mumbled.
Adam remained focused on the space in front of him. He didn’t turn around nor did he raise his voice. “That’s something I’m very familiar with.” Jerking his arm, he freed himself of Brian’s hold and continued on.
“God, Brian,” Kris huffed, once Adam was out of hearing range. “I can’t believe you.”
“What’s there to believe?” he asked. “I don’t like the guy…it’s that simple.”
“Just leave him alone,” he shot back. “The only reason he’s here is for Katy and Cale.”
Brian stepped away from Kris and stood directly in front of him. “If that’s true, then why did he corner you outside?” His eyes narrowed. “Was he trying to convince you that you made a mistake by choosing me? Or did he try and give you some cockamamie story about why he hasn’t signed the divorce papers yet?”
Kris blew out a frustrated breath, shaking his head. “No, not at all and he didn’t corner me.” Deciding he’d better lie, he shrugged. “He merely just stepped outside for fresh air and I happened to be out here.”
Brian grabbed his hand and headed back inside the hall. “I find that hard to believe.”
Rating: R
Pairings: Adam Lambert/Kris Allen
Disclaimer: This story is a work of fiction. The characters and events portrayed are fictitious, and any resemblance to real people or events is purely coincidental.
Note: A huge thank you to
bigj52. Thank you for being an amazing beta. I feel guilty for the amount of work I put you through with each story.Chapter 2
Kris’s hand shook as he brought the glass of champagne to his lips. He could feel Adam again, leering at him from somewhere within close proximity, but because he refused to look, to search the room for him, Kris didn’t know exactly where Adam was. He could only be sure that Adam was still there, making him tremble all the more.
Adam watched him throughout the course of their sit-down meal and bridal waltz. He watched Kris’s every move, bite by bite, swallow by swallow and step by step. He knew it. He didn’t need to see Adam with his own two eyes, he could feel Adam. In a strange way, it made him calm. In a predictable way, it made him weak.
And as much as he knew that the sun would rise again in the morning, he knew that Adam was reading his every thought and taking note of every shallow breath he took. He knew that Kris knew too. He always did and probably always would. He knew what he was doing to Kris, and Kris knew that Adam knew, that he knew that it was obviously intentional.
“Adam’s here.”
Kris swallowed his emotions down swiftly. “He is?” he questioned, trying to act unaffected by hearing the news that he already knew. Placing his champagne glass down, he looked Brian in the eye.
“Yeah, I noticed him earlier and was hoping against all hope that he was going to do us all a favor and bow out after dinner, but it doesn’t look like he’s going to.” Brian pulled out the chair next to him and sat down. “Do you want me to ask him to leave?” he questioned, placing his hand on Kris’s thigh.
“Kris, Adam’s here.”
Kris bit his lip and looked over to see Katy standing beside him.
“Dear, did you know that Adam was here?”
His heart sank. Maybe he couldn’t feel Adam after all. Maybe his body was playing tricks on him. “Was? Did he leave?” He left already? He left without so much as saying hello? Kris turned to face his mother.
“Kris, Adam’s here.”
Hearing the fourth announcement, Kris jumped up from his seat at the head table and threw his hands over his eyes. He couldn’t take it anymore. “I know, people!” he said loudly, pressing his flattened palms hard against his face. “I’ve been told.”
“Are you going to be okay?”
“Are you all right with this or do you want me to take you home?”
“Do you want your father and me to take you home?”
“Do you want me to ask him to leave?”
The questions came at him quickly, bombarding him, one right after another. It was too much pressure for someone that was already being bombarded all evening with intense glares. He couldn’t take any of it for one second more. “No!” His hands slid down his face. “I’ll be fine if everyone will just shut up about it and don’t you dare ask him to leave. That’d be rude.”
Katy threw him an aggravated look. “Oh and it wasn’t rude that he showed up, unannounced?”
Cale slid up beside Katy. “I thought I told you that he called me a couple of weeks ago and told me that he’d be coming.” She shrugged her shoulders and leaned in to Kris. Placing her hands on his shoulders, she whispered. “Are you going to be okay?”
Katy rolled her eyes, shaking her head. “You didn’t tell me. I would’ve remembered something that important.”
“Would everyone please stop asking me that,” Kris interrupted, letting out a groan. “I’m fine.”
“Are you sure?”
He whipped his head around. “Yes Brian, I’m one hundred percent positive that I’m fine. We’re all adults here, right? Can we please all start acting like adults and drop the Adam issue before he figures out that we’re all standing around, talking about him like a bunch of gossipy high school kids.” He moaned loudly and blew out a loud breath. Funny thing was, Adam probably already knew that he was the topic of their conversation. He sure as hell knew that he was the topic of his every thought for the past two hours. “Please, knock it off.” Kris grabbed Brian’s hand. “Let’s dance.”
He was desperate to do something, anything to get his mind off Adam. He was desperate to blend into the crowded dance floor and hopefully go unnoticed for a moment to catch his breath. He was just desperate.
“Sure,” Brian agreed, leading the way to the dance floor.
“I want to go smack dab in the middle of the dance floor.”
Brian nodded, never questioning his motives.
Within moments, their bodies were close, swaying to the slow, erotic rhythm of the music. Within moments, Kris felt his eyes closing and his body relaxing for the first time since the reception had started. Relief washed over him when he realized that Adam couldn’t see him. At that exact moment, he was free from Adam’s lingering stares and able to finally breathe.
“It looks like he’s moved on with his life. He brought a date.”
Kris’s eyes flew open. That was something he really didn’t want to hear. “Please, can we stop talking about him for just a minute and enjoy the song?”
“Yeah,” Brian whispered in his ear. “You’re right. I’m sorry.”
“Thank you,” he sighed, letting his body relax again, his chin resting on Brian’s shoulder, his heart finally slowing its pace.
“I’m not going to go out of my way to talk to him but if the opportunity comes up, I’m gonna ask him what the hell is taking him so long in getting those divorce papers signed and returned to your attorney.”
“Stop, please,” Kris moaned silently, refusing to do anything but continue to dance with his eyes closed, his mind closed. It was the first time since the reception started that he was actually able to move without planning it out first, step by step.
“I’m serious, honey. It’s bullshit that it’s taking him so long.”
Why couldn’t Brian just keep quiet for this one song? Was it too much to ask? “Brian,” Kris said firmly, feeling his heart start to race once again. Crap… Adam was watching him again. He could feel it.
His eyes flew open instinctively; finding himself staring right back into a set of blue eyes less than ten feet from him.
“Okay, okay, no more talk about him,” Brian whispered in his ear, squeezing him tightly against his body.
Kris couldn’t breathe. Literally. And it wasn’t because Brian was holding him too tightly either. It was because of him. It was because of Adam. It was because of his eyes, his stares, his just being there. It was because there were still feelings there that were so obviously trying to resurface. The same feelings he kept buried for the past year, refusing them the opportunity to make him miserable.
Adam was dancing with his date, but continued to stare regardless. He wouldn’t let up. Why wouldn’t he let up? He knew how uncomfortable it was making Kris. He had to know.
Kris pulled back from Brian.
“Is something wrong?”
Kris shook his head, pulling his eyes away from Adam. “I need some air. There’s too many people out here and I just can’t…” he closed his eyes and took a deep breath. “I just can’t catch my breath. I’ll be right back, okay?”
“Do you want me to come with you?”
“No,” he said quietly, turning to head off the dance floor. “I’ll only be a second.”
He picked up his pace, nearly running out of the hall, through the front doors and past the smoking crowd gathered around the ashtrays. When he reached the parked cars, he stopped and let the fresh air hit him full force. Inhaling deeply, he slouched over and did the best he could to catch his breath. Seeing Adam for the first time in over a year was more than he bargained for. Seeing Adam stare right at him, through him, like he had so many times in the past was unbearable. The feelings Kris had were still there. The way Adam made him feel was still there when he knew damn well they shouldn’t and couldn’t be. He was with Brian now and Adam was with someone else now too.
“Are you all right?”
Kris fought with words upon hearing his voice. He didn’t know what to say, what to do or even what to feel. He wasn’t expecting this. Not even close. If he would’ve at least expected to see Adam, he could’ve rehearsed what he was going to say, but because he was blind-sided, he couldn’t think straight. And because he couldn’t really breathe, he couldn’t find the energy to talk.
“Kris?”
Kris could feel him coming closer. “Stop,” he said firmly. “Stop staring at me.”
Kris heard him inhale deeply. “I wasn’t staring at you.”
He twirled around, his mouth falling open at Adam’s outright lie, his breath hitching once again at the very sight of Adam, up close and personal. “Yes, yes you are. Just stop it because I can’t breathe with you staring at me and someone’s going to notice.”
Adam’s mouth tightened; his eyes narrowed. “Why the hell is everyone giving me the cold shoulder back there?”
“What?” Kris was the one who was upset. Adam was the one staring. Why was he turning the tables around on him now and acting upset? “What’re you talking about?”
“Cut the crap, Kris,” he huffed. “Why is everyone treating me like I have some type of disease or something?”
Kris’s best line of defense would be to simply just walk away, but he knew that was going to be next to impossible. Adam wasn’t the type of person someone, mainly Kris, could just walk away from. “You’re paranoid,” Kris replied. “And I’m going back in there because suddenly I’m finding it even more difficult to catch my breath out here.”
Adam grabbed his arm swiftly, stopping him from making any attempt at trying to get away. “I am not paranoid and you know it,” he said quietly, enunciating every word precisely.
“Do you really want your date to come out here and find you talking to me?”
Adam’s lips slowly turned up, softening his facial features. “He’s using the restroom and by the time he’s done I’ll be back.” His head tilted to the side, his eyes narrowing once again, deliberately questioning Kris. “Are you worried about Brian coming out here and finding you talking to me?”
The obvious answer to that question was yes. Brian would be pissed beyond belief, but Kris wasn’t about to admit that. “No, should I be?”
With a groan, Adam’s eyes became vehement and heated. “Probably. If he saw the way you’re looking at me right now, he wouldn’t like it.”
What was Adam trying to get at? Kris wasn’t looking at him any differently than he would look at someone else that was driving him insane. “If your date saw the way you’ve been staring at me all evening, especially on the dance floor, he wouldn’t like it much either.”
“Probably not,” Adam agreed, dropping his hand from Kris’s arm. “But lucky for me, he doesn’t have eyes in the back of his head.”
There. Adam just admitted that he had been staring at him. Kris knew he wasn’t going crazy. “See, you are staring at me,” he groaned, lowering his voice. “Stop it.”
“I can’t help it, Kris.” Adam’s voice was dangerously low, sexy and just the way Kris remembered it. “He doesn’t drive me insane like you do.”
“Stop it!” he whispered defiantly. “Please. Leave me alone.”
“You don’t mean that,” Adam countered, resting his hand on the hood of the car they were standing next to. “And don’t try arguing about it either.”
Kris couldn’t take Adam’s eyes piercing through him for another second. It was too intense, too dangerous and if he wasn’t careful, it could lead to him doing something totally stupid. “What do you want?”
Adam spoke with only actions.
“No, I’m not all right. Okay?” Kris looked away momentarily before slowly letting his gaze meet Adam’s again. “You need to stop staring at me. I’m with Brian now and you have a date, so just stop it.”
Adam’s jaw tightened as he just stood there and continued to stare. His eyes weren’t doing a very good job of hiding his feelings because from where Kris stood, he could read right into them.
“Don’t you think I know that?” he shot, shoving his fingers through his long hair.
Kris hadn’t even noticed that Adam’s hair was longer until that exact moment. He’d been too busy worrying about Adam’s presence. He looked good. His hair looked good. Everything about him looked good, and the more Kris let himself linger on Adam’s looks, the more he fought to control the emotions that had been building up inside of him throughout the evening.
When Adam’s arms folded across his chest, Kris looked him in the eyes and swallowed. Adam’s eyes made him feel as though every last nerve was being exposed. The control Adam held over his emotions shook Kris to the core. His looks alone were sending his heart through the wringer, his mind through the gutter. He couldn’t think of anything else but the way Adam made him feel, the way he had felt when Adam used to make love to him. When he used to love him.
“I don’t need you to remind me that you’re with Brian,” Adam said, leaning in towards him. His stare intensified. “I was there, remember?”
Kris’s heart fell, his head drooped. “I know,” he whispered, holding back the tears. “I’m sorry.”
“I only came out here to find out why everyone’s avoiding me.” Adam stood tall and cocked his head to the side. “The most I’ve gotten out of anyone, besides Cale, is a simple hello, and hell, I couldn’t even get that out of your father.”
Kris felt for him, but didn’t know how to answer him. Slowly, he lifted his head back up. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Maybe it’d helped if I explained it better then,” he said with sarcasm, tugging on Kris’s heartstrings even more. “When I left here, a little over a year ago, I had at least one friend – Katy. Never mind the fact that I considered Cale to be one of my friends too.” He took a deep breath, still not moving a muscle. “Your mother has always been nice to me and even your father came around eventually, treating me like one of his sons. So why is it that not one of these people that I just mentioned has been able to even look me in the eye? What have I done to them?”
Kris could tell that Adam was hurting. It was evident in his voice and even more evident in his facial expression. If Kris didn’t know better, Adam almost looked like he was about to cry. It was the same type of look that he had on that fateful day that he stepped out of his life.
It was a horrible look and one Kris didn’t how to respond to, so he did the only thing he could think of on such short notice. He mentioned the boyfriend. “Why do you think it’s something I said or did? Maybe they’re all giving you the cold shoulder because you brought a date with you?”
Adam finally moved when his hands flew up to his head. It was obvious that he was a little more than aggravated. “I don’t believe that. You and Brian have gotten on with your lives, why can’t I get on with mine?”
Indifferent, Kris shrugged. He didn’t know how to answer that one.
“What have I ever done to any of them?” Adam asked, letting his hands fall down to his sides. “Or better yet, what have I ever done to you, besides letting you get on with your life? What I did, I did for you.”
“I know,” Kris whispered.
“They should be thanking me not shunning me,” he huffed. “Because from where I’m standing…you look a thousand times better than you did a year ago.”
Kris dropped his head upon hearing those words. If only Adam knew. “Thanks,” he mumbled, bringing his head up. “You look a lot better too.” He did look good. He looked damn good. Plus, he looked happy, a lot happier than he did one year, two months and one week ago.
Realizing how pathetic he was for knowing the exact day he’d last seen Adam, Kris let his gaze fall, taking in the beauty of the man he once had. Adam looked distinguished in his black suit. Kris wanted to reach out and touch him, feel him, put closure to what they once had.
Closure. It was something Kris desperately needed in order to move on with his life. Adam may have had the closure he needed to move on, but Kris had always felt like he was robbed of it.
When Adam let him go, Kris wasn’t expecting it. He never saw it coming. He never thought that Adam was going to give up on them and literally walk out of his life. It took him completely by surprise. And even though everyone else claimed to have seen it coming, he didn’t see it at all. Adam wasn’t someone who gave up easily, so how come it felt like that was exactly what he did?
“I may look better,” Adam said evenly. “But what you can’t see is the way I feel and I can assure you…” Adam trailed, pausing for only a moment to catch his breath. “That I don’t feel half as good as you think I look.”
Kris knew what Adam was getting at. His message came through loud and clear. “I’m sorry,” he whispered. “I really am.”
That hung in the air for a moment as they both stood in silence, each one staring at the other. It made Kris uneasy, but at the same time, he couldn’t pull his eyes away from Adam’s hold. There was always something about his eyes that pulled Kris in and kept him there. Maybe it was the color…maybe it was the intensity…or maybe it was the way Adam undressed him with them. Whatever it was…it was still there. And it scared Kris half to death. In order for closure, he needed it not to be there. “I should probably get back in there,” he said quietly, fighting the urge to reach out and touch Adam.
He responded with a nod of his head. “Are you happy?”
He simply nodded. “You?”
Kris noticed Adam’s hesitation at answering him and immediately regretted even asking him something so intrusive. It wasn’t any of his business whether Adam was happy or not. They weren’t connected on that level anymore and never would be again. Forcing a slight smile, he whispered. “I gotta go. It was nice seeing you.”
It was in that instant that Kris saw Brian standing by the entrance of the hall with his arms folded in front of his chest, his shoulder leaning up against the doorjamb. He started to walk towards Brian, but hesitated once he caught sight of the looks Brian was shooting his way. Brian didn’t look impressed and Kris wasn’t in the mood to deal with his jealousy. It had been a long, exhausting day.
“I was wondering where you were,” Brian said, reaching out and grabbing hold of his hand once Kris stood in front of him at the entrance. He pulled Kris close to him and put his arm around Kris’s shoulders.
It was an act of possession.
“Brian.” Adam nodded his head and extended his hand.
Kris watched in horror as Brian declined to return the gesture. Instead, he simply looked back at him. Kris was mortified at Brian’s dismissive attitude. What had Adam ever done to him except hand Kris over on a silver platter?
“I guess I’ll see you around,” Adam said casually.
“Not if I can help it,” Brian piped in. “Come on, honey.”
Kris heard Adam laugh as he stepped around them. He immediately closed his eyes and said a silent prayer that there wouldn’t be any type of confrontation.
“For someone who finally got what they wanted, Brian,” Adam said quickly. “You sure don’t look very happy.”
Brian quickly grabbed his arm, stopping him. “Looks can be deceiving,” he mumbled.
Adam remained focused on the space in front of him. He didn’t turn around nor did he raise his voice. “That’s something I’m very familiar with.” Jerking his arm, he freed himself of Brian’s hold and continued on.
“God, Brian,” Kris huffed, once Adam was out of hearing range. “I can’t believe you.”
“What’s there to believe?” he asked. “I don’t like the guy…it’s that simple.”
“Just leave him alone,” he shot back. “The only reason he’s here is for Katy and Cale.”
Brian stepped away from Kris and stood directly in front of him. “If that’s true, then why did he corner you outside?” His eyes narrowed. “Was he trying to convince you that you made a mistake by choosing me? Or did he try and give you some cockamamie story about why he hasn’t signed the divorce papers yet?”
Kris blew out a frustrated breath, shaking his head. “No, not at all and he didn’t corner me.” Deciding he’d better lie, he shrugged. “He merely just stepped outside for fresh air and I happened to be out here.”
Brian grabbed his hand and headed back inside the hall. “I find that hard to believe.”
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Date: 2011-09-23 02:42 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-09-30 05:50 pm (UTC)